So now that we’ve reached November, all U.S. citizens are required to use the word “holidays” at least once in every conversation until Christmas (24 holiday shopping days left at the end of the month). No amount of denying or ignoring it, is going to make the season go away, not that you would want to, Mr. or Ms Scrooge.
Moving to standard time is the first big holiday prep event of the month on the 6th. Don’t forget to set those clocks back an hour. Before doing so, it would pay to check and be sure that the clock you are setting back is not one of those “self-setting” ones. A holiday prep you might want to try is a good “fall back” technique for the next two months. Go into your bathroom, grab your scale, and set it back about 20 pounds. Though you won’t be any lighter, it’s almost certain you’ll smile the next you hop on it, especially if you wait a while and forget about the “turning back” thing. Remember, feeling good is what the holidays are all about, so by doing this, you’re getting into the “spirit of the season.”
While you’re at it, some other things you might consider turning back – the calendar (50 is the new 70, right?), your car’s odometer (remember that when they say “your mileage may vary”), and last, don’t forget to turn back the Tide. Now this last one may seem like a cheap, gratuitous attempt at humor, but it is actually a holiday safety announcement/reminder based on the fact that there are words on the back of each box of Tide pods stating clearly “Not for human consumption.” Apparently, a lot of folks have overlooked that.
Consumption, of course, is what November is all about in the U.S. If you needed more evidence, consider the National Days of November dedicated to foods, such as Calzone, Cinnamon, Deep Fried Clams, Vinegar, Deviled Eggs, Sandwiches, Candy, Donuts, Nachos, Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds, Cappuccino, Vanilla Cupcakes, Sundaes, French Dip, Pizza With the Works Except Anchovies, Indian Pudding, Spicy Guacamole, Hermit Cookes, Bran Cereal, Fast Food, Baklava, Homemade Bread, Vichyssoise, Carbonated Beverages with Caffeine, Peanut Butter Fudge, Gingerbread Cookies, Stuffing, Cranberry Relish, Cashews, Cakes, Espresso, Sardines, Parfait, Bavarian Cream Pies, Jerky, and French Toast. In some houses, that’s just the first course of Thanksgiving dinner.
With a LOT of preparation, you too can be officially ready for the centerpiece event of the month, a time when people of all races, creeds, colors, religions, and nationalities gather together in family units around tables to count their blessings, celebrate a bountiful harvest and map out the best route to take to the Black Friday sales. Yes, Black Friday, of course, has become so much a part of our Thanksgiving celebration that the Union of Concerned Turkeys is proposing the day previously known as Thanksgiving be formally replaced by the sales events that follow it. In many “big box” stores (and families of the people unfortunate enough to work in them), it already has, with Black Friday sales curiously starting on Thursday, to “get a jump on” the holiday sale season. That, in itself, is odd, inasmuch as mailboxes have been bulging with catalogs announcing the beginning of the holiday shopping season since about July 4th. When the holiday shopping season actually starts is yet another of those mysteries of the universe Albert Einstein was working on furiously at the time of his death. We may never know.
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