Limericks

On the highway the motorists question
The cops for their traffic suggestions
Where the Vapor Rub truck
Had a wreck, is it stuck?
They said that there is no congestion

The sailor is singing with ease
On his ship in a rather strong breeze
For this kind of a song
He can draw a big throng
Every time that he hits the high seas

The Civil War soldier was shrieking
On hearing a voice he’d been seeking
It’s what he preferred
He craved every word
Twas his guy, General Lee speaking

The baker of bread has conceded
His need for a loan’s now receded
It seems that this guy
Is a whiz on the fly
At raising some dough when it’s kneaded

This boomerang verse is perverse
No way it could be any worse
Once it gets written down
It comes back I have found
This boomerang verse is perverse

Dear Emily, I say with conviction
Regarding your Facebook depiction
If these seaweed things
Are what happiness brings
You must seek kelp for your addiction
(For Emily, who “loves” kelp)

The British have got something new
An alphabet change, it is true
Their vowels, you know
Are just A,I, O
Because they don’t want the EU

The ghost at the house with the view
Was hoping the news might be true
Because there’s a claim
He’s getting some fame
With a listing to come in Boos Who

On hearing this tale from Bob Durst
I have to admit that I cursed
If German sausage comes
Devoid of a bun
They say it is simply the wurst

At the Hair Club for men Mr. Hines
Sits down in a chair and reclines
Then Dr. Kildare
Plants new rows of hair
He works on reseeding hairlines

The hairdresser of Nellie Bly
Is a very emotional guy
Although he has stressed
He’s not too depressed
He just wants to curl up and dye

We’re worried – don’t know what to do
The old castle we bought turned us blue
And now we are told
The furnace – too cold
We can’t have archaic and heat it too

Perhaps he was feeling the pain
When he jumped from the bridge in the rain
The gory please spare us
We know ‘twas in Paris
And that he is truly in Seine

I guess that the guy was perverse
Starting bad and then getting much worse
The doctor is gone
He had to move on
Once he took a turn for the nurse

That landscape’s a beauty to see
Though rocky and lacking a tree
I guess you should know
A real high plateau
Is a high form of flattery to me
(Thanks to Robert Baldwin for the pun)

Alligators in those Everglades
Have been saying it now for decades
When sexual affection
Does not have protection
They’re likely to get gatorades

Although it may lack the allure
That guy really reads it for sure
A novel offbeat
Picked up from the street
I guess he likes litter-ature

The weatherman talking about
How the forecast was gonna turn out
Told us we’d obtain
A whole lot of rain
And he nailed it without a drought

A bunch of fraternity guys
In the vote were a bloc thick as flies
The reason? It’s clear
The vote was for beer
And all had their ayes on the prize

Old Donald the Disneyland gent
Hurt his foot when it banged the cement
He danced with much pain
And never complained
To set a lame duck precedent

When a thief robbed my house of some dough
The policeman there wanted to know
Just how did this louse
Get into the house?
I said he came intruder window

My love for the stuff is insane
It’s addicting almost like cocaine
I guess I’m a softie
For freshly shipped toffee
That arrives in a big chew chew train

A hen laying gold egg’s a bust
I learned it the hard way, so trust
That you shouldn’t settle
For hens made of metal
Cuz my chickens come home to rust

After bringing the new clothing home
Olivia started to foam
She wants to return it
Or maybe just burn it
That’s post-traumatic dress syndrome

I said to my buddy named Russ
Three wise men who made such a fuss
For Bethlehem’s star
Had traveled quite far
Cuz it was the light before Christmas

I implored the mob – “Don’t deny it”
This isn’t a thing to keep quiet
I said if two err
You need to beware
Cuz two wrongs can make a riot

It’s true I can now plainly see
And I feel you would likely agree
Although it’s not hated
Tofu’s overrated
Or so it a curd now to me

“I am not a banker,” said Joan
To her boyfriend out buying a home
“It’s not about rates,”
She most clearly states,
“When I say I will get you alone”

I don’t want to make an ado
Of an odd Scandinavian I knew
He was rather merry
No meat and no dairy
This guy was Norvegan, it’s true

The overweight man had a fit
On the airplane when trying to sit
There was no defeating
The craft’s tiny seating
He truly was thick and tired of it

The Shakespearean critic was shrill
With the language he used to fulfill
His role as complainer
And major disdainer
That man was a fier at Will

With curiosity always up high
At Easter the children let fly
A question that’s funny
To their Easter bunny
“So where do eggs go when they dye?”

