Silly

Respiratory therapists
Almost never question
To them, TB or not TB
That’s the congestion

There was a poem I’d hoped to write
Of drying grapes when weather’s blazin’
But writer’s block and coolish nights
Left me here with no rhyme or raisin

The credit union gave me a job
And offered many perks
But it was bad because I had
Lost interest in my work

The old truck driver
Had to hire
A known high jacker
To fix his tire

Falling in love and falling apart
Is too much for some hearts
But don’t worry. If things get nasty
There’s always angioplasty

He hated it
And made a fuss
Each time they served
Despairagus

My whisky bottle was damaged
A part of it agape
But I was able to fix it
Using scotch tape

Van Gogh will likely not be there
There’s no way he’ll commit
In fact, when asked if he would come
He wouldn’t ‘ear of it

Problems seem greatest in anticipation
But keep in mind, for good measure
They aren’t any different in that regard
Than treasures

And tell me please if you think I
Am being too erratic
When I declare out loud that I
Am rather MILDLY ECSTATIC

As a driver’s ed instructor
On a career I am embarking
I’ve also got a backup plan
Parallel parking

My electrician sure
Was not amused
When he said, “Get breakers”
I refused

I like old measures
They’re never wrong
Sometimes in fashion
But not furlong

My hair stylist’s home
Away from home
Is a place that she calls
Shearlock Combs

Our President leads the country
Protecting me and you
And also is the work that many
Auto fixers do

The cloned octopi
Got some grins
When someone labeled them
iTentacle twins

I saw today
Some kind of vetch
Not being a botanist, though
I’m not sure wetch

The patriot Paul upon his horse
Alerted people plenty
I think it is the reason why
He was revered by many

I am a very thrifty sort
Or so my friends all say
Because I like to save my work
For a rainy day

Making an aardvark
Is not very hard
Mix one part vark
With one part aard

Of that cat
It has been written
She ate some yarn
And gave birth to mittens

The tiny space rock
Has some woes
After the collision
It’s cometose

A Lhaso Apso and a collie
Should I breed them? Perhaps so
I’d get a dog that I could fold
Since it would be a Collapso

Conducting orchestras
He was quite slick at
The kind of thing
You shake a stick at

I’ve spoiled the plot of Dorian Gray
Again, so I’ve been told
I must admit I enjoy doing that
It never, ever gets old

A Wheel of Fortune
Mascot’s right
For a team that’s called
The Havana Whites

I think by now that guy understands
The reason for all the buzz
He was late getting to his daughter’s birth
So, dad on arrival he was

Edible underwear’s
Getting quirky
Now they’re making
New brief jerky

In my garden, tiny snake
Hissing noises do you make
Go away now, on your own
And I will leave
Your home alone

The sewing book author
Clearly stated
Her writing was
Fabricated

He told her it was love at first sight
But to maximize his chances
He kept on taking
Second glances

Though I clearly
Stated wishes
No one ever
Did the dishes

That southerner
Just got persuaded
His swamp will be
Bayou degraded

The lady glared at me and asked
Was I some kind of crook?
It seems her watch was missing and
She had that timeless look

The Taiwan team
In actuality
Dominates
The Taipei Personalities

The Tinnitus Help line’s
Light is blinking
I hear their phone
Will not stop ringing

He thought he was getting ahead
Feeling fine
Til he realized what he had passed
Was his prime

Everything that
A soapmaker requires
Revolves around
Being a lyer

The mattress store
Never fail
Is having another
Spring sale

When it comes to evaporated milk
I ask myself, “why buy?”
It seems each one you open up
Would be completely dry

A seagull died unexpectedly
Now the other gulls are wary
After they read about the death
In its obeachuary

Toilet paper
Is hard to beat
It’s what ghosts use
After they sheet

The famous Dracula
Is tantamount
To being a
Red blood cell count

Whiskey sure helps
Folks to mingle
Cuz after a double
They feel single

Lot’s wife
Unless I’m mistaken
After her experience
Was shaken

X may ring
Elon Musk’s chimes
But for mathematicians
It’s just a sign of the times

An atheist
Can’t be ignored
Once they have cut
Their umbiblical cord

A slim chance and fat chance
Are the same, it’s the pits
But wise men and wise guys
Are exact opposites

The old cowboy said
He feared falling and then
Not being able
To giddyup again

Her snootiness shows
In the items she’s chosen
Preferring fresh ice
To the stuff that is frozen

Wise are the people with something to say
Who articulate with poise
Fools are people who have to say something
But gesticulate and make noise

It’s time to make up your mind
It really would be prudent
To be one or the other
Instead of a GRADUATE STUDENT

