Limericks

To the world unexpected came Jake
Whose parents’ surprise wasn’t fake
They both were quite mad
When Jake turned out bad
It sure was a fetal mistake

The Inuit really was odd
‘Bout the clothes that he put on his bod
His church wear of note
Was a giant fur coat
That he described as “Ice wear to God”

A ghost hunter down in Peru
Created a thing that’s brand new
It was a disaster
Crossing Bambi with Casper
The result – a bunch of bamboo

All stoners should now plan to come
To Frisco where they can get some
Buds and shout out
The good news about
California’s reeferendum

When breathing stopped for a duration
The vermin had no respiration
His now widowed mate
Applied all too late
A dose of mouse to mouse resuscitation

Perhaps it was all the demands
Disrupting the cannibal’s plans
Or maybe the stress
He tried to suppress
That made him go throw up his hands

That guy should be right in his prime
But the way that he looks is a crime
His oversized gut
Looks like Jabba the Hutt
Middle-aged spread is a big waist of time

That famous cook sure got shortchanged
When his status as chef quickly changed
They said he went loco
From sniffing the cocoa
So now he’s completely de-ranged

The car dealer there at his station
Is balancing sales with elation
He works with pizzazz
Because this guy has
Excellent Hyundai coordination

The work of the dentist in serving
His patients is truly unswerving
He gets mighty praise
Working with the decays
But each root canal is unnerving

The library lady Ms Hewitt
Found a book that she liked and withdrew it
The late fee – unique
Just five cents per week
So she opted to just overdue it

A daring young student named Paul
Bounced checks shopping out at the mall
Then found his car caught
In a most muddy spot
Now he’s stuck and can’t budget all

One farmer I know is curator
Of cattle kept near the equator
To make every penny
He tracks just how many
There are with his new cow-culator

I spoke to the HR guy Max
Who gave me some startling facts
The lumberjacks hired
Are not really fired
When the company gives them the axe

The farming of cotton’s upheavals
Results from a wide range of evils
If you work out the math
A good farmer’s path
Is balancing goods versus weevils

A nudist is often reminded
It’s easy that one gets blind-sided
If he came in all bare
Co-workers would stare
Because everyone is clothes-minded

In Russia the big superstars
Are watched on the TV’s in bars
I guess you should know
Their least favorite show
Is entitled “Dancing with the Czars”

I say this to just emphasize
Their romance was not a surprise
The surgeon worked fast
On one lovely lass
Did his business and then cauterize

I get tired of the negative rants
And so I have taken a stance
From now, I insist
That these pessimists
Will get a swift kick in the can’ts

I don’t think that I would advise it
You’d better just simply revise it
Your book on sword fighters
Could be somewhat tighter
But please do not go Samurais it

It’s time for a standing ovation
The witch has a full education
And thanks all her buddies
Who helped with the studies
She just passed her hexamination

The Starbucks deliverer Blair
Liked his job hauling Joe to the fair
He needs no parking plan
For his rather large van
Because he can perk anywhere

A gas pump attendant named Bruce
Gave me some advice I can use
He said that good gas
Will move my car fast
I need to get that V8 juice

At the pie throwing contest last week
A chef found a girl quite unique
Hoping he would impress
This girl in the dress
He gave her a quiche on the cheek

The bone specialist felt rather thwarted
Beginning his practice whole hearted
When none came his way
He stood up to say
“I just need a break to get started”

Captain Cook in the land of Belize
Took some classes to gain expertise
His learning was poor
He’s not there anymore
Because he just made seven C’s

A little green man they call Peter
Stopped a man by the new parking meter
And acting eccentric
Spoke out words of metric
Declaring, “Take me to your liter”

The guy fixing roofs, Mr. Skinner
Is new at it, just a beginner
On cold days it’s tricky
The sealant’s quite sticky
He wonders, “Will the Target® thinner?

