Starting a Family

Undeterred by a report from her doctor that husband Stanley is “as sterile as a Petri dish,” local woman Selma Turban of Unmentioned, OH revealed on Tuesday that she would not let it get in the way of her starting a family and would use all options available to her. “There are many children who don’t have a home and I will take it as my role to give them one,” she stated, noting numerous choices that include adopting, foster parenting and kidnapping.