Limericks

The tiny fleas planning commutes
To dogs need reliable routes
For landing in hair
They first must prepare
By climbing into their jump suits

I think I have made a breakthrough
It’s a new way of making a shoe
I’ll make lots of loot
Using skin from a fruit
Cuz bananas make slippers it’s true

The ice cube is likely to talk
But nothing he says is a shock
This frozen lil cad
Is just like his dad
He’s just a chip off the old block

One magazine in this great nation
Is kaput – it’s now in cessation
’Twas called “Ceiling Fans”
What ruined their plans
Was said to be low circulation

Cleopatra didn’t have bones
Describing the subtle unknowns
Of why she reacted
To be so attracted
She claimed it was just pharaohmones
(Thanks to Robert Baldwin for the pun)

When driving I-5 near here you’re
Gonna find self-driving cars, for sure
So don’t get annoyed
With the wreck of a droid
That’s causing an R2-detour

My brother in law is a Turk
Who has a good job as a clerk
In spring it is nice
He sells lots of spice
It is a most seasonal work

He told Pinocchio “It is true
There’s oh so much more you could do”
Now don’t get delirious
Gepetto is serious
I’m sure that he wooden kid you

A watchmaker got in a bind
The stresses made him almost blind
I hope the occasion
Of a two week vacation
Will give him some time to unwind

I got from the fisherman Sherm
A lesson quite easy to learn
Catching fishes in schools
Means following rules
To get them, just use a bookworm

A flower arranger Louise
Ran away to the woods of Belize
When they went where she fled
The search party said
They can’t see the florist for the trees

The dieter looked every day
At the scale for what it would say
He’s cutting fat rolls
And meeting his goals
Let’s hope that he won’t blow a weigh

The Central Oregonian, Matt
Discovered an interesting fact
When he is outdoors
He unclogs his pores
And says that the Bend air done that

A driver one day made a spiel
Of worries he gets ‘hind the wheel
“This layer of white
Generates a big fright
Cuz to me it is snow, big deal”

My niece is a gardener – Mardi
Who thinks that she is a smarty
On her marriage occasion
The guest invitations
Got sent out to her weeding party

The fisherman tells us on whole
About a new spiritual role
He finds it appealing
Performing some healing
With tartar sauce – good for the sole

On hearing this tale from Bob Durst
I have to admit that I cursed
If German sausage comes
Devoid of a bun
They say it is simply the wurst

On the mountain where everyone flocks
To see all the young climbing jocks
You can sit all transfixed
As your drink’s being mixed
If you order it there on the rocks

I’m sorry if I’m seeming crude
And please do not call me a prude
But I blanch at schmucks
Driving 18 wheel trucks
Who like models in the semi, nude

The shepherds ‘round here all are cheering
Earning more for the stock they are rearing
They’re much more attentive
With one new incentive
Each one of them gets profit sheering

Consider Professor McPeep
Whose lectures are certainly deep
He’s rather dismayed
Because he gets paid
To talk in another one’s sleep

The election that happens this fall
Is one that will matter to all
So tell every neighbor
To vote for Biff Traber
So Corvallis can stay on the ball

The classmates among them agreed
On the future for their pal named Reid
This young man with charm
Will work on a farm
The most likely of them to sack seed

Dear Ellen I try to console her
Each time her fiance acts colder
This guy is a rat
A strong acrobat
Who has a big chap on his shoulder

That guy with the phobia talks
Of ideas most unorthodox
His thinking is clear
But it sure appears
Claustrophobics think out of the box

My best friend is sure in my prayers
Next to him, no one truly compares
This wonderful egg
Has only one leg
And says he has trouble with stares

The belt very sadly recants
Explaining that he had no chance
He’s now doing time
For one major crime
Convicted of holding up pants

The shoplifter’d have us believe
That he didn’t come in and thieve
But at my candy store
When he walked out the door
He had a few Twix up his sleeve

At the fabric store there was a guy
Who stole many things by and by
They caught him one day
And locked him away
And a material witness was I

At the kennel, a guy known as Kirk
Started working one day as a clerk
It’s not going well
His co-workers tell
He got a “bit behind” in his work

On the surface philosophers scratch
Guiding principles they can dispatch
It gets rather jolly
The back and forth volley
Occurring when their tenets match

The little ant kid raves and rants
Wondering how he has his circumstance
He isn’t amused
In fact, he’s confused
Seems all of his uncles are ants
(Thanks to Lisa Lin for the pun)