The bed I slept in – a bad story
Bug infested was that dormitory
Whenever you sleep
Where quarters are cheap
Be careful in hostel territory

The hairdresser of Nellie Bly
Is a very emotional guy
Although he has stressed
He’s not too depressed
He just wants to curl up and dye

The Sea World phone message amused
Though at first I sure was confused
It is strangely worded
Saying calls are recorded
For training porpoises they will be used

I said to my next youngest brother
Regarding the snakes, here’s another
Cute factoid to know
It follows below
“A boa’s best friend is his smother”

The poet felt she had a curse
Her editor’s comments were terse
A four line selection
Received the rejection
“This poem cannot be much verse”

On the highway the motorists question
The cops for their traffic suggestions
Where the Vapor Rub truck
Had a wreck, is it stuck?
They said that there is no congestion

A Doberman of Mr. Ryker
Has declared that he’s a disliker
Of wee things he sees
Like back biting fleas
Simply known as some tiny “itch hikers”

A bartender just declared “nada”
To a lawyer who’s drunk in Nevada
So he found him a judge
With a similar grudge
And now they subpoena colada

The hamburger Deepthi just ate
Has energy less than a steak
As for why that is so
You just need to know
It always is in the ground state

I’m sorry to share this sad news
Coming to us from old Santa Cruz
It seems there’s no more
In their liquor store
Cuz a ghost’s stolen all of the boos

Pavarotti, I heard from one source
Performs with a great tour de force
He’ll sing for an hour
Each day in the shower
Creating soap opera, of course

Mythologically I can’t ignore
The Greeks and their legends of yore
Though respect you may send
To the gods, in the end
Cyclops is the one eye adore

A mathematician named Joan
Sighed out loud and released a big groan
Cuz she couldn’t buy
That house in Versailles
When no one would cosine her loan

The daring young songwriter, Wayne
Is frustrated, going insane
The cause of his woes
Everyone knows
Happens when he is asked to refrain

Mr. Dumpty is sadly now gone
His remains scattered out on the lawn
He climbed very high
On that wall, why oh why?
It seems that his friends egged him on

(published in the Washington Post Style Invitational contest #1506)

Perhaps it was cooking school’s vapors
That led to the stealing of capers
Because of the theft
The new Asian chef
Has just gotten his woking papers

The kidnapping victim did say
Crazy things, thinking it was OK
Too bad we won’t hear
Any more, it is clear
Because he got carried away

The army sought pigeons who flew
To get messages out to their crew
The birds weren’t quiet
They’re more like a riot
The sounds of a military coo

The chef said that he guarantees
His concoction will certainly please
He stirred a short guy
Into cheddar – oh my!
And made Mickey Rooney and Cheese

The mother fork did some teeth gnashing
On hearing her son had been smashing
A fork and a spoon
On a dark afternoon
That’s why he received a tong lashing

The maid in the bathroom ahead
Was feeling a big sense of dread
She knew she’d be blamed
And so she proclaimed
“I’m sorry there’s Moldova your head”

What that Christian guy most truly knows is
A fact and not a psychosis
Who led Jews out of Spain?
Through flimsy membranes?
‘Twas a guy by the name of osMoses

It’s a problem that’s easy to fix
When you’re wanting to view “heavy” pics
You’ll find Mr. Beatty
Is certainly weighty
If you go and you watch his Ned Flix

The luge competition’s uproar
Was certainly hard to ignore
The sledders complained
The speed was insane
It was more than they’d tobaggened for

For comics, the truth is well known
From France to Sierra Leone
It isn’t the timing
Or even the rhyming
A pun’s at its best when full groan

The lass sees no need to extend
Thanks for valentines footballers send
Whether linebackers cunning
Or backs that are running
This lady is true to the end

At the hatchery, items for sale
Get delivered each day, never fail
If customers ask
Will orders come fast
They’re told that the chick’s in the mail

