Silly

For English mothers
It’s absurd
Remember that
“Mum’s” the word

The red wave predicted
Was imprecise
Methinks there was
A pollstergeist

To burglarize is stealing things
We know that it is true
They also are the things through which
The thief is seeing you

In Prague the team’s
A bunch of trouncers
Otherwise known as
The big Czech Bouncers

Eat better in the new year
Make good contributions
And don’t get eaten by lions
2023’s gnu year resolutions

To bees, a hive
Is like a dorm
They stay in winter
Cuz ‘swarm

If you’re looking for love
Then seek out cupid
And if your IQ’s low
There’s OK Stupid

I thought I got the only one
When I bought my antique
But there must be another one
If it is MOST UNIQUE

A doorman has
Just one mission
In this entry
Level position

What is the world to a chair?
It’s a place to let people sit there
They can let out a sigh
As the world passes by
Leaving all of their problems elsewhere

I’d say it’s time now for a teeny
Celebration with martinis
To say thanks to the medic genies
Who gave us all the new vaccinis

Two astronauts
Lois and Ted
Did not fall in love
They floated instead

The stockyard SWAT team
Tried something new
On arriving, yelled,
“POLICE – NOBODY MOO”

The politician
Doing biz
Is quite promisecuous
Yes, he is

They had a romance that was intense
Entwining each young heart
‘Twas said their love was quite immense
But the houseboat couple drifted apart

The astronomer quit
No one knows why
He only said
“No more Mr. Night Sky”

Pierre and Marie Curie
Say the event they’re awaiting
And with enthusiasm
They’re radiating

As we get older
Our weight shifts “down there”
I think that’s why people say
My wife and I make a great pear

That religious guy
Took a look
At a new social media site
Faithbook

And regarding my climbing
Of Everest, yup
One way it is true
That I made it up

Although their team
Is in the basement
Aussies Docs cheer
The Sydney Replacements

The SNOOZE ALARMS mean sleeping
You can push as oft you please
But when you do that you should know
It means “ALAS NO MORE Z’S”

Retirement’s when
You gotta believe
People take
Maturity leave

If your dry cleaner’s
Work’s a mess
Is it likely they will
Be depressed?

He’d really like to be a wit
But feels a great despair
Despite the best of efforts
He’s only halfway there

Along those lines, remember that
You need more than protein
So don’t forget to get yourself
Some tasty Lorne Green Beans

Though loftiness is what
Their travel evokes
Flight attendants really
Are just plane folks

Paul McCartney’s talented
His music, out of sight
And now, on top of everything
He’s a Hard Day’s Knight

Learn the martial arts?
No, I won’t
For me, it’s a matter
Of Tae Kwon Don’t

If you decide
To fly to Peru
Use their airline
Mach 2 Picchu

You’ll find no ‘i’ in TEAM
No matter the spelling scheme
However, I cannot resist
Noting the two in NARCISSIST

Consider the anteater, eating ants
They taste too good to quit
But on the day the anteater dies
The ants eat it

When I get massaged
I have to say
That it is great
To have a feeled day

If senators
Don’t work September
Should Congress say they’ve
Been dismembered? (YES)

My new thesaurus
Is not so strong
Under “incorrect”
Every word is wrong

Today we think of the unknown soldier
Leaving flowers at the grave
But really it’s the known ones whom
We need to work to save

My love of writing
Is undiminished
Despite a lot of
Verses unfinished

Internet laughter
Hits new heights
It now is measured
In gigglebytes

My coffee table
Looks like an ocean
From a drink I spilled
In one fluid motion

My dog is digging in the yard
And making quite a mess
About this pooch I’d have to say
His paws abilities seem limitless

Kansans are a
Hearty band
Living off
The flat of the land

A conundrum I had
When I was a youth
Saying, “I’m lying in bed”
But telling the truth

You should try to avoid
The ultimate futility
Anytime someone refers to
A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY

I’m happy I’m not single
Pursuing a sweetheart
I can’t imagine dating
And keeping six feet apart

A sumo wrestler
Fears for nuttin’
With crazy garb
And belly buttin’

If a power plant
Gets lowly rated
Are workers there
Degenerated?

