Fairway Eleven

(To the tune of “Stairway to Heaven”)

There’s a hole on the course. It is one of the worst
You’ll encounter at fairway eleven
If you play there you’ll see, you can take it from me
In a word you will see it’s a nightmare
Nooo, noo do not go around the fairway eleven

There’s a flag in its hole. It will shatter your soul
When you line up your ball on the golf tee
Down the fairway you’ll see, there’s a sand trap or three
Don’t assume you’ll avoid those frustrations
Ooh, I have to ponder
Ooh, I have to ponder
Now my worry’s increased. There’s a wind from the east
And my caddy is shivering beside me
If this drive I can hit, I will not score like shit
And my buddies all then will admire me
Ooh, I need to focus
Ooh, I need to focus
May this drive go I pray, right straight down that fairway
Let the dogleg help me if I shank it
Then I’ll chip to the hole. The green is my goal.
If the wind helps me I’ll surely thank it
The caddy sneezed when I was swinging, I got distracted
My concentration was affected
I hit my tee shot in the rough and then sure enough I
Fell flat on my face getting to it
It was such a blunder
My head is spinning and I’m dizzy, so in a tizzy
The ball is buried in some deep sand
Oh caddy go and get a shovel for this trouble
Let’s just pretend this is just what I’d planned

So then I’m finally on the green
The sweetest place that I have seen
My shots on this hole are obscene
If I sink this shot I score thirteen
(But) I ring the cup and miss it clean
I try again and miss it worse
My putting game I should rehearse
This goddamned hole has got a curse
So I’ll just finish on this verse

When I add up just my putting – it’s se-ven


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