Silly

It is that time of year again
When gardeners give it a whirl
Encouraging tiny seedlings
“You grow girl”

As countries go
They’re much the same
Except for Iceland
With its cool name

That poker player
Plotting hard
Is ready for the changing
Of the card

My love of writing
Is undiminished
Despite a lot of
Verses unfinished

We change the universe by being
And by doing
By being doing beings
And by being doing beings doing things

To turn on a faucet
I’d suggest
Just giving it
A warm caress

He failed the astronaut exam
Bad answers, every one
The worst of all involved his plan
To land on the dark side of the sun

Bagels aren’t stolen in NYC
But it isn’t special zen
The reason they’re protected is cuz
They all have lox on them

Time’s a lot like junk,
My friend
The more of it you accumulate
The less you have to spend

A lemon got sick
But had to grin
When the doc declared
She’d squeeze him in

Love comes
Love goes
Of each timing,
No one knows

My diet plan
Is a winner
Eating rope for lunch
Skipping dinner

Norm Macdonald
It can be said
Is now performing
On Saturday Night Dead

The astronomer quit
No one knows why
He only said
“No more Mr. Night Sky”

What is the world to a cloud?
Surrounding the Earth in a shroud
Truly loved by the grains
For life-giving rains
In the fields that the farmers have plowed

The guillotine operator
Takes his orders
From the place that’s known as
Headquarters

Consider the anteater, eating ants
They taste too good to quit
But on the day the anteater dies
The ants eat it

Four simple words
Get no opposition –
Knowledge speaks
Wisdom listens

Long ago, the old woman who lived in a shoe
Won a beauty contest selection
But it wasn’t for congeniality
She was a Miss Conception

I hope this thing
Gets over soon
I’m tired of living
In the world of Zoom

No kids arose
From his spore
Because of what
The trojan wore

The local tea shop
Has quite a throng
Too many choices
Can’t we all get oolong?

A wedding gift should function
Or so Miss Manners says
A bowl’s not much utility
And so we gave you Pez

A Chinese option that they have
Is perfect, I maintain
To get it you must know that it
Is called the Rob Lowe Mein

Kiss me, I’m Irish
Leave me alone, I’m British
Excuse me, I’m Canadian
Let me out of it, I’m Swiss

Import me, I’m Chinese
Crimea river, I’m Russian
Fear me, I’m North Korean
Pardon me, I’m Nixon

“Supplement your food with carbs”
My dietician said
And they have got a yummy choice
Their Doris Day Old Bread

I’m digitizing my life
All the scoundrels and heroes
And I imagine you’re wondering
“Am I a one or a zero?”

It is certainly clear
To one and all
With your head in the clouds
And feet on the ground
You’re walking tall

When Captain Ahab was feeling ill
One stormy afternoon
The crew went out and bought a card
Proclaiming, “Get Whale Soon”

I had a lot of sewing jokes
I used to tell in serial
But I had to stop with all of that
When I ran out of material

In bed, sometimes
Much time I squander
Doing my thing
In the wild blue yawnder

The lumber mill strike
Was one occasion
With suspended
Lamination

The time for celebrating Christmas is here
With millions hailing the Messiah
As for me, “All I Want for Christmas”
Is no more Mariah

A thief got caught stealing
Purple flowers many times
The judge threw the book at him
For all his violet crimes

Acting’s a message
Someone’s sending
That involves pretending
They’re not pretending

The tin man’s murderer
A mean old gent
Made it look like
An oxidant

Dot to dot puzzles
I like them fine
With them I know
Where to draw the line

If Jessica Biel
Has a son, you know
I hope she gives him
The name “Batmo”

Known primarily
For their pillage
It takes a Viking
To raze a village

The guy driving the car ahead of me
Must be God, I give my praise
For he doesn’t use his turn signal
And moves in mysterious ways

32 million olive trees
Fill up the Cretan soil
Farmers squeeze the fruit of them
And sell olive the oil

