Local Nincompoop
Confused by February
Expressing relief when the confusing month of February was finally over, local nincompoop Todd Wardlow let out a giant sigh in front of reporters. Wardlow, who experienced numerous difficulties related to the month explained that February is a stressful time for him.
First, he pointed out he never really got Groundhog’s Day. “I went to the movie and watched it six times, I think,” he said. “It was weird. I wasn’t sure when it was over because the same thing kept happening and happening and happening. Thank god I went to the bathroom, or I’d still be there.”
Expressing confusion about St. Valentine’s Day, Wardlow stated “February 14, right? It’s a holiday, right? Aren’t we supposed to get holidays off? I asked the boss about this, but he said it wasn’t “observed.” Now I know that’s a bunch of malarky because my wife told me I was certainly going to observe it! When I explained to her what the boss said, she wouldn’t listen. I didn’t know what to do, so I called in sick, but then my wife went to work and I was home alone.”
After Valentine’s Day, President’s Day caused the most confusion for Wardlow. “It’s always on a Monday, right?”, he said. “How weird is it that all of the Presidents were born on Monday? Is it like a requirement for the office? If you’re born on a Tuesday, do they say ‘Sorry you can’t go any higher than Vice-President?’ That doesn’t seem fair.”
The length of the month was the last curveball for Wardlow. “For the past three years, February had 28 days, so I naturally assumed that February would have 28 again this year. I know patterns when I see them. Imagine my surprise when I tore off my daily calendar and discovered it was February 29. I had to peek ahead just to make sure there wasn’t a February 30 as well. Who makes up these rules?”
Though Wardlow said he spent most of this February confused, he noted he was optimistic for the next February, declaring, “No way I won’t be prepared next year. I’ve already made plans for February 29.”
0 Comments