Silly

Gorbachev’s perestroika
And too his glasnost
Are what from Russia
Today we miss most

Hammerin’ Hank was a superstar
A home run record breaker
The king until the era of
Illegal steroid takers

I bought an elephant for my friend’s room
No space! It may need extension
She thanked me for it nevertheless
I said, “Of this, please don’t mention”

The guy who has his hand up asking
Lots of questions knows
His friends think he is someone who’s
A very big askhole

Yesterday was Saturday
Today is too
I just set my calendar back
How about you?

That Caesar salad’s bad
So do not grab it
But I think I may
Take a stab at it

At Scrooge’s store last Christmas
The vibe was very mean
Because inside the main display
He had a negativity scene

The most gullible element
It has been said
Is certainly clearly
And easily lead

They found a dog
On the road
That got ID’d
From his bark code

I was making prosthetics
In a factory
But then got fired
For taking a knee

For transplant surgery I did go
To fix the foot I hurt, you know
The donor for it didn’t show
They used some candy, big uh-oh
So now I have a Tic-Tac Toe

Spring is here
And winter is waning
It’s when plumbers go south
For Spring Draining

My friend got Botox
It’s good and how
When I whine at her
No raised eyebrow

Mr. Westinghouse
Was really great
Because he was the very first
Refrigerator magnate

Does size matter?
I must confess
A small part of me
Says yes

Book lovers all
Are known as bookworms
But does switching to audio
Make them tapeworms?

Making an aardvark
Is not very hard
Mix one part vark
With one part aard

What is the world to a whale?
It is growing to rather large scale
Making big swimming motions
In the depths of the oceans
With magnificent flips of its tail

An unemployed boxer
Looking rather drab
Filled an application
Looking for a jab

Two fountain pens fell deep in love
Said the lad to the lass, winking
“Do you think there’s a child in our future?”
And she replied, “I’ve got an inkling”

Fake news is
In my estimation
The product of
Artificial dissemination

I was hoping to learn to cook
But my understanding got foiled
When they told me a softly boiled egg
Is hardly boiled

College conference realignment
Is getting more insane
Because just now the Pac-4
Made an offer to Ukraine

The pond at Walden’s
Almost holy
People love it
So Thoreauly

The laziest student I knew
Was an educational free lancer
Work to prep he’d eschew
And wouldn’t take notes for an answer

Whene’er my eye
Detects an onion
It becomes
A very runnion

Fighting fire with fire
Only makes things hotter
Be like the fire department –
Use water

The short person to the boss
Raised a big commotion
Because it seems that once again
He was overlooked for promotion

Mexican food
Is very neato
On my diet
I burreato

A hurricane warning was issued
The news traveled slowly, and how!
It seems that so many people
Are just getting wind of it now

The carnival’s gas supplier
Did not receive his payoff
So every ride came to a halt
It was Ferris fueler’s day off

Tenacious arguments he’s endured
In noisy verbal chatter
Always seeking the last word
And also the one after

With vas deferens blocked
Sperm will miss
Exiting
The epididymis

That new ballerina
Is sadly grace-free
She is a plus size
And wears a three-three

I went to an AI psychic
And the crystal ball said to me
“Tell me what you want”
“Your future to be”

When my clone has hair that’s dirty
It knows just what to do
Taking time to wash it
With extra body shampoo

Something in between my ears
Has spun a web intense
The silken threads in it appear
To make a brain most dense

They fog up memories for me
Their power is immense
In others, acting differently
They block out common sense

Eclipse describes the darkness
That a moon transit’s giving
And what an English barber does
To earn a decent living

I’ve writ this verse without an “_”
And think I’ve done it we _
But iffins you shou_d figure out
P_ease don’t te_ _

The trolley would not let me board
Frustration can’t be higher
I’ll get correct change next time for
That street car named Require

The chimney sweep
Knew what to do
Called in today
Sick with the flue

For Boeing executives
There’s no need for mopin’
You can visit them easily
Their doors are always open

The invisible man
Has no pleasure
Because he suffers
From appear pressure

A hallucination
Quite ideal
The knighted fish
It is Sir Eel

Readers Digest
Most absurd
Has lists of naughty
Three letter words

Down in France,
They all prefer
To be rooting for
The Cannes Openers

A Siamese race
Just passed me by
Rumor is that
It ended in a Thai

Acting’s a message
Someone’s sending
That involves pretending
They’re not pretending

What is the world to the bees?
Is it pollen of flowers and trees?
Or is it the sound?
Of buzzing around?
When they’re swarming near hives in the breeze?

Unless it is electricity
It makes no sense to me
How anyone could talk about
The CURRENT HISTORY

Aladdin is in trouble now
He’s needing many hugs
It seems he got caught using
Performance-enhancing rugs

My cat’s annoying me right now
Makes noises in moonlight
And given opportunity will
Mutilate at night

On the USS Enterprise
Halloween is sweet
That’s when Cap’n Kirk
Celebrates Trek or Treat

I ate dessert, but shouldn’t have
And now I lie awake
I guess I should have known because
It was a stomach cake

Mr. Pete Townsend
It is true
Is prominent in
The Who’s Who of The Who

There’s nothing confusing
In what I said
I just get blue
If I’m not read

Eat, drink and be merry
Go ahead and try it
For soon will come the day
That you roll over and diet

A naked mole rat’s never cold
Whenever it is naked, holed
They’re very odd to look at, those
But not as strange as ones with clothes

And then there are the strippers
When their stripping is concluded
If they did not work out will they
Find out they’ve been denuded?

Armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers
Have been joined by something worse
It’s likely you have heard of them
The “Internet Experts”

For the stock market pundit
The economy is an obsession
He’s amazing in predicting
Six of the last two recessions

Shipboard barbecues
Are very thrilling
Perhaps because of
Offshore grilling

The honey bees
Are needing savin’
So I made for the queens
“Missbeehaven”

My lumberjack jokes
Cause many a frown
So I guess on them
I’ll be cutting down

The new electric Honda
Is better than a Ford
But you’ll find it will not work for you
Unless you buy Accord

They strummed the lute
And played like champs
But went too long
Got minstrel cramps

In Germany,
Fans all get their jollies
Rooting for
The Leipzig Field Follies

My masseuse called last night
While I was fast asleep
But to my disappointment
Didn’t leave a massage after the beep

I drew an invisible picture
With a pen with invisible ink
It’s full of invisible people
At least it is, I think

U-turn is a reversing move
With a car or with your legs
And also an instruction for
Making easy over eggs

Velcro was a silly thing
That made its users laugh
Until they got the idea to
Invent the other half

People who want to terra-form Mars
Are dangerous, I insist
And that’s why we should call them
Terra-rists

I do not think
It would insane
To call a group of lynx
A chain

Electricians are odd
What can I say?
Cuz they all like
Refused pay

The All-You-Can-Eat buffet
Is an astounding brunch
In fact, I’d call it
An avalunch

Henry the Eighth
Made it clear to insist
That his wives should be kept
On his chopping list

A pair of shoes discussing life
Conclude it can’t be understood
Until they’ve walked a mile
On the other one’s foot

Whenever you want to give up
After a major crisis
It’s time to get up off your butt
And renew your thriver’s license

There’d be no question
No fuss or debates
If fashionable clothes
Had expiration dates

The sexiest wizard
You’ll ever know
Went by the name
Of Merlin Monroe

Sticklers say
It isn’t who you know
It’s whom you know

They tranquilized
My cat to spay
So now it is
A slow mews day

That beef stock baron
So debonair
Made lots of bucks
A bouillonaire

The country singer, Charley Pride
Passed over to the other side
So now it’s true when people say
He’ll “Kiss an Angel Good Morning” every day

When Starbucks had
No espresso
My feelings, sad
I’m depresso

In a previous life
I was me
That’s just how boring
I tend to be

The arborist working
Near the lodge
Says she sometime
Uses triage

My English teacher has an owl
She taught it, I presume
Because it sits around at night
Going “Whom, Whom”

Take Sudafed for congestion
It’s money quite well spent
And also what you do when seeking
Damage from government

My sister thought
‘Twas love for sure
Til the pastry chef
Desserted her

Imagine the surprise of a caterpillar
That thinks it’s about to die
But then sprouts out wings most beautiful
And suddenly begins to fly

To recommend music
That really rocks
Put ideas in
The Johann Suggestion Bachs

That germ just could not
Be denied
It crossed the ‘scope
To get to the other slide

An antisocial vegetarian
Is certainly very offbeat
I do not know a single one
Because they all avoid meet

Around some singers
I am quite wary
Cuz I’m allergic
To Peter, Pollen, Mary

If you tell your boss what you think
Do so carefully
Or you may find that
The truth will set you free

A cynic’s views
When very rank
Come right straight from
The skeptic tank

I tried to drown my sorrows
But at that I couldn’t win
Just my luck, I tell you
They all learned how to swim

Their chicken’s good
I can’t resist
KFC’s on
My bucket list

The parasites infecting things
Make healthy people cower
And also are the things one sees
When on the Eiffel Tower

The florist down the street is mad
It is a floral thing
The truth is this guy almost could
Lilac anything

How beautifully outside
The birds do sing
Nature’s choir
Sopranos of spring

Geometrically I’ll bet that you
Must get it all the time
But did you know the distance twixt
Two jokes is one straight line?

The trellis helped
A rose this fall
With climb it change
On a wall

Electricians learn
Of electricity’s amounts
In the electrical college
Where every volt counts

Our President leads the country
Protecting me and you
And also is the work that many
Auto fixers do

The limitations
Of modern man
Are 4K screens
With 1K attention spans

I touched the Eiffel Tower
But now I have a fright
Because somebody told me that
It is a Paris site

Telemarketers sound alike
As if they all were clones
Pushing their products every day
Using their sell phones

If the Palomino Vineyard
Has its way
Everyone will be drinking
Chardoneigh

While playing poker with his friends
Tom’s card count got reduced
“Someone just stole my two of hearts”
Is what this guy deduced

A geometrician met a lass
He thought was very fine
And so it was most logical
When he gave her a line