I won’t keep you much in suspense
Because what I’m saying makes sense
The museum curator
Of paintings has greater
Art official intelligence

They make food for the horses and bulls
And even the flying sea gulls
In the pet food arena
Ralston Purina
Always stops to bake for animals

The bride has a very sad tale
That’s causing her nightly to wail
He’s not a blue blood
Instead, he’s a dud
It looks like she got some junk male

A ghost hunter down in Peru
Created a thing that’s brand new
It was a disaster
Crossing Bambi with Casper
The result – a bunch of bamboo

Writing can be plodding and dense
With clauses, the verbs and their tense
If you’re in this bind
Keep one fact in mind
The grammarians have comma sense

A yes man will always for sure
Respond with a timid “yes sir”
With the boss, you know he
Will always agree
This guy really stoops to concur

The leprechaun said to his aunt
In a cute little leprechaun chant
“Despite many gains”
“My confidence wanes”
“I just feel that I’m a leprecan’t”

At the game on the local school grounds
Kangaroos made some horrible sounds
The reason you see
Was the sport’s referee
Who said they were all out of bounds

A century ago late one night
A vision led brothers to flight
They said everywhere
They’d fly in the air
Were they wrong? It turns out they were Wright

One collector, a man of success
Left his heirs an inheritance mess
Police and fire cars
Fire trucks with red bars
An estate of emergency, yes!

I tell now the story of Bradley
Whose accident went rather sadly
He stopped to pick up
A sieve in his cup
And strained himself ever so badly

The bartending workers report
When customers swallow a snort
They speak rather loudly
And get awfully rowdy
Cuz two pints can make one cavort

Patrick Stewart’s late father, you know
Worked on Singer machines long ago
When people would bring
In their broken things
They’d ask him to please, “Make it sew”

Charley Tuna knows deep down inside
Why he’s crossing the ocean’s divide
This chicken of the sea
Has decided that he
Must get over to its other tide

The theatre’s remodeling work
In the earthquake got rather berserk
A stage was uplifted
The balcony shifted
But worst was the giant tier jerk

Every student who comes to attend
OSU at Corvallis or Bend
Whenever they enter
The new Success Center
Will think of their very Beth friend

I heard it right straight from the source
I’m sure it is true, yes of course
The stoners are pleased
They split up with ease
And got joint custody in divorce

For the stunt, he did not have permission
So now he is with a physician
The fall was unreal
From the big Ferris Wheel
The boy’s truly in fair condition

I hope that this isn’t passé
But for song lyrics, hear what I say
You’re creating delight
In “Lion Sleeps Tonight”
When the urge is just a whim away

The dream I had last night at 3:00
Twas really a strange thing to see
I’m telling you straight
I lost all my weight
All the time I was like 0mg

The toadstool told me it was so
I guess he should certainly know
To spring from a seed
A fungus will need
As mushroom as possible to grow

There’s news at the mall Office Max
So I’m gonna give you all the facts
When buying cork board
You’ve always adored
They’re going to charge a thumb tax

An expert on sleeping named Ted
Raised a ruckus with what he just said
He claimed that his view
Is certainly true
That tall people sleep longer in bed

For this limerick, I encrypted a part
In the middle, not here at the start
To unlock, there’s a charge
Uibu xjmm cf very large
Or you can figure it out if you’re smart

The Raj said to the young Ms
The company idea was his
His diners get fed
With Indian bread
So he works in the “naan profit biz”

The buyer’s attention was snatched
By an offer that could not be matched
‘Twas for puppets, that’s clear
At a price that brought cheer
But each came with no strings attached

The modeling guy at Capri
On display was quite happy that he
Avoided the loathing
While showing off clothing
That knight there in shining Armani

His musical taste no one knocks
From baroque to some good techno rock
The reason for why
Is this classical guy
Started thinking outside of the Bachs

The Catwoman went out and stole
The City of Gotham’s payroll
But the judge was a sport
When she got to court
And just let her off on purrole

I think that my friends would agree
My phone is a big oddity
It’s there at a touch
But not if you’re Dutch
I guess you would say it’s Hans free

It seems the new shoe store recruit
Got in trouble for swiping store loot
They did not turn him in
For egregious sin
Instead they just gave him the boot

My dog has received a bad mark
On his driving test out at the park
He drove with both paws
And obeyed all the laws
But just couldn’t parallel bark

I went to the wig shop today
To get a hairpiece, by the way
I found what I sought
A cheap one I bought
It was such a small price toupée

Ancient Greek children were amused
By a story teller very effuse
His prose and his rhymes
Hit home every time
We’re talking about Dr. Zeus

