One Liner

Hot Stuff

Depressing is what comes after delaundry


Spanish postal carriers are from Parcelona

Brewed Awakening

The Earl Grey delivery service flies through the air with the greatest of teas


I didn’t save money for a trip to Mexico, so now I  Can’tcun

Biting Remark

Kids who go to numerous churches see lots of premarital sects

Give me a Belt

On no-pants day in England, London’s britches are falling down 

Text Aisles

The final exam in my weaving class is looming

Spook Doubt

The haunted house door is the startling point for the party


Talented pirates fly the Skill and Crossbones


I quit my job at the cat shelter because they reduced meowers


Workaholics are missing inaction 

In a Fix

A broken can opener is a can’t opener

Head Lying

Headline – Mudslide Hits Nebraska Home
Subtext – Little Prairie on the House

Footing the Ball

When I accidentally kicked on third down, it was no punt intended

Head Lying

Headline – Geology Group Plans Research Trip
Subtext – Sedimental Journey

Head Lying

Headline – Massage Parlor Offers Degree
Subtext – Feeled Biology

Fly High

With butterflies, fluttery will get you everywhere

Turning Deaf Ears

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from

Head Lying

Headline – New Fish Finder Patented
Subtext – Herring Aid

Broom Brigade

The janitor’s union is calling for sweeping reforms 

Die Laughing

That comedian will never be convicted of man’s laughter


He was so illiterate, he prostated himself

Economics Too

With Christmas coming, it’s time to brush up on your buyology

Blade Runner

Lawngevity – The number of days you can go between mowings


Cuteness is a brush with the awww


People afraid of Christmas are Noel cowards

Drill Down

Having multiple dentists may leave you with mixed fillings 

Anode That

I was shocked by the difference between a battery of tests and a test of batteries

Old Gory

Flags have been raised, according to pole watchers 


My sister’s talkative husband is my blather in law 

Eat Treat

A great dinner is one in a meallion

Whine and Dine

The guy who complained about the hot dogs was an Oscar Mayer whiner


The Spanish word for cat should be ‘purrito’

Tangled Tale

Hair conditioner users are either haves or have knots 

Hi Times

Walmart greeters have Howdy duties

Tick Talk

I’m not sure how I wound up in the clock museum

Roto Rooter

The dentist who pulled my tooth got it, molarless


With avian disease, it’s the early worm that gets the bird


My rabbit stew has a hare in it

Sham on You

Placebo based trials are basically “trick or treatment”

Unwedded Bliss

Old ladies who never marry, but like word play are spunsters

A Long Word

What is Averagecalifragilisticexpialidociousness?

Oy Vey

People using Yiddish expressions are oysters


Cutting grass helps maintain lawn order

Think About It

Imagination is beyond the imagination of the unimaginative

Aller Jeez

Asthma: the wheezin’ for the season 

Straw Man

When you work in a hay field, you bail before you quit

Steaked Out

McDonald’s new T-bone dinner is a big McSteak

Think Pink

The stomach medicine thief took KleptoBismol

Sunken Treasure

Jimmy Hoffa’s murder won’t be solved without concrete evidence

Missed Manners

People mocking poor people are guilty of insult and bettery

Pork Barrel

To a farmer, a pig is a squeal of fortune 


He thought he was wrong and he was right

That’s a Wrap

A Chinese lady bought Indian clothing, so it’s Hu’s sari now 

Iron Lug

Our water polio team loses every game it plays

Milking It

Lactose intolerant people blame udders for their problem

Head Lying

Headline – Dairy farmers celebrate at local pub
Subtext – A Round About Whey

Blank Slate

I know nothing about Ignorance Awareness Month

Sea Foam

Mermaids wash their fins with Tide

Big Discount

People who die for low prices are known as Walmartyrs

Idle Time

Muvon – something to get when you’ve been sitting too long

Cutting Back

After I trimmed the plants, they said to me, “Eucalyptus”

Coined Phrase

At coin operated slot machines, they need change for the bettor

Head Lying

Headline – War Protesters Adopt French Strategy
Subtext – Peace de Resistance


Dog diseases can sometimes be heartworming 


Is there any other kind of telepathy besides mental?

Zero Tolerance

If air travel drops further, we’ll have The Flying None


Viagra is marketed to hillbillies as “Mount an’ Do”


The mocking humor of a clever knight is known as sircasm


Does abstinence makes the church grow fondlers?


That famous young forest female’s name will go down in nymphamy


Gardening lawyers favor justice of the peas

Head Lying

Headline – Anatomical Find Distresses Theologians
Subtext – God Only Nose

Head Lying

Headline – Ancient Pig Cloned
Subtext – Jurassic Pork

Holy Gee

The Catholic church accepts donations through papal

Rock Star

Our noisy parents would often raucous to sleep 


Lumberjacks have don’t have many chopping days til Christmas

Rx Wrecks

Viking pharmacists practiced pillaging

Head Lying

Headline – Obese People Die Sooner
Subtext – Hazardous Waist

Face It

The Mt. Rushmore sculptor was a George Washington Carver

Unhappy Glider

The unhappy glider pilot who finished the race last was a soar loser

Dew Tell

High humidity provides a lot of mist opportunities


Eating uranium gives you a tomic ache

Auntie Dote

My father’s brother who drinks too much is my druncle

Shocking News

To touch the electrical line, there is a small charge

I Ear You

People trade corn futures on the stalk market

Shake Spear

I buy deer meat from The Merchant of Venison 


A creepy Pokeman will Pikachu showering


Removing references to previous events is a historyectomy

Low Budget

An econoclast tears down beliefs cheaply 

Head Lying

Headline – Revlon Creates Feb. 14 Makeup
Subtext – St. Valentine’s Day Mascara

She Sad, She Sad

Playing Beatles music loudly on the bus – bad etiquette to ride

Who Nose?

Nostrildamus – a seer who predicts plastic surgery results

ICU There

New hospital drama – “Sicks in the City”


Senior citizens enjoy their reclining years

Head Lying

Headline – Bo Derek Gives Rules for Living
Subtext – The “10” Commandments


The old protestor’s youth was just a dissident memory

Money Tox

A golddigger is a will-oiled machine

Think Pink

The stomach medicine thief took KleptoBismol


Male chickens in England = rorcesters

Hot Rod

A carjacker is a pirate of the Car I Be In


People afraid of Christmas are Noel cowards

Raging Aging

The hair dye shortage will make America grayed again

Numbers Game

For some, algebra is a mathematical mystery tour