Limericks

Although it may lack the allure
That guy really reads it for sure
A novel offbeat
Picked up from the street
I guess he likes litter-ature

Superconductors really are neat
Cuz resistance each one can defeat
They give massive jolts
When transferring volts
Ohmless shelters are sure hard to beat

For a business that hasn’t a match
Dermatology is quite the natch
The one in our ‘hood
Is really quite good
I hear that it got built from scratch

No need to be running ‘round shrieking
The answer to what you were seeking
From Boston to Rome
One’s castle is home
It’s true in a manor of speaking

All stoners should now plan to come
To Frisco where they can get some
Buds and shout out
The good news about
California’s reeferendum

There once was a very old prof
Whose limerick writing was off
By the end he’d forget
So his brain would reset
. . . . There once was a very old prof

The psychiatrist used common sense
For the man with delusions immense
This guy thought that he
Was a couple of teepees
The doc said he just was two tents

A snowman-like vampire called Seitz
Was giving the public big frights
So how did this guy?
Make everyone cry?
It seems that he gave them frostbites

The Oreo treat is no dummy
Declaring that though he is yummy
He knows he is ill
Requiring a pill
Because he feels ever so crummy

A century ago late one night
A vision led brothers to flight
They said everywhere
They’d fly in the air
Were they wrong? It turns out they were Wright

An orange who calls herself Nell
Is one lovely mademoiselle
Who went to the doc
At seven o’clock
Because she was not peeling well

I think every spelunker should know
The wonders of caving and so
I propose with a shout
Preservation, no doubt
Of the hole echosystem below

In Korea there’s consensus emerging
To reduce the political purging
Authorities say
They’ll go on anyway
With lots of intrusive Seoul searching

The church lady prim in her bonnet
Ordered salad, but now has withdrawn it
The lettuce’s dressing
Caused her to be stressing
They need to go put cloves upon it

The programming nerd Gretchen Moore
Has opened a new coding store
It gets lots of buzz
Down at the beach cuz
She sells C shells by the seashore

Some really amazing go-getters
Electrical folks hang together
The reason we state
The group is first rate
Is because they conduit much better

The Brit engineer offered tips
With these words that came out of his lips
He said that you can’t
At a nuclear plant
Trust the food that they call fission chips

Old Van Gogh was feeling quite gay
Things seemed to be going his way
The news though was sad
Since his hearing was bad
He thought tomorrow was new ears day

In Sahara the travelers swear
Temptations to eat cause despair
Though it seems rather odd
Their logic’s not flawed
Consider the sandwiches there

“We think it’s worth raising this fuss”
Said the kids of the grapes on the bus
“We’ve turned out all right”
“Thanks to your guiding light”
“And so we say thanks for raisin us”

In seeking a career the young Brit
Tried tailoring, but soon had to quit
It wasn’t the work
That made his berserk
He just wasn’t suited for it

His musical teacher was strikin’
Everything Amadeus was writin’
Who acted so mean?
This person unseen
The guy we are seekin’ is Haydn

An autobiographer Blount
Has written a quite large amount
His rather long story
Gives him all the glory
It is an I-witness account

A brand new young spirit named Conner
Is adjusting to being a goner
Much to his surprise
Some spookier guys
Turned him into their ghost of honor

Ronald McDonald was one of the ones
Who was found to be mooning the nuns
They ID-ed him bare
From his derriere
Because of the sesame seed buns

A pianist very up tight
Told his dentist about it one night
Said the tooth guy to him
With a rather large grin
“Your Bach was much worse than your bite”

For wisdom the priest was a fount
Speaking wisely and making words count
This incredible force
Sitting up on a horse
Delivered a sermon on the mount

The award ceremony revealed
When the big envelope was unsealed
The scarecrow got buzz
The reason because
He’s truly out standing in his field

I think something’s wrong now with me
My laughter’s almost absentee
I don’t find it fun
When hearing a pun
Damn this irony deficiency

