Silly Long

A ruler saw
Electric prices
Rising high for sure
So now they’re free

Warren Buffett
Is so gruff it
Makes me want to say

Almighty God does not roll dice
As Mr. Einstein said
But does he think of naughty/nice
Inside his Godly head?

They put some pizza in your hands
You love it, order more
Your hunger for this stuff expands
They bring it to your door

When it comes to putting cars in space
Musk knows how to talk it
His heavy lifting launch will mean
More dollars in his pocket

Mary had a little lamb
It was a tasty dish
And after Mary ate the lamb
She craved a bit of fish

I’ve had it with English
So please hear my rant
Why is there no egg
Inside an eggplant?

I’ve had it with English
So please hear my rant
Why is there no egg
Inside an eggplant?

About a pineapple
I just have to whine
You won’t find an apple
And there’s no trace of pine

My friends back east
Do not catch on
They say I live
In Ory-gone

A quarterback got very mad
And oft would loudly mention
That his receivers who were bad
Got most of the attention

(a retirement verse)

We honor Gary now today
Retirement’s here for him

I saw a pirate the other day
Looking all pirate swank
This guy was walking out my way
Carrying a wooden plank

(Thanks to Will Keim for the title)

In the big inning God did create
A pentagon he called home plate

And now I have
A brand new thought
I share it here with you

As Apple’s started planning for
Their next operating system
Some names for it have been expressed
But I don’t think I’ll list ‘em

At the unemployment office
A man got hired
Then screwed around
And soon was fired

I thought I’d cruise while selling shoes
But there was a dispute
Resulting in a problem so
The boss gave me the boot

Last night I had
A real hot date
And I was
Feeling great

To treat the pain from deep within
There’s marijuana medicine

It makes the cancer patients tick

The guy who has his hand up asking
Lots of questions knows
His friends think he is someone who’s
A very big askhole

The Home Pod of a lady’s weary
Because she named her daughter Siri
So when she calls out for the kid
Her Home Pod almost flips its lid

I like to write my verses
I like to sing my songs
They both to me are curses
Anytime I do them wrong

Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup
Will make a restaurant run
In Beijing, China order it
In units of Won ton

Our wording is a funny thing
It gives me quite the tickle
So bear with me and you will see
In this rhyming vehicle

This verse about professions lists
The signs where people work
They are not what they seem at all
Each one has got a quirk

Please bear with me as I recite
These lines that sound perverse
Say them out loud to understand
The meaning of each verse

(a verse for science nerds)

The twenty wee amino A’s
Define a protein many ways

The library says that it has stocked
New books for its book lovers
The titles shouldn’t leave you shocked
Let’s go there and discover

When Sherlock Holmes
Went up to Boston
His sidekick rode along

A patient
To the dentist went
Because he lost his filling

It really hit me
Very hard
To learn bad lawyers
Get disbarred

A thief was robbing fabric stores
Investigators learned
They caught him rather easily
Because his work had patterns

That photon says he feels so dead
He’s shifted into infra-red
At least that’s what I think he said
As he went waving by my head

There’s not too many
Screams and shouts
For the Belgian team
The Brussels Sprouts

He’s captured the data
‘Naughty’ and ‘nice’
Making decisions
If coal will suffice

A Bloodhound and a Lab when crossed
Would be hard to ignore
It probably would not shut up
A noisy Blabrador

I’ll never forget that Saturday night
I was down at the bar doin’ everything right
When this guy walks in lookin’ real uptight
And I thought to myself, “Here comes a fight.”

Pablo Picasso
Had a shock
When he came down with
Painter’s block

A DORMITORY is a place
To which all students zoom
But rearrange the letters and
You get a DIRTY ROOM

Some say the age of 60 is
What used to be just 40
A time for folks to still be running
Around in something sporty

The alarm clock rings
I rub my eyes
Roll out of bed
The night time flies

Oxymorons everywhere
They really are absurd
Described in verses here below
In each one’s final words

A party invitation just was
Sent to famous greats
A lot of them are coming
The news we all await

My realtor friend
Just likes to say
She does a good deed
Every day

I got arrested the other day
Seems what I did was not OK

An officer told me that my crime

I found myself beside myself
When I was in my bed

A very strange experienceCould it be that I am dead?