A young meditator named Ben
Was asked by an acquaintance just when
He thought he was gonna
Reach a nirvana
The answer he gave – now and zen

I’m not sure just what I should say
‘Bout the chickens who’ve all gone away
There is no dismissing
The fact they are missing
And police think there may be foul play

The new candy worker named Jake
Works hard whene’er he has to make
A chocolate prize
Or caramel surprise
He’s deserving of his toffee break

At the boat shop the man said to Neal
There’s a really big sale to reveal
On paddles the price is
So low he advises
Coming in to go through the oar deal

The navy put out a brochure
Inviting the clergy to tour
Their dry dock of note
That holds a big boat
Cuz it’s a house of warship, for sure

The bed I slept in – a bad story
Bug infested was that dormitory
Whenever you sleep
Where quarters are cheap
Be careful in hostel territory

Every student who comes to attend
OSU at Corvallis or Bend
Whenever they enter
The new Success Center
Will think of their very Beth friend

The Beijing phlebotomists say
You should proof or they’ll take you away
Cuz just one missed key
Can get third degree
A typo of type-O gives Taipei

A wedding is coming our way
The bride’s and the groom’s biggest day
To get it down right
The rehearsal’s tonight
Much “I do’s” about nothing, I’d say

A wealthy and talented Brit
Made an offer that he did transmit
To a realtor friend
Many bucks he did spend
And now has a lot to show for it

A prof at our school, Dr. Nyes
Thinks love is for those with math ties
His advice was amassed
From relationships past
Where the unknowns are exes and whys

A yes man will always for sure
Respond with a timid “yes sir”
With the boss, you know he
Will always agree
This guy really stoops to concur

Two candles named Sadie and Satch
Think their partner is really a catch
These two are now learning
A love that is burning
Cuz each one has just met their match

The student in class in the autumn
Didn’t learn what his art teacher taught him
Of the statue to Frank
She said do not spank
But he had to go hit rock bottom

By creating the sunrise they say
The almighty made night go away
Then, scratching his head
He reportedly said
“I think I will call it a day”

He blamed it on snow and the sleet
It certainly wasn’t the heat
That gave Inuit doubt
And made him back out
A really bad case of cold feet

I think I have made a breakthrough
It’s a new way of making a shoe
I’ll make lots of loot
Using skin from a fruit
Cuz bananas make slippers it’s true

At the trial, the judge thought she’d teach
Two calendar thieves for their breach
She gave them some time
For committing the crime
Twas fitting – they got 6 months each

Perhaps it was cooking school’s vapors
That led to the stealing of capers
Because of the theft
The new Asian chef
Has just gotten his woking papers

The restaurant owners must cater
To customer needs sooner/later
When ready to eat
Come in, take a seat
Yes, you can eat now and pay waiter

A shoplifting thief in our lab
Took all of the glassware we had
Although he’d been warned
Our advice was just scorned
He sure had a great gift of grab

Your bird’s with that vet the Moldavian
We’ll see if it injured its cranium
Cuz he is a guy
Who with MRI
Is someone who has Scandinavian

With the Admiral doing his check
Ensign Chuck sure is feeling a wreck
The ship must be clean
No smudge to be seen
Or he will make Charles Schwab® the deck

As we think about each President
We ponder their criminal bent
The least guilty one
Was Mister Lincoln
Because he is just in a cent

A Scrabble game fully complete
Fell out of an auto’s back seat
The tiles that were there
Spilled out everywhere
At least that’s the word on the street

The army sought pigeons who flew
To get messages out to their crew
The birds weren’t quiet
They’re more like a riot
The sounds of a military coo

The fisherman tells us on whole
About a new spiritual role
He finds it appealing
Performing some healing
With tartar sauce – good for the sole

A daring young student named Paul
Bounced checks shopping out at the mall
Then found his car caught
In a most muddy spot
Now he’s stuck and can’t budget all

A feline beside me just sat
Very strange – I wondered why that
Little kitty so odd
Had three ears on its bod
I guess ’twas a real mewtant cat
(Thanks to Indira for the pun)

Charley Tuna had one secret wish
It was to be singing with kitsch 
He’d make the girls moan
As a great baritone
If someone could just tuna fish

Conversion’s appropriate, Gail
Whenever you pick
Up a used meter stick
At any American “yard” sale

A Spanish magician named Chase
Has a trick that he does every place
He will count, “Uno, dos”
Cutely wiggle his nose
And then disappear with no tres

