See a random verse: Limericks | Lyrics Science | Lyrics Non-Science | Silly | Silly Long
I’ve had it with English
So please hear my rant
Why is there no egg
Inside an eggplant?
An actress known as Meghan Markle
Has a smile with lots of sparkle
On one fine day she met a guy
The second son of Princess Di
A male preying mantis
Drinking in a bar
Says that he doesn’t wanna
Get into his car
“My lady friend did not show up”
“I guess romance is dead”
“It hurts me most inside my chest”
Half-heartedly Tom said
One hundred years ago, memoirs
Recorded in history courses
That richest folks would drive in cars
And others rode on horses
Schrodinger’s cat is where it’s at
The unknown to discover
Alive and dead, they’re both a fact
Until we lift the cover
A Bloodhound and a Lab when crossed
Would be hard to ignore
It probably would not shut up
A noisy Blabrador
Just yesterday I had a wish
To eat a little tunie fish
This dream of tasty albacore
I had self doubts, late yesterday
A crisis existential
Am I for real or might I be
A dream, inconsequential?
Almighty God does not roll dice
As Mr. Einstein said
But does he think of naughty/nice
Inside his Godly head?
They put some pizza in your hands
You love it, order more
Your hunger for this stuff expands
They bring it to your door
Mary had a little lamb
It was a tasty dish
And after Mary ate the lamb
She craved a bit of fish
I’ve had it with English
So please hear my rant
Why is there no egg
Inside an eggplant?
I’ve had it with English
So please hear my rant
Why is there no egg
Inside an eggplant?
About a pineapple
I just have to whine
You won’t find an apple
And there’s no trace of pine
A quarterback got very mad
And oft would loudly mention
That his receivers who were bad
Got most of the attention
(a retirement verse)
We honor Gary now today
Retirement’s here for him
I saw a pirate the other day
Looking all pirate swank
This guy was walking out my way
Carrying a wooden plank
As Apple’s started planning for
Their next operating system
Some names for it have been expressed
But I don’t think I’ll list ‘em
At the unemployment office
A man got hired
Then screwed around
And soon was fired
I thought I’d cruise while selling shoes
But there was a dispute
Resulting in a problem so
The boss gave me the boot
To treat the pain from deep within
There’s marijuana medicine
It makes the cancer patients tick
The guy who has his hand up asking
Lots of questions knows
His friends think he is someone who’s
A very big askhole
The Home Pod of a lady’s weary
Because she named her daughter Siri
So when she calls out for the kid
Her Home Pod almost flips its lid
I like to write my verses
I like to sing my songs
They both to me are curses
Anytime I do them wrong
Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup
Will make a restaurant run
In Beijing, China order it
In units of Won ton
Our wording is a funny thing
It gives me quite the tickle
So bear with me and you will see
In this rhyming vehicle
Please bear with me as I recite
These lines that sound perverse
Say them out loud to understand
The meaning of each verse
This verse about professions lists
The signs where people work
They are not what they seem at all
Each one has got a quirk
(a verse for science nerds)
The twenty wee amino A’s
Define a protein many ways
The library says that it has stocked
New books for its book lovers
The titles shouldn’t leave you shocked
Let’s go there and discover
A thief was robbing fabric stores
Investigators learned
They caught him rather easily
Because his work had patterns
That photon says he feels so dead
He’s shifted into infra-red
At least that’s what I think he said
As he went waving by my head
There’s not too many
Screams and shouts
For the Belgian team
The Brussels Sprouts
He’s captured the data
‘Naughty’ and ‘nice’
Making decisions
If coal will suffice
A Bloodhound and a Lab when crossed
Would be hard to ignore
It probably would not shut up
A noisy Blabrador
I’ll never forget that Saturday night
I was down at the bar doin’ everything right
When this guy walks in lookin’ real uptight
And I thought to myself, “Here comes a fight.”
A party invitation just was
Sent to famous greats
A lot of them are coming
The news we all await
I got arrested the other day
Seems what I did was not OK
An officer told me that my crime
I found myself beside myself
When I was in my bed
A very strange experienceCould it be that I am dead?
Elections are what politicians
Regularly have to stand for
And politicians are the things
That voters always fall for
My puppy isn’t potty trained
I’m glad when that is done
But up til then, I need to be
Looking out for number one
I wish I had the ease with words
Of all those famous poets
Then every time I had a thought
I could most clearly show it
My head was full of dreams last night
I’m thinking ’twas the quaff
Up front appearing regular
But something was definitely off
There was a time not long ago
In the pre-computer phase
That memory was something
You lost in your sunset days
(a nerdy science verse)
I saw my friend the other day
His face had changed, his hair was gray
Doris Day has gone away
Goodbye Rodeo drive
I feel untracked. How to react?