I found a little kitty
It followed me one day

I had a lot of fun with it

Our local rooster
Has a perk
Crows each morning
Like cockwork

Elections are what politicians
Regularly have to stand for
And politicians are the things
That voters always fall for

My puppy isn’t potty trained
I’m glad when that is done
But up til then, I need to be
Looking out for number one

Egyptian vapists
Shoot for style
Calling their product
Juul of the Nile

I wish I had the ease with words
Of all those famous poets
Then every time I had a thought
I could most clearly show it

In a mist
A drop. A stream
A messy kiss
A bit of steam

My head was full of dreams last night
I’m thinking ’twas the quaff
Up front appearing regular
But something was definitely off

Doris Day has gone away
Goodbye Rodeo drive
I feel untracked. How to react?
Didn’t know she was alive

There was a time not long ago
In the pre-computer phase
That memory was something
You lost in your sunset days

(a nerdy science verse)

I saw my friend the other day
His face had changed, his hair was gray

Doris Day has gone away
Goodbye Rodeo drive
I feel untracked. How to react?
Didn’t know she was alive

(nerdy science verse)

Ribosomes and Ribozymes
The words get mixed up oftentimes

It looked extremely gloomy
On that late November day
For Mary led by twenty nine
With two frames left to play.

(nerdy science verse)

Some special phones inside my cells
Are an important part of me

(nerdy science verse)

I marvel at E. coli
As everybody knows

Yesterday morning
My friend intervened
Cuz when I don’t get my coffee
I’m such a caffiend

You can tell a supermodel
By the way they catwalk waddle
And how their beauty mostly can
Be poured out of a bottle

Employment in the world today
Is causing much unease
Let’s take a look at how it would
Affect these specialties

(nerdy science verse)

Bases, sugars, phosphate bonds
Double helix, on and on

The rain is falling very hard
Making puddles in my yard

I like when showers hit the ground

The lovely blue
Of yesterday
Was chased by clouds
So now today

It’s a beautiful day for a bark
Perhaps we could go to the park
No sittin’ and stayin’
I’d rather be playin’

We apologize to you dear deer
For the horrid racket you hear here
But our brand new subdivision
Advertised on television

I was feeling blue just yesterday
Til I dialed a corporation
The automated voice I got
Began a conversation

I read the other afternoon
About the things there are
Ten to the one hundred particles
A number most bizarre

Sleeping there upon the couch
Where he’s not supposed to be
My dog is stalking dreamland
His movements say to me

The injury I had at work
Is causing me to strain
That is to be expected when
You’re having LABOR PAINS

With COVID, it’s maddening
That the learning curve
Is the only thing flattening
While everything else

Autumn leaves leave
Winter rains reign
And then spring springs
Again and again

Into a famous restaurant
I went the other day
Their food is celebrated
Yes, that is safe to say

I don’t know what I do not know
Can’t teach what can’t be taught
And never will I ever catch
The things that can’t be caught

Welcome to Isle of Conundra
A place that’s strange and grand
The only island in the world
Surrounded entirely by land

If out of patience I should run
I’d feel I’m underneath the gun

If out of money I should run

In autumn time, the pumpkin spice
Pollutes all food and drink
It’s smeared on fries and packed in ice
No matter what you think

It is not punctuation, LOL
So don’t finish every line with LOL
That’s what periods are for
So please LOL no more

To the farm I rode
Upon my bike
To get a tree
My dogwood like

(written at the beginning of COVID, with apologies to Robert Frost)

Two sidewalks diverged by a city street
I knew I couldn’t walk each one

In my dreams last night, a land so vast
Couldn’t get my head around it
The place was odd and known as Bast
And there I stood surrounded

The country singer, Charley Pride
Passed over to the other side
So now it’s true when people say
He’ll “Kiss an Angel Good Morning” every day

Sitting around.
Nowhere to go
Has presented a challenge
This much I know

2020 was all about
Hatin’
Stagnatin’
Debatin’

I’m an Apple guy
Who can’t ignore
The cool iStuff
In their iStore

Unemployed
My buddy Bob
Obtained a
Temporary job

Birth to death
Bone marrow to spleen
It’s a blood cell
In between

I’m was talking to a friend the other day
And she asked me, having passed sixty five
What I liked now about being alive

