Silly

THE MORSE CODE you don’t see much now
Though once it got used lots
Each time a message would arrive
They’d say HERE COME DOTS

Causing all kinds
Of unnecessary strife
The board game thief
Got Life

Walmart is closing on Thanksgiving Day
And it isn’t being done randomly
Instead they’re letting self-checkers
Spend the day with their family

Time keeps slipping away from me
Where it goes, I haven’t a clue
But I need to lay my hands on it
There’s so many things do

So, if you should find it
Would you, please
Send it quickly
Back to me?

I could use it

Our local funeral home
Made their rival a business target
By acting to buy them out
They hoped to coroner the market

The local tea shop
Has quite a throng
Too many choices
Can’t we all get oolong?

It wasn’t meteors
Or hanging out in bars
What killed T. rex
Was Dino SARS

He thought his thinking
Had great rigor,
But sadly,
All it had was mortis

In a previous life
I was me
That’s just how boring
I tend to be

She strove to be a beauty queen
She primped, she preened, she fussed
But didn’t get too far, it seems
They crowned her “Miss The Bus”

Making dinner last night
I erred again
The meat was too frozen
Not a well thawed out plan

A paper bag
Said to his wife
“I’m glad we have”
“A good sacks life”

Engagement rings are kneel diamonds

The organ donor thinking of
The operation shivered
For when it all was over
He knew he’d be delivered

When the Vatican gets a new Pope
They say it’s not a joke
Yet they announce the decision
Using holy smoke

When it comes to self-improvement
I have come to deduce
That some work hard to find a way
The rest find an excuse

That seamstress’s jokes
Are borderline ethereal
And never seem to end
She’s got plenty of material

My advice for aspiring writers
Is to the point, not vague
Whatever you do, it’s important to
Avoid cliches, like the plague

The worm in RFK, Jr’s brain
Made for a serious condition
Fortunately, it died
Of malnutrition

Whether it’s expressing existential pain
Or standing puzzled at the office door
The question asked is still the same
“What did I come here for?”

Italian car defects
Oh oh
Their recalls are such
A Fiatsco

In Hawaii, I hear
When tourism’s off
It always means
Many lei-offs

If a ghost is what
You aim to please
Then onto its bagel
Put scream cheese

When you’re having a kid
Nothing is as nice as
Not having to worry
About a midwife crisis

That glass making company
Of which I spoke
I’m sad to say
Is very broke

What’s happened to the written word?
It’s on its way out, it seems
Destroyed by people most absurd
Who communicate with memes

I thought I got the only one
When I bought my antique
But there must be another one
If it is MOST UNIQUE

When Lenin picked his nose
In front of a Russian lass
She declared the reason for it was
Communists have no class

That present for Dr. Who
Is really worth seeing
The card on it says
“For the time being”

Our upstairs storage
Borders on erratic
My wife describes it
As “problem attic”

Though loftiness is what
Their travel evokes
Flight attendants really
Are just plane folks

This verse is for
The lowly ant
For which there are many things I could say, but it would be hard to write them while maintaining good meter
So I shan’t

Whenever you want to give up
After a major crisis
It’s time to get up off your butt
And renew your thriver’s license

My view of the Andy Griffith Show
Is now destroyed
Ron Howard’s little brother
Was an opioid

I’ve said it before
And I’ll say it again
Dad joke tellers
Are groan men

State Farm Insurance has a guy
Who’ll cover your home base
If you require his services
Go ask for Justin Case

The famous Dracula
Is tantamount
To being a
Red blood cell count

Eddie Money
Paid the price
Used half his tickets
To paradise

My running numbers
Are the worst
And I end up
With an awful 3rst

His mood ring’s lost
No need to doubt it
But he doesn’t know
How he feels about it

I’m guessing that
Your valentine glow
Results from lots of
X-O-X-O-X-O

It was a grill
The doll fell to
So it got cooked
A Barbie Q

The four L’s to life
I truly believe
Are simply to
Live, laugh, love, and leave

My spaniel’s not adopted
Don’t look at me agog
Because the fact of the matter is
She’s my biological dog

When humor gets poetic
With wordplay every line
It’s certainly true then
That punishment fits the crhyme

Though I clearly
Stated wishes
No one ever
Did the dishes

Now that Jerry Lee Lewis
Has packed his bags and gone
You know for sure he has no more
Shakin’ going on

The entrepreneur who has a cow
Will milk it hard, my son
In order to get enough money
To buy a second one

Why am I me?
Some say God
Decided my id
Should be od

In Russia, fans
Are awfully batty
Cheering for
The Moscow Patties

And back in France
It’s really odd
Their holy water
Is called “Eau, my god”

Some people have
Eating snobbery
To them a diet’s
High weigh robbery

For positive thinking
This philosophical man
Helps if you’re sinking –
Emmanuel Kan

