Silly

He took out his moral compass
Did the scammer, for what it’s worth
And went the direction it pointed
Untrue north

Think about the time
With people you keep
Measured not just how long
But also how deep

The Royal puppeteer
Is a man of many things
And with his brand new title
He’s Lord of the Strings

The snowman saw
A lass quite cute
Turns out she was
A frostitute

When it comes to prose that’s powerful
The best is often blunt
Some struggle with their writing
But Joan Didion’t

If on a tree
You do a vasectomy
It’s known as an
Aspendectomy

A homeless ghost
Finds it daunting
When he needs a place
He goes house haunting

If a cute, furry four legged animal
Is flying overhead with drama
And a watch is melting by its side
Then you can say to all with pride
You’ve seen the Dali llama

Samuel Morse
Was glad he got her
So it’s true to say
He loved his dotter

That new Greek movie
The critics agree
Is really something
You Odyssey

Effortless in her moving styles
Producing the very happiest smiles
At the national gymnastics trials
Poetry in motion – Simone Biles

I’m committing abominable
Poetic crimes
Writing verses with meter
That usually rhyme

A painter got in trouble
The cop said he saw
“This individual had”
“A bad brush with the law”

My Jimmy Hoffa sock keeps disappearing

A very expensive rental car
I got despite alerts
And now as I prepare to pay
It Hertz

That multilingual guy
Thinks he’s a riot
I wish he’d learn sign language
To keep him quiet

Consider my friend, the runner
Whose various running styles
Are captured most succinctly in
The name he goes by, Miles

Standing crooked? No I’m not
This posture’s one I practice
So I can fully compensate
For Earth’s very tilted axis

My electrician sure
Was not amused
When he said, “Get breakers”
I refused

That lumberjack
Does work quite stellar
I think that he’s
A real nice feller

When I watch orcas
On vacation
I see them at
The whale way station

Exaggeration
It would appear
Is a billion times more common
This year

Dad says all the mistakes I make
Are unnecessary and aberrant
And that is why he calls me
His err apparent

What is the world to a mouse?
It’s a hole in the wall of a house
Near a source of some cheese
It can access at ease
And enough stuff to share with its spouse

My neighbor ran over
My platypus
Leaving me with
A duck-billed flatypus

Some say menstrual cramps
Cause too much reacting
A classic case
Of ovary acting

What’s happened to the written word?
It’s on its way out, it seems
Destroyed by people most absurd
Who communicate with memes

The worst dessert
That you can bake
Is what is known as
A stomach cake

Will stenographers
Who mis-transcribed
Discover they have
Been described?

I saw today is Opposite Day
As soon as I’d arisen
It is the time when what usually is
Isn’t

Talk is really cheap they say
On this I will expand
The situation happens when
Supply exceeds demand

What is the world to a gnat?
Everything is much bigger than that
From a fly or mosquito
To a tasty Dorito
No one ever would call a gnat fat

I cannot handle
Being overweight
Because I have
Too much on my plate

I’d like to note
On this occasion
That The Police
Was a Sting operation

I’m bluer as you come nearer
And redder when you leave
But the only romance involved here
Is Doppler, I believe

When electricity production
From the turbine took vacation
It certainly was a
No wind situation

The toppermost dolphin
Of all dolphin groups
Is well aware getting there
Means jumping through hoops

When finding your way in the world today
The journey may be rather dark
And carving out a path to success
May involve some cutting remarks

In the 17th century
There were no tweets
People were baroque
And luting in the streets

The antisocial group
Which started last week
Announced it has
No plans to meet

This is a messy bathroom
And it is getting old
To complain about it constantly
Same mold, same mold

I have a wish
A dream, as it were
Of turning back
My oldometer

The private eye named Mr. Holmes
Looked at a bed in shock
He said to Watson, “Something’s gone”
The reply? “No sheet Sherlock”

I like to deal
In contradictions
So I will never
Make predictions

The old lady winked at the old guy and said,
“Let’s go upstairs and have some sex fun”
Her partner moaned, “You’ll have to decide”
“I can only manage one”

The little baby’s got it made
I think that’s fair to say
He sleeps all night and poops his pants
And laziness crib all day

Dying for your country
Has its proponents
So long as it happens
To their opponents

I drink my beer
And have to trot
It is the reason
IPA lot

On smoking marijuana, I hear it’s true
Your memory goes away from you
There’s just one thing. I have no clue
What does smoking marijuana do?

