One Liner

Reynolds is good for a wrap session

The wine-drinking puppet was known as Pinot-cchio 

Does digging music turn you into a sound burier?

Depressing is what comes after delaundry

Isn’t “Rocky Mountains” redundant?

STEM = Stop Texting Every Minute

Spanish postal carriers are from Parcelona

The Earl Grey delivery service flies through the air with the greatest of teas

The Beatles made a lot of harmoney

Kids who go to numerous churches see lots of premarital sects

On no-pants day in England, London’s britches are falling down 

The final exam in my weaving class is looming

The haunted house door is the startling point for the party

Talented pirates fly the Skill and Crossbones

Velcro is a ripoff 

I quit my job at the cat shelter because they reduced meowers

The nudist colony is in the middle of no wear

An Italian slum is a spaghetto

Workaholics are missing inaction 

Constipation is diabowelical

Coffee plantation workers are grounds keepers

A broken can opener is a can’t opener

Old Navy opens early and clothes late

Grooming rabbits involves hare styling

Circus clowns often socially diss tents

Headline – Mudslide Hits Nebraska Home
Subtext – Little Prairie on the House

The pine’s work was all for knot

When I accidentally kicked on third down, it was no punt intended

Headline – Geology Group Plans Research Trip
Subtext – Sedimental Journey

Pulses advance when advances are not repulsed

Headline – Massage Parlor Offers Degree
Subtext – Feeled Biology

With butterflies, fluttery will get you everywhere

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from

Headline – New Fish Finder Patented
Subtext – Herring Aid

The janitor’s union is calling for sweeping reforms 

Box office proceeds are play money

That comedian will never be convicted of man’s laughter

He was so illiterate, he prostated himself

Home Depot is a carpenter’s nail salon

Flightless birds are unflappable

A Shakespearean nativity scene set in MacBethlehem

Barbers are shearholders

A high rise pig home is a styscraper

Yoga studio name – Bend Back and Beyond

Fencing people have a lot touché

Free range chickens are a bonus with every oven

Kardashians have big carears

With Christmas coming, it’s time to brush up on your buyology

People afraid of Christmas are Noel cowards

Ponzi was a pyramid Earther

Having multiple dentists may leave you with mixed fillings 

Mathematicians at Halloween celebrate Trig or Treat

Boxing in Helsinki is a fight to the Finnish

Old English royalty preferred Tudor sedans

I was shocked by the difference between a battery of tests and a test of batteries

Flags have been raised, according to pole watchers 

Snake towels are labeled Hers and Hiss

My sister’s talkative husband is my blather in law 

A great dinner is one in a meallion

The guy who complained about the hot dogs was an Oscar Mayer whiner

On the Titanic, all hull broke loose

Reno has a bettor idea

My favorite joke search engine? Giggle

Two familiar quotations are known as a Bartlett pair 

An ex-husband is a wasband

The bust of Julius Caesar was a head of its time

Hair conditioner users are either haves or have knots 

Walmart greeters have Howdy duties

Bingo players have seen it all B4

I’m not sure how I wound up in the clock museum

Spiders and mice make up the eek-o-system

The dentist who pulled my tooth got it, molarless

Rocky was a role with the punches

The ocean is hard to fathom

With avian disease, it’s the early worm that gets the bird

My rabbit stew has a hare in it

I’m done with arranging my hair, combpletely

Placebo based trials are basically “trick or treatment”

I have a big food fatish

My tic-tacs are in mint condition

Spamish flu is caused by junk email

The military police chief is the Searchin’ General 

A texting driver is a carred reader

Pediatricians have very little patients

What is Averagecalifragilisticexpialidociousness?

