Silly

Gluten is something
You will delete
Any time you set out
To lose wheat

With pictures captured
High aloft
Drone photography
Is taking off

Snow White discovered
Morale is crappy
Six of the dwarves
Say they’re not Happy

New Year’s Day comes once per year
From England to Kilimanjaro
And leaves reminders to us here
That partying is such sweet sorrow

At the Don Rickles web site
Each time you choose
You have to use
Put-down menus

“I’ve been elected President”
“Of the Profanity Club,” he grinned
I don’t think I want to be
At the swearing in

Velcro was a silly thing
That made its users laugh
Until they got the idea to
Invent the other half

Two global warmers fell in love
It caused their friends to quip
That this was clearly the result of
A love-heat relationship

Of Mobius strips
There is no doubt
They always are
Inside out

A classic martini
Has got to have gin
Don’t know how to make one?
Here’s how to begin

Pour gin in abundance
And vermouth, just enough
Then cap it all off
With olive the above

He shows concern about aging
In everything he does
Trying to prove he’s as good
As he never was

A teenager wouldn’t pick up her clothes
She was a tidy-phobe
So her mom referred to the messy pile
As her floordrobe

It may be the height
It could be the timing
I just know the death rate
At Everest is climbing

A baker bakes a lot of bread
But some he just discards
By stacking fifty two of those
He has a deck of carbs

Its quality of living went way down
Now it’s a place no one inhabits
That’s a result of the monastery
A-choiring a bunch of bad abbots

He hated it
And made a fuss
Each time they served
Despairagus

Two squirrels got into a fight
And had a major quarrel
Indeed, it was an ugly sight
A very noisy squarrel

In gold, I have a fortune
It’s underground, most fine
And best of all, I’m pleased to say
It’s mine, all mine

Today, I went to a deli
Because of its wonderful smells
When I tried to buy a brat with cheese
They said, “Use cash or card, like everyone else”

I like to belong
I’m here to report
And my lovely wife
Prefers to beshort

Mickey Mouse’s refusal
Has left folks rather numb
He says he’s feeling goofy
And so he cannot come

Climatology is a unique discipline
Where practitioners’ worries accrue
If, with your diploma from college,
One degree becomes two

Your dog ate my Birks
And caused a schism
In fact, I’d call it
Sandalism

They told me Mary would look after me
But I am so annoyed
I assumed ‘twould be the Virgin
Instead ‘twas the Typhoid

Two quotation marks
Were heard to quip
About their open
Relationship

Parentheses are similar,
But no one cares
They’re always found
In matching pairs

The semicolon,
Has its places
Connecting up
Related phrases

Colons usually
Interrupt
Generating pauses
Most abrupt

Whenever a lengthy
Sentence wearies
Commas help
To join the series

A dash is useful
Now and then
The only question
Em or en

A question mark
Helps to express
Written words
That have a guess

The exclamation point
Gets abused
Because it is
Way overused

And finally, the period,
Faithful friend,
Helps to bring things
To an end

Online sausages are better
At least, that’s what I think
You might wanna try one
Here’s the link

When the identical twins passed away
Everybody thought
The best place to put them
Was a symmetry plot

My autobiography rejection
Caused me tremendous strife
But what about it can I say?
The story of my life

They advise to dress in layers
When traveling in a cold climate
I gave it a try
But the chickens didn’t like it

“My lady friend did not show up”
“I guess romance is dead”
“It hurts me most inside my chest”
Half-heartedly Tom said

I really like
Greek food because
It uses great
Tzatziki Tzauce

F is for failing
To produce an eff sound
In the words SNIFF and STIFF
When another one’s ‘round

Fall is the time
Of year, you know
When leaves get raked
So there’s room for the snow

My bird is dead
Not a peep
Now for sale
Won’t go cheep

In my youth, I couldn’t know everything
But being young, everything I knew
What I thought I knew I didn’t
And now I know that’s true

