Limericks

When an anteater’s feeling quite ill
It is true that he certainly will
Never ignore it
He’ll take something for it
Most likely an ant acid pill

The old German chef they called Lou
Decided to make something new
This wonderful dreamer
Created a wiener
It was the wurst thing he could do

The teenager’s friends were all crowing
Of the show to which they were a-going
Jan worried that she
Would be absentee
Because she had parents all no-ing

Harassment I’m really against
I say it should not have commenced
So I’ve made a word
That a senator spurred
You saw it here first – al-frankencensed

Though some may lament it as badness
I can only view it with sadness
When drug addicts are
Acting very bizarre
There surely is meth to their madness

Yesterday a crazy young clown
Took a Sharpie to geese around town
And scribbled some quotes
All over their coats
So now all their garb is marked down

The salesperson acts rather chummy
His customers think him quite funny
That’s why they will stop
At his garden shop
He gives them all mower for their money

It seems Mr. Perkins has passed
Leaving all of his classmates aghast
He acted the jerk
Never doing the work
An attitude truly half-vast
(say this one out loud to “get it”)

Geology students bemoan
Exams with a very loud groan
The grading is picky
The questions are tricky
And answers are written in stone

The termite referred to as Gladys
Was having some trouble with flatus
Her doctor surprised
Because he advised
That she should be eating more lattice

That crow always seems without pause
To be exercising his jaws
The source of complaining
Is sometimes quite draining
But he never complains without caws

I heard from my buddy Jerome
Of a bottle blond living in Nome
He thought she was dead
When the TV news said
“That she dyed so peaceful at home”

Mr. Dumpty got into a scrape
Lost a fight to a mean Concord grape
Just like many eggs
He doesn’t have legs
Or else this guy would have eggscaped

If you wanna be frugal with dough
Drinking wine, here is what you should know
The boxed stuff is cheap
And can save you a heap
Just pick up a fine cardboardeaux

It’s with some difficulty I say
My masseuse must have had a bad day
I’m making this point
My neck’s out of joint
Because she rubbed me the wrong way

I said to my lady friend Lisa
I think I will get a new Visa
So that I can roam
Quite far from my home
In fact, I am leaning towards Pisa

A scarecrow in that big field of beans
Is a guy who’s pursuing his dreams
When asked of his calling
The guy started drawling
“Hay,” he said, “you know it’s in my jeans”

I said to my friend, Mr. Mooney
“Don’t look at me like I am loony”
“That craft over there”
“Is lighter than air”
“But you say it all is balloony”

The sea monster back from a fling
Had his jaw wrapped up in a sling
Took too big a bite
Of a ship late last night
Can’t believe that he ate the hull thing

I savor each humorous word
In puns I am never deterred
It’s significant I
Found a joke of the eye
It’s the corneast one I have heard

A woman was fixing a ham
For a grower of tubers named Sam
He spoke from his heart
A phrase from Descartes
“Because I think, therefore I yam”

The crook had a rather strange bent
Perhaps it was due to torment
From Catholic training
Though we’re not complaining
He just gave himself up for Lent

The geologist is an old salt
Who looked for a crack in basalt
There’d been a big shake
Most likely a quake
But he said that he couldn’t find fault

I’m writing this verse in great haste
I hope it is not in poor taste
But I’d like to post
When it comes to compost
A rind’s a terrible thing to waste

“Your music has made me most mellow”
I said to the musical fellow
In his quartet of strings
Among other things
There always will be room for cello

I do not think it was happenstance
That made the new gardener dance
It seems that the yield
Improved in his field
He’s so happy he’s wetting his plants

At a clothing exchange in Macao
An Indian woman showed how
She truly impresses
Swapping everyone’s dresses
What’s not certain is whose sari now?