I’m telling you straight
Don’t overact
A beer’s high price
Is a sobering fact

Your grocery bags
Full of iPhones
Are what I’d call
Sacks o’ phones

Audubon has commitments then
But hopes that he can swing it
Until then, it’s up in the air
Perhaps he’ll have to wing it

The Last Supper had Japanese food
But how can that be so?
It’s written in the Bible
Jesus loves miso

A rich guy O.D.’d
Drugs can destroy
The papers agreed
“Pills Bury Dough Boy”

Eyedroppers put the medicine
In eyes, yes they assist
And also help describe the work
Of bad ophthalmologists

A Ryder van
So they say
Goes to haul and back
Every day

When I was learning to be a plumber
I too often avoided thinkin’
But now I’m embarrassed and feeling dumber
Because the lessons didn’t “sink” in

Here’s the advice
For you I’ve got
Vodka’s no answer
But it’s worth a shot

The casino threw me out
Into the street
When all I did was
Shuffle my feet

The plant materials spilled
That I most needed
Now my yard
Is super-seeded

Locksmiths are people
Whose path to success
Involves being
Unlocky in business

Honesty is the best policy
Protecting you from harm
But try telling that to
An agent from State Farm

An art collector tried to cross
A Pekingese and Lhasa Apso
So she would have her very own
Version of Peekasso

The incredible power
Of the religion machine
Has to be believed
To be seen

Running on treadmills
Clearly illustrates
People can go nowhere
At different rates

The meteorologist
Didn’t have it together
When she predicted
A bad spell of wether

Starbucks workers
Ever eager
Describe themselves
As grounds keepers

The former beau
Of Princess Di
No longer is
A waiting guy

His mum is toast
Just like Godzilla
And speaking of which
There’s Queen Camilla

Hoping that
Their food will please us
The church is serving
Macaroni and Jesus

A magician had an accident
That really was most tragic
He’s simply known as Ian now
Because he lost his magic

My hopping pet I tried to toss
But it came back now, dang!
I didn’t realize it was
A kangaroomerang

February is purgatory
Of all the months of the year
A taste of the heaven of springtime
But winter won’t disappear

I avoided Alaska
Because I lack’t
A very warm and
Down-filled jack’t

February is National Heart Month
A time for heart improvement
Jennifer needs to work on hers
Due to lack of movement

She’s weighed the plusses and minuses
And come to realize
It’s easier to shed boyfriend Ted
Cuz who wants to exercise?

Pink flamingoes
I have heard
Have a leg up
On other birds

Roy Rogers’ horse
Was mean in the morning
Which is why it came with
A Trigger warning

Down at the Tinnitus Hotline
The workers’ hands are wringing
Due to the fact that their telephones
Never stop ringing

To try to deal with
A bruise from a hit
The gingerbread man
Tried icing it

My Jimmy Hoffa sock keeps disappearing

I’m putting my sock puppets up for sale
Due to an absence of fans
The price is right – very cheap
Please take them off my hands

We’re trashing up our only home
This lovely green-blue planet
Could someone tell me why it’s so
Cuz I don’t understanet

Whenever you feel,
“Ah, what’s the use?”
Remember even rainbows
Have the blues

With respect to being duplicated
My DNA was not delighted
So it went out and had itself
Copyrighted

That garbage man
Is very bitter
Didn’t get his
Pick of the litter

The museum fire
I was sad to learn
Resulted in
A case of art burn

Spelling is not his forte
And so he often curses
A prime poetic problem
Verses versus versus

A little lie, that’s all it was
Not deceitful, proud, or bold
I didn’t think it mattered much
That FIBULA I told

I asked for matador equipment
To be in Santa’s bag
But everybody told me
It was a big red flag

Blackbeard’s slogan
Gotta admire it
Proclaims that God
Is his co-pirate

The dessert is bad
Can you not see?
It’s really very
Off-pudding to me

Nine months to some
May seem an eternity
Although to others
It’s a maternity

The police report of a streaker
That everybody loathed
Turned out to be a false one
So it was marked “case clothed”

A dog I saw
Made me nervous
Converting the floor
To a pup lick surface

Here’s free advice
Do not ignore it
If you steal a rabbit
Make a run for it

Love is a feeling poets try
To capture in a verse
But often they get all gooey
And make it worse

Restless in bed
Over and over I turn
Will I today
Be the bird or the worm?

The plumbing work
I have remaining
Really is
Very draining

If you get thirsty, worry not
There’s no way you will croak
Cuz I have brought for you today
A big Canada Coke

Here’s a consideration
For those on educational paths
“All things being equal”
Would make much easier math

The soft drink company’s new mascot
Has arrived from Guatamala
It’s time for everyone to say
Hi to the Pepsi Koala

I decided to become a plastic surgeon
It was a big deal, and how!
The result of which I’m told was that
It raised many an eyebrow

I bought a balloon down at the store
They put it in a sack
But my purchase isn’t there no more
Because it was under a tack

They called him an artist
Beyond compare
But he denied it knowing
He’d have to draw the line somewhere

Here’s some advice
For produce shoppers
Poor hot peppers
Are jalapeno paupers

The destruction of their habitat
Really is terrible
And the thought of losing pandas?
Unbearable