Limericks

King Hamlet was known to complain
And the reason is really quite plain
Seems he got enraged
The more that he aged
It’s not fun if you’re a grayed Dane

When the partying spices raised hell
One of them lost their balance and fell
Was it pushed in a rage
By a rampaging sage?
At this point only thyme will tell

When I went out and planted that pear
At the seed I just had to stare
Cuz I heard in the ground
That botanists found
There is a root awakening there

The European snow caused a rift
When the wind blowing it was quite swift
The problems abounded
Most airlines were grounded
Cuz there was a continental drift

We’re worried – don’t know what to do
The old castle we bought turned us blue
And now we are told
The furnace – too cold
We can’t have archaic and heat it too

A scientist working in Queens
Gathers data from studying genes
More’s better you know
For predictions and so
The N’s truly justify the means

A stripper referred to as Blaze
Can really turn heads and amaze
Pilots come from afar
To watch this young star
Cuz she does take-offs on runways

A pleasant Peruvian gent
Left me with insightful comment
He told me the light
We turn on at night
Arises from Incan descent

Too bad that his hide got all scratched
When a beehive of honey was snatched
It’s cuz the Pooh bear
Was quite unaware
It came with a few stings attached

My bird feeder food’s often stolen
A hungry young squirrel’s dinner golden
So the pole I have greased
To desist and to cease
It’s the best kind of climb it controllin’

The gymnast most proper and prim
Said her boyfriend was not just a whim
He seemed to her of course
Like a large pommel horse
And that’s why she’s flipped over him

Out of courtroom the particle marched
The public’s outrage much enlarged
It’s a sign of the times
For atomic-al crimes
That a neutron just cannot be charged

Most people I think would admit
Net neutrality is a great fit
But the FCC head
Tried to kill it quite dead
To me, he’s just a piece, Ajit

At the coop on the farm, morning rays
Bother chickens in rather odd ways
Near the end of the week
Their outlooks are bleak
Because all of them dread fry days

The ghost at the house with the view
Was hoping the news might be true
Because there’s a claim
He’s getting some fame
With a listing to come in Boos Who

Last weekend I seem to recall
A shoemaker starting to bawl
‘Bout loaning his tools
To one group of fools
It seems that he gave them his awl

The election that happens this fall
Is one that will matter to all
So tell every neighbor
To vote for Biff Traber
So Corvallis can stay on the ball

It seems once again I’ve been caught
Misspelling a word I’ve been taught
But my face won’t redden
The word’s ‘armageddon’
And the end of the world, it is not

At the reptilian show at the zoo
They promised us something brand new
What they had made me gasp
An incredible asp
They revealed in a big snake preview

The eclipse hotel prices aren’t comic
Some say it is just economic
High demand, low supply
Are the main reasons why
The rates are so darned astronomic

In the pasture the shepherd atop
A hill watches over his crop
And stroking his beard
Says when they get sheared
They’ll go down to the baa baa shop

After dumping a whole lot of loot
The owner was set to compute
He got a great deal
The buyer revealed
Cuz they threw in an OS to boot

Consider the lazy guy Dan
For whom exercise is a sham
He says that his goal
Is just to enroll
In a fitness protection program

The vote yesterday left me flat
I now remove my campaign hat
Mice went for the tease
Of a wee bit of cheese
Did they not know it came from a cat?

A hillbilly preaching sensation
Was inspiring the hillbilly nation
When this smooth talker said
He’d returned from the dead
He described it as reintarnation

For a dolphin the name is preferred
But for fowl it would be most absurd
That’s why the producer
A most careful chooser
Would never make “Flipper, the Bird”

I’d like to have it duly noted
To this I am truly devoted
The one request I
Have after I die
Is simply to be drawn and quoted

The nanny goat said, “It’s not fair”
“When I look around everywhere”
“I see fancier goats”
“Who get all the votes”
“I sure wish that I had mohair”

The geography professor named Miles
While grading exams was all smiles
When asked to please give her
The young Egypt rivers
A student replied “juveniles”

The earnest young fisherman Brett
Fell in love with a lovely brunette
He knew that this lass
Would help him catch bass
When she told him that she was Annette

The queen bee will have to face facts
If she gives her beehive the ax
The one biggest catch
Of starting from scratch
Is facing a new ball of wax

The daring young songwriter, Wayne
Is frustrated, going insane
The cause of his woes
Everyone knows
Happens when he is asked to refrain