A COVID vaccine is good to put in the coughers

Do-it-yourself electronics store – Ohm Depot

Grouchy people have baditudes

The Maytag Repairman is an agitator

Senior citizens old on for dear life

People using Yiddish expressions are oysters

Cutting grass helps maintain lawn order

Imagination is beyond the imagination of the unimaginative

The wise man got sentenced for myrrhder

Asthma: the wheezin’ for the season 

When you work in a hay field, you bail before you quit

Eating sheep cheese makes me feta

The stomach medicine thief took KleptoBismol

Jimmy Hoffa’s murder won’t be solved without concrete evidence

People mocking poor people are guilty of insult and bettery

Photoshop is good at photo synthesis

Great line – “I miss you like an idiot misses the point”

To a farmer, a pig is a squeal of fortune 

Praying is a form of knee-mail

He thought he was wrong and he was right

Our water polio team loses every game it plays

Lactose intolerant people blame udders for their problem

Headline – Dairy farmers celebrate at local pub
Subtext – A Round About Whey

I know nothing about Ignorance Awareness Month

Mermaids wash their fins with Tide

Muvon – something to get when you’ve been sitting too long

After I trimmed the plants, they said to me, “Eucalyptus”

In LA, beachgoers do SoCal distancing

At coin operated slot machines, they need change for the bettor

Pig artists work with pen and oink

Headline – War Protesters Adopt French Strategy
Subtext – Peace de Resistance

Taking a break from salad is a Romaine Holiday

Dog diseases can sometimes be heartworming 

I can’t afford the down payment on a new pillow

Is there any other kind of telepathy besides mental?

Farmers have detractors. They also have deplows

Wind chimes are a pretty sound investment

If air travel drops further, we’ll have The Flying None

Bondage book for lovers – “Beau Ties”

Chocoholics are cocoa nuts

Viagra is marketed to hillbillies as “Mount an’ Do”

Another submarine manufacturer has gone under

The old woman in the shoe’s boyfriend is her sole mate

Does abstinence makes the church grow fondlers?

Cops are blue color workers 

Writing “Walla Walla” is stereotyping

Using old Macintosh fonts is a Geneva convention 

Gardening lawyers favor justice of the peas

Headline – Anatomical Find Distresses Theologians
Subtext – God Only Nose

Headline – Ancient Pig Cloned
Subtext – Jurassic Pork

The Catholic church accepts donations through papal

Our noisy parents would often raucous to sleep 

HIV in the ocean causes mermaids

Lumberjacks have don’t have many chopping days til Christmas

Viking pharmacists practiced pillaging

The arsonist got a lighter sentence

Headline – Obese People Die Sooner
Subtext – Hazardous Waist

A punny for your thoughts

The Mt. Rushmore sculptor was a George Washington Carver

Beaver suburbs are out in the sticks

The stolen bag thief’s trial was a brief case

High humidity provides a lot of mist opportunities

When gambling is outlawed, only outlaws will be abetting

Cowboys should be upholstered with their guns 

Eating uranium gives you a tomic ache

A prison is also a guardin’ center

Knowing when to buy U.S. Steel is metal telepathy

Why there aren’t any good side effects?

The longest punctuation mark – the hundred yard dash 

Charles Schulz’s auto is in the shop for cartooning

To touch the electrical line, there is a small charge

People trade corn futures on the stalk market

Shoes are soled in pairs

I buy deer meat from The Merchant of Venison 

French gamers use a joie stick

Garfield’s favorite movie is Catsablanca

Absolutes are never true

A creepy Pokeman will Pikachu showering

The streaker gave his friend a bare hug

A urinal cake is a piscuit 

Removing references to previous events is a historyectomy

Tankers are big floatocean devices

An econoclast tears down beliefs cheaply 

Headline – Revlon Creates Feb. 14 Makeup
Subtext – St. Valentine’s Day Mascara

Playing Beatles music loudly on the bus – bad etiquette to ride

Churches are fueled by soular energy

Saliva is a word that rolls off the tongue

New hospital drama – “Sicks in the City”

Senior citizens enjoy their reclining years

Birds in Valdez, AK wake up oily every morning

Teetotalers take the path of yeast resistance

Headline – Bo Derek Gives Rules for Living
Subtext – The “10” Commandments

The old protestor’s youth was just a dissident memory

Fishermen need angler management classes

In parachute school, you drop out when you graduate