If we identify UFOs as Martian spacecraft
Then I think it naturally flows
That we’ll no longer be able to call them
UFOs

I know quite well a bull’s nose sound
No need to go review it
You see, it’s very simple
It has a ring to it

Skinny people
I must complain
Have nothing to lose
And much to gain

I went to an AI psychic
And the crystal ball said to me
“Tell me what you want”
“Your future to be”

My pet cow died
I’m devastated
I guess I need to
Have her creamated

Mike Nesmith with Monkees clowned
And sang on “I’m a Believer”
Now he’s making heavenly sounds
With Davy and with Peter

Please listen carefully
To what I say here
The surgeon general
Is a doc without a peer

You suck at the trumpet
Each time you try?
I think that is the
Reason why

A friend of mine most certainly
Is not too much of a brain
On the education interstate
He’s not in the passing lane

A sumo wrestler
Fears for nuttin’
With crazy garb
And belly buttin’

“A fire in the produce section . . “
The report explains
“Resulted in a lot of”
“Chard remains”

My grief counselor died
This news I share
He was so good
That I don’t care

What is the world to a weed?
It’s the place to be spewing its seed
Which flies through the air
Falling down everywhere
Then growing back into a weed

To build an orchestra
They’ll adore
Use good materials
Like tuba fours

Mr. Squirrel in your tree
I’m not what you think you see
Strange I am, but not a nut
So you should not pecan me

Here is a message
For internet rookies
At the Girl Scout site
You can’t refuse cookies

A fly’s a fly
Because it flies
That moniker stands
Until it lands

Something I’ve wondered about
Since I was little
How can “Nowhere”
Have a middle?

Not covering your nose when you sneeze
Is such a major annoyance
Especially in these COVID times
You must avoid phlegm buoyance

What is the world to a hat?
It’s a head upon which it has sat
Whether balding or hairy
Or extraordinary
There’s a hat for each head just like that

Vlad the Impaler likes to joke
But his punchlines make me cry
His favorite one begins, I’m told
“So this bar goes into a guy”

That dreadfully boring Powerpoint talk
Proved he’s not a speaking whiz
In it, he clearly demonstrated
What the longest distance between two points is

She always arrives late
Sometimes by an hour
I think perhaps her ancestors
Came on the June Flower

The inventor of slurpees
Has many stunned
At the size of his
Big slush fund

The HR worker
Found her vocation
Thanks to a
Hire education

Jack and Jill got married
Their decision, very quick
It was just like a candle, though
Cuz it only lasted a wick

The naked hiker on the mountain
Has just made full disclosure
It seems he got arrested for
In descent exposure

Worried of Mad Cow?
Here’s what to avoid
Performance enhancement
From all those steer-oids

A message now has come that says
The brothers known as Wright
Will be there if the two of them
Can find themselves a flight

Gravity comes to us cheap
That’s why it’s widely used
The cost is not so very steep
Because it’s mass produced

When phoning home
A lonely reptile
Will grab a phone
And crocodial

Grocery store workers
Overnight clockers
At 2:00 a.m.
Are night stockers

Now he’s gone, Gaylord Perry
On the mound truly did it all
Curves and sliders and also
A very good spitball

What about the people
Who sneer at someone smugly?
And then declare to all nearby
That they are PRETTY UGLY

The castles too do not escape
Admonishment, it is noted
But if it should occur to them
Does it mean they’ve been demoated?