I’m trying to start a new company that
Gets gold out of dog poo we’ve found
The biggest problem we’re having
Is getting it off the ground

If you feel new math’s dumb
But old math’s hurrah!
You probably have
Nostalgebra

What is the world to a horse?
It is racing and running outdoors
Then having some hay
At the end of each day
And oats, a horse’s main course

The blind guy sensed he was in
A rose garden in the shade
But, alas, he was wrong
It was only Glade

The Canadian Bigfoot
And others of his spawn
Are always on display
In their home, Sasquatchewan

Pirates had girls in every port
Which ought to help one know
Exactly what they had in mind
When they exclaimed, “Land Ho!”

I hope you will not think that
“Irish Heart Surgery” is too nasty
The author is a specialist
Dr. Angie O’Plasty

She always arrives late
Sometimes by an hour
I think perhaps her ancestors
Came on the June Flower

Living too close together
Paying monthly rent
Jane saw major irony
In the word ‘apartment’

The worst dentist in our town
Can no longer ignore it
Everyone knows it’s true because
Of the plaque he has to show for it

Louisa Moritz, aged seventy two
The now dead actress was
Notable quite famously
For implicating Cos

Rhyme and meter
Are how I fly
Because poetically
I’m an ABCB kind of guy

My critics as a group have shared
An action that has hurt
Collectively they all have dared
To ignore my latest work

Though knitting is not for everyone
I’m going to explore it
Despite my friends all telling me
I don’t have the balls for it

I don’t trust that secretary
Perhaps I should explain about
The reason I am wary –
I’ve seen her type before

On the internet
It’s rather kooky
That the Weight Watchers site
Uses cookies

A fiancee who’s
An inspiration
Can become a spouse
Of exasperation

If heavy drinkers
You try to thwart
They’ll throw themselves
On the mercy of the quart

The time for celebrating Christmas is here
With millions hailing the Messiah
As for me, “All I Want for Christmas”
Is no more Mariah

My spaniel’s not adopted
Don’t look at me agog
Because the fact of the matter is
She’s my biological dog

A bagel is a breakfast thing
For some it’s much preferred
And also a description of
A kind of harbor bird

The gametes are an incredible slew
You’ve really gotta love ‘em
Indeed, sperms say of eggs, it’s true
“We cannot get enough ovum”

My gorilla impersonation
Made many frown
Until I learned
To knuckle down

I hope this thing
Gets over soon
I’m tired of living
In the world of Zoom

When I act Goofy
You can tell
That I am having
A Disney spell

Mississippi fans
Will not heap scorn on
Their confusing team,
The Beloxi Morons

The army dentist
In his tent
Is the company
Drill sergeant

Ramen noodles
You should try it
Great for every
Low salary diet

Old age is a time
I must denounce
I finally got on the ball
But it lost its bounce

If no one was there
To hear the Fall
Would it mean that autumn
Didn’t happen at all?

Four men in a rock group
Won’t sing an encore
We’re not talking Beatles
It’s Mount Rushmore

Meditating electricians
Need assistance
Because when they say ‘ohm’
It means resistance

I worry when
The sushi’s squishy
To me that seems
A little fishy

Some advice on banks
You oughta know
If its name starts with
Wells – forego

(written in response to the never ending requests for poems online and the accompanying misspellings)

I like this poem’s tittle
More than just a little
But as for a recital
I’ll do one with a title

I’d like to note
On this occasion
That The Police
Was a Sting operation

What is the world to a gnat?
Everything is much bigger than that
From a fly or mosquito
To a tasty Dorito
No one ever would call a gnat fat

A heron is a lovel bird
Whose long neck earns it praise
And something that bald guys declare
On donning their toupees

Getting fresh breath is expensive
But let me give you a hint
I know about this from experience
Because it cost me a mint

I think that it
Is worth repeating
When bacteria Zoom
It’s for a Staph meeting

I wrote my autobiography
In old Norse letters, I’m doomed
Because it is apparent that
My life is totally runed

