Modern pedestrians must carry a cell phone and be engaged solely with it to the exclusion of input from the rest of the world whenever they are crossing a busy intersection
Children under the age of 10 are required when flying to have an iPad loaded with cartoons that make sploinky noises throughout the duration of their flights, even when they fall asleep
Everyone in Commercial Land is required to be either immensely, uncontrollably happy (dancing with their phones, e.g.) or to provide “heartwarming moments” even if they’re selling ketchup.
If you speak with an actual person on the phone for “customer service,” you will be asked to take a short survey at the end of the call,
Flight attendants are required to make a fuss and baby talk any child on an airplane under the age of four
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