Pink flamingoes
I have heard
Have a leg up
On other birds

Nichelle (Nichols), our belle
Loved by millions
As Uhura well
Our Nichelle

Drinkers of beer from cans
In their home environs
Prefer to pump aluminum
Instead of irons

That pet trimming salon
Just makes me smile
They call themselves
Doggy Style

Here’s a show
For Nickelodean
“Ocean Janitor – ”
“Jacques Cousteudian”

My spacebar’sworking randomly
Itmakesmewant toshout
Cuzwordsare easiertoread
All s p a c e d out

A smile that could guide ships in the night
A voice of angelic delight
A beautiful lass too suddenly gone
Olivia Newton-John

Here it’s stated
What the facts is
Chiropractors
Pay back taxes

When one spouse asked
“Do you listen to what I state?”
The reply was quick
“Thanks, honey. A beer sounds great”

A little lie, that’s all it was
Not deceitful, proud, or bold
I didn’t think it mattered much
That FIBULA I told

That angry guy
Has reached the stage
Where high blood pressure
Is all the rage

it’s completely ridiculous
So go and make some noise
If a person says they are giving you
Your ONLY CHOICE

The comfiness,
My buddy said,
Is from the spring water
In his water bed

Boldly going on this train
Is Spock on the lower deck
Exploring brand new rail frontiers
AmTrek

The pantyhose inventor
It seems to me
Has left behind
Quite a leg a see

Xerox bought Wurlitzer
Said JP Morgan
And now they make
Reproductive organs

Condoms can provide
Very good protection
In a store you’ll find them
In the hard wear section

Einstein wrote back quickly with
An answer short and cheesy
He said for him attendance
Would be relatively easy

Primes are irrational integers
Cuz they can’t be divided
By any other integers
Mathematics has provided

In La Paz, a fan
Almost never yawns
Rooting for
The Bolivia Newton Johns

They’re juvenile
And make you moan
Cuz all these puns
Are full groan

One piece of bread in the toaster
Two pieces of toast come out
It seems to me what happened
Was mitoastis, without a doubt

A fish
Who has any sense
Always keeps up
On current events

Starbucks workers
Ever eager
Describe themselves
As grounds keepers

R is a challenge
So please don’t get violent
When I tell you that CARROT
Has its second one silent

Gallagher’s life
In November came crashing
To an end
No more melon smashing

For working with people
The best advice I’ve seen
Is that praising of others
Lets off some esteem

I said to the dealer
“So what’s the skinny?”
“Should I get an Audi”
“Or just an innie?”

The shoe store says
They’re used to it
People coming in
And having a fit

Every time
I see a meme
I feel like I
Could screme

The sale on fishing
Hooks was great
Cuz each one came
With a big re-bait

The French water I craved
Is finally here
And all I can say is
“Eau dear”

It was a grill
The doll fell to
So it got cooked
A Barbie Q

He mocked the spaghetti
Deserved what he got
Seems he just
Hit a sauce spot

My friend said contractions
Keep popping up everywhere
I looked at her and said
“They’re”

Sidney Poitier’s gone and how
A magnificent multi-award winner
And it probably is apparent now
Who’s Not Coming to Dinner

Drug resistant lice
Evade the meds
And leave researchers
Scratching their heads

The police all knew
The one to nab
A shoplifter with
The gift of grab

Walking the Sahara
Seems to me to be
Quite surreal
Long time, no sea

When they shipped snails
From France, you know
The ship was labeled
SS Cargot

A recent development
Wasn’t surprising
When a gravity denier
Started an uprising

Reese, it’s true
Each day ‘fore noon
Eats her cereal
Witherspoon

Now I do not have a job
I sit around and wonder
Do meteorologists feel like me
That someone stole their thunder?

The henhouse thief
Has been reproached
The eggs he had
Were really poached

I love the ocean
So good for me
It’s like a dose of
Vitamin sea

A naked mole rat’s never cold
Whenever it is naked, holed
They’re very odd to look at, those
But not as strange as ones with clothes

My language skills
Really suck
That’s why I rely
On spell chuck

Skinny people
I must complain
Have nothing to lose
And much to gain

To combat a world
With much unfairness
I eat dried grapes
For raisin awareness

That beef stock baron
So debonair
Made lots of bucks
A bouillonaire

Your cake decorator needs an editor
I said to the manager in a scowl
Cuz the cake you made me for today
Wishes a “Happy Super Bowel”

There are problems at the smelting plant
That will not go away
And as a result, expect to see
Some develop metal delays

My diet plan
Is a winner
Eating rope for lunch
Skipping dinner

The glowing horse in the wild west show
Is most certainly attractive
I suppose the reason’s cuz he is
Very rodeo active

I’m guessing that
It just might tickle
Freezing your butt off
To an assicle

For unpronounced W’s
I must go along
With the curious claim
That WRITE is the same as WRONG

