The Modern Martian Guide to Marketing

“You Are Here”
Great idea for a themed restaurant with strong name recognition. Unfortunately, mall map makers balked at putting the business name on their maps.

“Toys L Us”
The Japanese branch of the popular U.S. children’s store got in trouble for its insensitivity to the linguistic stereotype it portrayed

Icarus Brand Sunscreen”
Fantastic SPF 100 sunscreen that worked great until you actually got in the sun, where it melted off in a gooey mess, leaving users sticky, burned, and irate.

“Chicken Sushi”
Modeled on the popularity of the numerous chicken sandwiches at most fast food chains, Chicken Sushi never recovered from the stigma created by the thousands of salmonella food poisonings it spawned.

“For Sale By Renter”
An entry in the realty marketplace to compete with Coldwell Banker and Century 21, For Sale By Renter had a HUGE potential group of sellers, but unfortunately ran into legal issues. Its sister business, “For Sale By Neighbor” encountered many of the same problems and both businesses folded.

“Buy One, Get None”
Conceived primarily to assist business concerns of needing to keep large amounts of inventory, Buy One, Get None did well in its first week or so of operation, but, with virtually no return customers, succumbed to cash flow issues.

“Jack and the Beans Talk”
Great name recognition for a promising enterprise, but negative messaging for potential patrons of a Mexican restaurant chain.

“Crypto Knights”
Though it aspired to be the online banking locale for bitcoin and related currencies, Crypto Knights suffered considerably from confusion of potential customers who understood it to be a store dealing in Superman memorabilia.

“PeaPal”
Designed as a Web-based site to help gardeners stay in touch and share tips, stories, and pix, PeaPal’s business plan had not anticipated dealing with poor-spelling golden shower enthusiasts searching for a similarly named set of pages or for their own customers who stumbled accidentally (and disgustingly) on the golden shower site.

“Truss Tissues”
Originally conceived by Kleenex as a paper-based product to help inguinal hernia sufferers clean up around their supportive belts, a series of factory recalls resulted in Truss Tissues having trust issues and the product failed.

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