When there’s high steps
Nothing’s greater
Than a working
Elevator

This poem’s about AT&T
A most unusual company

Founded by Mr. A.G. Bell

A breath of fresh air
In a stuffy room

A ray of sunshine

Radio or
Television
Once was quite
A big decision

Regarding all the
Species shark
Noah kept them
Off the ark

How come no one
Has crows for pets?
They all have great
Intelligence

Sometimes when you don’t know an answer
It pays to just admit it
This happened to me recently
And I’m so glad I did it

An arm that’s broken from a doll
A rusty old food cart
A banana duct taped to a wall
These are modern art

Consider here, the tiny flea
Whose claim to fame is being wee
And causing many an awful itch
On nearly every son of a bitch

They say women are from Venus
And men from planet Mars
But that may not be accurate
Looking at the stars

Tomatoes and potatoes
Delicious solanaceae
I’ll plant them in my garden
If I can find the spaceae

In a swamp
Under logs
There are very
Many frogs

When I wax philosophical
I ask why all things are
Why birds fly south in winter?
Why twinkle does a star?

Beside my bed, I took a gander
At a biggish salamander
Oh wait, it must have been illusion
Because a gander’s really goosian

Sittin’ on the bottom of the ocean
With a mouth, a stomach and a foot
A clam is made of things
That only matter to it

Today I saw a purple car
Down at the coliseum
I like expensive cars a lot
Oh how I do fan-cy ‘em

A germ of an idea
I had today
Infecting my brain
Not going away

I saw a penny in the street
But didn’t bend to grab it
I don’t know why I didn’t, though
It is a common habit

My dentist said to me today
“I think there is a better way”
“To keep from having more teeth lost”
“Please tell me Kevin, have you flossed?”

Eater
Now I lay me
Down to sleep
Last night I had
Too much to eat

Now I lay me
Tween my sheets
Where all is warm
Except my feets

Now I lay me
On my bed
I’m feeling like
The walking dead

Now I lay me
Down, I think
I may have had
Too much to drink

Now I lay me down to sleep
Last night I had too much to eat
If I should not
Tomorrow wake

Never shake a ketchup bottle
Nothing flows and then a lot’ll
If you hit it in the middle
You will only get a little

Last night I had a tasty dream
Of donuts made by Krispy Kreme
Deep fried circles all ablaze
Topped with a tasty sugary glaze

A very little snail I know
Packed up his bags and planned to go
To destinations you might know
Paris, Rome, Ontario

Consider the zucchini
Long and angled and green
Very much like a cucumber
But slightly more obscene

We all should go down on our knees
To thank the Lord for kidneys

Working always, no cessation

(a nerdy science verse)

A T-cell lonely
Turning on the lights

Caliopes of muses
Amalgams of sound
Disorderly confusions
The universe unwound

Kiss your sibling on the lips
Eat some powdered potato chips

Strain your chili through a screen

Two dollars please
That is your toll
Please give me that
So you can roll

Batman in his night job
Fights Gotham City crime
Helping keep the people safe
Whenever he has time

Lovers love the mistletoe
Though why they do I do not know

Something awful is amiss

My wife must think that I’m insane
Bravely tolerating unbearable pain

And though the aches are clearly gaining

So, parts of banks are branches
And parts of tables leaves
English is too confusing
Learners are aggrieved

Here’s to the armadillo
Strange creature of the road
With armor on the outside
A most protective mode

Going down a one way street
No car did I expect to meet
“We all go the same way,” I thought like a nut

Snow falls down from heaven
Beauty from above
Softer than a kitten
Whiter than a dove

They planted chips in my vaccine
To see the things I’m seein’

My wife, my kids, the corner bar

Corporate clashes
Market crashes
Wall street’s going bear

Some days the ideas come
And some days they don’t
But even when ideas come
Sometimes the words just won’t

You may be green if envious
And eco-minded too
Or red with rage and anger
Built up inside of you

The scariest people on Earth today
I can tell you in a blink
Are the ones who know nothing at all
But clearly think they think

When George cut down the cherry tree
His honesty was awesome
Confessing that he was the one
Who chopped the cherry blossoms

Mighty oaks from acorns spring
Hatching eggs will loudly sing
Nothingness can be a thing

Consider massive icebergs
Snowy white and icy
Islands in the water
For ships they’re rather dicey

I split a nail just yesterday
’Twas on my little toe
I screamed in pain and yelled out loud
Now everybody knows

The country’s in trouble
Businesses going bust
Unemployment bubble
Infrastructure rust

If there’s a place where I could be
‘Twould be the Sea of Tranquility

Right there in the tracks I’d follow

The moth bedazzled by a light
Is doomed to circle it all night
Hypnotized, not understanding
Hovering close, but never landing

We live defying entropy
With every breath we take
And though we feel disordered
It’s less than nature’d make

Their high tech car
Was flying high
Til it hit a pothole
In the sky

A-B-B-A
Is an odd scheme
To me, ’twould seem
Anyway

Here is something that needs to be said
There is a metal named ‘lead’
But there’s more

What is it of the postage stamp
The Postal Service might revamp?