This rumor died
But I’ll revive it
Military barbers
Shave their privates

If heavy drinkers
You try to thwart
They’ll throw themselves
On the mercy of the quart

Leaving a cult
To which you’re connected
Means you’re gonna
Get dissected

Mary had a little lamb
With onions on a kabob
And so it was that Mary
Lost her herding job

I think I got this
Just about right
The heaviest rainbow
Is still pretty light

Plumbers are odd
And don’t come cheap
They have pipe dreams
In their sleep

Of insect puns
Don’t even try
It’s hard to write one
On the fly

That fortune cookie said
“You are what you eat”
Now I’m worried
That I’m dead meat

For weaving a basket
You’ll be needing
A few tools
And a lot of reeding

Stating P’s never silent
Is an awful deceit
And for this I can hand you
A printed RECEIPT

Pennsylvania fans
Take their chances
When they follow
The Erie Circumstances

“My lady friend did not show up”
“I guess romance is dead”
“It hurts me most inside my chest”
Half-heartedly Tom said

An arbitrator settles things
Between two fighting Ronalds
But also is a cook who moves
From Arby’s to MacDonalds

About sexless couples
I have to wonder
Does abstinence
Make the heart grow fonder?

I worry when
The sushi’s squishy
To me that seems
A little fishy

Though the university said
The increase was conditional
Most students considered it
Unconstituitional

Mr. Pete Townsend
It is true
Is prominent in
The Who’s Who of The Who

I like to go to Costco
And here’s the reason why
Because I like to wave at
The people going buy

Of Star Wars’ Luke
Here’s a shocker
When cooking Chinese
He’s a Skywokker

If you work to keep
Everything the same
Then nothing will improve
And it’s you we’ll blame

I saw today
Some kind of vetch
Not being a botanist, though
I’m not sure wetch

Breathing the same air as us
And having the same water and food
Paul McCartney wrote
Yesterday and Hey Jude

I am a very thrifty sort
Or so my friends all say
Because I like to save my work
For a rainy day

On an Atlantic island
Any team that tangles
May get lost while playing
The Bermuda Triangles

Aging complaints
Oh, I’ve got dozens
Now even my isms
Are becoming wasms

Henry the Eighth
Made it clear to insist
That his wives should be kept
On his chopping list

In Budapest,
Each fan will back
The team they call
The Hungary Jacks

If no one was there
To hear the Fall
Would it mean that autumn
Didn’t happen at all?

My dictaphone is full again
I don’t know how I do it
Either its capacity is too small
Or I’m reading too much into it

Greek philosophers
Make me grin
Because they always
Plato win

My boat is ill
And I’m in shock
It’s time to take it
To the dock

That glider pilot in the air
Is a mighty airborne cruiser
If he should crash, please be aware
He’ll be a real soar loser

Her language mastery
Is very full
Saying adios/au revoir
Makes her bye bilingual

The drug user’s cocaine
Was clearly faked
Turned out, it was flour
And he got baked

Those SLOT MACHINES are evil things
I think it’s plain to see
They all should have a sign on them
That says CASH LOST IN ME

The Maytag Repairman’s almost for sure
Unless there’s a fly in the ointment
That likely won’t be a problem cuz
He never has appointments

The results of my colonoscopy
Were sadly very muddled
So now I’ll have another one
It’ll be a rebuttal

He shows concern about aging
In everything he does
Trying to prove he’s as good
As he never was

Sex is a sport
Where it is most sensible
To prefer an amateur
Over a professional

Flight training is
A situation
Where trainees get
Higher education

Velcro was a silly thing
That made its users laugh
Until they got the idea to
Invent the other half

Single chicks
In the pen
Are madder than
A wed hen

What is the world to a beetle?
Avoiding the earthly upheavals
While crawling around
On the top of the ground
And playing with ants just a leedle

What is the world to the ants?
It is doing an ant kind of dance
And working together
In all kinds of weather
While living in holes beneath plants

My world’s completely upside down
I’m saddened and confused
Today, when I bought M&Ms
I got W&Ws

Those two furnaces
Are really deranged
They just got into
A heated exchange

A rich guy O.D.’d
Drugs can destroy
The papers agreed
“Pills Bury Dough Boy”