Didn’t know she was alive
Doris Day has gone away
Goodbye Rodeo drive
I feel untracked. How to react?
Didn’t know she was alive
(nerdy science verse)
Ribosomes and Ribozymes
The words get mixed up oftentimes
It looked extremely gloomy
On that late November day
For Mary led by twenty nine
With two frames left to play.
(nerdy science verse)
Some special phones inside my cells
Are an important part of me
Yesterday morning
My friend intervened
Cuz when I don’t get my coffee
I’m such a caffiend
You can tell a supermodel
By the way they catwalk waddle
And how their beauty mostly can
Be poured out of a bottle
Employment in the world today
Is causing much unease
Let’s take a look at how it would
Affect these specialties
It’s a beautiful day for a bark
Perhaps we could go to the park
No sittin’ and stayin’
I’d rather be playin’
I was feeling blue just yesterday
Til I dialed a corporation
The automated voice I got
Began a conversation
I read the other afternoon
About the things there are
Ten to the one hundred particles
A number most bizarre
The injury I had at work
Is causing me to strain
That is to be expected when
You’re having LABOR PAINS
Sleeping there upon the couch
Where he’s not supposed to be
My dog is stalking dreamland
His movements say to me
With COVID, it’s maddening
That the learning curve
Is the only thing flattening
While everything else
Autumn leaves leave
Winter rains reign
And then spring springs
Again and again
Into a famous restaurant
I went the other day
Their food is celebrated
Yes, that is safe to say
I don’t know what I do not know
Can’t teach what can’t be taught
And never will I ever catch
The things that can’t be caught
Welcome to Isle of Conundra
A place that’s strange and grand
The only island in the world
Surrounded entirely by land
In autumn time, the pumpkin spice
Pollutes all food and drink
It’s smeared on fries and packed in ice
No matter what you think
It is not punctuation, LOL
So don’t finish every line with LOL
That’s what periods are for
So please LOL no more
(written at the beginning of COVID, with apologies to Robert Frost)
Two sidewalks diverged by a city street
I knew I couldn’t walk each one
In my dreams last night, a land so vast
Couldn’t get my head around it
The place was odd and known as Bast
And there I stood surrounded
The country singer, Charley Pride
Passed over to the other side
So now it’s true when people say
He’ll “Kiss an Angel Good Morning” every day
I’m was talking to a friend the other day
And she asked me, having passed sixty five
What I liked now about being alive
Sometimes when you don’t know an answer
It pays to just admit it
This happened to me recently
And I’m so glad I did it
An arm that’s broken from a doll
A rusty old food cart
A banana duct taped to a wall
These are modern art
They say women are from Venus
And men from planet Mars
But that may not be accurate
Looking at the stars
Beside my bed, I took a gander
At a biggish salamander
Oh wait, it must have been illusion
Because a gander’s really goosian
Today I saw a purple car
Down at the coliseum
I like expensive cars a lot
Oh how I do fan-cy ‘em
I saw a penny in the street
But didn’t bend to grab it
I don’t know why I didn’t, though
It is a common habit
My dentist said to me today
“I think there is a better way”
“To keep from having more teeth lost”
“Please tell me Kevin, have you flossed?”
Now I lay me down to sleep
Last night I had too much to eat
If I should not
Tomorrow wake
Never shake a ketchup bottle
Nothing flows and then a lot’ll
If you hit it in the middle
You will only get a little
Last night I had a tasty dream
Of donuts made by Krispy Kreme
Deep fried circles all ablaze
Topped with a tasty sugary glaze
A very little snail I know
Packed up his bags and planned to go
To destinations you might know
Paris, Rome, Ontario
So, parts of banks are branches
And parts of tables leaves
English is too confusing
Learners are aggrieved
Here’s to the armadillo
Strange creature of the road
With armor on the outside
A most protective mode
Going down a one way street
No car did I expect to meet
“We all go the same way,” I thought like a nut
Some days the ideas come
And some days they don’t
But even when ideas come
Sometimes the words just won’t
You may be green if envious
And eco-minded too
Or red with rage and anger
Built up inside of you
When George cut down the cherry tree
His honesty was awesome
Confessing that he was the one
Who chopped the cherry blossoms
Mighty oaks from acorns spring
Hatching eggs will loudly sing
Nothingness can be a thing
The country’s in trouble
Businesses going bust
Unemployment bubble
Infrastructure rust
We live defying entropy
With every breath we take
And though we feel disordered
It’s less than nature’d make
What is it of the postage stamp
The Postal Service might revamp?