The salesperson acts rather chummy
His customers think him quite funny
That’s why they will stop
At his garden shop
He gives them all mower for their money

The pastry chef living in Macon
Is professional, there’s no mistakin’
His family knows 
From their heads to their toes
It’s great when he brings home the bakin’

The momma cat misses a ton
Her three little boys, every one
They’re not in their beds
Those little purebreds
So she dialed the missing purr sons

That woman is on quite a roll
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal
The simple idea
Advance her Korea
Making bucks while she’s selling her Seoul

I said to a pig farming dude
“My aim here is not to be crude”
“But if I should eat”
“Your little pig’s feet”
“Would you say that I had toe-food?”

Jenny Craig tells her patrons with mirth
Who arrive from all over the Earth
“You have to be strong”
“If you get it wrong”
“The weak shall inherit the girth”

I guess that I have to confess
The answer’s most certainly yes
To whether I’d go
See Marilyn Monroe
That lady was quite a sexcess

From the hospital bed one guy stated
His stay had been quite over-rated
The food all was bad
Their care made him mad
He did not like how they operated

At all of the Xeroxing stations
There’s limits on dupes of creations
Each of them cites
The law’s copyrights
As statutes of imitations

It’s with some difficulty I say
My masseuse must have had a bad day
I’m making this point
My neck’s out of joint
Because she rubbed me the wrong way

An email I got this a.m.
Caught my interest, I told my friend Pam
It taught all the nerds
How to read ‘maps’ backwards
No surprise, it turned out to be ‘spam’

I think it is time I should quit
Telling jokes now because I must split
‘Cept one ‘bout a cow
I’ll tell you all now
I hope that I don’t butcher it

The wolf on a late evening prowl
Looked up with his face in a scowl
You see, it is spring
But he doesn’t sing
The reason? He doesn’t know howl

The pirate knows quite well that he
Relying on his memory
Will get most upset
With the alphabet
Cuz he always gets lost at C

The wise man who lives out of town
Thinks up riddles that make people frown
So he did deduce
A wee baby goose
Is growing up as it’s growing down

Biologists will not stand by
And bid all the gophers goodbye
We’re all interlinked
If they go extinct
The hole ecosystem might die

It is a good lesson to learn
Birth control isn’t any concern
For folks eighty eight
Out seeking a mate
You never are too old to yearn

A clothing designer named Scott
Made the splendidest clothes to be bought
His high fashion lines
Are trendy designs
Oh when he is haute, he is hot

At a poultry farm deep inside Greece
There reside many poultry, Maurice
There’s a coop for safekeeping
Whenever they’re sleeping
So chickens can all roost in peace

It’s causing the jailers distress
No surprise – I am sure you could guess
The jailhouse’s tunnel
Is quite like a funnel
They say it’s a runaway success

Sir Lancelot could not refuse
Obtaining a broad range of views
Now he is upset
With his TV set
When he tunes in to the Knightly News

The detective the lush was aloof
When sober he made many goofs
Most often the botch
Came from watered down scotch
Perhaps he just needed more proof

Patrick Stewart’s late father, you know
Worked on Singer machines long ago
When people would bring
In their broken things
They’d ask him to please, “Make it sew”

The church lady prim in her bonnet
Ordered salad, but now has withdrawn it
The lettuce’s dressing
Caused her to be stressing
They need to go put cloves upon it

That Marlboro sure is a nut
Always says what he feels in his gut
Like today in the mall
When he gave me a call
He thought someone checked out his butt

Two scientists Jason and Heather
Ply their trade in all kinds of weather
They’re using their skill in
Creating penicillin
They both hope to grow mold together

Mr. Ritz stood before all his backers
Thanking them for the six million smackers
It is rare when folks say
They rejoice every day
You’re gonna go even more crackers

Perhaps it was heavenly love
Or some coincidences thereof
That gave Matt a ‘B’
In trigonom’try
He thinks ‘twas a sine from above

