The news from the doctor
Left me all aghast
She told me they’d found
A rather large mass
“Don’t worry,” she said
“It’s not cancer, that’s true”
“The problem is that”
“There is too much of you”
She said, “Weigh out food”
“It will help if you try it”
“It’s all part of the plan”
“For your new lo-cal diet”
Which has broccoli and lettuce
And lots of green peas
Then handing me a list
She said, “Please avoid these”
In its tally were cheesecake
And all kinds of pies
And ice cream and milk shakes
And my favorite, french fries
If friends offer food
She says I can’t share it
Unless it’s the end
Of a half-eaten carrot
And with that I am left
Deep in shock, it is true
Now I’m wondering what
Some helium might do
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