Silly

When Jean-Paul Sartre
Had an appliance he adored
Did he connect it with
An existension cord?

If a mathematician
Loses trust
Will the outcome be that
She’s non-plussed?

A rope’s a rope, a string’s a string
Distinctive and discrete
Because of this, it’s often said
“Never the twine shall meet”

Buying two scales was a big mistake
And now I feel really dumb
Because I realized that I
Can get a weigh with just one

That glass making company
Of which I spoke
I’m sad to say
Is very broke

A crazy female
Deer you know
Is called by bucks
“A real weirdoe”

If your dry cleaner’s
Work’s a mess
Is it likely they will
Be depressed?

I had to say
“Son of a gun”
When the date wass
4.3.21

A rodent ate the old nun’s garb
And now is looking fat
So the priest is seeking someone
Who can pull a habit out of a rat

A necrophiliac’s happy
Today is such a thrill
Got married fifty years ago
His wife? He loves her still

The All-You-Can-Eat buffet
Is an astounding brunch
In fact, I’d call it
An avalunch

When a teetotaler’s day is through
They’re looking for a special brew
That’ll lift the spirit
Without lifting a spirit

That fortune cookie said
“You are what you eat”
Now I’m worried
That I’m dead meat

Poems by cats
Could not be worse
Because they all
Are just purr verse

The bird’s new home
Has met the test
Cuz there she can be
Perfectly on nest

When hibernating
Not a peep
I’ll sell my bird
He won’t go cheap

If a poison maker’s
Poison rocks
Do you think they should
Be detoxed?

What is the world to a hat?
It’s a head upon which it has sat
Whether balding or hairy
Or extraordinary
There’s a hat for each head just like that

His mood ring’s lost
No need to doubt it
But he doesn’t know
How he feels about it

A man with two suits
Frets looking debonair
Unlike men with one
Who know which one to wear

A bagel is a breakfast thing
For some it’s much preferred
And also a description of
A kind of harbor bird

Whenever you feel,
“Ah, what’s the use?”
Remember even rainbows
Have the blues

On an Atlantic island
Any team that tangles
May get lost while playing
The Bermuda Triangles

I tried to drown my sorrows
But at that I couldn’t win
Just my luck, I tell you
They all learned how to swim

Plastic surgeons
The story goes
Always let you
Pick your nose

When it comes to colas
I don’t give a damn
Because that is
The soda person I am

Two bodies irresistibly attracted
Is it love or depravity?
Sometimes a very strong case can be made
For gravity

I bought my friend an elephant
For his room and it’s a hit
When he called me up to thank me
I said, “Don’t mention it”

One modification
If you please
Smoothies oughta
Be called ‘soothmies”

If a Notary Public
Is cast aside
Or a crazy person
Becomes untied
Should they both be
Decertified?

I’d like to buy a round coral reef
Because it would enthrall
Unfortunately, though, I must admit
I can’t afford it, atoll

And tell me please if you think I
Am being too erratic
When I declare out loud that I
Am rather MILDLY ECSTATIC

Mount Rushmore’s fog
Quite a distraction
So bad one cannot
See the attraction

I went to visit my poet friend
My writing skills to hone
And she told me to sit right down
And make myself a tome

I believe it was
A clever wit
Who called a hairdresser’s license
A perm it

Here’s a thought
Can’t get sublimer
Your grandfather clock’s
A real old timer

My tuba’s too big
That’s what I found
Cuz I got a hornia
Carrying it around

Those two furnaces
Are really deranged
They just got into
A heated exchange

It certainly was met
With cynicism
My tabby’s conversion
To Catolicism

Pirates had girls in every port
Which ought to help one know
Exactly what they had in mind
When they exclaimed, “Land Ho!”

When you’re having a kid
Nothing is as nice as
Not having to worry
About a midwife crisis

He was an awful taxonomist.
But let’s keep that between us
The biggest problem he had was that
He thought he was a genus

To the one percent who are riding high
Considering this is a must
When it looks like the brakes are going to fail
Fat people get thrown off the bus

If fireplace makers
Work is mis-handled
Does that mean they will
Get dismantled?

The Clam Company workers went on strike
It was a major tussle
Each one followed the directive
“Don’t move a single mussel”

My sister thought
‘Twas love for sure
Til the pastry chef
Desserted her

I think by now that guy understands
The reason for all the buzz
He was late getting to his daughter’s birth
So, dad on arrival he was

The President of the dogs
Celebrated today
Release of his book
“Led a Stray”

That martial artist
Next to me
Knows Tai Chi
And drinks Chai tea

With detective lore
Do not be fooled
Old Doc Watson
Was Holmes schooled

At the diaper factory
I’m a clerk
But I really need
A change from work

Hallmark is the place to find
Gifts and games and more
But I always think of it
As a cardware store

I know someone who erupts regularly
And it’s not for the good
It’s due to a group she joined
Planned Karenhood

An electron left an atom
To have a bit of fun
The reason was because he had
His ion someone

Considering all the lovely weather
Nature has supplied
I believe that if my house could talk
It would say, “go outside!”