He’d really like to be a wit
But feels a great despair
Despite the best of efforts
He’s only halfway there

The guy who works on my car
Is the worst I’ve ever seen
Recently he was featured in
Unpopular Mechanics magazine

An agate landed on my mints
It’s good no one got hurt
And now I’m feeling just like Prince
With my own rock on Certs

Though loftiness is what
Their travel evokes
Flight attendants really
Are just plane folks

That poker player
Plotting hard
Is ready for the changing
Of the card

Here’s an image
I like oodles
Cannibals eating
Raw men noodles

The chimney sweep
Knew what to do
Called in today
Sick with the flue

Shipboard barbecues
Are very thrilling
Perhaps because of
Offshore grilling

The stationmaster’s kids
Are quite ingrained
I guess that’s cuz they’re
So well trained

Living in the real world
Isn’t very nice
If you’re used to being
A bird of paradise

When the tournament got rained out
It was an occasion
To give each child a trophy
For precipitation

The doctor’s message
Was my worst fear
She said I was deaf
That was difficult to hear

Some info going ‘round the town
Is very hard to quell
It is an OPEN SECRET
That you are free to tell

My little dog
Was a kooky klutz
So I neutered him
Now he’s less nuts

I saw today is Opposite Day
As soon as I’d arisen
It is the time when what usually is
Isn’t

The Pi Piper is
One of my friends
I love his music
It never ends

A rope’s a rope, a string’s a string
Distinctive and discrete
Because of this, it’s often said
“Never the twine shall meet”

My vacuum cleaner
Is broken, yuck
It really sucks
When it doesn’t suck

Please let me hand out the cards
To you, I appeal
Because that would be
I deal

He hadn’t had a date in years
So getting one was an occasion
When she noted his hands were cold
He said, “I’ve been out of circulation”

The medical advice
Of which I’m sure
Is to keep a uterus
At womb temperature

Driving drunk
No lion could
But possibly
A Tiger Wood

The sale on fishing
Hooks was great
Cuz each one came
With a big re-bait

Birds are better off
I guess
At pursuing life, liberty
And happy nests

A piece of advice
That a wise person knows
It is better to go outdoors
Than outwindows

When the legume got married
To her favorite squeeze
Presiding was
A justice of the peas

In a one course Italian meal
The entree will be lonely
Since what they are serving
Is ravionli

The gametes are an incredible slew
You’ve really gotta love ‘em
Indeed, sperms say of eggs, it’s true
“We cannot get enough ovum”

‘Mongst Halloween fans
There is a big schism
Some love the witches
Others Boodism

Time worked against me
Then I got it straight
‘Til you show up for something
You cannot be late

Rhyme and meter
Are how I fly
Because poetically
I’m an ABCB kind of guy

My fave group for now
Can make lots of noise
They’re called The Subtractions
“Take it away boys”

Boosting attendance
Is one of their goals
So theaters are serving
Cinema rolls

What is the world to a chair?
It’s a place to let people sit there
They can let out a sigh
As the world passes by
Leaving all of their problems elsewhere

The instructor I hired
Has my bird overeating
I think it is time
For a parrot-teacher meeting

That Indian guy should be very proud
Of his amazing physique
I don’t know how he does it
Since he always seems to be Sikh

I never saw a purple mushroom
And never thought I’d see one
But after I fixed one for dinner
I’m feeling I might be one

What is the world to your mom?
It’s you, because you are the bomb
She will always adore you
And be right there for you
Even after you’ve grown and you’re gone

A smile is your friend
For the message it sends
To send or receive?
On you it depends

If heavy drinkers
You try to thwart
They’ll throw themselves
On the mercy of the quart

The gynecologist every day
Most surely earns her dime
Her sign says “I Am Always At”
“Your Cervix All The Time”

The cannibal
Is out of luck
None of his favorite
Ground Chuck

The old gray mare
Wishes she had a penny
For every time she’d stopped
Cuz her whoas were many

It seems that Buddhists’ food demands
Are now on the increase
Refusing to lunch on chicken wings,
They want an inner piece

That gullible hippie
The flower child
It seems was really
Born to Be Wiled

Losing one’s temper
Is bad, you know
Kick an ICBM
Get missile toe

Most happily
The chemist sings
“I like to keep”
“Anion things”

Halloween’s exciting
For teenage ghost heart throbs
The boys spend their time spiffing up
While the girls all get boo jobs

Alexander Bell
Has another thing
But if he can get out
He’ll give us a ring

A marbleous statue
Please don’t pan it
They’re very often
Taken for granite

N is a problem also
That needs to be stemmed
Or else our language
Could be CONDEMNED