Computer makers
Who are bolder
Go home with
Chips on their shoulders

Internet urologists
Doing fine
Help us all
To stream online

Around some singers
I am quite wary
Cuz I’m allergic
To Peter, Pollen, Mary

No need to be
In a hurry folks
If you plan to watch
The Oslo Pokes

A drummer guy
That I once knew
Named his daughters
Anna 1, Anna 2

I put upon my head my hat
And on my feet my shoes
But forgot what goes on in between
Hey look, I’m on the evening news

Losing one’s temper
Is bad, you know
Kick an ICBM
Get missile toe

When it comes to evaporated milk
I ask myself, “why buy?”
It seems each one you open up
Would be completely dry

A ghost said
If he had to choose
He’d go to the bar
Just for the boos

Two English majors, very bored
Displayed a bit of wit
When they decided to play tag
After one said, “Albeit”

A plane has crashed
Because, you know
The pilot erred by
Flying solo

A lemon got sick
But had to grin
When the doc declared
She’d squeeze him in

At the party today
We had over lunch
My friends all beat me
To the punch

Into a store a duck did go
To get his Chapstick fill
When asked how he would pay for it
He said, “Just put it on my bill”

A naked man
In church was sought
And by the organ
He was caught

The E’s at the end
Of DONE, GONE, and ONE
All make the same sound
That linquists call NONE

Holbrook’s famous one-man show
Was quite the acting feat
It’s even more remarkable
Cuz ne’er the Twain did he meet

My shoes aren’t fixed
And there’s no doubt
The cobbler can’t do it
Because she soled out

The angry fisherman
Loudly swearing
Got taken to court
For a herring

My poison ivy lotion business
Truly has no match
It’s something that I worked on hard
Creating it from scratch

Coal miners really
Get goose bumps
Each day as they
Take their lumps

That honey making video
Is really groovy
Highly recommended
A good bee movie

Gluten is something
You will delete
Any time you set out
To lose wheat

She always arrives late
Sometimes by an hour
I think that her ancestors
Came on the June Flower

I worked in glue, but now I’m blue
There’s no way to wordsmith it
The problem was, I think because
I just could not stick with it

That gullible hippie
The flower child
It seems was really
Born to Be Wiled

The wizard isn’t
Doing well
Because it seems
This guy can’t spell

An electron left an atom
To have a bit of fun
The reason was because he had
His ion someone

Those fisherman out fishing for
The fish they have awaited
Will not be fishing very long
When they have been debated

It’s certainly true
Each time you say
“I can’t live without you”
Your life’s a cliché

State Farm Insurance has a guy
Who’ll cover your home base
If you require his services
Go ask for Justin Case

Carving wood
Into a fiddle
Works best when done
Whittle by whittle

I’m concerned for the potential
Of great misuse
Drone magazine delivery
Will raise some issues

When spring break comes
All revelers should ponder
That when it comes to accidents
A hearse is the last responder

Readers Digest
Most absurd
Has lists of naughty
Three letter words

The thought that Niels will be there
Is enough to make us snore
The issue’s when one talks to him
He really is a Bohr

A job in gardening seemed to work
Although I was a fool
Important things I didn’t know
Included the ground rules

That butterfly sitting
Upon the cloth
Is just another
Urban moth

Paper airplane, paper wings
Through the classroom air it zings
“Who threw that?” the teacher sings
Lots of muffled laughs it brings

Electricity?
Think electrons
Morality?
Think morons

When the Vatican gets a new Pope
They say it’s not a joke
Yet they announce the decision
Using holy smoke

My next blind date
Could not be sweeter
She gives parking tickets
I can’t wait to meter

So when into
The corn maze I walked
I felt that I
Was being stalked

Something that should be
Taught in school
Exceptions illustrate
Every rule

A K being silent
As I recollect
Is something that is
KNOT, correct?

Streakers at work
Are rarely recruited
Because for most things
They’re totally unsuited

A dusty floor
Is a situation
Of suffering from
Sweep deprivation

I gave tonic water
To my girl last week
That’s how I Schwepped her
Off her feet

If push comes to shove
And that’s a big ‘if’
I hope I am nowhere
Near a big cliff

Haiku’s not for me
No rhymes, just syllable counts
I die of boredom

Diana Rigg
Is gone, now we’ll
Forever miss
Mrs. Peel

My little dog
Was a kooky klutz
So I neutered him
Now he’s less nuts

The midget attack
Sent me to the hospital
All I remember
Is very little

Manicurists
With their stocks
Keep their tools
In one nail box

Long ago in ancient Rome
When they had a big election
One voting zone was quite well known
It was the CAESARIAN SECTION

While playing poker with his friends
Tom’s card count got reduced
“Someone just stole my two of hearts”
Is what this guy deduced

Coin-operated slot machines
Can turn rich into debtors
And all of them need to work on
Change for the bettor