Prose Silly

“Welcome to the Registration Department. Please say to our automatic teller what brings you to us today.”

Have you ever felt like you’re in a Monty Python skit? This actually happened to me recently.

World renowned archeologist, Sid Elmworth of West Gladys, NJ, announced last week the surprising discovery in Northern Newfoundland, Canada . . .

Local hairdresser and spinster, Miss Beatrice Fellmont, who has never previously been in the limelight . . .

Po-tato - a spud
No-tato - absence of spuds
Ono-tato - what you say when you discover you have no-tato

Some poets
Write prose
And then arrange the words
Vertically.

Undeterred by a report from her doctor that husband Stanley is “as sterile as a Petri dish,” local woman Selma Turban . . .

Striding into her Wells Fargo in East Rollingarrs, NM, to close out her checking account, Glidda Winload . . .

You sit
Office-bound
Shuffling memos
Greeting people

Struggling orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Gerber Splintock, will be moving his practice . . .

Local talent agency, Tomorrow’s Stars, announced that Gary von Fester of Pokus Forks, ID is the most recent winner of the company’s annual Talent Search . . .

“You Are Here”

Great idea for a themed restaurant with strong name recognition.  Unfortunately, mall map makers balked

Gus “Elbow” Cunningham of Smoking Forest, ID expressed frustration at being caught in his third Catch-22 . . .

(a disguised poem follows)

People often tell me.

Local thespian, Della Splen, who recently received solid reviews for her portrayal of Ella Freddle . . .

Three-time loser, Delman Orker, currently residing in Whispering Bottom, MI,

Mr. Delver Clinthorpe, recently of Blind Auspices, MT . . .

Peter Windinhole, master gardener and sole proprietor of north Skukum County’s Plant Parenthood Nursery and Gardening Center,

Stedly Glumlow, funeral director for the Heavenly Haven funeral home in Moving Lips, AL

Aspiring meteorologist Bethany Mildow indicated on Wednesday she is moving full force forward with her career plans.

Apparently when you get COVID, you lose your sense of taste and smell.

Expressing optimism upon locating a job after half a year of unemployment, Preston Overshorts . . .

Are you tired of high grocery bills $$$$ week after week?

Where you from?
Juneau
Know what?
“Juneau Alaska”
“Sure.

Recent financial setbacks hitting popular local newscaster, Leroy Camembert of KESF radio . . .

Mrs. Alice Bredwell (nee Gelbard) of 811 Jersey Street, Furbin Cakes, CA . . .

Local fireman, Eddy Middlesap of Anglo Sexton, IL, best known for numerous animal rescues . . .

As the marriage of Edwin and Glinda (Sparks) Muffletone teeters closer to failing . . .

Reporters in Gordon Blue, CA expressed puzzlement Wednesday at the press release . . .

Dear Universe:

How are you? I’ve been meaning to write to you for a long time (for me, not you!), but I’ve been very busy (my boss) . . .

After an argument last night with her husband, Sten, Mrs. Clarida Seasoning of Point Blank, NY . . .

Local white guy, Randy Carbonhogger, found himself recently on the horns of a personal dilemma . . .

Semi-professional astronomer, Dingle Wicklow, at the university observatory . . .

Jason Outcast of Gut Feeling, MS, who recently placed last in the Wrenching County spelling bee . . .

Speaking candidly about being jilted by his girlfriend of over two months, Coors Beer drinker Elden Frell . . .

Where there’s smoke, there’s a fryer
A miss is as good as a smile
You can’t teach an old dog new treks

We went to a garden shop/nursery today and had a great time. In fact, if you were to sum up the pleasure of my wife and I had at the garden store and divided it by two, you’d see an extraordinary amount of pleasure . . .

Miss Survilla Ween is a reporter for the New York Times who traveled to Sea World on February 11th to write a story about dolphins . . .

Buoyed by results of a surprisingly strong Internet IQ test, recent high school graduate, Greta Glurston . . .

We just got a big shipment and have a wide selection of new (and quality used) holes . . .

Filcher Widdle, proprietor and 51% owner of back yard niche construction company . . .

Hoping to build on the Grodville Lutheran Church’s wildly successful live Christmas nativity scene in December, Delwin Renk, Pastor of the church . . .

Little Jimmy in school today
Learned how to make babies
“First you take the ‘y’ off”
“And then replace it with ‘ies’”

Esperanto was created by Polish ophthalmologist L.

Modern pedestrians must carry a cell phone and be engaged solely with it to the exclusion of input from the rest of the world whenever they are crossing a busy intersection

Gerard and Millie Underbelt of Screaming Gulch, NV returned to their home Friday . . .

Longtime lingerie shop employee, Donna Debris, of Sweat Bridge, MS . . .

Citing her state’s new 10% surcharge on intimate apparel, local woman Sandy Shoreleaves complained to reporters Wednesday about budget struggles.

Detectives from the Alaska Bureau of Investigation, called to investigate a string of thefts . .

Scientists studying back- ground radio signals formed during creation of matter in the universe recently refined the signal and fed it through an amplifier.

Scio, OR, May 7
A truckload of Las Vegas-bound dice missing since April 20 has been found, according to a spokesman for Republic Gaming.

Saskatchewan chicken entrepreneur, Sven Meltrap, runner-up last week in Canada’s Duck Calling With the Stars competition in Random Foot, Manitoba . . .

Drummer for local heavy metal rock band, Poison Needle, Eldon Dremel, who recently moved to the Century 21 Apartment complex . . .

In sports today, the Washington Potatoes defeated the Arizona Desert by scoring more points.

As her brother-in-law, Silas Cholera of Stifled Urge, Wyoming, repeated the phrase . . .

Carberd Grelmik, CEO and President of “We Dig It” digging company . . .

My wife is not tall enough
That is not said in a negative way
Nor meant to imply that

Alpole Widdle, son of Terrence and Lydia (Neeck) Widdle of 311 SW Pecker . . .

I haven’t set up a Christmas tree in many years, but one of the last ones I had I’ll never forget, thanks to my unusual mother.

Domino’s delivery driver Therman Redlamp, of Collarbone, WV, was en route with a large pepperoni-and-pineapple pie for Mrs. Joy Almondcluster . . .

Popular high school PE teacher, Morris Fitzhall, of Katie Perky High School . . .

Champion speed eater, Reg Beltfarm, released from 300 hours of court-ordered community service on Friday . . .

According to the National Highway Safety Council, pedestrians lack many important safety features

Howie Oglemore, husband of Stella (Actite) Oglemore of Three Finks, FL, briefed reporters about a recent argument at home.

Local man, You’re Not Going to Like This Name, Jr., formerly of Captain Crutch, Kansas . . .

Joshua Twitlow, eldest son of Dremble Twitlow, founder of Twitlow Farm Supply . . .

Pansy Mudflaps, a pig belonging to Mr. Winslow Pressureunit . . . .

Grendel Windcraft (pronounced Jane Johnson), spokesperson for the Copley Hike and Bike Rent-a-Bike Shop . . .