Of this election, I told my friend Jeff
Who says he is feeling bereft
“Politicians with gigs”
“Are like flying pigs”
“Except they are lacking the ‘f’”

The director of bands has misplaced
His tooth cleaning tools in a haste
Then found in a rush
The missing toothbrush
But can’t find his tuba toothpaste

That lady’s got issues heh, heh
Though some may describe them as “meh”
The problems – she clips!
Makes calendar rips
Oh she is a date ripper yeah

Sir Galahad thinking of life
Described this insight to his wife
“The social life’s hot
Here in Camelot
Because of the awesome knight life

Most people I think would admit
Net neutrality is a great fit
But the FCC head
Tried to kill it quite dead
To me, he’s just a piece, Ajit

The Fruit of the Looms at my knees
Are imported, I’ve learned from my squeeze
The factory stopped
And closed up its shop
They’re made now in the West Undies

The tert alcohol was a fool
Turned to ketone in making a fuel
The work is complete
The bond gave up heat
As it lost all its family joules

Some lions in a group yesterday
Declared in their own kind of way
There isn’t a smidgeon
Of any religion
When one of them says “Let us prey”

From Malaysia, there’s news with a chill
Someone’s gone, but did not leave a will
The bro of Kim Jong
Had a death very wrong
I didn’t even know he was Il

The historian making her case
Spoke softly, then cut to the chase
Mr. Cromwell she claims
Deserved his disdain
By being Oliver the place

Perhaps it’s the plummeting prices
Or maybe the medical devices
But woes with delivery
Leave me all shivery
Cuz I hear there’s a big midwife crisis

That tailor sure needs a vacation
It’s ironic now at his station
In the shop there’s a sign
That says til June 9
The business is closed for alterations

When the car was invented, one boater
Got a whiff of the smell from the motor
And exclaimed, “It is true”
“This stinks bad, P-U”
“They’ve created a whole new world odor”

I’ve connected all of the dots
And now will share some of my thoughts
To people who might
Be feeling uptight
Inhibitions tie you up in nots

A daring young tadpole of note
In puberty said, and I quote
“My voice is quite strange”
“With this vocal change”
“I’m getting a frog in my throat”

At the reptilian show at the zoo
They promised us something brand new
What they had made me gasp
An incredible asp
They revealed in a big snake preview

When the oldest town grouch took his leave
From this life on the last Christmas Eve
There was sadness but yet
No one got upset
They found it so hard to bereave

I hope that you won’t misconstrue
My feelings on sheep tried and true
I’m OK with a lamb
And also that ram
But I just do not know about ewe

The tale of the French man was chilling
A crime on a victim unwilling
Giving thanks every breath
Was what caused his death
It was said to be one merci killing

Resolutions I like to extol
They’re part of a brand new year’s goal
I told my friend Will
That I’m on the pill
Cuz I’m practicing girth control

A writer decided one day
To work as a tailor for pay
He won accolades
Because this guy made
An earnest living the hemming way

When you’re longing for beer drinking spaces
A brewery can be your oasis
Is a lager the tops
Because of its hops?
Decide on a case by case basis

I truly hope he is not pissed
That guillotine guy that you dissed
Cuz if he should fume
I know what would loom
We’d be necks on his chopping list

Dear Emily, I say with conviction
Regarding your Facebook depiction
If these seaweed things
Are what happiness brings
You must seek kelp for your addiction
(For Emily, who “loves” kelp)

The work in a mine can be bleak
With challenges workers must meet
They heed the alarm
And try to keep warm
But often develop coal feet

Asked why he was feeling so low
The artist declared “I don’t know”
“How I’ll get to the Louvre”
“Because I can’t move”
“I wish I could make my van Gogh”

Please listen to me while I whine
Of rabbits whose marching’s not fine
It isn’t complex
Cuz their backward steps
Create a receding hare line