It’s hard to see difference in ranks
New York fans and the spud farming gangs
So here is the truth
One yanks on the roots
The other one roots for the Yanks

The archeology entourage
Will go digging in one big barrage
At places Burmese
Each one guarantees
It will be a long bone voyage

From Malaysia, there’s news with a chill
Someone’s gone, but did not leave a will
The bro of Kim Jong
Had a death very wrong
I didn’t even know he was Il

When Jay-Z proposed Saturday
He planned on a big wedding day
And will give it a whirl
With that famous girl
He refers to as his Feyoncé

The invisible man at the gym
Decided to go for a swim
At least that’s the word
That I overheard
I was too busy to see him

The plum in his quest for a mate
Had to settle for just second rate
He went out with a fig
Dressed up like a a pig
Because he could not find a date

It sure doesn’t take many smarts
Understanding the cinema arts
The cowboys do killing
Receiving top billing
The horses get all the bit parts

A tropical guy they call Noah
Had asps, but he dreamed of a boa
He said to his wife
‘Twas the dream of his life
Would she please let him have Samoa?

Clark Gable, the great leading man
On the set eating bacon and ham
When asked, would he please
Pass Scarlett the cheese
Said, “Quite frankly, I don’t give Edam”

The sales person hoped to succeed
With a pitch that he tried to force feed
By telling me often
I needed a coffin
I said that’s the last thing I need

On the mountain where everyone flocks
To see all the young climbing jocks
You can sit all transfixed
As your drink’s being mixed
If you order it there on the rocks

The farming of cotton’s upheavals
Results from a wide range of evils
If you work out the math
A good farmer’s path
Is balancing goods versus weevils

I first heard this tale from a cop
At the border who just wouldn’t stop
This guy’s name was Howdy
And he got quite rowdy
When barred by a Doody-free shop

If you want to attend, it is clear
You’ll need your alarm set, my dear
So please don’t be late
The funeral’s at eight
For all the mourning people ‘round here

A tax bill through Congress is speeding
That billionaires claim to be needing
They think it is swell
Coming here at Noel
And here’s what it means, Season’s Greedings

The magician at sea known as Todd
Has a trick that’s incredibly odd
Putting fish on the deck
He says, “What the heck”
“Go ahead, pick a cod, any cod”

The funky magician named Dwight
Was trying to get his words right
When he said to the guy
With a wink of his eye,
“Who’s that girl I sawed you with last night?”

An argument I always dread
When I’m drinking a beer down at Fred’s
Concerns the beer’s foam
On top of its dome
So we’re always at lager heads

Eclipses make animals cower
Cuz they think it’s their bedtime hour
And no surfing channels
If your solar panels
Are what supply TV its power

Transcendental meditation’s too
Complicated to describe in a few
Words very short
So I’ll just report
This stuff kind of gurus on you

The Peruvian wasn’t believable
Declaring his goal was achievable
I guess it computes
Since his family roots
Make what he says so Incan-ceivable

The bartender known here as Lars
Is one of the big superstars
It’s hard to believe
What he has achieved
After spending much time behind bars

The magician who works over there
Told his fans how he handles despair
If he is too sad
Or gets very mad
He starts pulling out his own hare

At the circus, balloons cause elation
But their cost creates some aggravation
The guy selling same
Says he’s not to blame
The root cause is simply inflation

Eve’s face was all scrunched in a frown
When she arrived back home from in town
Why? I’m supposing
‘Twas Adam’s exposing
Cuz she caught him with his plants down

I said to my good buddy Ringo,
“I’ll help you to learn opera lingo”
The term for a ringer
Or a “faux” opera singer
Is Mr. Placebo Domingo

Benny Beaver out on vacation
Found trees in a dandy location
He spoke rather loud
To a gathering crowd
“I’m in a gnaw-ful situation”

I heard it and know it is so
From Maine down to old Mexico
When you lack circumspection
And dish out rejection
It’s all about people you “no”

Amidst all the condiment clutter
A margarine stick had to mutter
“I really can’t lick
My feeling of sick
Not a thing I can do makes me butter”