Faster than a swimming turtle
More powerful than a locomotive
Able to dodge crushing
By a big automotive

He protects amphibians
Effortlessly
The slimiest superhero
Salamander Dundee

When it comes
To expressing gratitude
He truly has
A baditude

A carnation is a flower that
You often give away
And also a description of
The whole US of A

My chimney has a bird home
Where they can come to rest
Around our house we call it
One flue over the cuckoo’s nest

You’d think from being homeless
He would embrace it
But once he got a roof o’er his head
He went and raised it

My alarm clock’s ring
Is way too soft
It’s always leaving
Me ticked off

For positive thinking
This philosophical man
Helps if you’re sinking –
Emmanuel Kan

So the term is finally over
And we have the final result
From the 9 justices of
The Supreme Cult

When it comes to matters
Of the heart
It starts with falling in love
And ends with falling apart

If a writer can write
And a singer can sing
Then what about fingers
Why can they not fing?

Electric cars
Really rock
Each with its own
Sticker shock

Dad’s sister waited all night for me
Sitting and drinking chianti
You know, it’s really nice sometimes
To have a vigil auntie

It is that time of year again
When gardeners give it a whirl
Encouraging tiny seedlings
“You grow girl”

Although it might cause me
Bodily harm
To be ambidextrous
I’d give my right arm

Recall GEORGE BUSH the younger
His race left many sore
Some say it’s true right to this day
That HE BUGS GORE

Talk is cheap, I used to think
But my premise fell flat
With a single comment from my friend,
“Try telling a lawyer that”

My scientific article
On whales has been impeded
The journal called it incomplete
There were cetaceans needed

A doily collector
Very eager
Really is
A frill seeker

(Thanks to Indira Rajagopal for the idea)

One bird to another
Gave a terrible line
“I ate all the dinner”
“You weren’t heron time”

A bit of future
I need to borrow
Stuck here in the past
Of tomorrow

What is the world to the breeze?
It’s the rustling noise of the trees
As the wind passes through
Moving leaves all askew
To some widely varying degrees

With all the strength
That they can muster
Horsemen become
Filly busters

My editor who’s always
Making a fuss
Should be classified as
Homo correctus

Here it’s stated
What the facts is
Chiropractors
Pay back taxes

You walk the hall to get a pen
But suffer from amnesia
Why did you leave your office then?
A case of destinesia

There’s a hieroglyphic Wheel of Fortune
At which the purists scowl
It seems contestants in this game
Have to buy a fowl

So I’ve got a peanut allergy
I don’t tolerate them well
My doc says that’s my problem
In a nutshell

At the detergent contest held today
Many applicants were denied
And when the winners were announced
They all were fit to be Tide

And tell me please if you think I
Am being too erratic
When I declare out loud that I
Am rather MILDLY ECSTATIC

Australian fans
Root for the catcher
Of course, their team is
The Perth Snatchers

A crime has been committed
And a new Wanted poster’s arrived
It concerns Schrodinger’s cat
Wanted, Dead and Alive

Please be careful
Don’t laugh out loud
Should you hear reference to
A SMALL CROWD

On my dear wife I’ve cheated
The reason very clear
I’m sure ‘twould not have happened
If only she were here

It wasn’t due to problems
I love everything about her
But the sad truth is that I have been
WORDLING without her

In the Bronze Age Olympics
The available metal
Meant the very best athlete
Got the bronze medal

What is the world to a mole?
It’s surrounded by dirt in a hole
They are known to be thorough
Digging deep in a burrow
And that is the mole’s tiny role

Pinocchio asked
A collegian
About the pains
In his lumber region

Of tall people
It has been said
All of them
Sleep longer in bed

For my reclining chair
I am a maniac
That’s because it and I
Go way back

And Oppenheimer
Responding last
Said our event
Sounded like a blast

I think it is
Quite on the mark
To say that Swedish dogs
Bjark

Regarding morning people
Some tell me I am evil
For liking all things about them
Except the mornings
Except the people

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And isn’t there something better than sitting around making up dopey verses that you could do?

Leading doctors
Have this to say
The sex drive increases
When significant others move away

My brain is driving me crazy
It makes me want to shout
Why is it songs stick in my head
But everything else slips out?

My diet plan
Is a winner
Eating rope for lunch
Skipping dinner

Down in France,
They all prefer
To be rooting for
The Cannes Openers

I’m blue when I say goodbye
So I project a plethora
I can’t help it, though
It’s my cyan aura

The plant materials spilled
That I most needed
Now my yard
Is super-seeded

A music teacher
Got strange looks
When she said that she
Makes students read band books

Lorena Bobbitt
Is feeling sick
Out driving today,
She got cut off by some prick

For poker playing plumbers
No one has any doubts
The rules are slightly different
A flush always beats a full house

When I exceeded
The speed of light
I learned
It wasn’t right

“You broke the law”
They told me, shrieking
And I was,
Relatively speaking

The Jolly Green Giant got sick, I hear
With urine the color of a pea
He’s on the mend, it would appear
Since he got hooked up to the ivy

In Hawaii, I hear
When tourism’s off
It always means
Many lei-offs

Governments know
What the facts is
Their world revolves
On its taxes

Fall is the time
Of year, you know
When leaves get raked
So there’s room for the snow

Evil chickens
Are the dregs
I hear they lay
Deviled eggs

The urology conference
Just made a correction
No one should sit
In VIPee sections