The geology hike
Was rather nerdy
Because it was
A sedimental journey

Nova Scotia
A place to see
What’s so special?
It’s beyond ME

Forever and a day
Infinity plus one
No one can ever
Do either one

When the ancient elephant died and fell
The surroundings were a-shaking
And it was said that burying it
Was a mammoth undertaking

On Sunday I saw my dentist
I should have gone to church
Because the guy insisted
On doing a cavity search

And last, not least, the propane station
With its sign spreads goodwill
It simply says to everyone
“Thank Heaven For Little Grills”

Life’s OK
Average, not great
If the place you live
Is on Cloud Eight

The retired bowler
Has not a care
Cuz now he has plenty
Of time to spare

The paint flinging class
Couldn’t be duller
But I passed it
With flying colors

Of “man-splaining” I have
No compunction
Describing it as
Correctile dysfunction

That very short guy from Beijing
Doesn’t have a disease
But they did explain a problem to him
Inch high knees

Hot dogs are weird
My buddy said
Because they all
Have been in bread

Lettuce gather
And I will tell
Why stomachs churn
At Taco Bell

Shelf stockers were working late one night
When the soda section they came to
One asked about hillbilly beverages
And the other said, “No can Dew”

My mime exam’s questions
I soon realized
Were unexpected
Couldn’t say I was surprised

In Ireland, they cheer
When their team wins
Yelling for
The Dublin Mint Twins

Goodbye darkness, once again
Your longish times are at an end
Cuz the axis has, for what it’s worth
Come around from in behind the Earth

In a couple of months
It’ll face the sun
And then we’ll have
Our summer fun

I’ve got a bunch of ground beef
I must fix today
So, burgers twill be, on tap for me
It’s another Manwich Monday

Canada has 15,000 dams
From Newfoundland to the Yukon
Egypt, on the other hand
Only Aswan

With Moliere’s plays
I am delighted
He certainly was
Quite farce sighted

If your golf day is bad
There is remorse
The 19th hole
Is bar for the course

I needed a turkey thermometer
And so I had to stop
Down by the waterfront
At the mom and popup shop

Do you suppose
There’s early arrivers
To go and watch
The Madagascar Drivers?

My girlfriend was into astrology
She took the stuff to heart
It all was just baloney, though
Because it Taurus apart

She carefully peeled away his layers
Like an onion, but he was a guy
And when she reached the middle
He made her cry

Fast car
Gas car
Pass car
NASCAR

Hansel and Gretel
Oh how I pity ‘em
Their gingerbread house
Was a candyminium

I felt so hungry I could eat a horse
Not that I would, of course
And I certainly hope no horse would be
So hungry that it could eat me

When knights of the round table
Fought fights over maidens fair
It often was the basis for
A sworded love affair

Mice have small balls
It isn’t happenstance
The reason is simple
Few of them can dance

A Frenchman invented sandals
And sold them in his shop
I think you might have heard of him
He was known as Philippe Philoppe

A time zone for the moon, it’s said
Will synch their clocks to chime
But will they turn those clocks ahead
For moonlight saving time?

I really am avoidable
When I have morning breath
It’s also what bull fighters do
When they are dodging death

Of this, I think
There is no doubt
Philately cannot
Be stamped out

When the hairdressers Brit
Through the colonies came roaming
Paul Revere had a fit
“The British are combing!”

If you fight dinosaurs
I would predict
You’ll probably get
Jurassic kicked

When customers ask for the bread recipe
You ought to see their faces
When the baker tells them it’s classified
On a knead the dough basis

LEDs
Are wonderful sights
They really are
Electrolights

In the coronavirus pandemic
There seem to be two schools
Those who don’t and those who do
Follow SOCIAL DISTANCING rules

The merry go round
Leaves children a-swirled
In the process creating
Joy to the whirled

Here is a concept
I know you can grasp
The brightest snake out there
Is a big smart asp

His mood ring’s lost
No need to doubt it
But he doesn’t know
How he feels about it