One Liner

Tired of It

Until you have kids, that’s a pre-exhausting condition

Auntie Dote

My father’s brother who drinks too much is my druncle

Booking It

If Disney made War and Peace, they would call it Tolstory


The Houston guy who chases out evil spirits is a Texorcist

Wrong Tones

I put my phone on vibrate to get text massages

Dawn Deal

Sunrise in London produces English li


My rabbit stew has a hare in it

Family Mutters

Everything is relative, but relatives aren’t everything


A calendar’s days are numbered

Fogged Up

High humidity provides a lot of mist opportunities

Pawned Off

In my new job making chess sets, I’m on knights next week

Unwedded Bliss

Old ladies who never marry, but like word play are spunsters


For some, marijuana treatments are a medi-sin


A creepy Pokeman will Pikachu showering

Kneel Diamond

Electronic Scandinavian health service = Swede Care Online

Play Time

The smaller seesaw is the petiter totter

Lug In

The old grouch likes antisocial media

Face It

The Mt. Rushmore sculptor was a George Washington Carver


The sneaky virus Covid its tracks


Halal bread is from the middle yeast 


Minnows sound a little fishy to me


Staying in the same old rut is good if you’re a street car

Hot Romance

Two volcanologists fell in lava with each other


The Restafarian’s hairstyle is something to be dreaded

Head Lying

Headline – Seattle Odor Linked to Boeing Noise
Subtext – Pew Jet Sound

Head Lying

Headline – Exxon Involved in African Oil Spill
Subtext – Seeping Slickness

Hot Stuff

Depressing is what comes after delaundry

Cut Ups

Don’t like how they operate?  Time to change surgeons

Raging Aging

The hair dye shortage will make America grayed again

Old Gory

Flags have been raised, according to pole watchers 

Dark Side

An eclipse is a difficult phase the moon is going through

Sack Sect

People who worship paper bags are sack religious


With avian disease, it’s the early worm that gets the bird


Swashbuckling insects – The Three Mosquiteers

Cough It Up

Socrates didn’t do so well with the Hemlock Maneuver


Great donut shop name – Amazing Glaze

Roll the Dice

He didn’t make it to the casino because he didn’t have the Vegas idea

Motel Sux

Vacation bills remind you to cut down on suites

ICU There

New hospital drama – “Sicks in the City”


If the guy who anticipated modern computing saw modern computing, he’d be Turing in his grave

Hard Times

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat

Soap Opera

When James Bond bathes, he’s bubble 07

No Cal

Bjorn Borg impersonators are artificial Swedeners

Food Truck

A mobile hamburger joint is a porta-patty


Pat Sajak and spouse are renewing their vowels

Bye Bye Biddie

Dear John letters show that absence makes the heart go yonder

Hot Rod

A carjacker is a pirate of the Car I Be In

EZ Clean

The new play called “Teflon” doesn’t have any frictional characters

Sick Schtick

When it comes to pandemics, we’ve got that COVID 

Dew Tell

High humidity provides a lot of mist opportunities

Tome Home

Prison is a word and also a sentence


Electric German cars are Volts Wagons

Down Poor

For thunderstorms, lightning is a flash in the plan 

Weight On Me

Two appliances make your clothes shrink – dryers and refrigerators


My cow’s phone has a mooed ring 

Wet Set

Great name for an eyedrop – Moist Your Eyes

Weary Wary

People afraid of change are very vary wary 


Workaholics are missing inaction 


The story teller’s shortcomings were Aesop’s foibles


The greatest scientist was a Pauling

I Ear You

People trade corn futures on the stalk market

Bloody Well

No monsters are good at math unless you Count Dracula

Double A

The aardvark leads the annual list of animals list

Joke Stir

Puncil – what I use to write funnies

Tangled Web

When blood cells marry, they get many coagulations


For sale:  2020 planner – never used

Blanked Out

Thoughtless people – what won’t they think of next

Penne Pals

When I dream of pasta, I cannoli imagine 


Odd New Mexicans live in Albaquirky


Copyrights are statutes of imitations

Faling Out

After the coffin accident there was a rehearsal

Head Lying

Headline – Geology Group Plans Research Trip
Subtext – Sedimental Journey

Head Lying

Headline – Mudslide Hits Nebraska Home
Subtext – Little Prairie on the House

Hard to See

He had a name that looked like an eye chart

Hi Times

Walmart greeters have Howdy duties


He’s so inarticulate, he lost a fight with his mother tongue

Head Lying

Headline – Revlon Creates Feb. 14 Makeup
Subtext – St. Valentine’s Day Mascara


Weight Watchers’ mantra – Fat Chants

Head Lying

Headline – Food Science Dept. Fails Audit
Subtext – No Accounting for Taste


Thugs are people who quit working for good


What to give someone who has everything – Omnipresents


The Spanish word for cat should be ‘purrito’

Make an Offer

Ghosts in the market for real estate go house haunting


The outer space boundary is the margin of air 


Rich Japanese are billyenaires


Biblical fortune tellers are Psalm readers

Fear Full

I used to be afraid of getting stoned, but now I’m boulder

Down South

When the doc said my prostate was healthy, I was deeply touched 


Gardening lawyers favor justice of the peas

Zero Tolerance

If air travel drops further, we’ll have The Flying None

Nailed It

My photo fell. I now have an image to keep up

Sunken Treasure

Jimmy Hoffa’s murder won’t be solved without concrete evidence

Fly High

With butterflies, fluttery will get you everywhere

On Doody

Ironing cowboy shirts – howdy pressing

Scam Alert

That web site for free chickens is just cluck bait

Leg Show

The Queen of the Nile liked to show some leg, but Nefertiti

Sham on You

Placebo based trials are basically “trick or treatment”

Bill of Wrongs

You have a right to be stupid.  Don’t abuse the privilege 

Brewed Awakening

The Earl Grey delivery service flies through the air with the greatest of teas

Bottled Up

The medium Pepsi bottle was the Liter Of The Pack

If Then

In Turkey, they have Istanboolian logic

Cut Up

At the pizzeria, the best cutters are given the Piece Prize


Minnows sound a little fishy to me

Big Bang

Musically, the Big Bang began with Beatle haircuts