Silly

What is the world to a trunk?
It amounts to a whole bunch of junk
That got dumped inside
Its leathery hide
While making a loud, noisy clunk

That anxious comedian
Is one of the ones
Who’s typically sitting
On needles and puns

A rich guy O.D.’d
Drugs can destroy
The papers agreed
“Pills Bury Dough Boy”

The Colonel never mentions it
In tones above a whisper
But KFC’s GMO chickens
Come with extra CRISPR

An unemployed boxer
Looking rather drab
Filled an application
Looking for a jab

That ditz is quite an airhead
Putting the ‘D’ in dumb
She flunked her breathalyzer test
They detected shelium

When finding your way in the world today
The journey may be rather dark
And carving out a path to success
May involve some cutting remarks

With pictures captured
High aloft
Drone photography
Is taking off

A British team
Used to bite
I’m referring to
The Exeter Mites

One motorcycle
Serious bikers shun
Is quite a cheap ripoff
The Hardly Davidson

When they named the living units
I don’t know what they spent
But I have to wonder if they knew
Exactly what apart meant

In Germany,
Fans all get their jollies
Rooting for
The Leipzig Field Follies

Junk food additives
Enhance the taste
And also give you
Toxic Waist

Antiques are bought by grandparents
Tossed by parents and then
They get bought up
By children again

In DESPERATION, suicide’s
So sad, no one defends it
There’s many ways that you can go
Remember A ROPE ENDS IT

I hate it when my socks get wet
It’s not what I’d have chosen
A thousand milliliters of
Them make one literhosen

Rhyme and meter
Are how I fly
Because poetically
I’m an ABCB kind of guy

A cynic’s views
When very rank
Come right straight from
The skeptic tank

Super Mario players
Can’t be ignored
If they talk to the dead
With a Luigi board

The final scores of tomorrow’s games
Are on TV again
It always seems to happen
When I watch ESP-N

Falling can evoke
Fear or delight
Depending on whether
Your parachute’s right

The hotel’s new motto
Caused many a squeal
When it declared
“Come in for a suite deal”

A Hawaiian army
Would never attack
Because their attitude
Is lei’d back

The king of the candies
Is prominent, hence
He’ll forever be known
As his M&Minence

If your golf day is bad
There is remorse
The 19th hole
Is bar for the course

I guess my humor
Is out of control
But bad puns are
The way eye roll

Ms Ball bought an island
In the sea
That everyone calls
The “Isle of Lucy”

That toupee salesman
Mr. Coosher
Certainly is
A big rug pusher

Mink wraps
As it were
Are things some people
Like shopping fur

Around a black hole
Lots of flux
Most folks hate it
Because it sucks

A dusty floor
Is a situation
Of suffering from
Sweep deprivation

My gut is way too large
My feet I’d like to see
The problem is my eating
Which just snacks up on me

A willed Stradivarius
The dead guy shares
Is certainly music
To his heirs

I ate at a porcupine restaurant
Completely got my fill
But when it came time to leave
I got stuck with the bill

If a cowboy’s work
Is very strange
Is the outcome he will
Be deranged?

A Joshua tree
In the national park
Is so very old
It has Jurassic bark

They strummed the lute
And played like champs
But went too long
Got minstrel cramps

An arbitrator settles things
Between two fighting Ronalds
But also is a cook who moves
From Arby’s to MacDonalds

Here’s a message
Full of truth
Dentures are
Substitooths

When it come to unemployment
May I kindly suggest
It would help if it worked
Its way through Congress

Mississippi fans
Will not heap scorn on
Their confusing team,
The Beloxi Morons

Regarding Mt. Rushmore
No one will admit it
But a George Washington Carver
Is the one who did it

The art of conversation’s lost
And far beyond our reach
Unfortunately, the same’s not true
Of the practice of speech

If marriage is a lottery
On which you can bet
Then alimony surely
Is a gambling debt

Adam and Eve
Promised to be there
If they can find
Something to wear

If a melon should go up in flames
There must be a counterforce
What to put out a firemelon with?
A watermelon, of course

Two rules for ultimate success in life
Remember these as you go
The first one is that you should never
Tell everything you know

A honeycomb’s a structure
That’s beyond compare
So everyone describes it
As bee ware

An underwater marriage
Is something not to miss
Cuz in it you see a couple
Experiencing wetted bliss

Wisdom is a conundrum
Bright folks know it’s so
Because the more smarts they acquire
The less they know they know

What is the world to a whale?
It is growing to rather large scale
Making big swimming motions
In the depths of the oceans
With magnificent flips of its tail

I learned today
From plumber Bob
On-demand hot water
Is a tankless job

The driveway gave me
Some gestault
When I skinned a knee
My dumb asphalt

She said my closet’s disorganized
But I had to dissent
It just needs a bit of
Hanger Management

Shakespeare’s garden was better than most
Primarily due to one thing
It was a special mixed compost
He called “Mulch Ado About Nothing”

When that old man died
Who was very rich
He left his dog the car
“Datsun of a bitch”

