Prose Silly

Dear Batman:

I was wondering about secret identities, like yours.

Pansy Mudflaps, a pig belonging to Mr. Winslow Pressureunit . . . .

Setting - Busy Restaurant. Seated inside - man and woman, arguing. Two males walk in, one tall, one short, and get seated.

“You Are Here”
Great idea for a themed restaurant with strong name recognition. Unfortunately, mall map makers balked at putting the business name on their maps.

(a disguised poem follows)

People often tell me.

World renowned archeologist, Sid Elmworth of West Gladys, NJ, announced last week the surprising discovery in Northern Newfoundland, Canada . . .

This year marks over four decades since the assassination of John Lennon and I thought it would be timely to have a conversation with him.

Esperanto was created by Polish ophthalmologist L.

I haven’t set up a Christmas tree in many years, but one of the last ones I had I’ll never forget, thanks to my unusual mother.

Citing her state’s new 10% surcharge on intimate apparel, local woman Sandy Shoreleaves complained to reporters Wednesday about budget struggles.

A Hallmark card
Meets a guy in a bar
They sit and drink

Longtime lingerie shop employee, Donna Debris, of Sweat Bridge, MS . . .

Miss Survilla Ween is a reporter for the New York Times who traveled to Sea World on February 11th to write a story about dolphins . . .

Alpole Widdle, son of Terrence and Lydia (Neeck) Widdle of 311 SW Pecker . . .

Dear Batman:

Thanks for replying to my letter.

She sits on a riding lawn mower, the sun shining on her wind-mussed, streaked golden hair. One hand clutches the steering wheel, the other, a cell phone.

1. Do Not Panic:
People get run over by trucks all the time

Mr. Delver Clinthorpe, recently of Blind Auspices, MT . . .

Local Nincompoop Wishes
Christmas Wasn’t on Thursday

Dear Batman:

How are you?  I am fine.

Some poets
Write prose
And then arrange the words
Vertically.

Dear Batman:

I’m glad to hear your wife (Claire) is OK.

I have several friends struggling currently on diets, so this is dedicated to all of them.

Champion speed eater, Reg Beltfarm, released from 300 hours of court-ordered community service on Friday . . .

Where there’s smoke, there’s a fryer
A miss is as good as a smile
You can’t teach an old dog new treks

So God goes to his doctor
Cuz he’s been feeling chest pain
Too many responsibilities
Have caught up with him

Dear Batman:

Thanks for answering my last letter.

Drummer for local heavy metal rock band, Poison Needle, Eldon Dremel, who recently moved to the Century 21 Apartment complex . . .

Elberta Windchime, sole heir to the massive Windchime fortune who recently moved to Jumping Roach, OH . . .

Peter Windinhole, master gardener and sole proprietor of north Skukum County’s Plant Parenthood Nursery and Gardening Center,

Semi-professional astronomer, Dingle Wicklow, at the university observatory . . .

Dear Batman:

How are you today? I’m still fine.

Grendel Windcraft (pronounced Jane Johnson), spokesperson for the Copley Hike and Bike Rent-a-Bike Shop . . .

I never had a girlfriend until I was in my twenties, though it wasn’t for lack of wanting one. I simply didn’t know how the game was played.

Modern pedestrians must carry a cell phone and be engaged solely with it to the exclusion of input from the rest of the world whenever they are crossing a busy intersection

At the City Civic Arena today, a group of very tall men bounced a large inflatable ball and hoisted it towards a hoop situated about 10 feet off of the floor

You sit
Office-bound
Shuffling memos
Greeting people

Greetings from the South Pacific!  Hope all is well in Iowa.  Got here yesterday afternoon and I’m just getting settled in.

Buoyed by results of a surprisingly strong Internet IQ test, recent high school graduate, Greta Glurston . . .

Joshua Twitlow, eldest son of Dremble Twitlow, founder of Twitlow Farm Supply . . .

Expressing optimism upon locating a job after half a year of unemployment, Preston Overshorts . . .

Dear Batman:

It’s great having a superhero to write to.

Domino’s delivery driver Therman Redlamp, of Collarbone, WV, was en route with a large pepperoni-and-pineapple pie for Mrs. Joy Almondcluster . . .

Stedly Glumlow, funeral director for the Heavenly Haven funeral home in Moving Lips, AL

Aspiring meteorologist Bethany Mildow indicated on Wednesday she is moving full force forward with her career plans.

As the marriage of Edwin and Glinda (Sparks) Muffletone teeters closer to failing . . .

Scio, OR, May 7
A truckload of Las Vegas-bound dice missing since April 20 has been found, according to a spokesman for Republic Gaming.

Filcher Widdle, proprietor and 51% owner of back yard niche construction company . . .

Speaking candidly about being jilted by his girlfriend of over two months, Coors Beer drinker Elden Frell . . .

Mrs. Lucocci has lived
in her house for 40 years
and every day, Mrs. Lucocci
gets out her broom

Mrs. Alice Bredwell (nee Gelbard) of 811 Jersey Street, Furbin Cakes, CA . . .