At the abbey the local town crier
Is speaking to more than the choir
Talking eggs, this young man
Says they go from the pan
And head right straight into the friar

Near the factory the man had to state
Squeezing oranges was one big mistake
He’s all so annoyed
And most unemployed
Because he could not concentrate

The pig mama wasn’t assured
By the doctor that she had secured
Her son who was ill
Was given a pill
Then the doc announced he would be cured

Pajamas get made, it is clear
At a factory very near here
This full clothing line
Acquired its design
From talented softwear engineers

When a tank at the dairy today
Broke apart one wet worker did say
“I need to move on”
“From this cheesy spawn”
“I don’t like to stand in the whey”

I said to the farmer named Zac
Lighting joints by the old railroad track
“That stuff that you burn”
“Is what makes them return”
“It’s the pot calling the cattle back”

The customer wore a large frown
At the new restaurant in our town
This man’s out of luck
He wanted some duck
But got soup that was just watered down

Now that it is over the drought
The oak has left us with no doubt
His plan is longstanding
With business expanding
He’s certainly gonna branch out

I speak of that used Mercury
You wanted to buy from Miss Bee
You’ll be out of luck
So don’t spend your bucks
It’s not what it’s jacked up to be

The archeology entourage
Will go digging in one big barrage
At places Burmese
Each one guarantees
It will be a long bone voyage

I said to a wrinkling cutie
“I feel it is my solemn duty
To make you aware
If folks ever stare
That aging is just slipping beauty”

It certainly looks like a mess
How it got like this I cannot guess
Now the lady is saying
She may not be paying
The tailor with problems to a dress

Captain Ahab was sounding serene
As he spoke to the news magazine
When asked of the trip
On his primitive ship
He said it’s a whale oiled machine

A tomato and hat both well bred
Were standing outside by the shed
Said the juicy red fruit
To the hat looking cute
“I’ll ketchup if you’ll go on a head”

I hope that this isn’t passé
But for song lyrics, hear what I say
You’re creating delight
In “Lion Sleeps Tonight”
When the urge is just a whim away

The wee firefly’s mom had to gauge
Her response to not be upstaged
With one master stroke
This lady then spoke,
“He’s awfully bright for his age”

I know why I’m feeling so blue
And I’m going to share it with you
I was doing okay
Lots of fun yesterday
But now I’ve got Monday ja vu

I asked of the lady called Madge
If there was some kind of a catch
To get a big scar
In the shape of a star
She said that you just start from scratch

Of this election, I told my friend Jeff
Who says he is feeling bereft
“Politicians with gigs”
“Are like flying pigs”
“Except they are lacking the ‘f’”

At a masquerade party I had
The outfits made me very glad
Held in my backyard
It wasn’t so hard
To tell the good guise from the bad

The minister from Lake Oswego
Found himself in some trouble illegal
Though he seemed rather nice
His problems with vice
Affected his church altar ego

Pterodactyls are stealthy you see
So the prey that they seek will not flee
They have, I assume
A quiet bathroom
Because they all have silent ‘P’

The lawyer arrived at his place
An embarrassing look on his face
To all he declared
“I’ve no underwear
Because I have lost my brief case”

The officer leading the war
Kicked the private right out of the door
He rated selection
For Major rejection
Because he was rotten to the corps

The young lady yelled out “Yahoo!”
For her brand new engagement, it’s true
Her fiancé is neat
In his high penthouse suite
She’s getting a groom with a view

The pie and the ice cream both flowed
At the south Texas shop down the road
They deserve mucho praise
For coining the phrase
“Just remember the ala mode”

The director of bands has misplaced
His tooth cleaning tools in a haste
Then found in a rush
The missing toothbrush
But can’t find his tuba toothpaste

For a dolphin the name is preferred
But for fowl it would be most absurd
That’s why the producer
A most careful chooser
Would never make “Flipper, the Bird”