To turn on a faucet
I’d suggest
Just giving it
A warm caress

No matter the outcome
No matter your role
What happens in black holes
Stays in black holes

Your shallow thoughts
It can be said
Will never, ever
Reach your head

(adapted from Stanislaw Jerzy Lec)

For humpback whales
That lack a name
I’d recommend
Notre Dame

A bathing suit
For veggies teeny
Should be known as
A zucchini

Einstein wrote back quickly with
An answer short and cheesy
He said for him attendance
Would be relatively easy

I do not think
It would insane
To call a group of lynx
A chain

‘Mongst Halloween fans
There is a big schism
Some love the witches
Others Boodism

That Caesar salad’s bad
So do not grab it
But I think I may
Take a stab at it

The Inuits really
Are party makers
Perhaps it’s cuz
They’re good icebreakers

Need to cash a check in a Cuban bank?
No go, and it’s not fair
They will not do it for you unless
You Havana count there

Don’t pass snowplows on the right
Although you might be tempted
Cuz if you do, there’ll be a tunnel of white
As your living gets pre-empted

On his trip to work, the dentist goes
Across a river scary
He tells his patients that he rides
Upon a big tooth ferry

Prison bunk beds
Rather glum
The one on top
Has a conundrum

Medicine makes you well
With poison, it’s “adios”
The diff between the two of them?
Simply the dose

It seems that Buddhists’ food demands
Are now on the increase
Refusing to lunch on chicken wings,
They want an inner piece

At the bank they say there’s a change shortage
And I think I’d have to agree
It seems everything else needs to change
Except, of course, for me

Does rubber necking
With a twist
Make someone a
Guy-neck-ologist?

I decided to become a plastic surgeon
It was a big deal, and how!
The result of which I’m told was that
It raised many an eyebrow

Working as a poet
I have to say
It is clear to me
Rhyme doesn’t pay

Salmon swimming upstream
Against strong currents unbowed
Do it simply because
They’re going along with the crowd

My exercise plan
After lunch is
Doing some
Three martini crunches

Crowdstrike’s problems
Leave no doubts
That problems with clouds
Cause problems in clouds

So I’m finally coming to realize
I’m not going to be here forever
There was a time when I didn’t
Think of that, ever

But, as you get older, your perspective
And other things change in you
Good God, this Dairy Queen
Certainly has a long queue

She read him like a book
And quickly discovered
There was nothing inside
His flashy cover

If my hiccups do not promptly stop
They will surely drive me to my death
Someone told me there’s a cure
But I’m not holding my breath

I went to China
Twice I flew
The second time
Was Asia Vu

All of the possibilities
Have been completely computed
So remember materials hitting fans
Will not be evenly distributed

In Australia, they say
That it is true
The mystics there
Are kangurus

The back door where
I built addenda
Is the place
My hacienda

The radiator guy has got
A sign that is unique
It declares to all that his shop is
“The Best place You’ll Ever Take a Leak”

Pink flamingoes
I have heard
Have a leg up
On other birds

In days gone by, people heard voices
And answered them on the street
This all has changed today because
There are iPhones for that feat

The dungeon has a clearance sale
Better hurry down there fast
They’ve got 50% off on equipment
But only while stocks last

Who knows what made them
Take this role
The team they call
The Selma Souls

Crocheting punsters
Start throwing fits
Whenever you call them
Knit wits

And out in Italy
A grassy grower
Will likely “root”
For Milan Mowers

Our local boat club
Threw me for a loop
When I learned they had
A great pier group

That craft-making lady
Whose artistry’s high
Just recently gave things
The old collage try

A word about fans
Of Pink Floyd all
They do not die
They just hit The Wall

As the case before him
Quickly enlarged
The fish told the judge
He was gilly, as charged

Sigmund Freud
Is gonna skip
Sadly he’s gonna
Let this one slip

To recommend music
That really rocks
Put ideas in
The Johann Suggestion Bachs

The lie detector
Now is gone
Too many times
Re-lied upon

My food poisoning, I hope
Was just a fluke
I don’t like that house
Of ill repuke

I work for kleptomaniacs
With them, my job’s a dream
Except of course when I must go
And take one for the team

The Romans met but once per week
With no fanfare or decorum
No need to meet more frequently
That was just enough forum

A ghost is in my house now
I had to let it in
Because this crazy spirit had
A haunting permit with him

If you’re a smidgeon Polish
You need to know
That you are just
A tad pole

Ten cents a dance is what it took
Back in grandma’s day
And if he had the change
He’d while the dime away

A young man asked me rather boldly
About heading toward the gates so pearly
I told him the more that you feel oldly
The way it is that late comes early

I don’t trust that secretary
Perhaps I should explain about
The reason I am wary –
I’ve seen her type before

When the elevator
Was getting repairs
I asked how to go up
And got nothing but stairs

A roofing company took some heat
For a motto some assailed
“Hot Shingles in Your Area”
“All Looking to Get Nailed”

Two astronauts
Lois and Ted
Did not fall in love
They floated instead

At the Chinese cooking festival
To the cubicles folks were flocking
And over each one was a giant sign
“These Booths are Made for Woking”

Though many of their actions
Have been disparaged
It appears Texas has legalized
Some sex marriage

If a power plant
Gets lowly rated
Are workers there
Degenerated?