Already it is good at sticking

Caterpillar
Crawling by
Soon to be
A butterfly

Mr. Spider tangles food
In webs of sticky thread
So anytime he’s feeling peckish
Dinner’s waiting overhead

(inspired by a quote from Pope Francis)

Rivers do not
Their own water drink

“How many days til Christmas?”
One of the biggest questions of youth
“How many days til school is out?”
“I need to know the truth”

Bottled up water
Sitting on the shelf
Isn’t very happy
All by itself

I have an aunt
Who’s dear to me
And full of
Eccentricity

I dreamed I was dreaming
Last night in my sleep
And quickly my dreaming
Brought me in very deep

What is music to my ears
Is a sight for my sore eyes
If I could for just one minute
Mixametaphorasize

A plant’s earliest memories
Are dirt and an urge to stand tall
Then it stares at the sun
From spring until fall

Gosh dang it, if I could just talk
I would say, “Let’s go out for a walk”
And you know it, capeesh
I’d go fetch you my leash
And we would both stroll down the block

Something was flitting about my face
Disturbing me no end
I swatted wildly into space
At that which did offend

Caesar’s negative view
Of March was guided
By the fact
That the month was ided

Jewel of the garden
Reward for my toil
Heavenly visage
Beauty from soil

Calm and rooted
Never unglued

Gentle in manner
Never crude

No plans to die, but when I’m gone
Some of my parts will carry on

These bits and pieces will all get by

What is the world to a worm?
Partly digging and partly a squirm
When there’s wetness down there
It arises for air

A half empty glass
Is also half full
Things partly of interest
Are also partly dull

Consider now, the tiny bean
A major source of plant protein
Some are bush and some are climbing
Poets like them - easy rhyming

Current gas prices
Look like GPA’s
Of people who got
Too many A’s

The tales of space and time
Are two big favorites of mine
And I love the movies when I view ‘em

Knowledge totally is
Academic

And ignorance is

If you can’t think up a joke
And you’re talking to a bloke
Who tells you that you’re not a lot of fun

My throat is sore
And all the talk is
I am growing
Streptococcus

(Our neighbor is a wonderful lady, always leaving us fresh eggs on our doorstep. After she left a dozen eggs along with an eggplant, this is the verse I wrote for her)

At our front door
My legs just quivered

Where to fly
You tiny finch?
Barely bigger
Than an inch

So many ways to express ourselves
In words and music and dance
And all the things we have to say
Are not just happenstance

Seventeen years
Is a long time to sleep
That’s certainly a lot
Of counting the sheep

A doctor for psoriasis
Another for the heart
One works upon my joints that have
Begun to fall apart

Distant relatives
Inspirations
New ideas
Old vacations

Consider now the speed of light
As fast as one can go
But it depends on something
You likely didn’t know

The immensity of infinity
A concept undefined
Turns thoughts to surreality
Attempting to unwind

I’m afraid I’ve got
Some terrible news
It’s from my doc
And I’m confused

I took a twisted path today
That went around our town
But I am lost, what can I say?
My face is one big frown

(Scanning Facebook, I found a request on a poetry site for someone to write a love poem for a lazy Casanova)

Dear valentine, I love you
But not as much if I

Looking for footprints in Martian soil
Perseverance rolls along
We don’t think there are Martians there
But I hope they are wrong

Limp and green
With sulfur nose
A rottenness formed
From cellulose

You can give a person water
But you cannot make them drink

You can hand them information

Tiny snake
In my back yard
Slither, slither
Moving’s hard

I couldn’t believe my lucky stars
That day when you picked me
I thought a wonderful love like ours
Was surely meant to be

Things in the height of fashion today
Tomorrow will not be
The clothes displayed just months ago
This season we won’t see