Consider now the humble turtle
For whom all movement is a hurdle
They’re bashful too and you can tell
When you try to get them out of their shell

Fans of short folks
Who are very wise
Will cheer for France’s
Lisle Bitty Guys

Oregon’s leaving the Pac-12
Chasing dollars and cents
By abruptly stating
The Ducklaration of Independence

The candy companies
Know how to spin it
To them a sucker’s
Born every minute

Captain Hook
For all to see
Ran his ship
Single-handedly

Don’t believe everything you hear
“Nothing is impossible,” some folks say
But I know scads of people, my dear
Who do nothing every single day

The sexiest wizard
You’ll ever know
Went by the name
Of Merlin Monroe

When I was out in Bangkok
The craziest thing I’d seen
Was a guy refusing a ride back home
Cuz he didn’t want to travel in a Thai machine

Two tiny atoms
A boy and girl
Somewhere in
This crazy world

Were happy when
Each other found
So they went out
Onto the town

A splendid time
The atoms had
Arriving home
They got unclad

And rub each other
The atoms did
Before you know it,
An atom kid

A mathematician
It doesn’t take
To see the fission
In fusion’s wake

At the Buddhist retreat
I am all wet for now
Because I forgot
To bring my Tao

A eunuch is a person who
Is there through thick and thin
Some describe one as a man
With his works cut out for him

Reese, it’s true
Each day ‘fore noon
Eats her cereal
Witherspoon

The British fans
Make many squeals
Cheering for
The Essex Appeals

The calculus guy
No joy he brings
Cuz he’s always making
A math of things

A fiancee who’s
An inspiration
Can become a spouse
Of exasperation

After I die
Please don’t sob or whine
A simple cremation
Will soot me fine

Our veterinarian has a sign
For when she is away
It has the jive “I’m Back In Five”
“But Meanwhile SIT! & STAY!”

A husband goes to work to earn
His living out near Rome
But causes problems often on
The daisies back at home

The minus key on her calculator
Didn’t work, for sure
I told the lady she should fix it
She said it made no difference to her

Sex is a sport
Where it is most sensible
To prefer an amateur
Over a professional

A bit of homespun wisdom
May be useful here, perhaps
“Tis better for your piano to have lobsters”
“Than for your organ to have crabs”

I wanted some sushi
It’s my kind of meal
But the price, too expensive
Such a raw deal

“The Argument Resolution Book”
Is brilliant and it’s deft
I congratulate the man who wrote it
He goes by Xavier Breath

A voting booth
In a political race
Is an election’s
Mark-it place

3D printers cost a lot
But certainly worth every dime
In 4D they can also work
If you just give them time

My longtime quest
For a job is done
I hear Search and Rescue
Is looking for someone

I believe in alcohol
On religion, I’m aloof
The diff between the two of them?
Alcohol has proof

A pair of shoes discussing life
Conclude it can’t be understood
Until they’ve walked a mile
On the other one’s foot

In the garden club
They all agreed
Basil should be
The number one seed

Tony Dow’s no more
He’s gone, by golly
Famous for being
The Beav’s brother Wally

At boxing weddings
Everyone stares
Because they are
Black eye affairs

And finally, please hear my plea
Before my rant is done
I think it is impossible
To be alone with someone

A husband of 30 years
Just got burned to ashes
He said his wife’s hot
But only in flashes

It may seem confusing
But wherever you are
Money spent locally
Goes very far

I can’t retire
I said to Peg
Because somebody
Poached my nest egg

She knew as much about fishing
As her fisherman date
Both aware that you catch more
When you wiggle the bait

Lumber mills
Are working smarter
Because these days
They must ply harder

The chef unhappy
Did declare
When he serves raw steak
It is rare

My wife, how I love her
She is a person whom
Said there’s no way that she would stand
For a urinal in our bathroom

Working in bioinformatics
Was high on Rachel’s list
Because she always wanted
To data scientist

U-turn is a reversing move
With a car or with your legs
And also an instruction for
Making easy over eggs

Our cruise ship is sinking
Can you hear the alerts?
You bail out the water
I’ll eat the desserts

I don’t know the how,
Or why or whether
But why are “apart”ments
Close together?

To turn on a faucet
I’d suggest
Just giving it
A warm caress

The Pillsbury Doughboy
On command
Goes to potty
In a bread pan

The boomerang’s a device
You can send on a tour
Knowing that it’ll
Come back to where you’re

A PRESBYTERIAN on his knees
Is not so very rare
I’ve heard them claim that they’re the ones
Who are the BEST IN PRAYER

When a UFO landed here the Earth
Our people were a big unknown
What the aliens found most human
Was staring at a phone

A teacher made a Mobius strip
The class was mystified
But despite their mass confusion
It seems that just Juan sighed

For dogs, it’s true
What people say
Every day’s
A howliday