At the fabric store there was a guy
Who stole many things by and by
They caught him one day
And locked him away
And a material witness was I

A tomato and hat both well bred
Were standing outside by the shed
Said the juicy red fruit
To the hat looking cute
“I’ll ketchup if you’ll go on a head”

“I’m shocked,” I told Candace madly
“What happened is surely not dandy”
A child’s been kidnapped
Because someone snapped
That fiend took baby from a Candy

Excuse me for sounding obscene
With this story of a lady from Queens
Too bad diarrhea
Was inherited by Mia
I guess it just runs in her jeans

For my garden out by the penned chicken
Ideas have started to kick in
I will mix in the sand
Some clay rather grand
And then I will watch the plot thicken

Biologists will not stand by
And bid all the gophers goodbye
We’re all interlinked
If they go extinct
The hole ecosystem might die

Pavarotti, I heard from one source
Performs with a great tour de force
He’ll sing for an hour
Each day in the shower
Creating soap opera, of course

The hospital’s spokesperson Larry
Said finances out there are scary
Cuz someone misjudged it
Surgery’s over budget
Now deep cuts may be necessary

I think we should be thankful, please
As the news has relieved our unease
When a bomb blew the door
Off the fancy shirt store
Thank God for no casual tees

For my wedding I just hired a flake
And I’m worried – a lot is at stake
This rather odd cook’s
A thief and a crook
I’ve heard that he just takes the cake

That ape flying high this past noon
Thinks he can reach out, touch the moon
So how did this guy
Get up in the sky?
It’s cuz he’s a hot air baboon

To explain his longstanding stance
Against taking a risk in finance
The Gregorian guy
Gave a reason for why
He’s unable to leave things to chants

At the tavern I did overhear
A termite who made it quite clear
That he would be eating
Because in his greeting
He said, “Is the bar tender here?”

The broom feels so bad he could weep
It’s a feeling that runs very deep
Why, you might say
Is it such a bad day?
It’s cuz he didn’t get enough sweep

At the car show the Texan most dowdy
Was “feeling his oats” rather rowdy
Every woman he’d call
With a big southern drawl
In a voice he yelled out to them “Audi”

On St. Patty’s Day scary ghosts choose
One drink to cure all of their blues
It could have vodka or rum
But the main rule of thumb
Is that it has got to have boos

From my job I am ready to quit
I’ll retire and then get on with it
Should my bonds and my stocks
Go with me on walks?
Cuz they should be fiscally fit

A snowman they call Mr. Burke
Just got a new job as a clerk
Should he need a ride
He’ll go for a slide
And ride his icicle to work

At the links golfers make a big deal
Of rituals pursued with great zeal
To help help with their mood
They eat lots of food
In the form of a fore course meal

After bringing the new clothing home
Olivia started to foam
She wants to return it
Or maybe just burn it
That’s post-traumatic dress syndrome

The prisoners all are perplexed
And wondering what to do next
Cuz the warden is whiting
Words from their writing
Thus taking some things out of con text

A magician down at the beach
Is doing a bit of outreach
She’s waving her wand
At one bottle blond
Who has a dyer need for some bleach

It’s with sorrow I send you this note
The repairmen has said and I quote,
The TV’s in danger
With no channel changer
It’s recovery chance is remote

The circus while in Louisville
Is certainly headed downhill
Cuz everyone cried
Their favorite clown died
And he left some big shoes to fill

They make food for the horses and bulls
And even the flying sea gulls
In the pet food arena
Ralston Purina
Always stops to bake for animals

Although I am making great strides
I still do not like my outsides
Perhaps I should look
At that new diet book
I’m needing some words to the wides

At the hardware store here in our town
There’s a rumor that’s going around
It seems there is clamor
The cost of a hammer
Is gonna be charged by the pound

That old grizzly sure understands
Constructing a home using plans
Now he can take pride
When stepping inside
Cuz he built it with his own bear hands