That Hawaiian is singing
And dancing gaily
Strumming on
A ukulaily

Deluxe garbage trucks
Are all a-flitter
They only take
The pick of the litter

John loves to start each day off
With orange drink for a bang
But he’s been silent all day long
Ever since the cat got his Tang

To burglarize is stealing things
We know that it is true
They also are the things through which
The thief is seeing you

When all is finally
Said and done
It is the said
That will have won

A Y isn’t necessary
It could be gone
Based on the way
You say BEYOND

My holstein’s acting very odd
There’s paisley splashed across her bod
And bell bottoms on her dungarees
Oh my, I truly hope to God
She hasn’t got Mod Cow Disease

The obstetrician’s office door
Beside the lilac bush
Has a sign that says quite simply
That you should “Push, Push, Push”

When it comes to fighting battles
Be careful before you begin
Pick ones big enough to matter
But small enough to win

Rock, paper, scissors
I said to him
Is as hard to lose at
As it is to win

When the cow dried up
For Elmer Fudd
He declared he had
A big milk dud

Though loftiness is what
Their travel evokes
Flight attendants really
Are just plane folks

It wasn’t a fair fight
Something he was most bitter at
Cuz she could read him like a book
And he was completely illiterate

If you buy a sweater
With Visa, then
Be ready to swipe
Your cardigan

Down at the Tinnitus Hotline
The workers’ hands are wringing
Due to the fact that their telephones
Never stop ringing

I thought I’d cruise while selling shoes
But there was a dispute
Resulting in a problem so
The boss gave me the boot

Wisdom is a conundrum
Bright folks know it’s so
Because the more smarts they acquire
The less they know they know

To wake up James Bond
This is the word
He prefers to be shaken
Never stirred

It may be the height
It could be the timing
I just know the death rate
At Everest is climbing

Internet laughter
Hits new heights
It now is measured
In gigglebytes

Most poets find it
Sad to say
They won’t get rich
Cuz rhyme doesn’t pay

You know you’re getting old
When this statement rings true
“My back goes out”
“More often than I do”

The Cheshire Cat
One must concede
Is clearly part of
A vanishing breed

Being a meditation instructor
Might be a fun thing
If you like getting paid
For sitting and doing nothing

She strove to be a beauty queen
She primped, she preened, she fussed
But didn’t get too far, it seems
They crowned her “Miss The Bus”

There are three things in life
You can’t avoid now, damn
In addition to death and taxes
There is also spam

In hide and seek
Bigfoot ain’t dumb
He calls out loud,
“Yeti or not, here I come”

My nose I’ve now
Come to embrace
It is the scenter
Of my face

I craved a house from I.M. Pei
They looked so very nice
But I would never get one cuz
He asked too high a Preice

So the term is finally over
And we have the final result
From the 9 justices of
The Supreme Cult

It’s very important not to frown
While struggling up life’s summit
For it’s not as hard to get up there
As it is to come down from it

When a mighty oak got ill
It found relief
By using a bit of
Accumulated sick leaf

The landscaping guy
Got much laughter
When he said his skills
Were much sod after

In Venezuela,
Demonstrations
When they win
Caracus Celebrations

Is it real?
Or am I dreaming?
That urology course
Now is streaming

The bill for my fake hair
Somehow got missed
But now it’s on
My “To-pay” list

The heart surgeon told him
To be careful with eating
And to be kind to his aorta
It’s taking a beating

The new shocks that
Your car’s displaying
Are really great
It goes without swaying

I think it is
Quite on the mark
To say that Swedish dogs
Bjark

At the Den of Thieves Bar
Complete disorder
It seems they always
Take your order

He signed up for instant credit
And thought that he was set
But sadly soon discovered
What he got was instant debt

When I heard this claim
I almost choked
They say sea gars
Taste good when smoked

Norm Macdonald
It can be said
Is now performing
On Saturday Night Dead

The pinsetter is
A wonderful schlup
His girlfriend loves it
When he stands her up

You should try to avoid
The ultimate futility
Anytime someone refers to
A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY

At the sausage, the German kid scowled
Declaring, “I won’t eat that”
The mother shook her head and said,
“That’s a spoiled brat”

The computer chip
Is getting soft
Making errors
A wee bit off