The sea monster back from a fling
Had his jaw wrapped up in a sling
Took too big a bite
Of a ship late last night
Can’t believe that he ate the hull thing

It’s true on the special occasion
Of your very important donation
That the generous gift
Will truly truly uplift
Needy students here in Beaver Nation

Zee Hungarian actress Zsa Zsa
Left zee people around her in awe
Putting stripes on her chest
She painted both breasts
Zen forgot to put zem in zebra

A geek doing coding in Guam
Encountered an odd software bomb
When he emptied the trash
He heard a big crash
And got sent to kingdom dot com

A lazy young rooster named Chuck
In his bed every sunrise was stuck
The hens without warning
Surprised him one morning
By re-setting his alarm cluck

In peddling boats out of Wales
A merchant most always regales
By telling them one
Ridiculous pun
That all of his ships are on sails

In Russia there’s something they’ve got
Up north at a big graveyard lot
When you open your eyes
To where Lenin lies
You’ll find a big Communist plot

While fluttering around in the hall
The butterfly started to bawl
He hadn’t a chance
To go to the dance
Because it was just a mothball

In Mexico the census rolls on
Tallying up almost everyone
It’s impressive, I guess
Maybe we should assess
The way that they count – Juan by Juan

The navy put out a brochure
Inviting the clergy to tour
Their dry dock of note
That holds a big boat
Cuz it’s a house of warship, for sure

My roommates think I am a flake
Saying I really made a mistake
I stole – now they’re bitchin’
A broom from the kitchen
It’s a whisk I was willing to take

An orange who calls herself Nell
Is one lovely mademoiselle
Who went to the doc
At seven o’clock
Because she was not peeling well

The rug makers are a sensation
Each product a lovely creation
Some folks say that they
Like working for a
Knot for profit organization

In Florida I’m thinking perhaps
A medicine bottle’s collapse
Might be the result
Of user tumult
That comes from their Tampa-proof caps

The dry cleaner’s income enlarges
From a judge whom he oft overcharges
To take out the wrinkles
There’s an iron that sprinkles
But for that he adds on pressing charges

A daring med student, Ms Bui
Wants to have one more limerick from me
Hmm, what should I say?
It’s past her birthday
And she no longer is twenty thwee

Some things plastic surgeons replace
May be noses or teeth, no disgrace
They know that such bridges
Fit into the ridges
Because they just get in your face

The blood specialist old Dr. Wayne
May have to go back and retrain
Because when he sought
The patient’s blood clot
His search was completely in vein

On St. Patty’s Day scary ghosts choose
One drink to cure all of their blues
It could have vodka or rum
But the main rule of thumb
Is that it has got to have boos

I said to her manager, Fred
The singer Ms Reese is well read
But said something dumb
I dread the outcome
Is Delaware of what she just said?

Some canine meat’s better than frog
Claim the carnivores gathered in Prague
The best part’s the pelvis
Says the guy they call Elvis
Who ate nothin’ but a hound dog

The archeology entourage
Will go digging in one big barrage
At places Burmese
Each one guarantees
It will be a long bone voyage

My humor is not very deep
So I hope this one isn’t too cheap
But a license I saw
Simply said “BAA BAA”
Appropriately on a black jeep

The apiarist’s plan is much bolder
For riches when he gets much older
He thinks that the money
Will come from the honey
That’s all in the hive of the bee holder

The guy who was high acted mad
Screwing up his perception a tad
He should see a physician
About his condition
Cuz he was meth-ed up very bad

A bathroom thief known as John Sears
Was arrested and his trial nears
It will be held, no bull
At a big urinal
In front of a jury of his peers

Pavarotti, I heard from one source
Performs with a great tour de force
He’ll sing for an hour
Each day in the shower
Creating soap opera, of course

In seeking a career the young Brit
Tried tailoring, but soon had to quit
It wasn’t the work
That made his berserk
He just wasn’t suited for it

The salesperson acts rather chummy
His customers think him quite funny
That’s why they will stop
At his garden shop
He gives them all mower for their money

A Sushi meal may be imbued
With tastes that improve a bad mood
I never can wait
For some on my plate
It’s the rolls rice of Asian seafood

The Sea World phone message amused
Though at first I sure was confused
It is strangely worded
Saying calls are recorded
For training porpoises they will be used

I learned from the harried zoo boss
That the dam at the park is a loss
The occupants swam
Every fish, every clam
For the rest, it was otter chaos

The carpenter was in quite a race
To seal all the wood in this place
I just had to stare
One moment he’s there
The next he varnished without a trace

