One Liner

Tired of It

Until you have kids, that’s a pre-exhausting condition

Auntie Dote

My father’s brother who drinks too much is my druncle

Booking It

If Disney made War and Peace, they would call it Tolstory

Repossessed

The Houston guy who chases out evil spirits is a Texorcist

Wrong Tones

I put my phone on vibrate to get text massages

Dawn Deal

Sunrise in London produces English li

Waiter

My rabbit stew has a hare in it

Family Mutters

Everything is relative, but relatives aren’t everything

Timely

A calendar’s days are numbered

Fogged Up

High humidity provides a lot of mist opportunities

Pawned Off

In my new job making chess sets, I’m on knights next week

Unwedded Bliss

Old ladies who never marry, but like word play are spunsters

CBDemons

For some, marijuana treatments are a medi-sin

Noyeur

A creepy Pokeman will Pikachu showering

Kneel Diamond

Electronic Scandinavian health service = Swede Care Online

Play Time

The smaller seesaw is the petiter totter

Lug In

The old grouch likes antisocial media

Face It

The Mt. Rushmore sculptor was a George Washington Carver

Pundemic

The sneaky virus Covid its tracks

Arising

Halal bread is from the middle yeast 

Fishy

Minnows sound a little fishy to me

Derailed

Staying in the same old rut is good if you’re a street car

Hot Romance

Two volcanologists fell in lava with each other

Rastafarianism

The Restafarian’s hairstyle is something to be dreaded

Head Lying

Headline – Seattle Odor Linked to Boeing Noise
Subtext – Pew Jet Sound

Head Lying

Headline – Exxon Involved in African Oil Spill
Subtext – Seeping Slickness

Hot Stuff

Depressing is what comes after delaundry

Cut Ups

Don’t like how they operate?  Time to change surgeons

Raging Aging

The hair dye shortage will make America grayed again

Old Gory

Flags have been raised, according to pole watchers 

Dark Side

An eclipse is a difficult phase the moon is going through

Sack Sect

People who worship paper bags are sack religious

Gullible

With avian disease, it’s the early worm that gets the bird

Off

Swashbuckling insects – The Three Mosquiteers

Cough It Up

Socrates didn’t do so well with the Hemlock Maneuver

Encircled

Great donut shop name – Amazing Glaze

Roll the Dice

He didn’t make it to the casino because he didn’t have the Vegas idea

Motel Sux

Vacation bills remind you to cut down on suites

ICU There

New hospital drama – “Sicks in the City”

Reboot

If the guy who anticipated modern computing saw modern computing, he’d be Turing in his grave

Hard Times

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat

Soap Opera

When James Bond bathes, he’s bubble 07

No Cal

Bjorn Borg impersonators are artificial Swedeners

Food Truck

A mobile hamburger joint is a porta-patty

IOU

Pat Sajak and spouse are renewing their vowels

Bye Bye Biddie

Dear John letters show that absence makes the heart go yonder

Hot Rod

A carjacker is a pirate of the Car I Be In

EZ Clean

The new play called “Teflon” doesn’t have any frictional characters

Sick Schtick

When it comes to pandemics, we’ve got that COVID 

Dew Tell

High humidity provides a lot of mist opportunities

Tome Home

Prison is a word and also a sentence

Currentsy

Electric German cars are Volts Wagons

Down Poor

For thunderstorms, lightning is a flash in the plan 

Weight On Me

Two appliances make your clothes shrink – dryers and refrigerators

Resonance

My cow’s phone has a mooed ring 

Wet Set

Great name for an eyedrop – Moist Your Eyes

Weary Wary

People afraid of change are very vary wary 

Antsy

Workaholics are missing inaction 

Shortcomings

The story teller’s shortcomings were Aesop’s foibles

Appalling

The greatest scientist was a Pauling

I Ear You

People trade corn futures on the stalk market

Bloody Well

No monsters are good at math unless you Count Dracula

Double A

The aardvark leads the annual list of animals list

Joke Stir

Puncil – what I use to write funnies

Tangled Web

When blood cells marry, they get many coagulations

Unwrapped

For sale:  2020 planner – never used

Blanked Out

Thoughtless people – what won’t they think of next

Penne Pals

When I dream of pasta, I cannoli imagine 

Oddballs

Odd New Mexicans live in Albaquirky

Copycats

Copyrights are statutes of imitations

Faling Out

After the coffin accident there was a rehearsal

Head Lying

Headline – Geology Group Plans Research Trip
Subtext – Sedimental Journey

Head Lying

Headline – Mudslide Hits Nebraska Home
Subtext – Little Prairie on the House

Hard to See

He had a name that looked like an eye chart

Hi Times

Walmart greeters have Howdy duties

Verbiage

He’s so inarticulate, he lost a fight with his mother tongue

Head Lying

Headline – Revlon Creates Feb. 14 Makeup
Subtext – St. Valentine’s Day Mascara

O-B-C-T

Weight Watchers’ mantra – Fat Chants

Head Lying

Headline – Food Science Dept. Fails Audit
Subtext – No Accounting for Taste

Retired?

Thugs are people who quit working for good

Prezzies

What to give someone who has everything – Omnipresents

Translation

The Spanish word for cat should be ‘purrito’

Make an Offer

Ghosts in the market for real estate go house haunting

Boundairy

The outer space boundary is the margin of air 

Moolah

Rich Japanese are billyenaires

Verily

Biblical fortune tellers are Psalm readers

Fear Full

I used to be afraid of getting stoned, but now I’m boulder

Down South

When the doc said my prostate was healthy, I was deeply touched 

Podcast

Gardening lawyers favor justice of the peas

Zero Tolerance

If air travel drops further, we’ll have The Flying None

Nailed It

My photo fell. I now have an image to keep up

Sunken Treasure

Jimmy Hoffa’s murder won’t be solved without concrete evidence

Fly High

With butterflies, fluttery will get you everywhere

On Doody

Ironing cowboy shirts – howdy pressing

Scam Alert

That web site for free chickens is just cluck bait

Leg Show

The Queen of the Nile liked to show some leg, but Nefertiti

Sham on You

Placebo based trials are basically “trick or treatment”

Bill of Wrongs

You have a right to be stupid.  Don’t abuse the privilege 

Brewed Awakening

The Earl Grey delivery service flies through the air with the greatest of teas

Bottled Up

The medium Pepsi bottle was the Liter Of The Pack

If Then

In Turkey, they have Istanboolian logic

Cut Up

At the pizzeria, the best cutters are given the Piece Prize

Fishy

Minnows sound a little fishy to me

Big Bang

Musically, the Big Bang began with Beatle haircuts