When the paint shipping captains assumed
Many dangers they were not attuned
The one with the red
Struck the blue one’s paint bed
And truly they’re now both marooned

I said to my good buddy Ringo,
“I’ll help you to learn opera lingo”
The term for a ringer
Or a “faux” opera singer
Is Mr. Placebo Domingo

Of communism’s zigs and its zags
My brother’s a person who brags
When things got restricted
Its fall he predicted
Because there were lots of red flags

The French chef, Monsieur Renindale
Creates yummy bites, never fail
When I wanted to see
His escargot recipe
He sent it to me by snail mail

Japanese parents have a decision
Regarding their kids’ supervision
Should they compromise
Every time the kid cries
And give in to the wailing commission?

A tiny termite’s livelihood
Is chewing and that isn’t good
They put on their girth
Right after their birth
When they’re known as the babes in the wood

As the lighter of fire reminisced
His wife told him with a sweet kiss
“Our upcoming child”
“Should not be too wild”
“I don’t want arson doing this”

That woman is on quite a roll
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal
The simple idea
Advance her Korea
Making bucks while she’s selling her Seoul

The Inuit’s happy, it’s true
His new house is ready to view
It’s not very big
He calls it an ‘ig’
Because it does not have a loo

A game hunter out on a hunt
Did not mean to be quite so blunt
When asked to confirm
He liked pachyderms
He said said it was irrelephant

The fishing show’s fans everlasting
Do not like the show’s new broadcasting
The staff’s not ok
So most of them say
“Replace the director of casting”

I told my good buddy named Liz
Who’s one astronomical whiz
Finding meteor strikes
By day or at night
Is a ground-breaking discovery, ‘tis

Prince Charles had some major dismay
He’d be king, but for one in the way
When everyone screamed
“Long live the queen!”
It meant there will be reign delay

I think of my old buddy Slim
Who stopped shaving once on a whim
He considered it weird
The thought of a beard
But it sorta grew upon on him

A percussionist Mr. Todd Voth
Detailed all his plans regards growth
He’ll drum it is sure
And would like to mature
Too bad that he cannot do both

For morale it is simply instructive
Praising help with verbiage constructive
At the diner today
I guess I would say
The waitress was counter-productive

A shoe’s in a very bad state
Who knew this would be its sad fate?
His partner got tossed
Now he’s feeling lost
The poor guy has lost his sole mate

The wife of the lawyer was due
To give birth to her twins August two
She picked out the names
Of Connie and James
But he much preferred Bill and Sue

A stripper referred to as Blaze
Can really turn heads and amaze
Pilots come from afar
To watch this young star
Cuz she does take-offs on runways

A virus that ought to be beatable
Turned out to be most undefeatable
The Internet guy
Thinks he knows why
He says it was rather untweetable.

A young man daydreaming in class
Had his eye on a beautiful lass
And could not escape
Her hourglass shape
He just loves to watch the time pass

A tyke out in old Bethlehem
Created a bit of mayhem
With these words from his mouth
“Potty training went south”
“I’m sorry to say IBM®”

As Moses was clearing his head
He said to the bartender Fred
“I really don’t think”
“I need a strong drink”
“I’ll just halve some water instead”

Santa’s helpers are not what they seem
Always upbeat and working in teams
Sometimes it is claimed
They all feel ashamed
Because they have low elf esteem

Our copier from Ricoh you see
Is annoying, I think you’d agree
Each time it gets gnarly
I call it Bob Marley
Cuz it’s always jammin’ for me

I hope that you won’t throw a fit
But surely you have to admit
A Kleenex can dance
If given the chance
Any time you put boogie in it

Patrick Stewart’s late father, you know
Worked on Singer machines long ago
When people would bring
In their broken things
They’d ask him to please, “Make it sew”

The music conductor named Schmitt
Couldn’t finish an orchestral bit
Messed up on the style
He’s not versatile
It seems he could not Handel it