A young man daydreaming in class
Had his eye on a beautiful lass
And could not escape
Her hourglass shape
He just loves to watch the time pass

Of ghosts, there’s a certain mystique
That makes them most truly unique
They play children’s games
My best friend proclaims
One favorite’s hide and go shriek

I’m pleased for my buddy named Walt
Who finally has reached a gestalt
By paying the loan
For his catacomb
He can say it’s forever his vault

I confess that I just cannot see
The thoughts behind John’s cutting spree
For each photograph
He makes pieces and laughs
It sure is a puzzle to me

A sailor who got his paycheck
Says he’s feeling madder than heck
Because a big joker
Has stopped all the poker
He’s just sitting there on the deck
(Thanks to Indira for the pun)

The prison with its goings ons
Has a saying embedded in bronze
On their library wall
It just says it all
“This place has its prose and its cons”

The farmer erased a big frown
His wandering stock was just found
When they asked him how
He found his lost cow
He said that he just tractor down

The motel whose prices were cheap
‘Twas hoped would give rest very deep
I woke up instead
Beside the big bed
And knew I had fallen, asleep

An old Irish baker named Beaver
Is truly an over-achiever
He gave to his wife
A giant bread knife
He describes as a four loaf cleaver

In tennis, the salmon’s regret
Is losing big – set after set
If he hopes to improve
He just needs to move
And should stop avoiding the net

The mouse in my house makes me shriek
Every time I espy its physique
The thing that inflames
The most are his games
He likes to play hide and go squeak

In the Garden of Eden the stance
Over clothing was not happenstance
For Adam the briefs
Were tiny fig leafs
The man of the house wore the plants

The book critic took a long shot
Describing the book he had bought
Like a gardening flat in
Mid-town Manhattan
Neither one has much of a plot

A man starts compounding his fears
Every time that his problem appears
If he can’t stay dry
He’s likely to cry
Look out for his butt sweat and tears

When their manual needed correction
Smith and Wesson did not raise objection
See, it is a fact
The thing that it lacked
Was only a trouble-shooting section

When his uncle died, young Michael’s sting
Was relieved by whole bunch of bling
What made him feel good
Is he understood
That a will is a relative thing

Perhaps the proofreader was harried
Or too great a work load he carried
Now he must resign
Because his headline
Said two were “Enraged to be Married”
(Thanks to Ken Krane for the pun)

At Weight Watchers, there is frustration
The weighing machine’s “off location”
‘Twas stolen, you see
So there’s sure to be
A large scale investigation

I hope you won’t think me berserk
Or that I’m some kind of a jerk
But Ms Miley Cyrus
Could never inspire us
By being for all men a twerk
(say the last line aloud to “get it”)

The golfer outside now is singing
The praises that darkness is bringing
When playing at night
It is a delight
Cuz he gets to go night club swinging

My grandfather drives me insane
When he talks, everything’s so arcane
To me it’s a mystery
Why he loves history
It’s like living life in the past lane

I must have been feeling quite frisky
Using humor that was rather risky
Why else would I choose
To make fun of his booze
In fact, it was certainly whiskey

The rug makers are a sensation
Each product a lovely creation
Some folks say that they
Like working for a
Knot for profit organization

The Animal Planet preferred
Their movies be lacking in words
To cows and bulls fat
The director says that
Bovine actors are scene but not herd

The gymnast was one of the stars
Who found herself plastered with scars
She said that the cause
Of bodily flaws
Was hanging ‘round too many bars

No need to be running ‘round shrieking
The answer to what you were seeking
From Boston to Rome
One’s castle is home
It’s true in a manor of speaking

My doc left me quite in a bind
With surgery that at first I declined
But he got a grant
For my brain to transplant
So convincing that I changed my mind

I’m happy to be here informing
With words that I hope are transforming
To ease your cold fears
Put muffs on the ears
And embrace your own lobal warming

In Oregon, rain can abort
A picnic, a walk, or a sport
It is for this reason
In every season
We watch each day’s wetter report

The farmer they call Mr. Shields
Has left to go market his yields
He’s now in the city
Speaking to a committee
But says that he sure Mrs. Fields®

I think that this tale bears repeating
It was told by Shrek at a meeting
His tummy’s upset
That’s just what you get
Anytime that you’re ogre eating

I’d like to have it duly noted
To this I am truly devoted
The one request I
Have after I die
Is simply to be drawn and quoted

I’m not quite sure whether to pout
Or announce that I’m mad in a shout
My Word files – erased
Or badly misplaced
So tell me – WHO LET THE DOCX OUT?