“Too much phone use”
My doc’s diagnosis
Seems I’ve contracted
Scrolliosis

Fitness is king
And my body rocks
Cuz I can still fit in
My high school socks

The egg hatching movie
Is really slick
I think it’s this year’s
Best chick flick

It takes a hundred lawyers
To screw in a bulb, some assert
Thus illustrating the concept of
Many hands making light work

I’d really like to ride a horse
But think that I should mention
It probably won’t happen
Due to the mounting tension

It really hit me
Very hard
To learn bad lawyers
Get disbarred

One piece of bread in the toaster
Two pieces of toast come out
It seems to me what happened
Was mitoastis, without a doubt

When Swedes fill up
A winter home
They suffer from
Stock home syndrome

Each time he opens up his mouth
It really makes me wince
I wish he’d speak what’s on his mind
So we could have some silence

Norm Macdonald
It can be said
Is now performing
On Saturday Night Dead

Making thermometers
For work’s very odd
But I’m not concerned
It’s only a temp job

The floor needs sweeping
In the hall
So I just gave
Broom service a call

Though COVID’s found
In mouth and nose
Most people catch it
From assholes

Is it real?
Or am I dreaming?
That urology course
Now is streaming

You’re at a seafood restaurant
And ordering some shellfish
If your date is on her phone
She’s acting very cell-fish

The record maker
Worked to prove he
Made vinyl records
Very groovy

The lady glared at me and asked
Was I some kind of crook?
It seems her watch was missing and
She had that timeless look

I have to say of my masseuse
Her work could not be greater
And so I would describe her as
A soothe operator

My pet mouse, Elvis
Was such a sap
Just yesterday
He was caught in a trap

Fancy gyms
Require fancy names
So I refer to mine
As James

The IRS agent
Now relaxing
Has April work
That will be taxing

The way to make a battery case
Is a very simple problem
Just smack somebody on the head
No need to bother robbin’ ‘em

I know I’m getting old
Because I’ve reached the stage
Where every sentence starts or ends,
“At my age”

Tumescence
Is a pleasance
Twixt pubescence
And senescence

The Jenny Craig phone system
I really hate
After holding for an hour
They said, “Sorry for your weight”

A tic-tac-toe board
So very fun
Is just an ex-oh
Skeleton

Catching wind in parachutes
Those two are riding high
It seems to me their names should be
“Pair o’ sailors” of the sky

The book “How to Be Sarcastic”
May be good or it may stink
When its reviewers said “Best Ever”
I didn’t know what to think

Velcro was a silly thing
That made its users laugh
Until they got the idea to
Invent the other half

Lot’s wife
Unless I’m mistaken
After her experience
Was shaken

The lady says she is
Thinking hard
But her deck is missing
Several cards

A famous person
Gets their wish
From fans who make
The idol rich

My Swedish car got vandalized
Inside my own garage
I don’t want to sound too paranoid
But I think it was Saabotage

If a builder constructs
Some beds of junk
Will the woodworker’s union
Say he’s debunked?

When you’re having a kid
Nothing is as nice as
Not having to worry
About a midwife crisis

I walked into a yogurt bar
At about half past nine
And asked of an attractive miss
Yoplait or mine?

Coin-operated slot machines
Can turn rich into debtors
And all of them need to work on
Change for the bettor

I forgot to feed my parrot
And badly do I feel
Since there was no morning cracker,
It calls itself “Polynomial”

When I get massaged
I have to say
That it is great
To have a feeled day

Rich people peering
From their Porsches
Say the Grand Canyon
Is simply gorges

The soft drink company’s new mascot
Has arrived from Guatamala
It’s time for everyone to say
Hi to the Pepsi Koala

In regards to the family sketch
I don’t think I can do it
I know it may seem very odd
But I don’t want to be drawn into it

The lumber that I have outside
I really do adore
You might not think it musical
But it’s a tuba four

The best firefighters
I could name
All got into
The Hall of Flame

A thief in boxers
Lost the race
Police caught him
After a brief chase

Every day that I’m alive
Makes me think I’ll get another
And given the alternative
I’d ruther

The cheap guitars
Have not been snatched
I wonder why?
No strings attached

That beef stock baron
So debonair
Made lots of bucks
A bouillonaire

The thought that Niels will be there
Is enough to make us snore
The issue’s when one talks to him
He really is a Bohr

The U.S. rule on innocence
Has changed and it’s a bitch
Now everyone’s assumed guilty
Unless they’re found to be rich

They found a dog
On the road
That got ID’d
From his bark code

The cafe failed its health inspection
And she cleaned its tables
Which is why they call her
Anne of Green Bagels

Electronic thieves are devious
Every single guy and gal
Their modern philosophy revolves around
Robbing Peter to PayPal

She drinks too much and then she drives
Of this I’m almost certain
It’s why somebody needs to take
The keys to her Chevy Subourbon

A heron is a lovel bird
Whose long neck earns it praise
And something that bald guys declare
On donning their toupees

When they shipped snails
From France, you know
The ship was labeled
SS Cargot

Forsooth, please speak with only truth
If you hopeth to be quoth
When should one do this – aged or youth?
The answer – surely buoth

