Garden Partly

We went to a garden shop/nursery recently and had a great time. In fact, if you were to sum up the pleasure of my wife and I had at the garden store and divided it by two, you’d see an extraordinary amount of pleasure per person, though statistically, there would be a fair amount of variance between the two data points.

My wife, Indira, if you didn’t already know, is what people call a “plant person,” which basically means she would be happy if she were buried up to her neck in soil and watered occasionally. Plants are “her people,” and she KNOWS her people. I, on the other hand, don’t climb the plant knowledge tree very high and that’s a problem when I go to a “plant place” because everyone there knows much more than me.

I hate looking stupid, so I try to hide my ignorance. First, I make the effort when looking at a plant to appear “thoughtful” as if I’m either trying to figure out where to plant it in my massive garden or I’m trying to recall its Latin name. Second, I try to ask intelligent questions like “does this require a lot of water?” The kind gardener/helper I asked this of most recently pointed out that I was asking about a lily pad floating on the store’s artificial pond. Sensing I might have asked a stupid question, I inhaled a bunch of air and declared, “Well, plants vary a lot in how much water they require, you know.”

After a few more thoughtful glances at plants, I spotted a tree growing in a rock garden and said, “So these will grow in a rocky soil, eh?” The same plant person shook her head negatively and pointed out that the tree was rooted in rich soil underneath a covering of rocks. “Yeah, plants vary a lot in the soil they require, you know” I declare.

Realizing I had stumbled in the credibility department, I began looking for something/anything I could ask a safe question about that would up my credibility. I spotted a bunch of daisies in a large pot out in the sun and said, “So these like the sun, eh?” The plant person shook her head affirmatively and I felt good about this until she said, “Plants vary a lot in how much sun they will tolerate, you know.” I smiled, nervously, and made a mental note to avoid her the rest of the visit.

Garden shops make a lot of money selling non-plant items like little loveseat-sized garden furniture to sit on that nobody actually sits on, iconic cartoon images of things like a fat lady bending over with her underwear visible for all to see, entitled “Late Bloomers,” and all shapes and sizes of concrete statues depicting either Buddha or garden gnomes depending on whether you want to provide a welcome or a warning to your garden.

All in all, the visit was not without merit. I did increase my growing mental database about plants on this trip and I share that here with you.