With his uncle upon heaven’s gate
The heir didn’t think it so great
He got zero stocks
Just a hundred old clocks
So he’s now winding up his estate

A pirate is feeling quite sad
From one conversation he had
Some tears, they were shed
For something he said
It seems his bawdy language was bad

The math teacher asked us if we
Could live without ge-om-et-ry
I gave it a shot
And here’s what I thought
It all would be pointless to me

You American shoppers recall
Gazing out at the great urban sprawl
It really is lame
They all are the same
See one center and you’ve seen a mall

A watcher of birds that I know
Has a picture that he likes to show
A black bird, it’s true
To a wall got stuck to
I guess ’twas some kind of velcrow

Rest assured I am telling you straight
Japanese ‘toons are really first rate
You can trace their descent
From their government
Making them animes of the state

Somehow I don’t think it is right
Those airlines exerting their might
They offer a ride
And make you decide
Whether you should do fight or flight

On leaving the bay area disco
The outlandish artist named Christo
Did not take to fetching
His lovely new etching
So he left his art in San Francisco

The big fashionista named Zog
Doesn’t like to have much dialog
When we go out to eat
She likes trendy meat
And only will eat a haute dog

Today I am sad to report
Some news of a comic named Short
His act, was just dying
It was terrifying
When they took him off laugh support

You wouldn’t believe the costume
On view in the ultra-sound room
The fetus – not bare
Has on underwear
It looks like it’s Fruit of the Womb

I guess I will just have to see
If that brand new flu bug’s caught me
My doctor did mutter
It’s like softened butter
Because it spreads so easily

The pilot the spy is quite wise
Taking caution each time that he flies
When he gads about
They never find out
Since he always goes in da skies

That old floor refinishing cracker
Is surely the worst kind of slacker
He’s lacking in skill
And just made a spill
It seems he cannot hold his lacquer

I’m sorry, but I have to brag
There’s a legless dog’s tail I make wag
He’s my favorite pet
His name’s Cigarette
Cuz I take him out for a drag

Sir Galahad thinking of life
Described this insight to his wife
“The social life’s hot
Here in Camelot
Because of the awesome knight life

The hermit proclaimed on arriving
The traffic cop had to be jiving
It didn’t seem real
So he will appeal
The charge that he was recluse driving

My favorite seamstress got paid
Now she’s got it made in the shade
She’ll go to bed knowing
There’ll be no more sewing
Since her last stitch effort’s been made

Excuse me for penning this verse
I was needing a word, now I curse
My thesaurus – a joke
Missing ends – it is broke
Cuz it only goes from “bad” to “worse”

The biggest bull had to confide
Curiosity he couldn’t hide
He stood by the plow
Eyeballing a cow
He longed to see her udder side

The geography professor named Miles
While grading exams was all smiles
When asked to please give her
The young Egypt rivers
A student replied “juveniles”

Honeybees on their vacation
Found themselves in a “must” situation
None of them seemed to know
Where the group ought to “go”
Til they got to a big BP station

The oak in the spring’s joy is brief
Having weathered the long winter’s grief
When it makes the scene
All covered in green
There is a big sigh of re-leaf

A game hunter out on a hunt
Did not mean to be quite so blunt
When asked to confirm
He liked pachyderms
He said said it was irrelephant

Indira decided to mock
My fix of the plug by the clock
She gets apoplectic
When I do electric
And I think she’s in for a shock

“I am at the top of the list”
That loud Swedish man did insist
The world’s always been
In a spin around him
According to this Norsissist

Right after consuming a few
The mechanic expressed his world view
Drinking fluid from brakes
May give him the shakes
But he can stop when he wants to

Dr. Schrodinger likes to derive
But is recently in a nosedive
The reason you see
His kitty’s crime spree
And is now wanted dead and alive

