Fruit scientists publish in pear-reviewed journals
iDidn’t
Apple’s new portable high priced device is called iPaid
See a random verse: Limericks | Lyrics Science | Lyrics Non-Science | Silly | Silly Long
Apple’s new portable high priced device is called iPaid
I’d do my own taxes, but I’m not Intuit
Tesla buyers prefer current models
Reruns are deja viewed
Dear John letters show that absence makes the heart go yonder
The aardvark leads the annual list of animals list
Headline – Revlon Creates Feb. 14 Makeup
Subtext – St. Valentine’s Day Mascara
Vegetarian shenanigans are tofu-lery
Coffee plantation workers are grounds keepers
In the ocean, love is brined
Bingo players have seen it all B4
Ancient Trojans were a condom nation
Shoes are soled in pairs
Headline – Monster Grows Beer Belly
Subtext – Abdominal Snowman
With alcoholism, people suffer bottle-y Harm
Curling irons offer permanent solutions to hairy problems
Hippies were hairy pot-ters
Tears – hydraulic power capable of moving the hardest heart
Gardeners like spring mower and mower
I’m so helpless, I can’t find the self-help section of the bookstore
Grooming rabbits involves hare styling
Cancer patients aren’t happy with their current cell provider
My flowers caught a fungus from the STD florist
If it goes off without a hitch, is it still a wedding?
In Turkey, they have Istanboolian logic
New anti-social network – Get Out of My Facebook
A hypnotist is a tranceformer
Fake African news is propuganda
Multi-story shopping malls are sell towers
Great name for a plumbing business: “Seepless in Seattle”
New hospital drama – “Sicks in the City”
My unfinished novel is a half-booked idea
My cat makes me wonder. It’s a siamuse
Drummers are very cymbal minded
The country singer who forgot to shave – Woolly Nelson
Every cloud has a server lining
A string bikini is the bottom line
Reynolds is good for a wrap session
The Restafarian’s hairstyle is something to be dreaded
Income tax time involves the Declaration of Dependents
The minister was fired for having a bad beatitude
The military police chief is the Searchin’ General
The dessert thief is now in custardy
Twelve procrastinators comprise a dozen’t
The old protestor’s youth was just a dissident memory
Dracula is looking for his necks victim
People who arrange those dried flower things are old growth florists
My back doctor writes in chiroglyphics
Long hikes are really wanderful
A cutting edge doberman is an avant-garde dog
There are no recipes for leftover chocolate
Kids born today are Baby Zoomers
The animal science singles bar is good for meating
Headline – Spielberg Buys Telephone Company
Subtext – ET&T
Ponzi was a pyramid Earther
My hamburger business got started from the ground up
Laughter is the best thing for your health, short of insurance
The Subway web site is the URL of Sandwich
Fay Wray biography? – “The Kong and I”
My dog is Halloween at the moon
Musically, the Big Bang began with Beatle haircuts
A mermaid is a lady in wading
To get away from a falling tree, use the fir escape
Merchants report drones are flying off the shelves
To a farmer, a pig is a squeal of fortune
Income tax is capital punishment
The Washington football team is dropping the word “Washington” because it is too embarrassing
He didn’t make it to the casino because he didn’t have the Vegas idea
Mating curds are sexual feta cheeses
Referees are fight attendants
Bankers need someone to lien on
Our noisy parents would often raucous to sleep
At the pizzeria, the best cutters are given the Piece Prize
Wines that never age are made from Dorian Grape
My dog makes such a mess, I need a heavy doodie cleaner
Procrastinators are wait watchers
Spanish postal carriers are from Parcelona
The sneaky virus Covid its tracks
I know nothing about Ignorance Awareness Month
Veterinarians are Dogtors
I didn’t understand introspection until I took a long, hard look at myself
When it comes to COVID, Americans are fattening the curve
GreenPeace thinks you should respect your alders
Headline – War Protesters Adopt French Strategy
Subtext – Peace de Resistance
Workaholics are missing inaction
It goes without saying that “It goes without saying” doesn’t go without saying
A Playtex on the clothesline in the sun is hanging out in bra daylight
Good golf greens are for the birdies
Knotification – one step in making a tree
Isn’t ‘fast food’ an oxymoron?
When I was young, I had to walk 10 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel
For some, marijuana treatments are a medi-sin
A divorce court can offer affair trial
Marijuana smoking pigeons have high coos
A Mexican ghost is “No Weigh, Jose”
A great dinner is one in a meallion
Seeds of attraction get planted in magnetic fields
Ocean organisms using biting humor are being sharkastic
A Chinese lady bought Indian clothing, so it’s Hu’s sari now
Isn’t “Rocky Mountains” redundant?
