Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup
Will make a restaurant run
In Beijing, China order it
In units of Won ton
Religious leaders measure clout
From Nome to Amsterdam
By how much sway they have with God
The units – billi-grams
Four fifty three graham crackers is
An awful lot to bake
Into dessert when prepping up
A really good pound cake
The units used for cleaning breath
Are very small, so cope
One millionth of a mouthwash is
A single microScope
I bet you didn’t know the floor
Was there until it beckoned
You hit a peel and then went down
In one bananosecond
And when your mother’s mother goes
To phone you from her van
Speed dialing is the way she calls
That is one instagram
A nickel isn’t worth too much
In these inflated times
Put four of them together, though
To make a paradigms
Geometrically I’ll bet that you
Must get it all the time
But did you know the distance twixt
Two jokes is one straight line?
I hate it when my socks get wet
It’s not what I’d have chosen
A thousand milliliters of
Them make one literhosen
For mockingbirds two thousand is
A lot, please hear my words
But that’s what you will need to have
Two kilomockingbirds
And if you shuffle playing cards
Remember fifty two
Is what you have when someone hands
One decacard to you
There is no way a tiny trout
Would make a tasty dish
And one one millionth of one of those
Is just a microfiche
This is the point where punning
Is starting to get rollin’
A half of an intestine
Is called a semi-colon
Losing your voice certainly might
Leave you feeling sour
But think of it in better terms
You’ve now got more hoarse power
A unit that I really like
Is for drinking low-cal beer
Three hundred sixty five days of that
Corresponds to one Lite year
I used to watch The Twilight Zone
It left my head a-swirling
Sixteen point five feet of film from it
Is the same as one Rod Serling
Now, when it comes to thinking
I think that you will find
The unit of a dimwit
Is called a half a mind
And if that leaves you groaning
Get ready – it gets worse
One million things left aching
Is just one mega-hurts
And finally,
If you are into monogramming
Please listen to me, ma’am
A pair of them together gives
One single diagram
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