I heard from a very smart guy
A statement he said he’d stand by
Said the old ABCs
Lacked a letter before Zs
The reason? Nobody knew y

In his manner the robber was candid
But the booty of which he demanded
When he hit the Red Cross
They threw him for a loss
That’s why he was captured red-handed

In cutting our budget the trail blazer
Blamed it all of the business appraiser
It seemed he went nuts
With those big budget cuts
By using a real fund razor

When business got slow for Doc Jake
The orthopedist then had to make
A problem to fix
From his bag of tricks
So he just slipped outside for a break

I’m not quite sure whether to pout
Or announce that I’m mad in a shout
My Word files – erased
Or badly misplaced
So tell me – WHO LET THE DOCX OUT?

The pooch sitting there on the floor
Is quite talented, friendly and more
I think that my pet’ll
Be good molding metal
Cuz he’s made a bolt for the door

With curiosity always up high
At Easter the children let fly
A question that’s funny
To their Easter bunny
“So where do eggs go when they dye?”

A fisherman rather ecstatic
Goes fishing, it’s quite automatic
He pulls in his catch
This guy has no match
I’d say he is quite the finatic

Amusement park children can enter
The merry go round in its splendor
And put money down
To go round and round
Their favorite whirled trade center

No need to be running ‘round shrieking
The answer to what you were seeking
From Boston to Rome
One’s castle is home
It’s true in a manor of speaking

The thief at his trial’s defense
Said the crime didn’t make any sense
Periods and commas
Were taken from dramas
The judge gave him one long sentence

Honeybees on their vacation
Found themselves in a “must” situation
None of them seemed to know
Where the group ought to “go”
Til they got to a big BP station

The guys in the bomb squad are tight
Looking out for each other, all right
But they sure weren’t thinking
When they went out drinking
And had a big blast late last night

A definition I heard made a splash
And here I will slowly rehash
If you suffer spasm
On hearing sarcasm
It may be a case of quip lash

That Native American, Pao
Got married, reciting her vows
Then had seven kids
That’s just what she did
They’re a big Hopi family now

The young baseball catcher Jerome
Is playing at the Astrodome
And sure has it made
Because he gets paid
Even though he is working from home

Japanese parents have a decision
Regarding their kids’ supervision
Should they compromise
Every time the kid cries
And give in to the wailing commission?

The blood specialist old Dr. Wayne
May have to go back and retrain
Because when he sought
The patient’s blood clot
His search was completely in vein

The old Mafioso named Clyde
Took his evilness largely in stride
This rather big meanie
Would kill tortellini
Spraying it with a new pasta side

Obedience trainers work faster
Preventing most canine disasters,
When doggies complete
Their degree, it is sweet
Cuz then they all go seek their masters

A stripper referred to as Blaze
Can really turn heads and amaze
Pilots come from afar
To watch this young star
Cuz she does take-offs on runways

In the office it was not a thrill
When my dentist had three teeth to fill
Things turned for the worst
When he said to the nurse
“All right, I think you know the drill”

The math teacher asked us if we
Could live without ge-om-et-ry
I gave it a shot
And here’s what I thought
It all would be pointless to me

I don’t want to take any sides
In regards to that water parks’ rides
But their presentation
Has dense information
And certainly too many slides

My lady photographer chum
Uses film and I think that is dumb
Cuz she really hates
Development waits
One day, she says, her prints will come

A neurotic man couldn’t resist
Recognition, but there is a twist
It’s related to why
His blood pressure’s high
This guy made the ten best stressed list

That old grizzly sure understands
Constructing a home using plans
Now he can take pride
When stepping inside
Cuz he built it with his own bear hands

The biggest bull had to confide
Curiosity he couldn’t hide
He stood by the plow
Eyeballing a cow
He longed to see her udder side

The musical note I would wager
Is just like the average teenager
Possessing the knowledge
To do well in college
But cannot quite settle on a major

The new golfing coach I am told
Tells one-liners that can’t be controlled
He drives us berserk
When he says with a smirk
“The green is a site to be holed”

I just have to let out a sigh
For an idea my friend has come by
He thinks every bloke
Came out of a yolk
Not me. I’m an eggnostic guy

After Milton computed the cost
Of gambling tools someone had tossed
Out into the street
In cracks of concrete
He wrote of the Pair o’ Dice lost

The Inuit realtor Claire
At the igloo was heard to declare
“When I see your shrine”
“I have this one line”
“That’s sure an ice house you’ve got there”