In the churchyard, the gardener’s dismay
Arose on a gorgeous spring day
You see, he’s organic
And got in a panic
When he heard the priest say “Lettuce spray”

The gard’ning instructor’s dictation
Gave students some real consternation
“No more dirty looks”
“Work hard on your books”
“And weed on your summer vacation”

The hypnotist took up his station
With a dentist to ease the sensation
The number one question
Will the power of suggestion
Let a trance end dental medication?
(try saying it aloud to “get it”)

When headaches got bad, the sea urchin
Began doing medical searchin’
To improve, he’d advise
Dialing up several guys
Who come from a school of brain sturgeons

John noticed it right after lunch
When the pain started growing a bunch
He thought he could track
The prob to his back
Wasn’t sure, but he had a hunch

In Russia in old 40s towns
An idea was gaining some ground
“We’ll recover much faster”
“From World War disaster”
“If we don’t keep Stalin around”

The Animal Planet preferred
Their movies be lacking in words
To cows and bulls fat
The director says that
Bovine actors are scene but not herd

I went to the wig shop today
To get a hairpiece, by the way
I found what I sought
A cheap one I bought
It was such a small price toupée

At Christmas I’m wondering why
There isn’t a larger outcry
Of holiday fears
As the big day nears
For santaclaustrophia guys

At the store, the orange squeezing bruisers
Consider the sacking crew losers
Perhaps it is cruel
There’s an unwritten rule
That says baggers cannot be juicers

The old man began to opine
As he toasted the pinot divine
“The wine,” said the sage
“May get better with age”
“But my age sure gets better with wine”

That radiologist says he is sure
His new girlfriend is what he’d prefer
But I have to wonder
If she is a blunder
I don’t know what he sees in her

To a mysterious island went Stu
Along with some people he knew
Each one of them swore
They’d been cursed before
It seemed like a deja voodoo

If insomnia hits it may seem
Like you want to let out a scream
When counting the sheep
Your hope for some sleep
Is to dream the impossible dream

The battery sends out its greetings
With a hope that it won’t be repeating
The rather long binge
That got things unhinged
So now he attends AA meetings

I guess I just have to say ‘yup’
To a saying of old Mr. Rupp
He said, it would seem
“There’s no ‘I’ in team”
“But there’s plenty of ‘U’ in ‘Fuck Up’ “

An Oregon guy I admire
Has a product that’s best when on fire
It gives you nirvana
His best marijuana
That he grows on his huge hempire

It really did cause a big stir
When asked of which film she’d prefer
The new flower lady
Nellie O’Grady
Said it’s Back to the Fuchsia for her

A sheep banned because of concern
Of infractions just had to relearn
To be like an arrow
Walk straight and walk narrow
And not make illegal ewe turns

At Christmas Darth Vader resents
What giving of gifts represents
It’s because he well knows
How gift giving goes
Because he can “feel their presence”

I confess that I let out a sigh
For one French impressionist guy
Without any loot
He was destitute
There were things that Monet could not buy

At the reptilian show at the zoo
They promised us something brand new
What they had made me gasp
An incredible asp
They revealed in a big snake preview

The Australian shepherd named Coosh
Told his herd that they all need to “shoosh”
Cuz in the outback
They get lotsa flack
Whenever they bleat ‘round the bush

An ailing old gentleman Art
Was ready this world to depart
His wish wasn’t granted
Cuz he got transplanted
And so had a big change of heart

That guy should be right in his prime
But the way that he looks is a crime
His oversized gut
Looks like Jabba the Hutt
Middle-aged spread is a big waist of time

To avoid all the counting of sheep
There’s a book on the bed stand I keep
It’s published in Asia
About euthanasia
And is known to put people to sleep

I hope it is not too much braggin’
About my new beagle named Dragon
But he really dazzles
In all of his travels
His favorite transport is waggin’