I wondered how lightning works, see.
Sitting under a massive oak tree
I ended confusion
And came to conclusion
Because all at once, it struck me

A daring young tadpole of note
In puberty said, and I quote
“My voice is quite strange”
“With this vocal change”
“I’m getting a frog in my throat”

The cement man complained with great ardor
To his boss, “I don’t think it is smarter”
“Everything that I do”
“To satisfy you”
“Just keeps getting harder and harder”

The ghost at the house with the view
Was hoping the news might be true
Because there’s a claim
He’s getting some fame
With a listing to come in Boos Who

The guy in the cheesemaking biz
Is truly some kind of a whiz
He knows when he talks
While cutting cheese blocks
That Edam is made backwards it is

The nanny goat said, “It’s not fair”
“When I look around everywhere”
“I see fancier goats”
“Who get all the votes”
“I sure wish that I had mohair”

A daring young mathematician
Had to make an important decision
He’d go teach his classes
While wearing his glasses
Cuz they always helped him with da vision

A suit maker put up a sign
Pricing suits ninety nine ninety nine
It did not persuade Ted
Who reportedly said
His old tailor suited him fine

The Jolly Green Giant wants more
Assistants to work in the store
To take off the hulls
Of his vegetables
Would you like to work in the peas corps?

I think it’s OK to repeat
An enterprise out on Main street
Has balls that are rolling
You know it as bowling
A place where the pin pals can meet

My coroner friend known as Sam
Told the people around him, “I am”
“Where I’ve gotten today”
“Checking corpses for pay”
“Cuz I mastered a big stiff exam”

Stepping in from the cold, I just sighed
My vision had changed from outside
The glasses in fog
Sure left me agog
You see I was quite mist-ified

A carbon-14 atom named Kate
Thought going together was great
But fully disparaged
The idea of marriage
Because she just wanted to date

I’ve connected all of the dots
And now will share some of my thoughts
To people who might
Be feeling uptight
Inhibitions tie you up in nots

I hope that you won’t misconstrue
My feelings on sheep tried and true
I’m OK with a lamb
And also that ram
But I just do not know about ewe

A photon created a schism
Arising from his extremism
The judge to him said
“I don’t care how you’ve pled”
When he sentenced him to the state prism

That tailor sure needs a vacation
It’s ironic now at his station
In the shop there’s a sign
That says til June 9
The business is closed for alterations

The maid in the bathroom ahead
Was feeling a big sense of dread
She knew she’d be blamed
And so she proclaimed
“I’m sorry there’s Moldova your head”

To the world unexpected came Jake
Whose parents’ surprise wasn’t fake
They both were quite mad
When Jake turned out bad
It sure was a fetal mistake

Amphibians all will refuse
The footwear that’s now in the news
Though boots are quite hot
They’ll never be bought
Frogs only wear open toad shoes

On hearing the news, Mr. Pitt
Responded with true British wit
“Like other old-timers”
“Who’ve gotten Alzheimers”
“I’ll probably forget about it”

The microbiologist Bates
On readying her agar plates
Began with some sowing
Of strains to be growing
Her clones are just simply cell mates

I said to my good buddy Bruce
There couldn’t be any excuse
The Titanic sank
When it hit an ice bank
It was then that all hull broke loose

A horse owner with his physician
Is happy there is no suspicion
Of his skin, the doc’s sure
The brown spot’s manure
You see – it’s in stable condition

In mergers, it is a tradition
To announce to the groups’ competition
In Madrid though, it’s muddy
Cuz almost nobody
Expects the Spanish acquisition

A wealthy and talented Brit
Made an offer that he did transmit
To a realtor friend
Many bucks he did spend
And now has a lot to show for it

The mummy is one kind of chap
Whose personal tastes are just crap
The movies he sees
Are always grade B’s
And his favorite music is wrap

That Oslo guy tried to distort
His arrest in superior court
He said quite astute
That was no prostitute
He just rented one fjord escort

