Dog Thoughts

Gosh dang it, if I could just talk
I would say, “Let’s go out for a walk”
And you know it, capeesh
I’d go fetch you my leash
And we would both stroll down the block

We’d head down to Cloverland Park
Where I’d chase after sticks and I’d bark
We would take a long run
It would be lots of fun
And we could stay there til it’s dark

One thing I do not understand
Is that thing that you hold in your hand
Making noises like squawking
And to it, you keep talking
If I could, I would have the thing banned

Cuz you’re missing the joy of the spring
Whenever you answer its ring
You are left hypnotized
As I’ve oft recognized
You’re quite unaware of all things

And one of those things you don’t see
Is looking at you right now – ME
Yes, I’ve got flea disorder
And bad body odor
But at least I go outside to pee

So please give this dog just a chance
To get that thing out of your hands
I’ll deal with the smelly
If you’ll scratch my belly
Then I’ll be the one with the trance