At Albuquerque University, we’re committed to providing online degrees to meet the complex interdisciplinary challenges of today’s world. Towards that end, we offer courses in almost every aspect of academic endeavor. Check out our offerings below.
Department of Theological Ecology
TE 251: Texas Oil Derrick Massacres
Turning away from traditional views of habitat preservation, TE 251 examines the Alaskan National Wildlife Arctic Reserve and other environmentally sensitive areas employing the biblical imperative, “Where would Jesus drill?” Register for TE 251 and help determine if a divine divining rod can find ecologically safe oil where others have failed. Prerequisite – TE 250 (“Oil in the Family”).
Department of Astronomical Law
AL 133: Men are From Mars, Women From Venus, Lawyers From Uranus
Was it a black hole or some other big stupid thing out there that gave us Betsy DeVos and the Trump kids? You be the judge (and jury too!) in this exciting class where politics and astronomy interface to put “big bangs” and “subpoenas” together more frequently than Stormy Daniels and Robert Mueller combined. Requirement – Homeland Security clearance
Department of Molecular and Musical Biology
MMB 371: The Surreal Thing
What if the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) tried to stop the spread of HIV, West Nile, and other viruses instead of MP3s? Could replication of these deadly killers somehow be slowed while at the same time freeing music lovers to download songs on demand without cost or penalty? That’s the unusual question posed by this popular MMB class that incorporates the old Coca Cola theme song “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” into a surprising course coda. Required materials – Internet connection, lab jacket, iTunes
Department of Theatrical Mathematics
TM 206: Primal Screaming, by the Numbers
A difficult message illustrating that all roots of inequality are mathematical in nature, but theatrical in expression, is presented in TM 206. Students in the course are encouraged to “act out,” as they see fit, their deepest feelings about four being greater than three. No biting. No prerequisites. Awareness of fractions may be helpful.
Department of Botanical English
BE 178: Care and Feeding of Weed
Unleash the pistils and free the stamens while exploring the literary perspective of Cannabis plant genitals! The spirit of Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters is alive and reaches new botanical “highs” in this wide-ranging discourse on plant sexual anatomy. Students will want to inhale deeply in the knowledge as instructors guide them through the writings of Mendel, Linnaeus, and O’Leary. Required materials – Miracle Gro™ and prescription or court order.
Department of Geo-Religious Studies
GRS 246: Carbon Dating for the Self-Absorbed
He craves geology. She digs theology. Put them together and the results are, um, not exactly electrifying, if you get our “continental drift.” Is geo-religion doomed to die out? Fear not. The latest offering from the GRS department is an exciting one credit course aimed at getting GeoReligious Studies majors to stare less at plate tectonics and holy books and more at each other. While satisfaction is not guaranteed, it is, ahem, not uncommon. Prerequisite – GRS 131 (The Richter Scale: Was it Good for You?)
Department of Apparel Statistics
AS 249: Error Bars in Basic Black
Are see-through swimming suits the “next rage” or just another standard deviation? Does your butt look too big in those pants or is it a normal distribution? Taking inseam and other measurements to a new level, course instructors John von Neumann and Elle MacPherson allow even “least squares” to “fit” this data and learn why statistics is essential for success in today’s clothing industry. Prerequisite – AS 184 (Chemise: Is That Gaussian or What?)
Department of Modern Health Literature
MHL 202: A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Pain
Remember The Raven and The Telltale Heart? How about Jurassic Park and GATTACA? This intriguing new class asks the probing question “What would Edgar Allen Poe have to say about today’s medical biotechnology?” and then, disturbingly, answers it. Can you say dentist-assisted-suicide? No prerequisites, but not for the faint of heart.
Department of Spiritual Evolution
SE 327: Crock of Ages
First there was biological Darwinism, then social Darwinism. Ready for the next step in the process? You got it – religious Darwinism. SE 327 is an “intelligently designed” course that follows the major players as they exploit Darwinian principles of selection, niche exploitation, and survival of the fittest to evolve a doctrine that rules the earth. Pity the meek. Prerequisite – Ape descendency, suspension of belief.
Department of Home and Federal Economics
DE 308: For Sale by Renter
Inspired by Janet Yellen and the U.S. Department of Commerce, DE 308 is a night course aimed at working middle-class moms and dads hoping to apply principles of government spending to their family budgets. Course modules include “Let’s Lease Lunch”, “Outsourcing: The Children or The Laundry?”, and the ever popular “How Much Down is the Little Audi in the Window?“. Course requirement – Rational exuberance.
Department of Political and Biophysical Sciences
PBS 301: Transformations in a Modern World: From Marx to Fourier.
A class that aims to reduce the signal to noise ratio in the media by applying Fourier transformations to Fox News reports, PBS 301 asks the biophysical/political question, “Can Mathematical Manipulation Lead to an Understanding of Ordered States of Crystallized Macromolecules and, if so, What About the Oppressed Masses?” Co-Requisite – PBS 302
Department of Cellular Philosophy
MP 216: Hamlet’s Multicellular Dilemma
Participate in a microbial mind game as professors lead students exploring the eternal, philosophical, cellular question, “To Be or To Go Into Apoptosis and Not Be?” Prerequisite – MP 201 (Shakespeare for Theoretical Botanists), MMB 333 (Mitotic Theory for English Majors)
Department of Art Chemistry
AC 121: Ideal Gases: An Abstract Perspective
Introductory class restricted to Art Chemistry majors that asks the questions, 1) “Can the Works of Miro, Mondrian, Kandinsky, and Klae be Reduced to PV = nRT?” and 2) “What would Boyle have thought about those Kids with Big Eyes in 70s Art?” Prerequisite – AC 101 (Volume Theory for Art History Majors), open mind.
Department of Psychology and Physics
PP 422: The Inertia of Freudian Slips
Does thinking too fast put the mind on an unstoppable path toward punning? Can rapid flux of sodium ions across neural gates in the cerebral cortex give uncontrollable and unanticipated insights into subconsciously perceived reality? Learn answers to these and other questions with big words in this seniors-only tag-team course. Prerequisite – PP 384 (From Hawking to Kant: Huh?)
Department of Biochemical Dance
BT 418: Ribosomal Hip Hop.
Join in the fun in the campus ballroom on Thursday evenings as students combine human kinetic sculpture with protein synthesis in the campus’ newest course offering! Biochemistry professors and the Marysville Cloggers lead students, codon by codon down a messenger RNA on the dance floor to synthesize a fully functional enzyme. Music provided by the somnolent tunes of Nine Inch Nails. Prerequisite – BT 309 (Pilobus and Glycolysis)
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