Prose Silly

Sellwood Strank, of nearby Rotting Arches, Georgia and author . . .

Howie Oglemore, husband of Stella (Actite) Oglemore of Three Finks, FL, briefed reporters about a recent argument at home.

Three-time loser, Delman Orker, currently residing in Whispering Bottom, MI,

As her brother-in-law, Silas Cholera of Stifled Urge, Wyoming, repeated the phrase . . .

Local hairdresser and spinster, Miss Beatrice Fellmont, who has never previously been in the limelight . . .

Carberd Grelmik, CEO and President of “We Dig It” digging company . . .

Detectives from the Alaska Bureau of Investigation, called to investigate a string of thefts . .

Champion speed eater, Reg Beltfarm, released from 300 hours of court-ordered community service on Friday . . .

Local thespian, Della Splen, who recently received solid reviews for her portrayal of Ella Freddle . . .

Esperanto was created by Polish ophthalmologist L.

Where you from?
Juneau
Know what?
“Juneau Alaska”
“Sure.

“Welcome to the Registration Department. Please say to our automatic teller what brings you to us today.”

Citing her state’s new 10% surcharge on intimate apparel, local woman Sandy Shoreleaves complained to reporters Wednesday about budget struggles.

Mrs. Alice Bredwell (nee Gelbard) of 811 Jersey Street, Furbin Cakes, CA . . .

Local white guy, Randy Carbonhogger, found himself recently on the horns of a personal dilemma . . .

Local man, You’re Not Going to Like This Name, Jr., formerly of Captain Crutch, Kansas . . .

Recent financial setbacks hitting popular local newscaster, Leroy Camembert of KESF radio . . .

Aspiring meteorologist Bethany Mildow indicated on Wednesday she is moving full force forward with her career plans.

Mr. Delver Clinthorpe, recently of Blind Auspices, MT . . .

Drummer for local heavy metal rock band, Poison Needle, Eldon Dremel, who recently moved to the Century 21 Apartment complex . . .

World renowned archeologist, Sid Elmworth of West Gladys, NJ, announced last week the surprising discovery in Northern Newfoundland, Canada . . .

Apparently when you get COVID, you lose your sense of taste and smell.

Gerard and Millie Underbelt of Screaming Gulch, NV returned to their home Friday . . .

Have you ever felt like you’re in a Monty Python skit? This actually happened to me recently.

Modern pedestrians must carry a cell phone and be engaged solely with it to the exclusion of input from the rest of the world whenever they are crossing a busy intersection

Some poets
Write prose
And then arrange the words
Vertically.

Struggling orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Gerber Splintock, will be moving his practice . . .

(a disguised poem follows)

People often tell me.

“You Are Here”

Great idea for a themed restaurant with strong name recognition.  Unfortunately, mall map makers balked

Expressing optimism upon locating a job after half a year of unemployment, Preston Overshorts . . .

Pansy Mudflaps, a pig belonging to Mr. Winslow Pressureunit . . . .

Po-tato - a spud
No-tato - absence of spuds
Ono-tato - what you say when you discover you have no-tato

Local fireman, Eddy Middlesap of Anglo Sexton, IL, best known for numerous animal rescues . . .

Are you tired of high grocery bills $$$$ week after week?

Peter Windinhole, master gardener and sole proprietor of north Skukum County’s Plant Parenthood Nursery and Gardening Center,

Alpole Widdle, son of Terrence and Lydia (Neeck) Widdle of 311 SW Pecker . . .

Semi-professional astronomer, Dingle Wicklow, at the university observatory . . .

Hoping to build on the Grodville Lutheran Church’s wildly successful live Christmas nativity scene in December, Delwin Renk, Pastor of the church . . .

Buoyed by results of a surprisingly strong Internet IQ test, recent high school graduate, Greta Glurston . . .

Where there’s smoke, there’s a fryer
A miss is as good as a smile
You can’t teach an old dog new treks

We just got a big shipment and have a wide selection of new (and quality used) holes . . .

Striding into her Wells Fargo in East Rollingarrs, NM, to close out her checking account, Glidda Winload . . .

Joshua Twitlow, eldest son of Dremble Twitlow, founder of Twitlow Farm Supply . . .

Welcome to Microshaft Word 21.0, the most advanced word processing system in the world.

Jason Outcast of Gut Feeling, MS, who recently placed last in the Wrenching County spelling bee . . .

My wife is not tall enough
That is not said in a negative way
Nor meant to imply that

Domino’s delivery driver Therman Redlamp, of Collarbone, WV, was en route with a large pepperoni-and-pineapple pie for Mrs. Joy Almondcluster . . .

Undeterred by a report from her doctor that husband Stanley is “as sterile as a Petri dish,” local woman Selma Turban . . .

As the marriage of Edwin and Glinda (Sparks) Muffletone teeters closer to failing . . .

Miss Survilla Ween is a reporter for the New York Times who traveled to Sea World on February 11th to write a story about dolphins . . .

Popular high school PE teacher, Morris Fitzhall, of Katie Perky High School . . .

Reporters in Gordon Blue, CA expressed puzzlement Wednesday at the press release . . .

Filcher Widdle, proprietor and 51% owner of back yard niche construction company . . .

Local talent agency, Tomorrow’s Stars, announced that Gary von Fester of Pokus Forks, ID is the most recent winner of the company’s annual Talent Search . . .

Little Jimmy in school today
Learned how to make babies
“First you take the ‘y’ off”
“And then replace it with ‘ies’”

Grendel Windcraft (pronounced Jane Johnson), spokesperson for the Copley Hike and Bike Rent-a-Bike Shop . . .

You sit
Office-bound
Shuffling memos
Greeting people

Gus “Elbow” Cunningham of Smoking Forest, ID expressed frustration at being caught in his third Catch-22 . . .

Saskatchewan chicken entrepreneur, Sven Meltrap, runner-up last week in Canada’s Duck Calling With the Stars competition in Random Foot, Manitoba . . .

Longtime lingerie shop employee, Donna Debris, of Sweat Bridge, MS . . .

We went to a garden shop/nursery today and had a great time. In fact, if you were to sum up the pleasure of my wife and I had at the garden store and divided it by two, you’d see an extraordinary amount of pleasure . . .

Speaking candidly about being jilted by his girlfriend of over two months, Coors Beer drinker Elden Frell . . .

I haven’t set up a Christmas tree in many years, but one of the last ones I had I’ll never forget, thanks to my unusual mother.

Scio, OR, May 7
A truckload of Las Vegas-bound dice missing since April 20 has been found, according to a spokesman for Republic Gaming.

After an argument last night with her husband, Sten, Mrs. Clarida Seasoning of Point Blank, NY . . .

In sports today, the Washington Potatoes defeated the Arizona Desert by scoring more points.