The trolley would not let me board
Frustration can’t be higher
I’ll get correct change next time for
That street car named Require

Recently, when called upon
To recite lines of a famous poem
Embarrassingly I had to confess
I didn’t knoem

My Swedish car got vandalized
Inside my own garage
I don’t want to sound too paranoid
But I think it was Saabotage

I went to the dentist
My molar, throbbing
The experience there?
Jaw dropping

Because the relationship
Can be quite loony
You should never judge
A book by its movie

When injecting
Liquid things within
Hypodermic needles
Get under my skin

When the woman left
Her gambling hack
He went and tried
To win her back

Some millionaires
I gotta be frank
Store their cache
Inside Swiss banks

The female Navy
Vet regales
Her friends by telling
Old Waves’ tales

They asked what happened in Rome to my ears
That I had treated so shittily
I explained the resulting problem
By saying “Deaf in Italy”

Nature has a mother
Time has a father
This verse might have a chance
If I can think of anather

Is it real?
Or am I dreaming?
That urology course
Now is streaming

An observation
I can’t let pass
“Work is the curse”
“Of the drinking class”

Roses are red
They’re for Cupid
Vaccines are for you
Don’t be stupid

Television gives to us
Images we can view
And also it’s the kind of thing
That fortune tellers do

Princess Leia
In outer spaces
Looked for love
In Alderaan places

For weaving a basket
You’ll be needing
A few tools
And a lot of reeding

A fly’s a fly
Because it flies
That moniker stands
Until it lands

I’ve searched it out
And just as I thought
There is no ‘we’
In chocolate

Remember, if you’re lost in a forest
With mosquito bites and scratches
Fire starting’s easy with just two sticks
When both of them are matches

What is the world to a trunk?
It amounts to a whole bunch of junk
That got dumped inside
Its leathery hide
While making a loud, noisy clunk

And regarding my climbing
Of Everest, yup
One way it is true
That I made it up

My visitor’s visit was numbing
And that is why I’m saying
His biggest shortcoming
Was his longstaying

The scarecrow’s now thin
But once he was thick
He credits herein
The Wizard of Ozempic®

Choosing sides in Tijuana
Made a little boy scream
It seems nobody wanted to
Take Juan for the team

Here’s one thing
Taught in school
Coup d’etat
Means rock and rule

A homeless ghost
Finds it daunting
When he needs a place
He goes house haunting

Peter Bagdanovich is gone
And we are filled with woe
That he has finally finished up
His Last Picture Show

The wizard isn’t
Doing well
Because it seems
This guy can’t spell

The doctor’s message
Was my worst fear
She said I was deaf
That was difficult to hear

Newton said that he’d drop in
But Pavlov simply drooled
Ohm resisted heartily
While Kelvin went and cooled

If you need to diet
And lose a bunch
Just eat some rope
And then skip lunch

Whiskey sure helps
Folks to mingle
Cuz after a double
They feel single

Life gave him lemons
So to get on track
He just went
And gave them back

In space, no sound can travel
No grousing, no complaints
That’s why it’s so nice
Where the atmosphere ain’t

When the short dishwasher
Started work, oh boy
It was said she’d often
Jump for Joy

The difference is big
And very strange
Between resisting change
And resisting being changed

I dreamed I had lunch
With God the other day
While talking, he sneezed
And I didn’t know what to say

A mime met his demise one day
The ending, most absurd
At his funeral the eulogist declared,
“There are no words”

No matter how unlikely something is
It’s open to changeability
And when that’s done, it may become
A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY

Schrödinger cannot decide
His plans I do not know
Confusingly he said that
He may and may not go

I’m surprised to realize
At this stage
That youth’s more fragile
Than old age

Noisy drivers
Kill my sleep
They should look
Before they beep

Calendars are important
I need to be reminded
That they are mostly useful for
Those folks who are week-minded

I think I got this
Just about right
The heaviest rainbow
Is still pretty light

So I’ve got a peanut allergy
I don’t tolerate them well
My doc says that’s my problem
In a nutshell

Yesterday was Saturday
Today is too
I just set my calendar back
How about you?