As countries go
They’re much the same
Except for Iceland
With its cool name

We got a new dog just yesterday
A hairy old creature with fuzz
My wife calls him “Elixer”
Because it describes what he does

A honey bee’s a tiny thing
But still is hale and hardy
Which comes in handy making a hive
The ultimate house swarming party

A rumor’s going around about butter
I heard somebody said it
But it is very nasty
I don’t think I should spread it

At Halloween
My favorite nosh
Comes from Hungary
Ghoul-ash

The Russian student’s
Very glad
His diploma makes him
A Lenin grad

The naked gambler
Gave a shriek
Cuz he was on a
Winning streak

What is the world to a ski?
Blowy, snowy and very wintry
Riding up, sliding down
Through the snow on the ground
It is moving as fast as can be

Reporters in Norway
Sometimes say
That it is
Oslo news day

I’ve changed my view of the aging biz
So here I’ll scream and shout it
No more fibbing about what it is
I’ve turned to bragging about it

(adapted from Will Rogers)

Of this observation
I feel quite sound
“Flat earthers don’t make”
“The world go round”

There was no choice
I could not stand
Her shrieking voice
The Plastic Oh No Band

I asked my dad for career advice
He assessed the situation
Then gave it to me in just three words
Vocation, vocation, vocation

The future promises many things
But they’re not all beneficial
Because stupidity is completely natural
And intelligence is now artificial

Folks from the 60s
It has now been revealed
In the future were all
“Born to be Wheeled”

I am a very thrifty sort
Or so my friends all say
Because I like to save my work
For a rainy day

Our upstairs storage
Borders on erratic
My wife describes it
As “problem attic”

I wore the hospital gown
To bed last night
And knew the end
Was in sight

My “now” look
Is out of place
Paired up with
My “then” face

He drinks so much
It would seem
He needs more blood
In his alcohol stream

And back in France
It’s really odd
Their holy water
Is called “Eau, my god”

Pregnant ewes
Cannot wait
When it is time,
They delaminate

To get herself some sleepful rest
She used every trick she knew
When I asked her what had worked the best
She said, “I was counting on ewe”

The toppermost dolphin
Of all dolphin groups
Is well aware getting there
Means jumping through hoops

It’s odd that the Alabaman
Has to sit at home
In order to use
Her Mobile phone

I take light things very seriously
And serious things most lightly
That’s why I’m lying in my bed
Staring at the ceiling nightly

When airplane pilots say they’re taking off
I have a single thought
It could could mean that they are working
Or, alternatively, that they’re not

My kitten makes me feel so good
When my condition’s chronic
I wondered why and asked my doc
“So is this catatonic?”

For a job at the lotion company
You must meet with Hayley
Who will say that to get it
You must apply daily

A lady tugs upon a leash
But there was no dog on it
Because it got away
Doggonit

Please be quiet
Do not shout
I’m up in the top bunk
Over and out

And last, we bade the Queen goodbye
She finally ran out of luck
The dance with death she long defied
Just ask her oldest, Chuck

I have trouble sleeping
No way to ignore it
When I started a support group
Everyone was up for it

A Terrier and a Bulldog would
Sure be a cross to mull
On second thought I am afraid
It might be Terribull

You grab a book to learn about
A subject rather frightening
But didn’t learn a thing because
The writing was unenlightening

They say I’m a paranoid composer
For whom notes are much more than the key
Cuz I think they’re all talking behind my back
On the other hand, it could be just mi

If a boxer can box
And a spammer can spam
Then how come a hammer
Is unable to ham?

Insomnia certainly
Makes me weep
And until I cure it
I will not sleep

My hopes for weight loss
Are all too fleeting
Cuz thoughts of food
Keep repeatingeatingeatingeating

Rapunzel, Rapunzel
In her will did not share
And because of that
Let down her heir

“Don’t fret artificial intelligence,”
The voice said, slightly mocking
I got worried when I realized
It was my toaster talking

The Australian twins
For what it’s worth
Got separated
At Perth

That group of dyslexic psychics
Can’t make a good prediction
They seem to do their best
Dealing with momentum and friction

He sleeps eight hours every day
And though that’s just about right
He also puts in another
Ten of them at night

The police are after a Malibu
To solve a difficult case
The upshot of this all is that
They’re in a Chevy Chase

I’m really hoping
This can be undid
My ego has signed in
Using my ID

A major restaurant offered
An anxious guy a job most great
Too bad, you see it turned out
The young man couldn’t wait

A lisping lady
Not so swift
Attends a church
For her faith lift

It wasn’t a fair fight
Something he was most bitter at
Cuz she could read him like a book
And he was completely illiterate

For most of life
We’re feeding germs
And at the end
We feed the worms

If you get hungry,
No one bitches
Just take in
The Birmingham Sandwiches

When the Vatican gets a new Pope
They say it’s not a joke
Yet they announce the decision
Using holy smoke

Deluxe garbage trucks
Are all a-flitter
They only take
The pick of the litter

A ruler maker
Can get paid
To be somebody’s
Meter maid