The stripper who came out of France
Makes her money by losing her pants
She wanted reward
But now is quite bored
So tired of the old thong and dance

The award ceremony revealed
When the big envelope was unsealed
The scarecrow got buzz
The reason because
He’s truly out standing in his field

The magician who works over there
Told his fans how he handles despair
If he is too sad
Or gets very mad
He starts pulling out his own hare

The food writer had to surmise
From the look in his editor’s eyes
The pulse soon would quicken
His tale of one chicken
Had just won the pullet surprise

The collie that’s Spencers’s and Greg’s
Rolls over, plays dead, and he begs
These two clever men
Crossed him with a hen
So they can have freshly pooched eggs

In the sea it can get quite complex
Tracking down the partic’lars of sex
If an eight-legged guy
Likes his mom on the sly
Should they call him an octopus Rex?

The old man began to opine
As he toasted the pinot divine
“The wine,” said the sage
“May get better with age”
“But my age sure gets better with wine”

A good travel agent must cater
To customer needs always greater
Those travel diehards
Pulling out their charge cards
Say “bye now” and then pay later

The orchestra leader won’t sing
Of one instrument made up of strings
He knows they don’t work
On problems berserk
Cuz violins can’t solve anything

The guy working scales they called Murray
Had only a single big worry
He feared he’d be last
So he worked rather fast
Always acting in some taring hurry

Justin B. it is said will persist
Being picky of girls he will kiss
His fav’rite romancer?
A chemist and dancer
He’s quite fond of Rockette scientists

The hunter claimed in his defense
Arresting him didn’t make sense
But it is illegal
To pluck a bald eagle
You see, it’s a featheral offense

My buddy could not circumvent
An ordeal he just underwent
It’s good he’s not dead
They made him eat bread
That’s such a gluten for punishment

When patients get ever berserker
And act like they might try to hurt her
The psychologists smiles
And then goes and dials
For help from United Mind Workers

At the big nudist colony Jim
Got in trouble because of a whim
The cops scratched their heads
And then sadly said
They could not pin a thing upon him

A happy young mason named Ayers
Said he’s had response to his prayers
When his farmer friend went
Feeding chickens cement
It made for some real nice bricklayers

A nuclear power plant boss
Had some important papers get tossed
Now a rather big chaos
May come to dismay us
Cuz the plant’s fission license was lost

I certainly feel satisfied
With the guidance my trip book supplied
It said you should know
In Santiago
To dress warm – it’s Chile outside

It is true from Chicago to Flanders
That at shop windows everyone ganders
They see what’s the trend
Without having to spend
Each one is an innocent buy-stander

My new Pomeranian’s sore
Caught his butt in a big swinging door
Instead of just hissing
About what is missing
He should go to a good retail store

No doubt he is just a bit dippy
That guy with the hair who’s a hippy
I know it is true
Cuz he murmured to you
That his wife has the name Mississippi

The prosecutor had to resort
To some changes in order to thwart
The BB gun thief
From getting relief
So she tried him in a pellet court

One monument maker did make
A stone for a dead guy named Jake
Now all wasn’t well
The name he misspelled
And he’s paying for his grave mistake

The old gentleman took in stride
What the archiving man had implied
The claim was old gramps
Was stealing his stamps
A charge that was philately denied

In Alaska you can’t get a roadster
It says over there on that poster
Instead, be like Ted
Who guides his dog sled
And slides on a big polar coaster

I confess I am worried I’ll fall
From the lift in the skyscraper’s hall
Because of these scares
I walk up the stairs
Elevators drive me up the wall

At Halloween, dressed as MacBeth
I went trick or treating with Seth
The weirdest things, man?
Those ghosts in a can
Which just might scare-us-ol to death

From my job I am ready to quit
I’ll retire and then get on with it
Should my bonds and my stocks
Go with me on walks?
Cuz they should be fiscally fit

A chicken is said by some blokes
To be quite a master of hoax
This hen likes to make
Her friends take the cake
She likes to play practical yolks

That tailor sure needs a vacation
It’s ironic now at his station
In the shop there’s a sign
That says til June 9
The business is closed for alterations

After drinking two bottles of beer
Tom busted a window out here
And got in his ass
Every piece of the glass
Now he’s got a pane in the rear

When in Paris I sometimes will traipse
To one of its well known escapes
Cuz the food there is free
But it’s eerie to me
This place, it just gives me the crêpes

A daring young man that I know
Got fired from his job long ago
This one-time breadmaker
Failed as a baker
Unable to make enough dough