Those roses that came as a gift
Are wilted and don’t look so swift
My advice is that you’ve
Got to help them improve
By giving them all a vase lift

A percussionist Mr. Todd Voth
Detailed all his plans regards growth
He’ll drum it is sure
And would like to mature
Too bad that he cannot do both

One overweight man in Seattle
Is known to go on and to prattle
‘Bout wishing his waist
Could just be replaced
Oh dieting’s one losing battle

The mother standing there in mid-hall
Didn’t like her kid’s work on the wall
She took no delighting
In the marks and the writing
A crayon can make the kin scrawl

Captain Hook acted angry and swore
The last time that he went ashore
The reason he tiraded
Were prices inflated
Inside of the second hand store

I’m stating right here my defense
Cuz the logic to some won’t make sense
In the camp I can’t “run”
I must “ran” to have fun
Everything in the park’s done past tents

A beatnik psychiatrist named Matt
Does his biz at the drop of a hat
He might make a beeline
On spotting a feline
Cuz he is a real Freudy cat

The new girdle maker got buzz
The reason it’s true is because
When asked by a clerk
If his product would work
He said simply, “Of corset does”

A furniture kingpin was snappy
“He’s the best,” said his wife, sounding sappy
And that is quite good
As I understood
Because he is Sofa King happy

The Amtrak executive Mac
Was giving an engineer flack
“Please give me details”
“How many derails?”
The reply? He couldn’t keep track

The wee firefly’s mom had to gauge
Her response to not be upstaged
With one master stroke
This lady then spoke,
“He’s awfully bright for his age”

The Catholic scientist Gene
Was studying a brand new protein
The structure artistic
He described it holistic
As some kind of Chapel Cysteine
(Thanks to Megan Durst for the idea)

There was a big feeling of dread
When I spoke to my cousin named Ted
He learned he’s not prime
For being a mime
I think it was something he said

The monster’s response was quite prompt
Standing there as he snarled and stomped
Said “I’m sorry” to me
That he’d been absentee
The reason? He claimed he’d been swamped

The Raj said to the young Ms
The company idea was his
His diners get fed
With Indian bread
So he works in the “naan profit biz”

I don’t like my eggs to be cheesy
And hate them if they are too greasy
Perhaps I’m a pest
But I like it best
If I can get them ovar-easy

If his hair was not tightly held on
Captain Kirk’s message might be withdrawn
And replaced with a thought
That would not be forgot
Baldly going where no man has gone

It was quite embarrassing to me
That sex book of 1-9-6-3
And I am quite certain
Behind the iron curtain
They called it Commie Sutra, you see

An autobiographer Blount
Has written a quite large amount
His rather long story
Gives him all the glory
It is an I-witness account

If the church visionaries acquire
Some weed from that guy in the choir
They’ll giggle and joke
When they breathe in the smoke
And prophets will never be higher

At the wedding where vows were exchanged
The ceremony really was strange
It was in a forest
Between two young florists
Whose marriage it seems was arranged

With the Admiral doing his check
Ensign Chuck sure is feeling a wreck
The ship must be clean
No smudge to be seen
Or he will make Charles Schwab® the deck

The NBA chief let it go
His puzzlement hiding his woe
A big sense of dread
Was there when he said
“Wyoming left, I’ll never know”

A man from the far side of town
Had the look on his face of a frown
The cause for such gloom
I have to assume
Is gravity’s putting him down

A daring Kentuckian, Bill
Tired of drinking the same local swill
Took a chance rather risky
With a lass making whiskey
No surprises that he loves her still

I am sorry I have to convey
Some news that is quite hard to say
The Italian chef
Everybody called Jeff
Is gone. He has just pasta way

The stories got graver and graver
In the west after each hanging caper
It could not be doubted
You’d read all about it
By picking up any noose paper

An old lady in the Cascades
Has a job winning no accolades
She’s rather complex
Providing phone sex
And now she has got hearing AIDS

The Siamese twins oft get stares
As they’re an unusual pair
Of the estate they inherit
Will the two of them share it?
Or could this be just splitting heirs?