The watchmaker said to his wife
“No need to feel hunger or strife
We’re doing quite well
I’m sure you can tell
I’m having the time of my life”

The car dealer there at his station
Is balancing sales with elation
He works with pizzazz
Because this guy has
Excellent Hyundai coordination

There is a spoiled student I know
Who doesn’t have get up and go
Of him, it is said
That he’s college-bred
A loaf made from his father’s dough

The thief is a low kind of slime
Committing this kind of a crime
This awful dead-beat
Swiped my toilet seat
There’s nothing to go on at this time

I heard it right straight from the source
I’m sure it is true, yes of course
The stoners are pleased
They split up with ease
And got joint custody in divorce

I’m sorry but I have to insist
That guy is someone to resist
Sexism du jour
From your new masseur
Means he’s a real massagynist

That British guy – someone assist him
Her toes – he bent over and kissed ‘em
But he isn’t reddish
And has no foot fetish
Cuz he’s on the metric system

A man seeking romance, it’s true
Is smiling and not feeling blue
Cuz the lass he would date
Said he’d have to wait
Until the pigs fly – now swine flu

The carpenter was in quite a race
To seal all the wood in this place
I just had to stare
One moment he’s there
The next he varnished without a trace

The beekeepers really don’t care
If locals complain of their fare
They’ve got no pet peeve
They’ll pick up and leave
And take all their bees ness elsewhere

The cow in the barn had to mutter
The bug buzzing her all aflutter
Had surely, no doubt
Found a really odd route
Going in one ear and out the udder

The Israeli baker, you know
Feels safe every time on the go
It isn’t just smarts
He does martial arts
I hear he may know some Jew dough

The spirit hoped that he could learn
How much a good graveyard could earn
He took his obsession
And wrote down a question
Addressing it “Tomb It May Concern”

One newspaper story last week
Gave its readers a rather brief peek
Of a composer’s decision
To get new religion
With its headline of “Haydn Goes Sikh”

The geography professor named Miles
While grading exams was all smiles
When asked to please give her
The young Egypt rivers
A student replied “juveniles”

The haters of music agree
On the things they do not wish to see
From the sound of their talk
Whether Mozart or Bach
They hate violins on TV

The news out of old Stalingrad
Was released and it truly is sad
The bread making crew
Contracted the flu
So then all the Bakersfield bad

Perhaps it was heavenly love
Or some coincidences thereof
That gave Matt a ‘B’
In trigonom’try
He thinks ‘twas a sine from above

A lady is now in a bind
Perhaps she should go and unwind
This stripper annoyed
Is now unemployed
And sadly has no acts to grind

Kim Jung Un’s got it made in the shade
Celebrations include a parade
Although things are crappy
The guy is quite happy
He’s signed an agreement on tirade

My buddy the actor is smart
What he says I take straight to my heart
“Where go,” then said I
“Thespians when they die?”
He said that they just drop a part

The biscuit attracted a throng
Of well-wishers, some thirty-strong
He said rather loud
Addressing the crowd
“I’ve just been a wafer too long”

A photon created a schism
Arising from his extremism
The judge to him said
“I don’t care how you’ve pled”
When he sentenced him to the state prism

The watchmaker’s sure in a snit
At the airport, he’s throwing a fit
Seems no one addressed
His limo request
Lotsa time, but nothing to chauffeur it

If you have to watch every pound
Here is the one thing they have found
Regarding your eating
It sure bears repeating
Desserts sure make the world go round

A tombstone proprietor Janet
Has the strangest such shop on the planet
The odd thing’s her prices
Include certain spices
It seems that she takes thyme for granite

At the dairy you QC-ing guys
Have a problem to rationalize
How to deal with the ilk
Wanting “natural milk”
When everything goes pasteurize

When my buddy let out a loud yelp
I knew that he might need some help
An addiction he feeds
Is found in seaweeds
And because of it he must seek kelp

