Dumb Baby Names

(To the tune of “Sweet Baby James”)

(Optional words in parentheses)

My sister was pregnant, right at the stage
When cravings and sickness occupied ev’ry morning
She wasn’t quite showing. There was plenty of warning
Awaiting the day when she turned the next page

The doctor can’t tell her the sex of the baby
Just too early for painting the walls pink or blue
Closing her eyes she is thinking (that) maybe
She’d better get naming her new babaloo
There was nothing much better to do

Went Googling to find all the way these
Parents pick (out) dumb baby names
Rockford and Breen and a boy named Marine
Can’t she find something better to do?
Like not picking out a dumb baby name

Fast forward two decades the kid is all grown
And he’s starting to step out a bit on his own
In his hands are some papers with a story (that’s) well known
He’s got a big date and just one (big) step to go-o-o-o

The judge says to him, “There are things that are given
And taken for granted by everyone here
You think you can change up the life you are liv’n
If you really believe it then it just might come true
(So) I think my decision is clear”

He says, “I approve (the) petition
The man (here) shall have a new name
I do not oppose the new one he chose
So his first name’s no longer ‘Eighteen’
Mr. Wheeler may call himself James”


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