Ask anyone there by the cooler
Whether college grad or a pre-schooler
Why we find it neater
Using feet over meters
It’s cuz we don’t like foreign rulers

If insomnia hits it may seem
Like you want to let out a scream
When counting the sheep
Your hope for some sleep
Is to dream the impossible dream

The Wiz felt that he’d hit a wall
Asking questions of Dorothy and all
When under the gun
They answered each one
Because they had Toto recall

Though Pfizer tried hard to refute
The nickname they got was a beaut
It’s the way people talk
Of the products they hawk
Calling them the house of pill repute

The work of the dentist in serving
His patients is truly unswerving
He gets mighty praise
Working with the decays
But each root canal is unnerving

The prose that the actor rehearsed
Seemed to flow from his mouth rather terse
But soon the man found
The rather flat sound
Was better if it would be verse

A lobbyist people call Steve
Uses gospel to help him achieve
The things he wants, thus
It’s just like Christmas
Working so hard to give, then receive

My friend’s new religion’s the best
Or so he has overly stressed
He says to enlist
And become a Buddhist
But that guy’s just a big Buddha pest

The tale of my luggage misplaced
By the airline was quite a disgrace
As one last resort
I sued them in court
But sadly I just lost the case

When headaches got bad, the sea urchin
Began doing medical searchin’
To improve, he’d advise
Dialing up several guys
Who come from a school of brain sturgeons

By the door hanging baskets is Rupp
So his wife can place plants to disrupt
The view overhead
Their rather drab shed
All the hooks he is now screwing up

Sir Galahad thinking of life
Described this insight to his wife
“The social life’s hot
Here in Camelot
Because of the awesome knight life

A watcher of birds that I know
Has a picture that he likes to show
A black bird, it’s true
To a wall got stuck to
I guess ’twas some kind of velcrow

When I learned of one fact I said “wow”
Cuz I know the secret right now
I could, if you please
Make lots of Swiss cheese
If I had just one holey cow

Someone told them that they should have sold it
At least that’s how my buddy told it
Whatever is true
The business is through
The maker of blankets has folded

The soccer team’s captain now catches
The point of her coach’s dispatches
It’s all so much brighter
Since he gave them lighters
Because they kept losing their matches

Marijuana gets some hauled to court
But in Congress I’m glad to report
Both parties are sane
They’ll OK for wrist pain
Joint support for joint support for joint support

The road working trainee called Wade
Is pleased with the things he has made
He’s learning the ropes
Creating some slopes
And now he has just made the grade

The furniture manager, Zeke
Told the customer whom he should seek
To acquire some wood
From China that’s good
He said to go find “Chung in teak”

A lady I know who’s named Rhoda
Steered a car all the way to Dakota
What I heard can’t be right
She drove a Jedi knight?
Perhaps it was just a toy Yoda

Attila’s unhappy inside
Coaching soccer – this new thing he tried
Would give him a grin
If he could just win
But it seems that his Huns are all tied

I’m worried he’s getting too frail
From carrying things, never fail
He gets colder, then hotter
From all kinds of water
That bucket’s just looking too pail

The burger I have on my plate
Is yummy and I cannot wait
The energy’s higher
With steak or a fryer
Because they’re not in the ground state

The Asthma Society’s scoffers
Resisted those get-rich-quick offers
Instead they all feel
Monetary appeal
Is the best way to fill up their coughers

Mrs. Claus told the children one night
That Santa had sure wooed her right
It seems he got bold
When out in the cold
It truly was love at frost sight

My girlfriend of late has been miffed
Because of my lame birthday gift
Now how would I know
She didn’t like snow?
It’s too bad, if you get my drift

Old Santa does not need to fret
A significant ignorance threat
He helped all the elves
To learn for themselves
The letters in their elf-a-bet

The Beatles at Subway were seen
Ignoring an ingredient green
So when they were done
They ate all but one
Wee olive in a yellow submarine

A squirrel up in his retreat
Is thinking that life’s pretty neat
The reason for this?
The little guy is
Quite secure in his nutcracker suite

When traveling to see all the sights
You can get there by flying all night
United’s got options
But remember this caution
You want red-eye, not blackeye flights

The house AC unit still stands
As a magnificent creation of man
When its inventor died
His funeral worldwide
Had a massive array of his fans

As for doubts, there really aren’t any
Ms Hilton has plenty a penny
I just realized
Wedding so many guys
Means she uses the word matrimany