“Of course, I love you”
That’s what he said
Lying in bed
Lying in bed

Origami love
Is never ceasing
In fact, I’d say that
It’s in creasing

Here’s my advice
Most unbeatable
It’s that bird flu
Is very tweetable

I guess I should say
After that cinnamon roll
That confection is really
Good for the soul

“Too much phone use”
My doc’s diagnosis
Seems I’ve contracted
Scrolliosis

Play with matches
You’ll get burnt
A very important
Thing I learnt

Kiss of Life
She started the Eternal Life Institute
With one major goal
For it to be known as
The Center for Decease Control

The credit union gave me a job
And offered many perks
But it was bad because I had
Lost interest in my work

I hear The Eagles may tour again
To that, I’d like to go
I wonder if they’re gonna appear
On the America’s Got Talons show

What is the world to a car?
A highway that goes very far
It’s pavement and shoulder
But unless you drive bolder
You simply can smile at radar

Santa Claus said
Time’s of the essence
If he’ll be able
To share his presence

I like my meditation
I like reciting chants
And when I do deep breathing
It’s just my yoga pants

Two rainy days are always followed by a Monday

Free advice is worth every penny

The fool’s kiss worked because the kiss fooled her

If there is safety in numbers, why are there letters in safety?

It was a fatal mistake – mooning a werewolf

Tulsa spelled backwards is “a slut”

In a gesture
Towards grammarians, I have to assume
Dr. Seuss’s classic has been retitled
“Horton Hears a Whom”

My luggage has personality
So I try to give it space
And every time it says it’s tired
I rest my case

Unless it is electricity
It makes no sense to me
How anyone could talk about
The CURRENT HISTORY

He complains about her night and day
And never does respect her
I guess that must be why they say
He’s an unconscientious objector

I know I’ve added
Pounds replete
When I put on
My swimming suite

The guillotine operator
Takes his orders
From the place that’s known as
Headquarters

I like to belong
I’m here to report
And my lovely wife
Prefers to beshort

‘Mongst Halloween fans
There is a big schism
Some love the witches
Others Boodism

Not covering your nose when you sneeze
Is such a major annoyance
Especially in these COVID times
You must avoid phlegm buoyance

I’d hoped to go to Ecuador
But now I’ve changed my plan
Because it just occurred to me
A non-stop flight won’t land

I started to paint a picture
But painted a song instead
And now I cannot get
The sad song from my head

This happens all the time to me
It really isn’t news
I need to stop making pictures
Using only the blues

A man found out
His overweight cause
Turns out his satellite dish
Picks up more than he does

A marathon
Would be much fun
I hope to do one
In the long run

When salons reopened recently
One thing you can be sure
Is that everyone who entered
Was racing for the manicure

I do confess
That I was shocked
Hearing bad clergymen
Get defrocked

In baseball now
The latest craze is
Slide effects from
Stealing bases

She’s in love with her mirror
A relationship without end
But with a problem –
It only wants to be friends

Coal miners really
Get goose bumps
Each day as they
Take their lumps

I believe in alcohol
On religion, I’m aloof
The diff between the two of them?
Alcohol has proof

I’m not sure how this happened
But to me it now appears
My birthday rate’s increasing
Advancing in dog years

I used to drink cheap beer one time
I confess if I am asked
But now it won’t be in my stein
Because what’s past is Pabst

For English mothers
It’s absurd
Remember that
“Mum’s” the word

Aussie nerds
Are computer wonders
Because they’re from
A LAN down under

When they shipped snails
From France, you know
The ship was labeled
SS Cargot

And finally, when I die
From some godawful affliction
I’m planning on leaving my body
To science fiction

The flower merchant’s schedule
Is irregular, no doubt
As a result, he’s very hard to find
Some daisies in. Some daisies out

When it comes to aspirations
Aiming high is quite the boon
Remember no one ever heard
Of the cow jumping under the moon

Maybe eating slices
Of peanut butter and jelly
Are better than magic brownies
Just look at your pot belly

Astronauts on the moon
Will be in a fix
Cuz blood suckers there
Are luna ticks

The pastry chef’s got problems
His boss has been alerted
There’s trouble in the kitchen
For this, is he desserted?

The martial arts
Affect my stance
Consider the black belt
Holding up my pants

Age is just a number
No big deal
Unless it’s a big one
Then it’s real

Poison III will kill you
It really is a bitch
Poison IV is different
It only makes you itch

Scientists say
It’s best for you
To think of clones
As people two

My plans for a spice garden
Are sadly gone cuz I’m
Unable to go and plant it
I do not have the thyme

They say that he’s
A non-violent activist
But he didn’t strike me
As a pacifist

He is a very picky
Grammarian guy
Who insists that AI
Should instead be An I

I love my one story house
Don’t give me static
It keeps me from having
A panic attic

He was said to be open minded
And was that without a doubt
Which, of course, is an explanation
For how his knowledge leaked out