The critic of Broadway named Nast
Can certainly do his job fast
He said opening night
Was a horrible sight
And with that he stoned the first cast

A teen down in San Antonio
Was messaging pals don’t ya know
She advised her friend Rex
When sending a text
To “Remember the l-m-a-o”

And last, there’s this one simple fact
Moving forward, it may have impact
You are a believer
In Benny the Beaver
Those U of O folks are all quacked

A nun keeps her skin very white
By staying away from bright light
And scrubbing an hour
When taking a shower
She does out of habit each night

The riot policeman McDowd
Of his work ethic’s feeling quite proud
He says it is wise
To be early to rise
Much better for beating the crowd

Though the ad campaign stated quite clear
How the clothiers hoped to appear
They had to refuse
And cancel the use
Of “Go Out & Get Your Aspen Gear”

With the IRS, I was refined
But the auditor wasn’t so kind
Imposing on me
A big penalty
He sure had a big tax to grind

The astronaut wore a big frown
For the ticket he’d gotten in town
Now he’s got a fine
He ran out of time
Cuz his parking meteor ran down

This election, while we pick our new kings
Politicians are throwing mud-slings
Recall a crook’s one
Who does bad things, then runs
But candidates run, then do bad things

The Catwoman went out and stole
The City of Gotham’s payroll
But the judge was a sport
When she got to court
And just let her off on purrole

Ancient Greek children were amused
By a story teller very effuse
His prose and his rhymes
Hit home every time
We’re talking about Dr. Zeus

I hope that you won’t misconstrue
My feelings on sheep tried and true
I’m OK with a lamb
And also that ram
But I just do not know about ewe

The octopus sadly intoned
He felt he had just been dethroned
Because his ex-spouse
Was awarded the house
And she prawned everything that he owned

The lawyer arrived at his place
An embarrassing look on his face
To all he declared
“I’ve no underwear
Because I have lost my brief case”

He blamed it on snow and the sleet
It certainly wasn’t the heat
That gave Inuit doubt
And made him back out
A really bad case of cold feet

The knights of King Arthur once found
When they went to the pub in the town
Most who attended
Overextended
But Sir Cumference just got a round

An optometrist named Dr. Wise
Created an online surprise
It’s really the bomb
Conjunctivitis dot com
You know, it’s a site for sore eyes

With my friend a good diver named Meg
I want to go diving I beg
To swim with the sharks
In undersea parks
But it might cost an arm and a leg

A medical student named Liz
Studied hard for a urine-based quiz
When asked how did she
Understand all the pee
She replied that it just was a whiz

In Bangkok, a great local guy
Found a restaurant that served homemade pie
His three slices in haste
Did not go to waste
Instead, they ended up in a Thai

Benny Beaver out on vacation
Found trees in a dandy location
He spoke rather loud
To a gathering crowd
“I’m in a gnaw-ful situation”

Mr. Robin Hood likes to transfix
His friends with a few marksman tricks
The path for his shooting
Involves some computing
To follow the arrow dynamics

A shy lad afraid of romance
Was worried there might a chance
That he’d have to bop
When at the sock hop
So he’s practicing his avoi dance

In the desert the full entourage
Saw an animal as a mirage
The hump-backed surprise
Was simply disguised
In a word it was just camelflaged

Gas station attendants have said it
Though in restaurants, it sure is wrong-headed
In Flint there’s no blinking
They ask if you’re drinking
“Regular or the unleaded?”

The astronomer called Dalton Powers
Every night a big steak he devours
This noted contrarian
A non-vegetarian
Is hoping for meatier showers

The chief out at Tesla’s conveying
Commands that his car is obeying
Its route gets designed
From reading your mind
I guess that it goes without saying

The movie I’ll to go see next
Down at the cinema complex
Is about the addition
Of mathematicians
I hear it has special f(x)

The soccer team’s captain now catches
The point of her coach’s dispatches
It’s all so much brighter
Since he gave them lighters
Because they kept losing their matches

Santa’s helpers are not what they seem
Always upbeat and working in teams
Sometimes it is claimed
They all feel ashamed
Because they have low elf esteem

Excuse me for being so gruff
With computing I’ve had quite enough
I typed in ‘beef stew”
For password renew
But it said it was not stroganoff

The guillotine guy in reflection
Realized he must make a correction
The townspeople scurry
Cuz all of them worry
He’d beheaded in their direction

A limerick is not just a verse
With five lines, for better or worse
If you’re seeking some gold
For your writing, I’m told
That the pay can be truly per verse

In their schools little fishies await
A subject they think is so great
They’re not in a path
To sign up for math
Instead most of them take debate

That ape flying high this past noon
Thinks he can reach out, touch the moon
So how did this guy
Get up in the sky?
It’s cuz he’s a hot air baboon

The fraternity guy did espouse
Some views on teetotaling – that louse
So we took a vote
The results are, I quote
“There’s not a dry aye in the house”

On the telly a story began
Of inventors who had cunning plans
Said the news commentator
The egg incubator
Was the product of one hatch-it man

A steer at a field in Kauai
Found some “grass” from an old hippie guy
He ate it then zowie!
‘Twas real Maui wowie
And that’s why the steaks were so high

The farmer erased a big frown
His wandering stock was just found
When they asked him how
He found his lost cow
He said that he just tractor down

One German I know claims that he’s
Having trouble with things that he sees
This big picture guy
Is wondering why
He can’t cedar forest for der trees

Two florists who work by the bay
Have something that they’d like to say
Their work with the plants
Involving transplants
Makes them petal pushers, okay?