The Midas employee named Goshen
Gave to his coworkers precaution
“When you recondition”
“Turn off the ignition”
“Or suffer a lot from exhaustion”

My sheep herding buddy named Paul
Had thirty four sheep in a stall
He had to transport
To ship for export
I told him to get a ewe haul

My best friend is sure in my prayers
Next to him, no one truly compares
This wonderful egg
Has only one leg
And says he has trouble with stares

Miss Muffett handled quite well
The message in Satan’s bombshell
Regarding the curds
He had some good words
But then said “There’s no whey in hell”

Amusement park children can enter
The merry go round in its splendor
And put money down
To go round and round
Their favorite whirled trade center

The gadget guy truly is king
So his praises I loudly now sing
The invention of note?
A universal remote
It’s going to change everything

The tailor said she didn’t know
Why her attitude reached a plateau
She started at eight
The work was first rate
But after that it was sew-sew

The merry old jokester demurred
Declaring to him it occurred
That he needn’t thanks
From comedy ranks
A pun’s its own kind of re-word

My girlfriend of late has been miffed
Because of my lame birthday gift
Now how would I know
She didn’t like snow?
It’s too bad, if you get my drift

The thief at his trial’s defense
Said the crime didn’t make any sense
Periods and commas
Were taken from dramas
The judge gave him one long sentence

The farmer they call Mr. Etter
Says he now is feeling much better
The pain’s gone away
Since late yesterday
After he got a long John Deere letter

An author when earning her dime
Has obsession that really is prime
Just like a professor
At her word processor
She has to do write all the time

I think that this tale bears repeating
It was told by Shrek at a meeting
His tummy’s upset
That’s just what you get
Anytime that you’re ogre eating

To the audience the juggler said “screw it”
“Without gear I’m just not up to it”
“It’s a very sad fact”
“For my opening act”
“I’m lacking the balls now to do it”

At the store, the orange squeezing bruisers
Consider the sacking crew losers
Perhaps it is cruel
There’s an unwritten rule
That says baggers cannot be juicers

There’s news at the mall Office Max
So I’m gonna give you all the facts
When buying cork board
You’ve always adored
They’re going to charge a thumb tax

My kids’ orthodontist named Liz
Is truly a straightening wiz
She says rather snappy
That folks should be happy
To put their money where their mouth is

When Geronimo parachutes, see
He acts very strange, golly gee
At the top of his lungs
As if speaking in tongues
He screams rather loudly, “Meeeeeeeeee”

Scandinavian runners opined
They had raced with a very fast time
And in the next lane
Had beaten the Danes
In their race to the Finnish line

The farmer said he’s really blessed
Because of his herd, he professed
When picking them out
There wasn’t a doubt
He New Jersey cows would be best

His friends had a question for Kirk
When he got a job as a clerk
Regarding his pay
They asked straight away
“Jamaica lotta bucks in your work?”

I’m sorry that I am the bearer
Of bad news for my tax preparer
But deducting excises
From all six pack prices
Means he’s made a big sin tax error

All of the symphony’s stars
Play in ways that are sometimes bizarre
They’re music’s pariahs
Performing Messiahs
Without using their Handel bars

The cleric just had to admit
What he knew came from one holy writ
Holy water’s salvation
Via purification
Comes from boiling the hell out of it

Give praise to good Officer Peter
For ticketing that crazy speeder
It is quite perplexing
When drivers are texting
It’s illegal to be a carred reader

It is said back in times that are old
This axiom often got told
“Don’t be a neurotic”
“For antibiotic”
“Penicillin’s worth its weight in mold”

Octopus astronauts embrace
Exploring each watery place
They sure love to talk it
How their brand new rocket
Will take them up to otter space

In Alaska you can’t get a roadster
It says over there on that poster
Instead, be like Ted
Who guides his dog sled
And slides on a big polar coaster

The littlest duck in the town
Has his face all arranged in a frown
This sad little guy
Is wondering why
All his clothing is just hand me down