A Lady in England named Marge
With her husband beside her quite large
Revealed there’s a tax
That’s put on Knights’ backs
She calls it a heavy sir charge

The Inuit really was odd
‘Bout the clothes that he put on his bod
His church wear of note
Was a giant fur coat
That he described as “Ice wear to God”

One priest is beginning to swoon
For adding Ex-Lax with a spoon
To water that’s holy
It dissolved rather slowly
A religious movement – coming soon

It’s true that old Harold Lloyd Baker
The greatest impressionist faker
Is going on trial
For copying style
And being a big Monét maker

A bulletin board’s out of whack
It’s holding a note penned in black
The note has displayed
That it is dismayed
Cuz it knows it is under a tack

A clueless young man tried a line
On a fair but unyielding Fräulein
When her number he sought
The reply that he got
Was 999-9999

On the ocean, it’s rather precise
One thought will for Santa suffice
It’s not good or bad
Or happy or sad
It’s who’s been nautical and who’s been nice

It’s simple for me to be stating
The joy that I find in creating
New buttons and holes
For jackets and stoles
It’s work that I found fastenating

On Brexit, the loud demonstrator
Had a message for each legislator
“There isn’t a doubt”
“We should not get out”
But voters just said “see EU later”

The podiatrist gets many votes
For his book that is loaded with quotes
He’s filled with elation
Because each citation
Is carried inside of footnotes

A limerick is not just a verse
With five lines, for better or worse
If you’re seeking some gold
For your writing, I’m told
That the pay can be truly per verse

The tender young apple named Bert
Gave a whimper on landing in dirt
This sensitive guy
Is too prone to cry
Whenever his peelings get hurt

Your congestion, it seems to me Colin
Means allergies of which you’ve befallen
I think that last night
You sneezed with great might
Because it was simply a pollen

A man with a brand new dog carrier
Desired a certain small terrier
When he found his dream puppy
The impatient dumb yuppie
Decided to break the pound barrier

I say this to just emphasize
Their romance was not a surprise
The surgeon worked fast
On one lovely lass
Did his business and then cauterize

William Tell and his kids have a goal
Knocking pins with a ball that they roll
Their team has no name
So it is a shame
We know not for whom the Tells bowl

My friend the psychologist smirked
When someone said he was a jerk
The reason because
They said that he was
Un-duressing his patients at work

As Santa was readying flight
A new Visa bill just came to light
The charges on toys
For wee girls and boys
Made St. Nicholas nickel-less that night

I truly receive many groans
When speaking of some highway zones
The one that is witty
Is one Afghani city
Where paving is with Kabul stones

The customer wore a large frown
At the new restaurant in our town
This man’s out of luck
He wanted some duck
But got soup that was just watered down

The Asthma Society’s scoffers
Resisted those get-rich-quick offers
Instead they all feel
Monetary appeal
Is the best way to fill up their coughers

It is a good lesson to learn
Birth control isn’t any concern
For folks eighty eight
Out seeking a mate
You never are too old to yearn

OK, I am feeling quite pissed
Because of the flight I just missed
My gut they’re decrying
So they said “no flying”
I guess I am on their weight list

The guy who lives next door to me
Watches horror flicks gory with glee
It seems I am cursed
‘Twill only get worse
He just bought a big scream TV

That puppeteer surely can guess
The way that he brings happiness
There’s tons of pizzazz
Because this guy has
A big hand in each show’s success

A cop on his beat known as Rudy
Was treated as though he had cooties
The best I can tell
He had a bad smell
Cuz he spent so much time on doodie

I don’t want to sound too judgmental
But aroma is not transcendental
You can’t fix brain cells
With all those herb smells
No reason to get scent o’ mental

A pirate can’t travel by car
If relief he should need when afar
So he’ll take a ship
On his vacation trip
Because he requires arrrr and arrrr

A woman was fixing a ham
For a grower of tubers named Sam
He spoke from his heart
A phrase from Descartes
“Because I think, therefore I yam”

It really is hard to accept
That broom who is rather inept
He claimed it was fate
That made him so late
I think it’s cuz he overswept

I got oh so mad and I cursed
Discov’ring my lunch plans reversed
Underground in a spot
They buried my brat
And I had to exhume the wurst

Alaskans can all give their thanks
A city out there joined the ranks
Of places declining
All kinds of canining
Its name now is Dogless Fairbanks

Old Tweety bird lowered his jaw
And shouted out loudly, “hurrah!”
With Winnie’s ascent
As new President
He taught he taw a Pooh d’etat