I felt so hungry I could eat a horse
Not that I would, of course
And I certainly hope no horse would be
So hungry that it could eat me

A frog is very hungry
He’s probably not alone
Because his local neighborhood
Is now a no fly zone

The politician
Doing biz
Is quite promisecuous
Yes, he is

A local wig shop was burgled last night
And after getting over the shock
They went to work immediately
To replace every lock

Zeroes are absolute nothings
That’s what they represent
But put a bunch together
And they’re a political movement

So I’m finally coming to realize
I’m not going to be here forever
There was a time when I didn’t
Think of that, ever

But, as you get older, your perspective
And other things change, it’s true
Good God, this Dairy Queen
Certainly has a long queue

Some tourist sites
Are criticizing
About Niagara’s
Falls advertising

She plasters mudpacks on her face
Because it says in books
They’ll remove her wrinkles every place
But on questioning, I get dirty looks

I wrote a book when my writing friend
Invited me to his home
And then told me to
Make myself a tome

Frontier’s the worst
Don’t waste your time
That’s why they’re known as
A receding airline

The young med student
Studying the ass
Took the constipation exam
But didn’t pass

At the diaper factory
I’m a clerk
But I really need
A change from work

My molar’s gone
And I’m dismayed
10 years I had it
A tooth decade

It’s odd that the Alabaman
Has to sit at home
In order to use
Her Mobile phone

A rope’s a rope, a string’s a string
Distinctive and discrete
Because of this, it’s often said
“Never the twine shall meet”

She’s in love with her mirror
A relationship without end
But with a problem –
It only wants to be friends

A one person shop
You’d likely guess
Has an owner who minds
Their own business

The units used for cleaning breath
Are very small, so cope
One millionth of a mouthwash is
A single microScope

The swashbuckling heroes
A COVID denier fears?
We’re talking about
The Three Masketeers

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away”
My grandmother said for the sniffs
But I have to wonder if it’s just that way
Or another of granny’s myths

Something that
I wonder about tons
Why “halve a nice day”
Instead of the rotten ones?

The stationmaster’s kids
Are quite ingrained
I guess that’s cuz they’re
So well trained

Love ‘em and leave ‘em
May be easy or tough
Depending on whether
You leave ‘em enough

From sex, I caught
A cold like this
And now I’ve got
Snyffilis

The thief who pilfered in our town
Got chased out by a mob
We should have known what he would do
Because his name was Rob

My cat’s annoying me right now
Makes noises in moonlight
And given opportunity will
Mutilate at night

Make a new word for tinnitus?
I hope you will do it
Because I’m sure that it would have
A very nice ring to it

Here’s a show
For Nickelodeon
“Ocean Janitor – ”
“Jacques Cousteudian”

As I attempt to retrace the route of
Mr. Brown and his renowned band, I’m baffled
The possibilities many, the facts, hardly any
Oh why did I seek the path Les traveled?

In sex ed class
It is important to learn
Fertilization is the result of
Ova reaction to a sperm

What is the world to a hat?
It’s a head upon which it has sat
Whether balding or hairy
Or extraordinary
There’s a hat for each head just like that

I copied this verse from my brother
Out and out plagiarism
So I can’t claim it as mine
It’s hism

Life is a fairy tale
With love and pain and laughter
Except not necessarily
Happily ever after

The lie detector
Now is gone
Too many times
Re-lied upon

In Lima, Peru
The modern thinkin’
Is their favorite Prez
Was Abraham Incan

Streakers at work
Are rarely recruited
Because for most things
They’re totally unsuited

The worst of the
Oxymoronic mess
Is what some describe as an
ACT OF CONGRESS