I pity my best friend named Jake
Who one day decided to take
A carton of boron
Because he’s a moron
Who makes elementary mistakes

Some really amazing go-getters
Electrical folks hang together
The reason we state
The group is first rate
Is because they conduit much better

One newspaper story last week
Gave its readers a rather brief peek
Of a composer’s decision
To get new religion
With its headline of “Haydn Goes Sikh”

That landscape’s a beauty to see
Though rocky and lacking a tree
I guess you should know
A real high plateau
Is a high form of flattery to me
(Thanks to Robert Baldwin for the pun)

One mare is quite happy I’d say
She’s just given birth, by the way
It was unrehearsed
And on April First
So, it’s Happy April Foal’s Day

A virus that ought to be beatable
Turned out to be most undefeatable
The Internet guy
Thinks he knows why
He says it was rather untweetable.

The guy over there beside Laura
Went to Tokyo to see a new Torah
They gave him a view
Cuz he dressed up in blue
You might say he had some cyan aura

The minister from Lake Oswego
Found himself in some trouble illegal
Though he seemed rather nice
His problems with vice
Affected his church altar ego

When a flea in my dog’s mane enmeshes
Itself in my poor pooch’s fleshes
He scratches it sweet
With both of his feet
And calls them the paws that refreshes

The hunter claimed in his defense
Arresting him didn’t make sense
But it is illegal
To pluck a bald eagle
You see, it’s a featheral offense

My acupuncturist smoking a joint
Wastes my time when she tries to anoint
Me with her ideas
Of veggie tortillas
I wish she would get to the point

It seems the new shoe store recruit
Got in trouble for swiping store loot
They did not turn him in
For egregious sin
Instead they just gave him the boot

It is true from Chicago to Flanders
That at shop windows everyone ganders
They see what’s the trend
Without having to spend
Each one is an innocent buy-stander

Ronald McDonald was one of the ones
Who was found to be mooning the nuns
They ID-ed him bare
From his derriere
Because of the sesame seed buns

Our town Romeo reminisces
The giving of hundreds of kisses
This guy always fretted
That he might get wedded
There sure were a lot of near Mrs.

One lumberjack’s cutting intent
In the forest has made quite a dent
He’s burly and brave
So his after shave
Has got a Norwegian axe scent

Charley Tuna knows deep down inside
Why he’s crossing the ocean’s divide
This chicken of the sea
Has decided that he
Must get over to its other tide

The bartending workers report
When customers swallow a snort
They speak rather loudly
And get awfully rowdy
Cuz two pints can make one cavort

The pianist said loudly that she
Was tired of a long broken key
Her mood got erased
When the key was replaced
It was sure a long time, no ‘C’

The teacher of music got canned
Because of a parent’s demand
The reason for firing?
She was acquiring
A collection of books – all band

The dog catcher says he prefers
Neutering what begs, barks or grrrs
Cuz it’s his contention
An ounce of prevention
Is better than five pounds of curs

That skunk over there by the fence
Has a problem that’s rather immense
The little guy’s plight?
He’s not very bright
And seems to have no common scents

My father’s sister is unique
With such an amazing physique
At the age ninety one
She’s a long way from done
A truly impressive auntique

My astronomy professor named Thad
Said something that made me feel glad
Regarding the sky
He told me that I
Was the only star pupil he had

One lady has such discontent
Over marriage, her biggest lament
The thing that she dreaded
Occurred when she wedded
The sentence of wife imprisonment

A gopher is now loudly squealing
About the emotion he’s feeling
In his work, this live wire
Can’t rise any higher
Because he has hit the grass ceiling

Consider poor Richard and Russell
In trouble while visiting Brussels
Russ took the heat
For pushing shrimp meat
While Richard was pulling a mussel

A clam in his watery home
Wrote an exercise book all alone
You have to admit
That he’s good at it
Because it’s a great mussel tome

The pilot of copters opines
It has happened to him many times
He will save someone’s rear
And then overhear
That he uses such great pickup lines

Despair on his face is now shown
By the entrepreneur’s noisy groan
He drew a big blank
For bucks from the bank
It isn’t Fairbanks will not loan

I said to her manager, Fred
The singer Ms Reese is well read
But said something dumb
I dread the outcome
Is Delaware of what she just said?