When the oldest town grouch took his leave
From this life on the last Christmas Eve
There was sadness but yet
No one got upset
They found it so hard to bereave

Old Santa does not need to fret
A significant ignorance threat
He helped all the elves
To learn for themselves
The letters in their elf-a-bet

When spinning, old Mickey hears bells
And Minnie says her head often swells
Their circling round
Can make them fall down
Whenever they get Disney spells

That building demolisher Lex
Always goes in the house first and checks
That his efforts won’t smother
A boy or his mother
When he deals with edifice wrecks

It truly should be most unlawful
Serving customers food-tainted waffles
It happened to me
In a Turk’s bakery
And now I declare I falafel

The Amtrak executive Mac
Was giving an engineer flack
“Please give me details”
“How many derails?”
The reply? He couldn’t keep track

A lady I know who’s named Rhoda
Steered a car all the way to Dakota
What I heard can’t be right
She drove a Jedi knight?
Perhaps it was just a toy Yoda

The bartender had no regard
For the Stratford man drinking too hard
He said “I don’t think”
“I’ll give you more drink”
“And so Shakespeare now you are bard”

I laughed at the Irishman Paddy
Who fancied himself quite the laddy
While in Indiana
He slipped on banana
As I yelled out to him, “Hoosier daddy?”

In seeking a career the young Brit
Tried tailoring, but soon had to quit
It wasn’t the work
That made his berserk
He just wasn’t suited for it

My brother, the novelist’s mad
After giving it all that he had
He’s really in shock
With bad writer’s block
A case of authoritis real bad

From Beijing they’re rocketing soon
It is said they’ll be launching in June
To the place of green cheese
The cuisine – Chinese
So they’ll take a wok on the moon

The glow worms are saying tonight
Their relationship’s really airtight
They were from the start
Entwined at the heart
I guess it was larva first sight

I said to myself with a sigh
He’s such an egotistical guy
In every rant
He’s most arrogant
Believing in an I for an I

I’m mad for my good friend named Beth
Cuz a vampire just scared her to death
She really is seething
Because of his breathing
It seems he had very bat breath

My wife said last night I would keep
Telling stories when counting the sheep
I said many things
From Lord of the Rings
‘Cuz I was Tolkien in my sleep

From the hospital bed one guy stated
His stay had been quite over-rated
The food all was bad
Their care made him mad
He did not like how they operated

It certainly looks like a mess
How it got like this I cannot guess
Now the lady is saying
She may not be paying
The tailor with problems to a dress

Non-stopping, their work never ceases
With conflict it always increases
And so that is why
Pacifists never die
Instead they just all go to peaces

Excuse me, for flipping my lid
Cuz I lost a contest to Sid
I wrote funny jokes
And sent in ten folks
Did one win? Nope. No pun in ten did

My roommates think I am a flake
Saying I really made a mistake
I stole – now they’re bitchin’
A broom from the kitchen
It’s a whisk I was willing to take

A surrogate mother in Trent
Wasn’t clear when she said what she meant
There aren’t any keys
Or u-tilities
Cuz her “place” is just one womb for rent

That old Buddhist monk is upset
Didn’t get what he thought he would get
So this sorry bloke
Is now rather broke
He used all his money Tibet

My gift that will help me connect
Is one that I did not expect
It’s a clock, it appears
On a rather large mirror
Which gives me some time to reflect

The potato farmer was right
Most dieters suffer from fright
Of gaining some weight
From what’s on the plate
That’s why he created Spud Light®

The art scholar tweeting on Twitter
Said one task has left her a-jitter
Compiling a list
Of impressionists
Gave her Manet things to consider

I’m sorry, but I must complain
Mr. Putin is rather insane
He wants peace, he claims
But I know his aims
The “piece” that he wants is Ukraine

The British guy standing by me
Is drinking some swill gingerly
Would we say that this gnome
Does not have a home
Because he has no proper tea?

A percussionist Mr. Todd Voth
Detailed all his plans regards growth
He’ll drum it is sure
And would like to mature
Too bad that he cannot do both

Some canine meat’s better than frog
Claim the carnivores gathered in Prague
The best part’s the pelvis
Says the guy they call Elvis
Who ate nothin’ but a hound dog

Although they are somewhat detached
I think they are perfectly matched
The puppets say their
Relationship’s fair
Because there are no strings attached

The police are so loudly commending
The witness who helped apprehending
Four convicts in all
Rappelling the wall
Each one of them was con-descending