Though the ad campaign stated quite clear
How the clothiers hoped to appear
They had to refuse
And cancel the use
Of “Go Out & Get Your Aspen Gear”

I got just the thing I expected
For my back, which I had neglected
The number one factor?
A good chiropractor
I was wrong, but now stand corrected

The golddigger’s taking it hard
Her rich husband’s health is on guard
To make her feel better
Please write her a letter
Or send her a big Get Will Card

The Russian says he has a fright
Of a sport that just doesn’t seem right
It involves many dopes
Spending time on the slopes
Who all go trot skiing at night

The font maker in his workplace
Labors hard, but has fallen from grace
On the keyboard he keeps
On falling asleep
And that’s how he got his typeface

Gas station attendants have said it
Though in restaurants, it sure is wrong-headed
In Flint there’s no blinking
They ask if you’re drinking
“Regular or the unleaded?”

On opening the pod I did see
A green thing roll out under me
It’s gone now, I swear
I have to declare
That sure was a wee escapea

The head cold I’ve gotten just stays
And has entered a very bad phase
It hasn’t been shaken
By meds I’ve been takin’
I’m stuck in the hoarse buggy daze

A painter of bodies, Tom Fleck
Exclaimed to his friend, “What the heck”
“Will I do cuz I ain’t”
“Got nothing to paint”
So he went out and got a blank Czech

There was a big prob in the loo
And the bar owner knew what to do
The serial number
He gave to the plumber
Was 1-4U-2-PN2

Ancient Greek children were amused
By a story teller very effuse
His prose and his rhymes
Hit home every time
We’re talking about Dr. Zeus

The Inuit really was odd
‘Bout the clothes that he put on his bod
His church wear of note
Was a giant fur coat
That he described as “Ice wear to God”

Some ladies I know are all primed
For work that they do all of the time
This union of maids
Cleaning floors and the shades
Is truly for partners in grime

That track star who’s known as big Walt
Has reached a high jumping Gestalt
When he failed to clear
The bar with his rear
He said that it was his own vault

The tale of the French man was chilling
A crime on a victim unwilling
Giving thanks every breath
Was what caused his death
It was said to be one merci killing

In Secretariat’s grave Mr. Norse
Performed one last act of remorse
He acted most feckless
Throwing in a pearl necklace
He wanted to bead a dead horse

It sure is a test of strong wills
Legislating the Aussies’ wild thrills
That’s why there’s dissent
In their Parliament
Creating the Perth control bills

I’m sorry, but I have to brag
There’s a legless dog’s tail I make wag
He’s my favorite pet
His name’s Cigarette
Cuz I take him out for a drag

A cow from a farm in Gaspar
Is writing her personal memoir
As I understood
Out in Hollywood
This lady’s a big moovie star

They say he is truly adored
That good lucking guy Mr. Ford
He’s a big shot, you see
Of the Club of Ennui
Where he is the Chairman of the Bored

The baker said to the preparer
“Make that bread with a great deal of care”
“Our deadline is tight”
“For getting it right”
“And there is no margarine for error”

The news that I heard was insane
Of the glassblower way up in Maine
Who got sad and wailed
Then deeply inhaled
Developing a big stomach pane

The Catwoman went out and stole
The City of Gotham’s payroll
But the judge was a sport
When she got to court
And just let her off on purrole

French sights can sometimes overpower
Causing sensitive people to glower
If easily astonished
You’re hereby admonished
Do not go near the eyeful tower

My sneeze, expelled to the air
Fell to Earth, but goodness knows where
The looks that I got
From folks weren’t so hot
In this time of coronavirus scare

On the matter of weight I will chime
In on it with this simple rhyme
I wish I were sveldt
Down under my belt
Too bad it’s a big waist of time

I feel bad for my poor buddy Rex
Who lives near a housing annex
He’s always in fear
And has, ‘twould appear
A real bad apartment complex