Self-employed people mind their own business
Piano recitals leave me sad – too many keys depressed
Two elephants in a pond are swimming trunks
Editors have rewording careers
Headline – Obese People Die Sooner
Subtext – Hazardous Waist
My computer-literate dog is a Power Pointer
The dreadful outdoor party was a fete worse than death
Mongolia had its pros and Khans
English major’s breakfast – eggs over easily
The explosion at the herb store was a thyme bomb
Photoshop is good at photo synthesis
The Beatles made a lot of harmoney
Facebook is clique bait
Planes that fly backward and forward are palindrones
Guinevere’s date with Lancelot was a knight to remember
A sand child is a son of a beach
My favorite joke search engine? Giggle
Teetotalers take the path of yeast resistance
Bad poets commit rhymes against humanity
Time wasters are clock suckers
I think of Frank Zappa whenever I microwave a hotdog
Food cooked in a pita pan never gets old
Raining cats and dogs isn’t as bad as hailing taxis
A loba is at the bottom of an eara
People afraid of leading are powerds
Astronauts are whirled travelers
Trains find it hard to express themselves
Headline – Televangelist Preaches to Prostitute
Subtext – Sermon on the Mount
The brightest ancient people were the Neonderthals
Non-pro hot dog eating competitors are amachewers
Headline – Patrons Adjust to Waiter Strike
Subtext – More Forced Bussing
Vacation bills remind you to cut down on suites
My cow’s phone has a mooed ring
I have a big food fatish
The older I get, the more I see people dressing me with their eyes
When a chef dies, mourners say “Recipes”
When it comes to pandemics, we’ve got that COVID
An angry ocean is fit to be tide
Ibuprofanity – what you say when your Advil doesn’t work
Rocky was a role with the punches
Is there any other kind of telepathy besides mental?
Wheels are highway rubbery
Spamish flu is caused by junk email
McDonald’s new T-bone dinner is a big McSteak
Antique clocks with no hands are timeless masterpieces
Lumberjacks are a bunch of hackers
At New Year’s, we communicate through Auld Lang Syne language
Viagra is a hard pill to swallow
Before the 19th amendment, everything was vote by male
Headline – Dairy farmers celebrate at local pub
Subtext – A Round About Whey
Headline – Another Recall for U.S. Automaker
Subtext – Chrysler Imperil
My new scarecrow is a no-brainer
I’m the worst person in the world at avoiding hyperbole
My work as a phlebotomist is a part time jab
A good horror film has cringe benefits
Stubborn old people go to resisted living
Fruit scientists publish in pear-reviewed journals
Obesity runs in his family because no one runs in his family.
The thickness of my book is a long story
Bar-B-Cue pork is served at pignics
Skydivers solve problems by troublechuting
Male chickens in England = rorcesters
To touch the electrical line, there is a small charge
Dead Big Macs go to Burgertory
If the guy who anticipated modern computing saw modern computing, he’d be Turing in his grave
Headline – Food Science Dept. Fails Audit
Subtext – No Accounting for Taste
The manager of the Ore-Ida Little League team is a coach potato
A poor economy is one way to close the Gap
Junk food consumers are eatiots
Eating sheep cheese makes me feta
I tried one of those mail-order bride services and now I can’t wait for my Czech in the mail
A non-functioning skunk is out of odor
Prison entrepreneurs are sell mates
Hamster messages are often gerbiled
Jewish nudists celebrate bare mitzvah
Walmart greeters have Howdy duties
Kids who go to numerous churches see lots of premarital sects
What does ACRONYM stand for?
The final exam in my weaving class is looming
Idaho highways have a spud limit
He made his TV paranoid by watching it all the time
The politician was so fat, he could only walk for office
Lawngevity – The number of days you can go between mowings
The bust of Julius Caesar was a head of its time
Divorce is the high cost of loving
Headline – Circus Hires French Midget
Subtext – Wee Monsieur
Circus clowns often socially diss tents
Chefs are panhandlers
The Origami Society sees its membership in creasing
Paying with a credit card is a buy pass operation
Old fishermen get cirrhosis of the river
Overpopulation means extra terrestrials
Do liars get sent to court forgery duty?
Dogwood sticks fetch themselves
A three-foot aardvark is a yardvark
Egotists are me-deep in conversation
Obsession with shopping can be all consuming
The Mt. Rushmore sculptor was a George Washington Carver
My rabbit stew has a hare in it
Perfect name for a cat – Schrodinger
Fruit scientists publish in pear-reviewed journals
Referees are fight attendants
Visine = sore eye assist
When I asked what inconsequential meant, they said it wasn’t important
The best ones at being lazy get atrophy
The brightest ancient people were the Neonderthals
A tug of war is an awful apulling idea
My dog makes such a mess, I need a heavy doodie cleaner