Oscar Gemmel, owner of a labrador retriever named Rex, recently took his desktop computer to Buckley’s Computer Center in downtown Rolling Pin, NV for an upgrade. They surprised him by replacing a power supply and adding 48 GB of RAM, a giant hard drive and a two year old trained skunk. Gemmel reports now that every time he turns his system on, he can CPU.
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White Out
East Lipid, Wisconsin mourns the tragic and unexpected passing on Saturday of Snow White. Born briefly to immigrant parents, Roy and Lydia (Stiple) White in Gary, Indiana, Snow was the first of the great cartoon stars of the 1930s, hitting the big time in the eponymous Disney film of 1937. She was preceded in death by her parents, everyone in her high school drama class and a parakeet, Chipper. Three sisters survive, Pearly, Off, and Lily.
Marsupial Delights
Shrieking about a strange marsupial with a snout resembling Donald Duck’s that spoke to her, Joyce Collins, residence and marital status unknown, reported to local authorities that the four-legged beast kept repeating boring moral judgments ad nauseum. Local animal control specialist, Duane Siefert of Shermont, VT, brushed aside any concern, describing the remarks as simply, “Duck-billed Platitudes.”
Nuptials
Blushing bride, Spelda Grell joined Stanley Fetler in wedded bliss at Our Lady of the Pants Church in Buffalo Bottoms, WY on Thursday. Dressed in a ravishing white dress and attended by three bridesmaids and Maid of Honor, Brenda Grell, her sister, Spelda’s race to the altar reportedly involved a great many laps.
Playing Chicken
Local truck driver, Elmond Debble of nearby Flaming Hills was severely injured recently when the load of baby chickens he was hauling slid down an embankment within about five miles of its destination, the Foster Farms processing facility in Cranial Hole, WV. Commenting from his hospital bed, Debble stated, “I never seen what hit me. One minute I was on the road and the next I was in the ditch.” Police say fowl play is suspected.
In the News
The last human written poem was composed yesterday in Petrified Eagle, WY by Stanley Mettleman. In the twelve line ode, Mr. Mettleman expressed his love for the human condition and concern he might be one of a dying breed. The latter observation turned out to be tragically prescient when Mr. Mettleman died unexpectedly three hours later.
Short Story
She said she was a plant person
I said plants are just life support for roots
I miss her
Haiku Very Much
Between phone ringings,
Silence waits on hold again
Remembering peace
Losing Your Head
When aspiring dieter, Joel Doitsomeday of Pucker Off, DE said he planned to lose “ten pounds of ugly fat” in the new year, his friend, Owen Allot, urged caution. “A worthy goal,” Allot stated, “but don’t lose your head trying to achieve it.”