OK, I am feeling quite pissed
Because of the flight I just missed
My gut they’re decrying
So they said “no flying”
I guess I am on their weight list

The ion expressed great elation
Arriving in his situation
It seems that this flake
Fell into a lake
Achieving eternal solvation

At a hundred a pop up in Guelph
A bottle sits up on a shelf
I don’t go insane
For fancy champagne
But it’s in a glass by itself

Ancient history just makes me yawn
I mean, let it go – it is gone
There’s so many teachers
Describing its features
To me, they all just Babylon

An amnesiac out of Moscow
Didn’t know who or what, even how
As he got more chagrined
He peed at the wind
And said, “It’s all coming back to me now”

That amphibian there by the hole
Has virtues I’d like to extol
He’s rather mature
And Polish, I’m sure
Because he is just a tadpole

Helicoptering mothers are ones
In whom an obsessive trait runs
They have the condition
Of Aztec religion
The case where they’re worshipping sons

What Peter the Great ate it seems
Was fish and an absence of greens
He wanted them briny
And always quite tiny
He sure liked to eat those czardines

The zaniest thing I have seen
Involved a winged honeybee, Jean
She gets lots of buzz
The reason? Because
She is a true comb humming queen

The pilot of copters opines
It has happened to him many times
He will save someone’s rear
And then overhear
That he uses such great pickup lines

I swear that I heard ghostly mutter
Amidst all the haunted house clutter
A boy and a girl
From the netherworld
Confessed that they both loved each shudder

The fisherman finds it fulfilling
To be his back yard a-grilling
He has just one wish
To catch some more fish
And he certainly may, cod willing

A man from the far side of town
Had the look on his face of a frown
The cause for such gloom
I have to assume
Is gravity’s putting him down

The grouchy old goat they call Sid
Complained of everything that he did
His friends they all say
He’s always this way
Ever since he was just a wee kid

The wall sculptors said to their chief
We don’t mean to give you this grief
But we’re working hard
Out here in the yard
We just need to get some relief

The miser had a line he would say
Each time there was something to pay
His rather large stash
Of gold, stocks and cash
Was something he earned the hoard way

The top Wheel of Fortune banana
Told a crowd while out in Montana
That he gets delight
Darn near every night
Cuz it’s a great feeling, near Vanna

The chimney sweep makes lots of loot
For his work inside each chimney chute
Most folks are impressed
At the way he is dressed
He’s always got on a new soot

Let’s say a big noisy “amen!”
For the cheesemaker down in the glen
Because they are headed
To stop selling shredded
And the make U.S. grate again

Ms Obama is working, you see
Getting people to eat healthily
When she goes to the store
She’ll likely buy more
Of her favorite food – Barackoli

My niece is a gardener – Mardi
Who thinks that she is a smarty
On her marriage occasion
The guest invitations
Got sent out to her weeding party

A shoe’s in a very bad state
Who knew this would be its sad fate?
His partner got tossed
Now he’s feeling lost
The poor guy has lost his sole mate

I heard a commotion come from
The orchestra back near the drums
It seems that a cough
Threw the drummer’s beat off
So the guy threw a tempo tantrum

Your courage is best if displayed
Even if you’re feeling dismayed
They say in the Bahamas
If life gives you llamas
Then go out and make llamanade

Today I am sad to report
Some news of a comic named Short
His act, was just dying
It was terrifying
When they took him off laugh support

The knights of King Arthur once found
When they went to the pub in the town
Most who attended
Overextended
But Sir Cumference just got a round

The Dominoes patrons perchance
Had reason for looking askance
It was a big oh-oh
From Ms Yoko Ono
Who asked them to give pizza chants

Go weep for the sad mademoiselle
Who’s unhappy, I’m sure you can tell
The giving birth hurdle
Is sad, she’s infertile
And it’s not going ova so well

The poultryman knew that the crook
Made a steal just by taking a look
The stock in the pen
Was missing a hen
It sure paid to check his chick book

Someone said that the pope may be sick
In explaining his traveling tic
Cuz this guys gets around
Moving from town to town
That makes him a roamin’ Catholic

The dog pound has many surprises
In the clever way it advertises
“Leasing dogs is a way
To test out a stray”
Go check out their low cur rent prices

Though some may lament it as badness
I can only view it with sadness
When drug addicts are
Acting very bizarre
There surely is meth to their madness

Though its calories will most likely fatten
Going down, it is smooth as is satin
But that drink so dandy
Called Hurricane Sandy
Is just a watered down Manhattan