With curiosity always up high
At Easter the children let fly
A question that’s funny
To their Easter bunny
“So where do eggs go when they dye?”

The top Wheel of Fortune banana
Told a crowd while out in Montana
That he gets delight
Darn near every night
Cuz it’s a great feeling, near Vanna

Justin B. it is said will persist
Being picky of girls he will kiss
His fav’rite romancer?
A chemist and dancer
He’s quite fond of Rockette scientists

The teenager’s friends were all crowing
Of the show to which they were a-going
Jan worried that she
Would be absentee
Because she had parents all no-ing

Consider the daring young Finn
With some topological chagrin
When he had to go zip
A Mobius strip
He didn’t know where to begin

The nudist does not have a prayer
To connect with that guy over there
You see, she’s irate
He asked for a date
But there wasn’t a thing she could wear

A razor that gets faces clean
Describes it as like a bad dream
What he says is of note
It goes, and I quote,
“Nobody knows the stubble I’ve seen”

A fellow was blowing his stack
From opening his mouth up to yak
Now he cannot freshen
His breath with discretion
Cuz he dropped on his toe the tic-tac

My friends ask me, “Why, Kevin why?”
“Are you odd when your friends ever die?”
I say “Don’t feel bad.”
“I truly get sad”
“But I’m not a mourning kind of guy”

A robin is getting together
Each muscle, each bone and each feather
The cause is this bird
Just recently heard
A forecast for very worm weather

In cutting our budget the trail blazer
Blamed it all of the business appraiser
It seemed he went nuts
With those big budget cuts
By using a real fund razor

“We think it’s worth raising this fuss”
Said the kids of the grapes on the bus
“We’ve turned out all right”
“Thanks to your guiding light”
“And so we say thanks for raisin us”

For the stunt, he did not have permission
So now he is with a physician
The fall was unreal
From the big Ferris Wheel
The boy’s truly in fair condition

A tombstone proprietor Janet
Has the strangest such shop on the planet
The odd thing’s her prices
Include certain spices
It seems that she takes thyme for granite

The thimble invention, my son
Is one of the best things they’ve done
If you’re one who sews
Then buy one of those
Or you will get stuck without one

The magician at sea known as Todd
Has a trick that’s incredibly odd
Putting fish on the deck
He says, “What the heck”
“Go ahead, pick a cod, any cod”

Somehow I don’t think it is right
Those airlines exerting their might
They offer a ride
And make you decide
Whether you should do fight or flight

The Icelander down at the bay
Was sad – no blubber buffet
Then he heard someone sing
This song in the spring
It goes, “Whale meat again one day”

Mr. Ritz stood before all his backers
Thanking them for the six million smackers
It is rare when folks say
They rejoice every day
You’re gonna go even more crackers

I’m sorry, but I have to brag
There’s a legless dog’s tail I make wag
He’s my favorite pet
His name’s Cigarette
Cuz I take him out for a drag

That kernel of popcorn named Ted
Is happy, as many have said
Though things may be bad
He never feels sad
He knows there are butter things ahead

The man in the desert admits
They may have to write his obit
It’s keeps getting hotter
There is no more water
He’s needing a big thirst aid kit

A geographer says it’s not fair
To blame him for something so rare
It seems there’s a flap
O’er a prob on his map
A small topographical error

To explain his longstanding stance
Against taking a risk in finance
The Gregorian guy
Gave a reason for why
He’s unable to leave things to chants

Consider the flowering mum
All dry sitting out in the sun
It said to its potter
“I can’t absorb water”
“So I must request a xylem”

Norwegians complain they get bored
Dull vacations provide no reward
So everyone chooses
To go out on cruises
It’s something they all can a fjord

In Oregon, nothing compares
To the animals getting the stares
So do not forget
To look when it’s wet
Or you’ll miss those big drizzly bears