The team’s brand new gymnast is sad
Cuz the bank news she got’s rather bad
Despite her objections
Her bill’s in collections
For the outstanding balance she had

The baker of bread has conceded
His need for a loan’s now receded
It seems that this guy
Is a whiz on the fly
At raising some dough when it’s kneaded

The witch gets some real nasty looks
Because of her publishing hooks
Although it’s unplanned
They often get banned
You see, she writes hex-rated books

In time for the big football game
A hunchback, you might know his name
Had real bright ideas
And bought a new Prius
A new hatchback of Notre Dame

The lawyer was sure caught off guard
Losing license is certainly hard
So he’s in a funk
Along with a drunk
Because they have both been dis-barred

To truck drivers every day
The folks at the scales clearly say
“We need to assess
How much you possess
For where there’s a wheel there’s a weigh.”

My dog is a terrier mix
She’s smart and is just turning six
Whenever there’s food
She acts really good
And uses her big beg of tricks

Old Caesar was standing quite tall
In the conquest of Europe and all
His presence was felt
By every Celt
That guy really had a lot of Gaul

In Moscow the folks do not get
Reliable WiFi as yet
Perhaps that is why
They say with a sigh
There’s no way to use the Internyet

An actress is feeling quite bad
Her old movie’s making her sad
It’s not like before
Things change and what’s more
It’s the last role of film that she had

The haters of music agree
On the things they do not wish to see
From the sound of their talk
Whether Mozart or Bach
They hate violins on TV

The knights of King Arthur once found
When they went to the pub in the town
Most who attended
Overextended
But Sir Cumference just got a round

I feel for the couple named Smart
They had a good marriage at start
But somebody said
Their new water bed
Slowly caused them to drift far apart

Paul Revere’s pal, Mr. Schoening
Screamed so loud he was heard in Wyoming
This hair-dresser said
With a big sense of dread
To all that “The British are Combing”

A mechanic just lost a commission
From a psychic, by his own admission
It seems he ignored
Her best ouija board
Saying he couldn’t fix its trance mission

When he isn’t worried of sinning
I’m told that God loves to see winning
Here’s proof for you all
He’s a fan of baseball
The Bible starts “In the big inning”
(Thanks to Will Keim for the pun)

It really is hard to accept
That broom who is rather inept
He claimed it was fate
That made him so late
I think it’s cuz he overswept

That guy at the playground seesaw
Has sure got an odd kind of flaw
With no kids of his own
Maybe he’d like a loan
A childless guy is a faux pa

In orbit high over the seas
Was an astronaut feeling unease
The weightlessness bit
Was making him sick
So NASA gave him Apollo G’s

I guess I will make the admission
Those Tic-Tacs are not good nutrition
But one thing is true
They’re almost like new
In fact, they are in mint condition

That sportscaster shouldn’t consume
A six pack – his bladder will boom
When asked where he went
A nice British gent
Said, “ESPN® in the bathroom”

A musical critic did think
How to say that some music just stinks
‘Twas tacky and tawdry
Showy and gaudy
So he just wrote “It’s kitsch – ‘N Sync”

The German ornithologist cursed
His hunger almost always came first
It was most absurd
Trading brats for a bird
I guess he took a tern for the wurst

The Icelander down at the bay
Was sad – no blubber buffet
Then he heard someone sing
This song in the spring
It goes, “Whale meat again one day”

The bachelors wanting descendants
All cherish their own independence
Cuz “marriage,” the word
For them is absurd
They view it as more of a sentence

I said to my good buddy Trevor
This limerick has been an endeavor
I claim John Lennon’s shown
His work’s like a scone
That is strawberry filled forever

The shoplifter’d have us believe
That he didn’t come in and thieve
But at my candy store
When he walked out the door
He had a few Twix up his sleeve

In the Garden of Eden the stance
Over clothing was not happenstance
For Adam the briefs
Were tiny fig leafs
The man of the house wore the plants