The team’s brand new gymnast is sad
Cuz the bank news she got’s rather bad
Despite her objections
Her bill’s in collections
For the outstanding balance she had

The pastry chef living in Macon
Is professional, there’s no mistakin’
His family knows 
From their heads to their toes
It’s great when he brings home the bakin’

The Post Office guy called The Gripper
Is certainly one jolly ripper
The labels he peels
With vigorous zeal
Make him the best kind of mail stripper

C-3-P-O now is deceased
From Earthly bonds he was released
The way his fans cope
Is holding out hope
Their idol is rusting in peace

I’m wondering what I should do
For my dentist who’s feeling quite blue
Her work with decays
Has caused a malaise
What’s more, she has got fillings too

I hear from my cousin named Marge
Whose laughter has gotten enlarged
She thinks it is funny
The Energizer Bunny
With battery now has been charged

With respect to the guy known as Joe
I’m sorry to say it is so
This leader and mentor
Is a big sheep pigmenter
He’s the biggest lamb dyer I know

The bicycle had something to prove
But just couldn’t get in the groove
It felt rather fat
Alone as it sat
Undeniably two-tired to move

The iPad I bought is sublime
The way that it works is divine
One problem gigantic
You might say Titanic
Is that it is syncing all the time

If you wanna be frugal with dough
Drinking wine, here is what you should know
The boxed stuff is cheap
And can save you a heap
Just pick up a fine cardboardeaux

The cow seems to be most elated
Although she is rather deflated
Giving birth to twin critters
Helped her lose the jitters
Now that she is de-calf-inated

The young rooster was really a fool
Too much talking and breaking of rules
Then to his dismay
Got sent home one day
For using fowl language in school

A drunk who was rather bizarre
Aspired to write a song for a star
But try as he might
On every night
He couldn’t get past the first bar

The husband of my sister Heather
Just cannot get his act together
He’s getting derision
For much indecision
This guy is so under the whether

Scandinavian runners opined
They had raced with a very fast time
And in the next lane
Had beaten the Danes
In their race to the Finnish line

I wondered how lightning works, see.
Sitting under a massive oak tree
I ended confusion
And came to conclusion
Because all at once, it struck me

The fisherman tells us on whole
About a new spiritual role
He finds it appealing
Performing some healing
With tartar sauce – good for the sole

I know some consider it grand
But to others it seems rather bland
Perhaps you should ask a
Guy from Alaska
The place that they call Nome man’s land

The fisherman finds it fulfilling
To be his back yard a-grilling
He has just one wish
To catch some more fish
And he certainly may, cod willing

I think it’s OK to repeat
An enterprise out on Main street
Has balls that are rolling
You know it as bowling
A place where the pin pals can meet

Elmer Fudd loudly started to swear
At a restaurant down by the square
It seems they served bisque
To Bugs Bunny, tsk, tsk
And he cannot stand soup in his hare

Consider the shark they call Wade
Who’s pretty near deaf, I’m afraid
But now he has found
He picks up some sound
By using his new herring aid

Now here is a good rule of thumb
If you bang your head, do not be dumb
Take it up with the court
And give your report
Then settle for one big lump sum

I said to my good buddy Trevor
This limerick has been an endeavor
I claim John Lennon’s shown
His work’s like a scone
That is strawberry filled forever

Remember when you take the call
A donation, no matter how small
Helps a kid stay in school
And it goes, as a rule
To the neediest ones of them all

A cannibal rather offbeat
Described the things he liked to eat
For dinner or lunch
His favorite to munch?
He likes the platter of little feet

The chef making soup I perceived
Was certainly acting quite peeved
The cause of the crisis?
A shortage of spices
That made it so hard to be bay-leaved

I think that you all would agree
One’s work is important you see
What I do now is bury
At our cemetery
I’ve got five hundred people under me

The inspector came out to inspect
And found not a single defect
The results are worth noting
Approval for boating
That Noah’s a good arkitect