Silly Long

Tom Swiftie Verses

“My lady friend did not show up”
“I guess romance is dead”
“It hurts me most inside my chest”
Half-heartedly Tom said

Absurdity

There really is absurdity
In modern English wordity

My English teacher thinks I’m drunk

Schrodinger’s Poem

Schrodinger’s cat is where it’s at
The unknown to discover
Alive and dead, they’re both a fact
Until we lift the cover

Dog Breeding

A Bloodhound and a Lab when crossed
Would be hard to ignore
It probably would not shut up
A noisy Blabrador

To Be or Not?

I had self doubts, late yesterday
A crisis existential
Am I for real or might I be
A dream, inconsequential?

Charge!

A ruler saw
Electric prices
Rising high for sure
So now they’re free

A Pizza Cake

They put some pizza in your hands
You love it, order more
Your hunger for this stuff expands
They bring it to your door

Elon Musk

When it comes to putting cars in space
Musk knows how to talk it
His heavy lifting launch will mean
More dollars in his pocket

Mighty Mouth

Almighty God does not roll dice
As Mr. Einstein said
But does he think of naughty/nice
Inside his Godly head?

Mary, Mary

Mary had a little lamb
It was a tasty dish
And after Mary ate the lamb
She craved a bit of fish

Words of Wisdom

A quarterback got very mad
And oft would loudly mention
That his receivers who were bad
Got most of the attention

Pirate Verse

I saw a pirate the other day
Looking all pirate swank
This guy was walking out my way
Carrying a wooden plank

Career Considerations

I thought I’d cruise while selling shoes
But there was a dispute
Resulting in a problem so
The boss gave me the boot

Word Fun Collection

The guy who has his hand up asking
Lots of questions knows
His friends think he is someone who’s
A very big askhole

The Home Pod

The Home Pod of a lady’s weary
Because she named her daughter Siri
So when she calls out for the kid
Her Home Pod almost flips its lid

What I Write

I like to write my verses
I like to sing my songs
They both to me are curses
Anytime I do them wrong

The Units Verse

Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup
Will make a restaurant run
In Beijing, China order it
In units of Won ton

Signs of the Times

This verse about professions lists
The signs where people work
They are not what they seem at all
Each one has got a quirk

New Books at the Library

The library says that it has stocked
New books for its book lovers
The titles shouldn’t leave you shocked
Let’s go there and discover

Robbin’ Hoods

A thief was robbing fabric stores
Investigators learned
They caught him rather easily
Because his work had patterns

Light Reading

That photon says he feels so dead
He’s shifted into infra-red
At least that’s what I think he said
As he went waving by my head

Dog Breeding

A Bloodhound and a Lab when crossed
Would be hard to ignore
It probably would not shut up
A noisy Blabrador

W Dot Tome

I’ll never forget that Saturday night
I was down at the bar doin’ everything right
When this guy walks in lookin’ real uptight
And I thought to myself, “Here comes a fight.”

Anagrams

A DORMITORY is a place
To which all students zoom
But rearrange the letters and
You get a DIRTY ROOM

Adding Up

Some say the age of 60 is
What used to be just 40
A time for folks to still be running
Around in something sporty

Oxymorons

Oxymorons everywhere
They really are absurd
Described in verses here below
In each one’s final words

Too Much Time

I got arrested the other day
Seems what I did was not OK

An officer told me that my crime

High Fallutin’

I found myself beside myself
When I was in my bed

A very strange experienceCould it be that I am dead?

Public Servants

Elections are what politicians
Regularly have to stand for
And politicians are the things
That voters always fall for

Urine Trouble Now

My puppy isn’t potty trained
I’m glad when that is done
But up til then, I need to be
Looking out for number one

Verse Curse

I wish I had the ease with words
Of all those famous poets
Then every time I had a thought
I could most clearly show it

I Had a Dream

My head was full of dreams last night
I’m thinking ’twas the quaff
Up front appearing regular
But something was definitely off

Before Computers

There was a time not long ago
In the pre-computer phase
That memory was something
You lost in your sunset days

An Ode to DNP

(a nerdy science verse)

I saw my friend the other day
His face had changed, his hair was gray

2019 Obituaries

Doris Day has gone away
Goodbye Rodeo drive
I feel untracked. How to react?
Didn’t know she was alive

Over the Hill

Yesterday morning
My friend intervened
Cuz when I don’t get my coffee
I’m such a caffiend

Supermodels

You can tell a supermodel
By the way they catwalk waddle
And how their beauty mostly can
Be poured out of a bottle

Rain

The rain is falling very hard
Making puddles in my yard

I like when showers hit the ground

DNA Rap

(nerdy science verse)

Bases, sugars, phosphate bonds
Double helix, on and on

Blue

The lovely blue
Of yesterday
Was chased by clouds
So now today

Homonysms

We apologize to you dear deer
For the horrid racket you hear here
But our brand new subdivision
Advertised on television