A man with a brand new dog carrier
Desired a certain small terrier
When he found his dream puppy
The impatient dumb yuppie
Decided to break the pound barrier

A lady is now in a bind
Perhaps she should go and unwind
This stripper annoyed
Is now unemployed
And sadly has no acts to grind

Prince Charles had some major dismay
He’d be king, but for one in the way
When everyone screamed
“Long live the queen!”
It meant there will be reign delay

I look at that fellow and sigh
He’s high strung – I think I know why
The name’s Mr. Von
He comes from Taiwan
A Taipei personality guy

Sir Lancelot gave him a glare
Of ferocity hard to compare
Now the peasant’s afraid
From confusion he made
When he stated he had a knight mare

The team’s brand new gymnast is sad
Cuz the bank news she got’s rather bad
Despite her objections
Her bill’s in collections
For the outstanding balance she had

I said to my good friend Elaine
A pretender who’s overly vain
“Though you try as you might”
“It will never be right”
“Since all that you do is in feign”

A writer just might bend your ear
To make her point so crystal clear
She says take a look
At writing a book
A novel way to start a career

The pet owner worked without cease
On a tag for his new Pekingese
If doggy should go
The finder will know
Who owns it with collar IDs

The hermit proclaimed on arriving
The traffic cop had to be jiving
It didn’t seem real
So he will appeal
The charge that he was recluse driving

I said to my good buddy Shawn
“For nudism, I’ve never gone”
“Your kind invitation”
“Would be a vacation”
“I’ll go if I’ve got nothing on”

That guy with the prostate not right
Says it is a very sad plight
I guess he should know
Cuz he has to go
In the wee wee hours of the night

When the food color got misapplied
To the meat loaf the baker supplied
The patrons ingested
But barely protested
Even though they were dyeing inside

His nose was too big down the middle
So with it Pinocchio fiddled
To reduce its large size
He told surgeon guys
To please trim it down, just a whittle

When a tank at the dairy today
Broke apart one wet worker did say
“I need to move on”
“From this cheesy spawn”
“I don’t like to stand in the whey”

A painter of bodies, Tom Fleck
Exclaimed to his friend, “What the heck”
“Will I do cuz I ain’t”
“Got nothing to paint”
So he went out and got a blank Czech

When the pant leg was split to extremes
Its owner was left without jeans
Her seamstress should make
A new leg in a shake
Or perhaps just at least sew its seams

I’m wondering what I should do
For my dentist who’s feeling quite blue
Her work with decays
Has caused a malaise
What’s more, she has got fillings too

My friend is a teen-age Tunisian
Whose skin has an oily secretion
You see that his dimples
Are turning to pimples
Each one is a new foreign lesion

Dr. Frankenstein sometimes offends
When a new monster overextends
But he doesn’t get
Too very upset
Cuz he’s always “making” new friends

The snake milker couldn’t recall
A yield from the fangs quite so small
If his boss should complain
He simply explains
That sometimes you can’t venom all

One priest is beginning to swoon
For adding Ex-Lax with a spoon
To water that’s holy
It dissolved rather slowly
A religious movement – coming soon

Jerry said he did not feel imperiled
As the African beast loudly caroled
The animal showed funk
Using only his trunk
That’s the way it’s with elephants, Gerald

At the bull fighting match just today
A discovery was made that will pay
It’s really quite thrilling
When they were out drilling
They discovered some oil of olé

I think we should be thankful, please
As the news has relieved our unease
When a bomb blew the door
Off the fancy shirt store
Thank God for no casual tees

The teacher gets children in swarms
To respond to her fine teaching charms
When questions are cheesy
It’s really quite easy
To get students all up in arms

A fact that’s important to know
Concerns the old Three Stooges show
It seems their lead jester
Had a stand-in named Lester
So sometimes it’s true Les is Moe

I hear there is news on Broadway
Of a Disney production today
With Bambi and friends
It likely portends
A deer and an antelope play

The crime that the octopus did
Is something that cannot be hid
No time for repentance
He’s serving his sentence
In front of a big firing squid

My goldfish is missing today
I’m sad that he’s just gone away
So where did he go?
My kitten may know
He’s a Persian of interest, I’d say

That strange object flying away
Caused a stir in our town, by the way
A big UFO?
No one seems to know
Said an expert, “No comet” today

It’s true and I freely admit
My phobia gives me a fit
Two letter words scare
It’s really not fair
I’m terrified thinking of “it”

At the stable the young master Jim
Climbed onto a horse on a whim
Then had some bad luck
And found himself stuck
So everyone derided him