In King Arthur’s day
The wizards knew quite well
That you would lose your job
If you couldn’t spell

When the gallery caught
On fire I learned
They had a bad case
Of art burn

Need to cash a check in a Cuban bank?
No go, and it’s not fair
They will not do it for you unless
You Havana count there

I bought some cheapo circuit breakers
I know that I can use
The deal was really great, you know
An offer I can’t refuse

Consider the wisdom
Of pastor Hal
For church donations
He’s got PrayPal

Mansplainers think
They’re speaking factually
When they say water
Is from a “Well, actually . . ”

Prepping for the Olympics dusk to dawn
The relay team committed
To trying a new baton
It was a good idea
So they ran with it

They called him an artist
Beyond compare
But he denied it knowing
He’d have to draw the line somewhere

The muffler shop has one big sign
It really is quite stunning
“No Need For You To Phone Ahead”
“Cuz We Can Hear You Coming”

“School Truancy” is long to read
But it is time well spent
Or so its author said to us
His name? Marcus Absent

The secret to a donut
With staying power
Is the main ingredient –
Hole wheat flour

Armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers
Have been joined by something worse
It’s likely you have heard of them
The “Internet Experts”

Every time
I see a meme
I feel like I
Could screme

Exxon is aware of
What it can sell
That’s why they say
“Oil’s well that ends well”

The colander app I downloaded
Has left me just complaining
Cuz every time I use it
My battery starts draining

Disneyland
Some parents grouse
Is a people trap
Set by a mouse

Now if you ask him nicely
He’ll kill you with a roar
I guess that is what happens when
There is a CIVIL WAR

In the garden club
They all agreed
Basil should be
The number one seed

Old tree surgeons
I’m not sure how
Never die
They just take a bough

The Dodgers had a manager
Tommy Lasorda was his name
And now he has been kicked out of
His very final game

Two great doctors
Had a celebration
For fixing my knee
In a joint operation

For my reclining chair
I am a maniac
That’s because it and I
Go way back

I made a mistake eating horse meat
Even though I like it lots
Because after having it in a stew
I got the trots

It’s purely human nature
I realize it’s true
That folks are much more open
To those they are close to

Some say raising kids is a walk in the park
Excuse me for being sarcastic
That’s true except for just one part
It’s missing the word Jurassic

My wife saw me talking
To an optical illusion one night
She accused me of cheating
But I said it’s not what it looks like

A Girl Scout flitting
Amongst the commotion
Is another example
Of Brownie in Motion

My skull’s the best one
I could find
I really like
This frame of mind

The teacher working in the class
Is feeling rather jaded
Because the principal stated that
She now has been downgraded

Happy tater in the ground
Get ready for a heads up
One day you’re gonna find yourself
Fried and smeared with ketchup

Alas, Vreneli
We love your shows
From curtains up
Until the close

But we’ll be gone
And therefore beg
Please accept our wishes
To “Break a leg”

I’ve discovered how to slow
Aging at will
By tying its advance
To a Congressional bill

My friends are returning to nature
They know it will be rough
I don’t think that they should though
Nature has suffered enough

Isaac Newton
Watching apples deduced
Gravity is something
Mass produced

And what’s with the J?
As in jet, I’m not jokin’
It means MARIJUANA
Is always mis-spoken

On Vancouver Island,
Winning plans
Are made by all the
Victoria’s Secret fans

My Montreal friend
Is quite the guy
But has a problem
He drank Canada Dry

Yeast of our Worries
Two chunks of bread
With love perverse
Went and eloafed
For butter or worse

I’m all in favor of artisans
And objects they amass
But one thing I don’t understand
“Hand blown glass”?

A teenager wouldn’t pick up her clothes
She was a tidy-phobe
So her mom referred to the messy pile
As her floordrobe

From a parachute
My buddy swings
He’s really good
At pulling strings

Making thermometers
For work’s very odd
But I’m not concerned
It’s only a temp job

A rope’s a rope, a string’s a string
Distinctive and discrete
Because of this, it’s often said
“Never the twine shall meet”

Though the honeycomb film
To me was quite groovy
The critics complained
It was a bee movie

My career as an artist
Is in the tank
I was working on a bullet
But drew a blank

A motor home
Is really great
An investment in
Wheel estate

I’m feeling very buff today
Of this there is no doubt
Because inside that store just now
A cashier checked me out

Our President was fond of Bach
The music and its drama
And that is why they say he was
The great Baroque Obama

The shrink involved with his patient
Just got slapped on the wrist
For unprofessional behavior
By having a psychiatryst

A very important liquid fact
That everyone should know
Is alcoholics are sponges
That don’t fill with H2O

It’s neither Rome
Nor Scottish Highlands
Modern TVs
Prefer remote islands

Edison and Tesla
Their blood was bad
Simply due to
The power struggle they had

Together my chickens
All were grouped
But now they’re lost
Can’t be recouped