The guy who has his hand up asking
Lots of questions knows
His friends think he is someone who’s
A very big askhole
The judge gave his decision
And said, “Have no remorse”
“You guys are not a couple now”
“I give you a dude-vorce”
You’re starting on a road trip and
Hand to your friend a Pepsi
But discover he’s asleep cuz he
Has gotten car-colepsy
What happens when that friend of yours
Spouts out a long narration?
And doesn’t take input, of course
That is a nonversation
A demolition company
Can tear down your duplex
You have to give them credit for
Their sign, “Edifice Wrecks”
A roofing company took some heat
For a motto some assailed
“Hot Shingles in Your Area”
“All Looking to Get Nailed”
Don’t look at me like I’m not here
Your narcissistic curse
Puts you alone all day in your
Special you-niverse
If you should choose to go alone
To movies fascinating
The word that people give to that
Is simple – masterdating
If you’re anxious for a message
And it’s a big fixation
You’ll check your phone each minute
Because of textpectation
A buddy speaks of sex a lot
With great enthusiasm
But it gets old – he talks too much
Another big bore-gasm
You’re at a seafood restaurant
And ordering some shellfish
If your date is on her phone
She’s acting very cell-fish
You grab a book to learn about
A subject rather frightening
But didn’t learn a thing because
The writing was unenlightening
You walk the hall to get a pen
But suffer from amnesia
Why did you leave your office then?
A case of destinesia
The metric system ‘round the world
Leaves U.S. in seclusion
Would changing pounds to kilograms
Result in mass confusion?
Marital infidelity
Can cause depression scares
Wyoming has the most of these
A sad state of affairs
The patriot Paul upon his horse
Alerted people plenty
I think it is the reason why
He was revered by many
My scientific article
On whales has been impeded
The journal called it incomplete
There were cetaceans needed
A writer lady I adored
Quizzed of my knowledge state
“Six letter word for ‘calm?’,” she asked
So I said, “It’s sedate”
Into a store a duck did go
To get his Chapstick fill
When asked how he would pay for it
He said, “Just put it on my bill”
A baker bakes a lot of bread
But some he just discards
By stacking fifty two of those
He has a deck of carbs
Scotsmen with their bagpipes shouldn’t
Run with them atilt
Cuz they could put an eye out or
More likely they’ll be kilt
The private eye named Mr. Holmes
Looked at a bed in shock
He said to Watson, “Something’s gone”
The reply? “No sheet Sherlock”
A man who had a mane quite dark
Much craved ancestors fair
He dreamed of genealogy
With the light brown hair
A leaker of the White House news
Has info that is prime
He’s like a wound-up clock, they say
Cuz that’s when he tells Time
A guy I know is one who’s sought
Whenever things should fail
This patron saint of causes lost
Responds to Noah Vail
State Farm Insurance has a guy
Who’ll cover your home base
If you require his services
Go ask for Justin Case
The baker has a lucky knife
I am big believer
When slicing several breads at once
It is a four loaf cleaver
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