The even numbers as a group
Are feeling very glum
Because in order to enter a bar
You must be 21

Fast car
Gas car
Pass car
NASCAR

“Do you know where to get a toupee?”
My good buddy said
I smiled and replied
“Not off the top of my head”

I never should have listened
To them and all their talking
“Follow your dreams,” they told me
Now I’m sleepwalking

A triangle and a circle
Played a game at a local joint
Which the triangle won most handily
Cuz the circle couldn’t make a point

Fixing tires
Expertly
Requires a rather
Big flat fee

If Jessica Biel
Has a son, you know
I hope she gives him
The name “Batmo”

A British town has disappeared
According to all the news feeds
It’s a mystery just how it happened
Police are searching for Leeds

A thief got caught stealing
Purple flowers many times
The judge threw the book at him
For all his violet crimes

That dreadfully boring Powerpoint talk
Proved he’s not a speaking whiz
In it, he clearly demonstrated
What the longest distance between two points is

My grief counselor died
This news I share
He was so good
That I don’t care

Panama’s canal
Is truly great
A very massive
Inside strait

As your career takes off one day
I hope you will recall
That the top rung of the ladder
Is the easiest place from which to fall

Violin bows
Can do many tricks
But to most of us
They’re just fiddlesticks

So you jog a lot?
Big deal, I say
My nose goes running
Every single day

The Hug Hotline’s phone machine
Has a message very bold
It simply states
“Please Hold”

Your adulterous acts
Are quite astounding
You’ll get caught
Evidence is mounting

On Amazon, I just now bought
A device called a locator
It told me that the weight I lost
Was in the refrigerator

I have to say of my masseuse
Her work could not be greater
And so I would describe her as
A soothe operator

If a power plant
Gets lowly rated
Are workers there
Degenerated?

Gynecology
Sometimes entails
The practice of
Spreading old wives’ tails

I went and made a blanket
Then found a store that sold it
Alas they didn’t do too well
And very quickly folded

My plans for a spice garden
Are sadly gone cuz I’m
Unable to go and plant it
I do not have the thyme

Copernicus would enjoy it
But the chances are rather slim
He’s not the best of guests because
The world revolves around him

Biology is very particular about
The process of multiplication
Cuz a baby cannot be made in a month
By creating nine impregnations

Lonesome is the way you feel
When you’re without your honey
And also what a bank will do
With its vaults full of money

Nine months to some
May seem an eternity
Although to others
It’s a maternity

The creator of Domino’s has died
The cause remains a mystery
No matter, though, it’s over now
And he’s a pizza history

A smile that could guide ships in the night
A voice of angelic delight
A beautiful lass too suddenly gone
Olivia Newton-John

The best dessert is left to last
The price, though, very high
I think that it is justified
The General Custard Pie

Calendars are important
I need to be reminded
That they are mostly useful for
Those folks who are week-minded

Two bodies irresistibly attracted
Is it love or depravity?
Sometimes a very strong case can be made
For gravity

Down in France,
They all prefer
To be rooting for
The Cannes Openers

Yes, indeed
I’m at it again
I’ve colonized the moon
M:O:O:N

I’m not sure
This has been divulged
But sumo wrestling
Is a Battle of the Bulged

I know I’ve added
Pounds replete
When I put on
My swimming suite

I’ll get some laughs tonight, I guess
It’s been a long dry spell
The good news on the street is that
I avenue joke to tell

The heart surgeon told him
To be careful with eating
And to be kind to his aorta
It’s taking a beating

Around some singers
I am quite wary
Cuz I’m allergic
To Peter, Pollen, Mary

In Prague the team’s
A bunch of trouncers
Otherwise known as
The big Czech Bouncers

A Chinese astronaut
Very soon
May take a wok up
On the moon

The old woman who lives in a shoe
Has a boyfriend she thinks is great
Apparently she is telling her friends
That he is her sole mate

It is claimed every scientist knows
Yogurt with labor’s no joy
Which explains the statement, I suppose
All work and Yoplait make Jack a dull boy

Acting’s a message
Someone’s sending
That involves pretending
They’re not pretending

Causing all kinds
Of unnecessary strife
The board game thief
Got Life

My plumber is busy
And I am pissed
They put me on
Their wading list

Stephen Hawking responded
To say as we begin
We’ll see him once again that day
When he comes rolling in

My bird is dead
Not a peep
Now for sale
Won’t go cheep

The funeral home
Has a plan that sucks
They cremate pirates
To urn a few bucs

“One white, one black, one blonde”
Fought crime on our TVs
For Mod Squad’s lovely Peggy
It was a Lipton tease