TIME FOR BED
TOO MUCH OF THE DAY
IN MY HEAD
AND I KNOW TOO WELL
THE WORLD’S GOING TO HELL

In sports today, the Washington Potatoes defeated the Arizona Desert by scoring more points.

Jason Outcast of Gut Feeling, MS, who recently placed last in the Wrenching County spelling bee . . .

“Welcome to the Registration Department. Please say to our automatic teller what brings you to us today.”

Are you tired of high grocery bills $$$$ week after week?

After an argument last night with her husband, Sten, Mrs. Clarida Seasoning of Point Blank, NY . . .

Sellwood Strank, of nearby Rotting Arches, Georgia and author . . .

A third ball-related event took place in another bowl shaped outdoor public observing area.

“You Are Here”

Great idea for a themed restaurant with strong name recognition.  Unfortunately, mall map makers balked

Today we went to Portland on the train and learned a couple of things. First, there’s the Albany train station. You get a bit of history stepping into it - like being in a world of 100 years ago.

Scientists studying back- ground radio signals formed during creation of matter in the universe recently refined the signal and fed it through an amplifier.

“Poetry book of the year!!” - Time
“Takes verse to new levels!!” - NYT

Cast of Characters

Gloria Pillwock - Small town girl seeking to make it anonymously in the big city

An atom can’t think.

But, incredibly, over time spanning billions of years, collections of atoms reacted to form molecules

I tried to tell you how I felt
and you went off rambling
in some weird-ass direction,

Undeterred by a report from her doctor that husband Stanley is “as sterile as a Petri dish,” local woman Selma Turban . . .

Local man, You’re Not Going to Like This Name, Jr., formerly of Captain Crutch, Kansas . . .

Popular high school PE teacher, Morris Fitzhall, of Katie Perky High School . . .

Dear Universe:

How are you? I’ve been meaning to write to you for a long time (for me, not you!), but I’ve been very busy (my boss) . . .

Do you know your ABCs as well as you think you do?

As her brother-in-law, Silas Cholera of Stifled Urge, Wyoming, repeated the phrase . . .

We just got a big shipment and have a wide selection of new (and quality used) holes . . .

Little Jimmy in school today
Learned how to make babies
“First you take the ‘y’ off”
“And then replace it with ‘ies’”

Hoping to build on the Grodville Lutheran Church’s wildly successful live Christmas nativity scene in December, Delwin Renk, Pastor of the church . . .

Po-tato - a spud
No-tato - absence of spuds
Ono-tato - what you say when you discover you have no-tato

Dear Mrs. Batman

My wife is not tall enough
That is not said in a negative way
Nor meant to imply that

Three-time loser, Delman Orker, currently residing in Whispering Bottom, MI,

Saskatchewan chicken entrepreneur, Sven Meltrap, runner-up last week in Canada’s Duck Calling With the Stars competition in Random Foot, Manitoba . . .

Howie Oglemore, husband of Stella (Actite) Oglemore of Three Finks, FL, briefed reporters about a recent argument at home.

We arrived safely in India yesterday after approximately 48 hours of flying. Actually, most of that time was spent in airports, but I digress.

David Copperfield was happy
To finally get out of his novel
Adjusting to life in the 2020s
Without too much difficulty

Where you from?
Juneau
Know what?
“Juneau Alaska”
“Sure.

Local thespian, Della Splen, who recently received solid reviews for her portrayal of Ella Freddle . . .

Carberd Grelmik, CEO and President of “We Dig It” digging company . . .

Recent financial setbacks hitting popular local newscaster, Leroy Camembert of KESF radio . . .

Things were going according to plan
Reggie told Diane
She was the only girl
In the world for him

Dear Batman:

How was your day? I just wanted to write and let you know I appreciate you stopping crime at night, but then I got to wondering about all the crime that goes on in the day.

Local white guy, Randy Carbonhogger, found himself recently on the horns of a personal dilemma . . .

OMG, our house is on fire. 

I know this is one of those times most people get stressed out WAAY beyond belief with panic . .

We went to a garden shop/nursery today and had a great time. In fact, if you were to sum up the pleasure of my wife and I had at the garden store and divided it by two, you’d see an extraordinary amount of pleasure . . .

Welcome to Microshaft Word 21.0, the most advanced word processing system in the world.

Local hairdresser and spinster, Miss Beatrice Fellmont, who has never previously been in the limelight . . .

ach day, I jog along a road with gently rolling hills that goes east of our village of Drapanos into the countryside.

Apparently when you get COVID, you lose your sense of taste and smell.

According to the National Highway Safety Council, pedestrians lack many important safety features

Meanwhile, at a large bowl-shaped venue out of doors, another group of men, different from the one yesterday, engaged in a different activity with a somewhat different inflatable object.

“. . . . and your son, Mrs. Frankentsein.”
buzzbuzzbuzz
“Yes, yes. The doctor.”