A tug of war is an awful apulling idea
Overrun
Reruns are deja viewed
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Reruns are deja viewed
Bad fortune telling isn’t prophetable
Electric German cars are Volts Wagons
A Mexican ghost is “No Weigh, Jose”
When police pulled out all the stops, traffic changed
Soda machines are coiniverous
Great name for a tree surgeon business – Poplar Mechanics
Hippies were hairy pot-ters
An Adam’s apple is the neck’s big thing
I’m so helpless, I can’t find the self-help section of the bookstore
An army dentist is a drill sergeant
Headline – Obese People Die Sooner
Subtext – Hazardous Waist
Do-it-yourself electronics store – Ohm Depot
When metal goes bad, they call it rot iron
Prison entrepreneurs are sell mates
Tears – hydraulic power capable of moving the hardest heart
Some minds are like feathers, easily blown
When the avocado truck crashed, there were guackers all around
Hamburger is made from the ground up
The lumberjack cut himself in an axe ident
At some record stores, all sales are vinyl
Headline – Winter Storm Hits Germany
Subtext – Helmut Cold
Elsie the cow is a beast of Borden
Voyeurs are high on stareoids
Facemasks are really coughy filters
Removing references to previous events is a historyectomy
The first President’ dentures were the George Washington bridge
Headline – Circus Hires French Midget
Subtext – Wee Monsieur
Pediatricians have very little patients
In today’s world, a terrible memory means you never forget
Oxymorons are of increasingly lesser importance
I didn’t save money for a trip to Mexico, so now I Can’tcun
Disney clothing = Upparel
Don’t like how they operate? Time to change surgeons
Viking ships were Fjord Explorers
Time wasters are clock suckers
Inquisitive children do multi-asking
The riverboat got lost and went saline in the ocean
I brew tea infusiastically
Piano recitals leave me sad – too many keys depressed
My computer-literate dog is a Power Pointer
The Volkswagen on my lobe is a German engine earring
Guys too focused on their maleness are egotestical
Cave doors had a Stonehinge
Spiders and mice make up the eek-o-system
Multi-story shopping malls are sell towers
Headline – Former Sec. of State Endorses Laxative
Subtext – Colon Pow!
Strolling America today is a walk on the riled side
A COVID vaccine is good to put in the coughers
Big noses run in my family
Extraterrestrial painters say “Take me to your ladder”
When you’re in a couples art class, someone has to draw the line
The stolen bag thief’s trial was a brief case
The new black hole investigation did not shed any light on the subject
The claim that I’m incontinent doesn’t hold water
Male chickens in England = rorcesters
The period leading up to Britain ruling the seas was the Phase that Launched a Thousand Ships
German corn dog cookbook: “From Batter to Wurst”
Pain is unBayerable without aspirin
Interior designers are roomatologists
Velcro is a ripoff
It rains so much in Oregon, bell ringers work for the Salvation Navy
When the Chinese cook got injured, the doctor said he may never wok again
Great line – “I miss you like an idiot misses the point”
When you lose a Zoom connection, you must re-Zoom
Playgirl Magazine is a Paul barer
Is a man year the same length as a woman year or does that 71% thing kick in?
The skinny bull never knew his fodder
At New Year’s, we communicate through Auld Lang Syne language
Headline – New Fish Finder Patented
Subtext – Herring Aid
Mermaids wash their fins with Tide
Egotists are me-deep in conversation
Equine veterinarians work in horsepitals
What do anxious butterflies get in their stomachs?
Santa keeps clothes in his Clauset
The Queen of the Nile liked to show some leg, but Nefertiti
Kids who go to many churches see a lot of premarital sects
Diamond companies mine their own business
The dreadful outdoor party was a fete worse than death
“Halo” is angel for “hi”
When the airline gave away free perks, customers lined up for miles
A string bikini is the bottom line
For hippies, everything started with The Big Bong
He was surprisingly bipedal for someone of his intelligence
Too much fishing causes cirrhosis of the river
Skydivers solve problems by troublechuting
Origamists don’t die, they come down with the bends
Musically, the Big Bang began with Beatle haircuts
Happiness is a better pill to swallow
Thoughtless people – what won’t they think of next
When a chef dies, mourners say “Recipes”
The new play called “Teflon” doesn’t have any frictional characters
Orthodontists are denture capitalists
English major’s breakfast – eggs over easily
Headline – Religious Dairy Farmers Meet
Subtext – Cheeses, Christ
Underwear makers have a good bottom line
The dentist who pulled my tooth got it, molarless
Airplanes need hanger management
Cat veterinarians are purramedics
When the COVID guy sneezed, he got sued for aerosolt and battery
Drummers are very cymbal minded
The mocking humor of a clever knight is known as sircasm
Human evolution was caused by primate change
A hypnotist is a tranceformer
Viagra is a hard pill to swallow
Bjorn Borg impersonators are artificial Swedeners
When I accidentally kicked on third down, it was no punt intended
A tug of war is an awful apulling idea
Famous musicians are notable personalities
Ponzi was a pyramid Earther
There was so much laundry to do, I threw in the towel
If Disney made War and Peace, they would call it Tolstory
People using Yiddish expressions are oysters
The nudist couldn’t leave because she had no wear to go
My bank account is suffering from cashtration
Noel Coward is afraid of Christmas
To make a lung story short, smoking will kill you
Birds have an egg sit strategy
When James Bond bathes, he’s bubble 07
Constipation is diabowelical
Headline – Food Science Dept. Fails Audit
Subtext – No Accounting for Taste
Lawngevity – The number of days you can go between mowings
Sixty is the new forty, but there’s a big difference. Twenty.