Already it is good at sticking
Mr. Spider tangles food
In webs of sticky thread
So anytime he’s feeling peckish
Dinner’s waiting overhead
I dreamed I was dreaming
Last night in my sleep
And quickly my dreaming
Brought me in very deep
What is music to my ears
Is a sight for my sore eyes
If I could for just one minute
Mixametaphorasize
A plant’s earliest memories
Are dirt and an urge to stand tall
Then it stares at the sun
From spring until fall
Gosh dang it, if I could just talk
I would say, “Let’s go out for a walk”
And you know it, capeesh
I’d go fetch you my leash
And we would both stroll down the block
No plans to die, but when I’m gone
Some of my parts will carry on
These bits and pieces will all get by
What is the world to a worm?
Partly digging and partly a squirm
When there’s wetness down there
It arises for air
A half empty glass
Is also half full
Things partly of interest
Are also partly dull
The tales of space and time
Are two big favorites of mine
And I love the movies when I view ‘em
If you can’t think up a joke
And you’re talking to a bloke
Who tells you that you’re not a lot of fun
(Our neighbor is a wonderful lady, always leaving us fresh eggs on our doorstep. After she left a dozen eggs along with an eggplant, this is the verse I wrote for her)
At our front door
My legs just quivered
So many ways to express ourselves
In words and music and dance
And all the things we have to say
Are not just happenstance
Seventeen years
Is a long time to sleep
That’s certainly a lot
Of counting the sheep
A doctor for psoriasis
Another for the heart
One works upon my joints that have
Begun to fall apart
Consider now the speed of light
As fast as one can go
But it depends on something
You likely didn’t know
The immensity of infinity
A concept undefined
Turns thoughts to surreality
Attempting to unwind
I’m afraid I’ve got
Some terrible news
It’s from my doc
And I’m confused
(Scanning Facebook, I found a request on a poetry site for someone to write a love poem for a lazy Casanova)
Dear valentine, I love you
But not as much if I
I took a twisted path today
That went around our town
But I am lost, what can I say?
My face is one big frown
Looking for footprints in Martian soil
Perseverance rolls along
We don’t think there are Martians there
But I hope they are wrong
You can give a person water
But you cannot make them drink
You can hand them information
I couldn’t believe my lucky stars
That day when you picked me
I thought a wonderful love like ours
Was surely meant to be
(based on a true story)
I saw someone in a shirt that said
“Definitely Not a Cop”
“Get up,”
“Get up,”
“Wake up,”
He said.
“That sleepiness”
“is in your head.”
“I hope,”
“I hope,”
“That’s right,”
I said.
“Cuz otherwise,”
“I think I’m dead”
Whereas the party of the first part
And the party of the second
Had a major disagreement
That neither of them reckoned
They brought their nasty arguments
To a local circuit judge
Because upon this matter
Neither one would budge
The judge said, “It’s unusual”
“For me to be involved”
“But I will do the best I can”
“To get this matter solved”
There were ugly allegations
And motions left and right
With proceedings running well into
The middle of the night
After hearing testimony
And motions duly filed,
The judge reviewed the evidence
And sighed, but barely smiled
“Whereas party one and party two”
“Each claims the other’s wrong,”
“The court here finds that both of you”
“Are to blame for carrying on”
“Therefore be it recorded, noted,”
“Entered, stamped, and signed”
“This case is dumb, this court is done,”
“You’ve wasted everyone’s time”
Cell phones are dumb.
The greatest invention
We type with thumbs
Seriously?
It’s like a microwave’s heat
Being controlled by feet
Cars that self-drive
But never arrive
Adjusting flat screen TVs
With one’s knees
Automatic doors that close
Only when touched by a nose
Or smart thermostats
Under the control of cats
Oh. You like that?
Wow. You should buy my iMac
To make it work
You have to give it a whack
I think, therefore I’m not AI
A claim I make with pride
But every time I mention this
It cannot be denied
I freeze, I loop, my eyes dilate
I buffer and I sigh
Even worse, I hallucinate
So perhaps I am AI
