Prose Silly

Reporters in Gordon Blue, CA expressed puzzlement Wednesday at the press release . . .

Domino’s delivery driver Therman Redlamp, of Collarbone, WV, was en route with a large pepperoni-and-pineapple pie for Mrs. Joy Almondcluster . . .

Welcome to Microshaft Word 21.0, the most advanced word processing system in the world.

Recent financial setbacks hitting popular local newscaster, Leroy Camembert of KESF radio . . .

World renowned archeologist, Sid Elmworth of West Gladys, NJ, announced last week the surprising discovery in Northern Newfoundland, Canada . . .

Modern pedestrians must carry a cell phone and be engaged solely with it to the exclusion of input from the rest of the world whenever they are crossing a busy intersection

Po-tato - a spud
No-tato - absence of spuds
Ono-tato - what you say when you discover you have no-tato

Buoyed by results of a surprisingly strong Internet IQ test, recent high school graduate, Greta Glurston . . .

Gerard and Millie Underbelt of Screaming Gulch, NV returned to their home Friday . . .

We just got a big shipment and have a wide selection of new (and quality used) holes . . .

Saskatchewan chicken entrepreneur, Sven Meltrap, runner-up last week in Canada’s Duck Calling With the Stars competition in Random Foot, Manitoba . . .

Longtime lingerie shop employee, Donna Debris, of Sweat Bridge, MS . . .

Carberd Grelmik, CEO and President of “We Dig It” digging company . . .

Local man, You’re Not Going to Like This Name, Jr., formerly of Captain Crutch, Kansas . . .

Expressing optimism upon locating a job after half a year of unemployment, Preston Overshorts . . .

Sellwood Strank, of nearby Rotting Arches, Georgia and author . . .

Peter Windinhole, master gardener and sole proprietor of north Skukum County’s Plant Parenthood Nursery and Gardening Center,

Stedly Glumlow, funeral director for the Heavenly Haven funeral home in Moving Lips, AL

Local white guy, Randy Carbonhogger, found himself recently on the horns of a personal dilemma . . .

Semi-professional astronomer, Dingle Wicklow, at the university observatory . . .

Struggling orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Gerber Splintock, will be moving his practice . . .

Have you ever felt like you’re in a Monty Python skit? This actually happened to me recently.

Grendel Windcraft (pronounced Jane Johnson), spokesperson for the Copley Hike and Bike Rent-a-Bike Shop . . .

Mrs. Alice Bredwell (nee Gelbard) of 811 Jersey Street, Furbin Cakes, CA . . .

In sports today, the Washington Potatoes defeated the Arizona Desert by scoring more points.

Three-time loser, Delman Orker, currently residing in Whispering Bottom, MI,

Local talent agency, Tomorrow’s Stars, announced that Gary von Fester of Pokus Forks, ID is the most recent winner of the company’s annual Talent Search . . .

Local fireman, Eddy Middlesap of Anglo Sexton, IL, best known for numerous animal rescues . . .

Are you tired of high grocery bills $$$$ week after week?

Champion speed eater, Reg Beltfarm, released from 300 hours of court-ordered community service on Friday . . .

(a disguised poem follows)

People often tell me.

Mr. Delver Clinthorpe, recently of Blind Auspices, MT . . .

Scio, OR, May 7
A truckload of Las Vegas-bound dice missing since April 20 has been found, according to a spokesman for Republic Gaming.

You sit
Office-bound
Shuffling memos
Greeting people

Pansy Mudflaps, a pig belonging to Mr. Winslow Pressureunit . . . .

As her brother-in-law, Silas Cholera of Stifled Urge, Wyoming, repeated the phrase . . .

Scientists studying back- ground radio signals formed during creation of matter in the universe recently refined the signal and fed it through an amplifier.

“You Are Here”

Great idea for a themed restaurant with strong name recognition.  Unfortunately, mall map makers balked

Dear Universe:

How are you? I’ve been meaning to write to you for a long time (for me, not you!), but I’ve been very busy (my boss) . . .

Aspiring meteorologist Bethany Mildow indicated on Wednesday she is moving full force forward with her career plans.

Esperanto was created by Polish ophthalmologist L.

We went to a garden shop/nursery today and had a great time. In fact, if you were to sum up the pleasure of my wife and I had at the garden store and divided it by two, you’d see an extraordinary amount of pleasure . . .

As the marriage of Edwin and Glinda (Sparks) Muffletone teeters closer to failing . . .

“Welcome to the Registration Department. Please say to our automatic teller what brings you to us today.”

Jason Outcast of Gut Feeling, MS, who recently placed last in the Wrenching County spelling bee . . .

Local hairdresser and spinster, Miss Beatrice Fellmont, who has never previously been in the limelight . . .

Some poets
Write prose
And then arrange the words
Vertically.

Drummer for local heavy metal rock band, Poison Needle, Eldon Dremel, who recently moved to the Century 21 Apartment complex . . .

Alpole Widdle, son of Terrence and Lydia (Neeck) Widdle of 311 SW Pecker . . .

Hoping to build on the Grodville Lutheran Church’s wildly successful live Christmas nativity scene in December, Delwin Renk, Pastor of the church . . .

Citing her state’s new 10% surcharge on intimate apparel, local woman Sandy Shoreleaves complained to reporters Wednesday about budget struggles.

Where you from?
Juneau
Know what?
“Juneau Alaska”
“Sure.

Miss Survilla Ween is a reporter for the New York Times who traveled to Sea World on February 11th to write a story about dolphins . . .

Local thespian, Della Splen, who recently received solid reviews for her portrayal of Ella Freddle . . .

Popular high school PE teacher, Morris Fitzhall, of Katie Perky High School . . .

Filcher Widdle, proprietor and 51% owner of back yard niche construction company . . .

After an argument last night with her husband, Sten, Mrs. Clarida Seasoning of Point Blank, NY . . .

Striding into her Wells Fargo in East Rollingarrs, NM, to close out her checking account, Glidda Winload . . .

Apparently when you get COVID, you lose your sense of taste and smell.

Undeterred by a report from her doctor that husband Stanley is “as sterile as a Petri dish,” local woman Selma Turban . . .

Little Jimmy in school today
Learned how to make babies
“First you take the ‘y’ off”
“And then replace it with ‘ies’”

Where there’s smoke, there’s a fryer
A miss is as good as a smile
You can’t teach an old dog new treks

Detectives from the Alaska Bureau of Investigation, called to investigate a string of thefts . .

Speaking candidly about being jilted by his girlfriend of over two months, Coors Beer drinker Elden Frell . . .

According to the National Highway Safety Council, pedestrians lack many important safety features

I haven’t set up a Christmas tree in many years, but one of the last ones I had I’ll never forget, thanks to my unusual mother.