Phone Follies

I was feeling blue just yesterday
Til I dialed a corporation
The automated voice I got
Began a conversation

Naught Counting

I read the other afternoon
About the things there are
Ten to the one hundred particles
A number most bizarre

Dog Dreams

Sleeping there upon the couch
Where he’s not supposed to be
My dog is stalking dreamland
His movements say to me

Frustration

With COVID, it’s maddening
That the learning curve
Is the only thing flattening
While everything else

Unfinished Business

I don’t know what I do not know
Can’t teach what can’t be taught
And never will I ever catch
The things that can’t be caught

Done

If out of patience I should run
I’d feel I’m underneath the gun

If out of money I should run

Pumpkin Spiced

In autumn time, the pumpkin spice
Pollutes all food and drink
It’s smeared on fries and packed in ice
No matter what you think

OMG. Stop It. NOW!

It is not punctuation, LOL
So don’t finish every line with LOL
That’s what periods are for
So please LOL no more

The Sidewalk Not Taken

(written at the beginning of COVID, with apologies to Robert Frost)

Two sidewalks diverged by a city street
I knew I couldn’t walk each one

From the Land of Bast

In my dreams last night, a land so vast
Couldn’t get my head around it
The place was odd and known as Bast
Of it I was surrounded

Obituaries 2020

The country singer, Charley Pride
Passed over to the other side
So now it’s true when people say
He’ll “Kiss an Angel Good Morning” every day

Joie de Vivre

I’m was talking to a friend the other day
And she asked me, having passed sixty five
What I liked now about being alive

AT&T

This poem’s about AT&T
A most unusual company

Founded by Mr. A.G. Bell

The Crow

How come no one
Has crows for pets?
They all have great
Intelligence

Communication 101

Sometimes when you don’t know an answer
It pays to just admit it
This happened to me recently
And I’m so glad I did it

Modern Art

An arm that’s broken from a doll
A rusty old food cart
A banana duct taped to a wall
These are modern art

The Flea

Consider here, the tiny flea
Whose claim to fame is being wee
And causing many an awful itch
On nearly every son of a bitch

The Senate

They say women are from Venus
And men from planet Mars
But that may not be accurate
Looking at the stars

Gardening

Tomatoes and potatoes
Delicious solanaceae
I’ll plant them in my garden
If I can find the spaceae

Why?

When I wax philosophical
I ask why all things are
Why birds fly south in winter
Why twinkle does a star

Pinot More

Beside my bed, I took a gander
At a biggish salamander
Oh wait, it must have been illusion
Because a gander’s really goosian

The Clam

Sittin’ on the bottom of the ocean
With a mouth, a stomach and a foot
A clam is made of things
That only matter to it

Purple Car

Today I saw a purple car
Down at the coliseum
I like expensive cars a lot
Oh how I do fan-cy ‘em

Germs

A germ of an idea
I had today
Infecting my brain
Not going away

The Dentist

My dentist said to me today
“I think there is a better way”
“To keep from having more teeth lost”
“Please tell me Kevin, have you flossed?”

New Prayers

Eater
Now I lay me down to sleep
Last night I had too much to eat
If I should not

Krispy Kreme Dream

Last night I had a tasty dream
Of donuts made by Krispy Kreme
Deep fried circles all ablaze
Topped with a tasty sugary glaze

A Snail’s Tale

A very little snail I know
Packed up his bags and planned to go
To destinations you might know
Paris, Rome, Ontario

Zucchini

Consider the zucchini
Long and angled and green
Very much like a cucumber
But slightly more obscene

Kidneys

We all should go down on our knees
To thank the Lord for kidneys

Working always, no cessation

Batman

Batman in his night job
Fights Gotham City crime
Helping keep the people safe
Whenever he has time

Decaf

Kiss your sibling on the lips
Eat some powdered potato chips

Strain your chili through a screen

Mistletoe

Lovers love the mistletoe
Though why they do I do not know

Something awful is amiss

Fiction

My wife must think that I’m insane
Bravely tolerating unbearable pain

And though the aches are clearly gaining

Broken English

So, parts of banks are branches
And parts of tables leaves
English is too confusing
Learners are aggrieved

The One Way Street

Going down a one way street
No car did I expect to meet
“We all go the same way,” I thought like a nut

Snow

Snow falls down from heaven
Beauty from above
Softer than a kitten
Whiter than a dove

Chips

They planted chips in my vaccine
To see the things I’m seein’

My wife, my kids, the corner bar

Creativity

Some days the ideas come
And some days they don’t
But even when ideas come
Sometimes the words just won’t

Color Scheme

You may be green if envious
And eco-minded too
Or red with rage and anger
Built up inside of you

I Think

The scariest people on Earth today
I can tell you in a blink
Are the ones who know nothing at all
But clearly think they think