Headline – Eye Disease Afflicts Millions
Subtext – Seesickness
Jewish nudists celebrate bare mitzvah
When Ling-Ling and her friends got sick, it was a pandamic
My computer has the Spamish flu
Two appliances make your clothes shrink – dryers and refrigerators
In Turkey, they have Istanboolian logic
Paper shreaders are tearists
The Subway web site is the URL of Sandwich
The Mt. Rushmore sculptor was a George Washington Carver
Traffic fatalities = death in the fast lane
Bad poets commit rhymes against humanity
A good horror film has cringe benefits
Puppy sale – Buy one, get one flea
Music videos are full of JLo shots
Sunrise in London produces English li
With avian disease, it’s the early worm that gets the bird
A closed mouth gathers no foot
The unhappy glider pilot who finished the race last was a soar loser
Knowing when to buy U.S. Steel is metal telepathy
Nike operates on a shoestring budget
I didn’t understand introspection until I took a long, hard look at myself
Leaving my estate to my father made him my heir, a parent
The cucumber played the dill piccolo
Candy for positive people – Encourage Mints
Motor home owners get away from it all by taking it with them
I got in trouble for saying my wife’s expensive new pants were a huge waste
At coin operated slot machines, they need change for the bettor
That new book on black holes really drew me in
I don’t care what you say, thanks to heard immunity
Headline – Another Recall for U.S. Automaker
Subtext – Chrysler Imperil
He’s so inarticulate, he lost a fight with his mother tongue
Headline – Motor Pool Advice Given
Subtext – Drive Carfully
My sister’s talkative husband is my blather in law
The best pickle was the dill of the century
Typochondriacs fear mistakes
Ghosts in the market for real estate go house haunting
A mobile hamburger joint is a porta-patty
Nostrildamus – a seer who predicts plastic surgery results
Ants with malaise = Melancolony
Magicians are super dupers
Flightless birds are unflappable
The longest punctuation mark – the hundred yard dash
On no-pants day in England, London’s britches are falling down
Obsession with shopping can be all consuming
Old age is when actions creak louder than words
My wisecracking garden tool – Phyllis Tiller
Meatless meatballs are vegetaballs
The lack of gingerbreadwomen is due to pastryarchy
Bulky underwear is the bottom line
The first Christmas mass came with a weigh in a manger
Freud was the Wizard of Ids
He didn’t make it to the casino because he didn’t have the Vegas idea
The new bug spray for dolphins – Flipper Off
Curling irons offer permanent solutions to hairy problems
Atheists have no invisible means of support
For some, marijuana treatments are a medi-sin
Mansplaining is correctile dysfunction
Vaccines give you viral immuneition
At the fork in the road – no parking, any tine
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat
The yoga center has positions available
Hot pants are thermal outerwear
Endless love – when Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder play tennis
Headline – Dairy farmers celebrate at local pub
Subtext – A Round About Whey
The route to the porch light was passed on by word of moth
I’m so old I need a generation app
The nun attacker kicked the habit
Headline – Spielberg Buys Telephone Company
Subtext – ET&T
A calendar’s days are numbered
Fay Wray biography? – “The Kong and I”
If Walmart and Toy ‘R’ Us merge, they’ll become Wal ‘R’ Us
Squeezing juice from a battery means pressing charges
They like to stream horror movies on Huluween
Taking a break from salad is a Romaine Holiday
Card games on submarines involve a lot of bridge under the water
Lumberjacks have don’t have many chopping days til Christmas
The Head of Military Police is the Searchin’ General
A tug of war is an awful apulling idea
My dog makes such a mess, I need a heavy doodie cleaner
A string bikini is the bottom line
The Earl Grey delivery service flies through the air with the greatest of teas
The formula for holy water – H2OMG
A three-foot aardvark is a yardvark
The medium Pepsi bottle was the Liter Of The Pack
In Turkey, they have Istanboolian logic