As a limericist I’m telling you
My words really aren’t hard to chew
So don’t be afraid
With language portrayed
It’s just a phrase I’m going through

One newspaper story last week
Gave its readers a rather brief peek
Of a composer’s decision
To get new religion
With its headline of “Haydn Goes Sikh”

A squirrel up in his retreat
Is thinking that life’s pretty neat
The reason for this?
The little guy is
Quite secure in his nutcracker suite

At Christmas Darth Vader resents
What giving of gifts represents
It’s because he well knows
How gift giving goes
Because he can “feel their presence”

I’m not feeling good here and now
I need some improvement and how
That pat on the head
Was clearly misread
When I looked up under that cow

My best friend is sure in my prayers
Next to him, no one truly compares
This wonderful egg
Has only one leg
And says he has trouble with stares

That radiologist says he is sure
His new girlfriend is what he’d prefer
But I have to wonder
If she is a blunder
I don’t know what he sees in her

I don’t think that I would advise it
You’d better just simply revise it
Your book on sword fighters
Could be somewhat tighter
But please do not go Samurais it

My lady photographer chum
Uses film and I think that is dumb
Cuz she really hates
Development waits
One day, she says, her prints will come

My coroner friend known as Sam
Told the people around him, “I am”
“Where I’ve gotten today”
“Checking corpses for pay”
“Cuz I mastered a big stiff exam”

As Caesar put apples away
He noticed two gone one fine day
There was no dismissing
A pair was sure missing
He inquired, “Et two Bruté?”

I hear there is news on Broadway
Of a Disney production today
With Bambi and friends
It likely portends
A deer and an antelope play

I’m worried he’s getting too frail
From carrying things, never fail
He gets colder, then hotter
From all kinds of water
That bucket’s just looking too pail

A short lady I will call “Peg”
Made a comment that sure laid an egg
She said that she flirts
By wearing short skirts
To go and show off a little leg

The perfumist creating incense
Keeps an eye on his products’ expense
Here’s one rule of thumb
The profits come from
Just minding the dollars and scents

The guy fixing roofs, Mr. Skinner
Is new at it, just a beginner
On cold days it’s tricky
The sealant’s quite sticky
He wonders, “Will the Target® thinner?

After drinking two bottles of beer
Tom busted a window out here
And got in his ass
Every piece of the glass
Now he’s got a pane in the rear

A fish found that sounds seemed to fade
Leaving him feeling very dismayed
So he’ll see his doc
At seven o’clock
To get fitted for a herring aid

My Barbie the doll has been splurgin’
On treatments for acne emergin’
I think it’s a waste
It won’t get erased
What she needs is a good plastic surgeon

One father most certainly gets
Lots of happiness and no regrets
When his wee triplet boys
Are playing with toys
There’s nothing like watching son sets

“In October,” I said to MacVicar
The laughs always seem to come quicker
When I tell all the folks
My Halloween jokes
The responses I get are all Snickers

The octuplets’ mother and dad
Reflected on children they had
Their bundles of joys
Make ear piercing noise
So now they are stork raving mad

I was awfully sorry to learn
That the redemption center would spurn
My attempt to redeem
A bottle I cleaned
But it was a pint of no return

With respect to the shepherd named Joe
I’m sorry to say it is so
This leader and mentor
Is a big sheep pigmenter
He’s the biggest lamb dyer I know

At the fabric store there was a guy
Who stole many things by and by
They caught him one day
And locked him away
And a material witness was I

“It is difficult being ignored”
“I may just go out of my gourd”
He is rather frank
That small wooden plank
Informing his friends he is board

My kids’ orthodontist named Liz
Is truly a straightening wiz
She says rather snappy
That folks should be happy
To put their money where their mouth is

The owners of iPhones agree
Getting info works trivially
When you talk to it clear
The answers you hear
In a voice speaking Siri-ously

OK, I am feeling quite pissed
Because of the flight I just missed
My gut they’re decrying
So they said “no flying”
I guess I am on their weight list

I think that my friends would agree
My phone is a big oddity
It’s there at a touch
But not if you’re Dutch
I guess you would say it’s Hans free

The burger I have on my plate
Is yummy and I cannot wait
The energy’s higher
With steak or a fryer
Because they’re not in the ground state

The seamstress responded to Morrie
Who complained that his pants split was gory
She said “Sorry, though”
“It’s from long ago.”
And recited the seam old story

At the pen, they reported some news
Of surprisingly colorful views
A small piece of glass
Reflected en masse
Creating some Folsom prism blues