Toe Nails

I split a nail just yesterday
’Twas on my little toe
I screamed in pain and yelled out loud
Now everybody knows

Icebergs

Consider massive icebergs
Snowy white and icy
Islands in the water
For ships they’re rather dicey

Lunarcy

If there’s a place where I could be
‘Twould be the Sea of Tranquility

Right there in the tracks I’d follow

The Moth

The moth bedazzled by a light
Is doomed to circle it all night
Hypnotized, not understanding
Hovering close, but never landing

Laws and Order

We live defying entropy
With every breath we take
And though we feel disordered
It’s less than nature’d make

Lead Off

Here is something that needs to be said
There is a metal named ‘lead’
But there’s more

Postage Stamp

What is it of the postage stamp
The Postal Service might revamp?

Already it is good at sticking

Mr. Spider

Mr. Spider tangles food
In sticky web spaghetti
So anytime he’s hungry
Dinner’s always ready

Countdown

“How many days til Christmas?”
One of the biggest questions of youth
“How many days til school is out?”
“I need to know the truth”

Plant Life

A plant’s earliest memories
Are dirt and an urge to stand tall
Then it stares at the sun
From spring until fall

Dog Thoughts

Gosh dang it, if I could just talk
I would say, “Let us go for a walk”
And you know it, capeesh
I’d go get my leash

Buzz Off

Something was flitting about my face
Disturbing me no end
I swatted wildly into space
At that which did offend

15-Mar

Caesar’s negative view
Of March was guided
By the fact
That the month was ided

The Organ Donor

No plans to die, but when I’m gone
Some of my parts will carry on

These bits and pieces will all get by

Kid Verses

What is the world to a worm?
Partly digging and partly a squirm
When there’s wetness down there
It arises for air

Beans

Consider now, the tiny bean
A major source of plant protein
Some are bush and some are climbing
Poets like them - easy rhyming

Fourth and Ten

If you can’t think up a joke
And you’re talking to a bloke
Who tells you that you’re not a lot of fun

The Egg Deliverer

(Our neighbor is a wonderful lady, always leaving us fresh eggs on our doorstep. After she left a dozen eggs along with an eggplant, this is the verse I wrote for her)

At our front door
My legs just quivered

Expression

So many ways to express ourselves
In words and music and dance
And all the things we have to say
Are not just happenstance

Oversleeping

Seventeen years
Is a long time to sleep
That’s certainly a lot
Of counting the sheep

Specialists

A doctor for psoriasis
Another for the heart
One works upon my joints that have
Begun to fall apart

Housecleaning

The immensity of infinity
A concept undefined
Turns thoughts to surreality
Attempting to unwind

The Speed of Light

Consider now the speed of light
As fast as one can go
But it depends on something
You likely didn’t know

The Lazy Lover

(Scanning Facebook, I found a request on a poetry site for someone to write a love poem for a lazy Casanova)

Dear valentine, I love you
But not as much if I

Alien Life

Looking for footprints in Martian soil
Perseverance rolls along
We don’t think there are Martians there
But I hope they are wrong

Arugula

Limp and green
With sulfur nose
A foulness formed
From cellulose

Dead Heads

You can give a person water
But you cannot make them drink

You can hand them information

Throw Away

I couldn’t believe my lucky stars
That day when you picked me
I thought a wonderful love like ours
Was surely meant to be

Caterpillars Affect the Weather

A caterpillar
Very sly
Turns into
A butterfly

A butterfly
Flying by
Pollenates
Oaks up high

Mighty oaks
Pollen borne
Make themselves
Wee acorns

Wee acorns
Falling down
Make small dents
Upon the ground

Dented ground
Attracts the rain
Creating puddles
On the plain

Puddles soak
The water in
Moistening
The soil again

Moistened soil
Through aeration
Has effects on
Evaporation

Evaporation’s
Necessary
For the weather
Everywherey

And everywherey
All affected
By the weather
Are connected

So we’re connected
All together
And caterpillars
Affect the weather

Jelly on the Telly

(from https://bigthink.com/life/new-ctenophore/#Echobox=1678986408)

Way down deep, beneath the sea
Swims Duobrachium sparksae
It’s so far down that you won’t see
Any fish or sharksae

How does it thrive so far below
In waters cold and darksae?
The answer we may never know
But it’s one of Duobrachium’s trademarksae

In Cahoots

It’s something you can be in but never out
That much is true, without a doubt
To understand this verse’s roots
Go and look up the word cahoots

Then after you do, I’ll ask of you
Whether you think it is absurd
That no one ever chooses to use
The singular form of the word

New Form of Medicine

The porcupine’s
A big pin cushion
With needles fine
And outward pushin’

Should you discover
This sticky ball
Out in a forest
Or in the hall
Don’t pay it any
Attention at all

But if you don’t follow
This instructure
You’re gonna experience
Porcupuncture