I’m writing this verse in great haste
I hope it is not in poor taste
But I’d like to post
When it comes to compost
A rind’s a terrible thing to waste

As Santa was readying flight
A new Visa bill just came to light
The charges on toys
For wee girls and boys
Made St. Nicholas nickel-less that night

In computing, I’d like to expose
A conundrum that everyone knows
It doesn’t make sense
To build walls or fence
So what is it with Gates and Windows?

The lingerie thief had to quip
Passing on to his friends this one tip
“When robbing the shops
Escaping the cops
Means you may have to give them the slip”

In the grip of the bartender’s fist
Was a specialty cocktail price list
To the customer weenie
Seeking “Dickens Martini”
He said, “You want olive or twist?”

In the shower, my good buddy Don
Is getting a bit more withdrawn
Each time he gets stripped
To clean up a bit
The faucets they all get turned on

Of ghosts, there’s a certain mystique
That makes them most truly unique
They play children’s games
My best friend proclaims
One favorite’s hide and go shriek

The optometrist has a punch line
That he gives at the drop of a dime
Whenever he’s greeted
He’ll start to repeat it
It gets cornea all of the time

The cement man complained with great ardor
To his boss, “I don’t think it is smarter”
“Everything that I do”
“To satisfy you”
“Just keeps getting harder and harder”

For this limerick, I encrypted a part
In the middle, not here at the start
To unlock, there’s a charge
Uibu xjmm cf very large
Or you can figure it out if you’re smart

It’s true I can now plainly see
And I feel you would likely agree
Although it’s not hated
Tofu’s overrated
Or so it a curd now to me

The Minister of Trade clarifying
The policy was just verifying
That he is dismayed
For any blockade
And finds taxes quite tariffying

The pie and the ice cream both flowed
At the south Texas shop down the road
They deserve mucho praise
For coining the phrase
“Just remember the ala mode”

Cheese making explosions, you see
In France make a mess in 3D
The walls blow away
Everything goes astray
And all that is left is da brie

At the meteorologists’ fair
Each attendee was made most aware
They want to have surety
But there’s no job security
When their future is up in the air

The firefly was so full of woe
On Friday just two weeks ago
He got in a tizzy
His friends were all busy
And he just had no place to glow

Miss Muffet is doing OK
Whether working, at school, or at play
I guess she should bless
Her new GPS
Because it helps her find her whey

Some say it is truly absurd
But I saw it and know it occurred
The lady pecked peas
On the floor as she pleased
It seems that she eats like a bird

I just got the news from old Walt
That an earthquake has caused work to halt
It rattled each tree
Out there in DC
He thinks it’s the government’s fault

We’re searching for arsonist Ben
One of Portland’s most wanted of men
He’s so hard to catch
His weapon’s a match
Let’s find him ‘fore he strikes again

It was said of the concubine’s sister
That nary a man could resist her
The young lady stressed
Achieving success
Occurs between a mattress and mister

Re: the race with the tortoise today
The rabbit has nothing say
No need for complaining
The effort was draining
For sure he had one bad hare day

I heard from a gentleman Michael
Who just told me that a bad bike’ll
Be colliding with you
Several times ‘fore its through
Because it is one vicious cycle

At the fabric store there was a guy
Who stole many things by and by
They caught him one day
And locked him away
And a material witness was I

That catcher of shrimp is a joker
Though his humor is sure mediocre
For example, he jests
That he will invest
By selling his catch to prawn brokers