There once was a chef, Mr. Grime
Whose cooking was worth every dime
Though no longer here
His fans loudly cheer
“He FEDEX® cellent food all the time”

The book critic took a long shot
Describing the book he had bought
Like a gardening flat in
Mid-town Manhattan
Neither one has much of a plot

The bank robber police had long sought
Has finally now gotten caught
The case open/shut
The thief a true nut
Who said “Gimme all the cashew got”

A man starts compounding his fears
Every time that his problem appears
If he can’t stay dry
He’s likely to cry
Look out for his butt sweat and tears

I’m needing a good close up view
For cell work that I have to do
The best way to cope
Is a new microscope
It’s something I’m looking into

At 3:00 a.m. Ronald did delve
Into math for protecting himself
This guy told his mate
It’s not really late
Three’s only a quarter of twelve

A nudist is often reminded
It’s easy that one gets blind-sided
If he came in all bare
Co-workers would stare
Because everyone is clothes-minded

Being a battery is tough
You must worry about lots of stuff
It’s especially hard
Using Visa cards
Cuz you feel that you’re not charged enough

At the diner, the old Mr. Sutter
On getting his food had to mutter
“I do not know why”
“My food is so dry”
They told him that things will get butter

I heard from a very smart guy
A statement he said he’d stand by
Said the old ABCs
Lacked a letter before Zs
The reason? Nobody knew y

It seems the young man had a date
To pick up his brand new soul mate
Said excitedly Michael
“It’s a motorcycle”
For this he just can’t Harley wait

The nudist does not have a prayer
To connect with that guy over there
You see, she’s irate
He asked for a date
But there wasn’t a thing she could wear

One mare is quite happy I’d say
She’s just given birth, by the way
It was unrehearsed
And on April First
So, it’s Happy April Foal’s Day

The guillotine guy in reflection
Realized he must make a correction
The townspeople scurry
Cuz all of them worry
He’d beheaded in their direction

A tomato was broken in haste
And worried he might be replaced
Although very scared
He’s now been repaired
Thanks to some good tomato paste

I know what my answer will be
Since it’s in the dictionary
If you ask of me, Denny
To define the word ‘many’
I’ll say it means a lot to me

The prosecutor had to resort
To some changes in order to thwart
The BB gun thief
From getting relief
So she tried him in a pellet court

It’s election time now, so you see
Politicians work crowds eagerly
They loudly proclaim,
“When you see my name”
“Put an Exxon® the ballot for me”

Descartes disappeared in the mist
When wondering “Do I exist?”
He said, “It depends,”
“How this limerick ends”

My iron watches TV, I guess
So as to follow the political mess
This much I know
His favorite show
Is the one that they call Meet the Press

A Doberman of Mr. Ryker
Has declared that he’s a disliker
Of wee things he sees
Like back biting fleas
Simply known as some tiny “itch hikers”

A hen laying gold egg’s a bust
I learned it the hard way, so trust
That you shouldn’t settle
For hens made of metal
Cuz my chickens come home to rust

Out of courtroom the particle marched
The public’s outrage much enlarged
It’s a sign of the times
For atomic-al crimes
That a neutron just cannot be charged

At the Colonel’s it seemed that the onus
For bosses is dealing with slowness
So for cooking a chicken,
To make the pace quicken
They give frequent fryers a bonus

At Halloween, dressed as MacBeth
I went trick or treating with Seth
The weirdest things, man?
Those ghosts in a can
Which just might scare-us-ol to death

My dentist is now realizing
After taking some time analyzing
The bucks that he spends
On marketing trends
Will result in some tooth in advertising

A really old baker named Munz
Has passed on a trait to his sons
So now these three blokes
Recite many jokes
They all like to make hot cross puns

The chimney sweep makes lots of loot
For his work inside each chimney chute
Most folks are impressed
At the way he is dressed
He’s always got on a new soot