Ointment Song

(To the tune of “My Valentine”) / Recording by David Simmons

I went outside
To have a smoke
Out by the fence I brushed against some poison oak
On my behind
So I took a shine
To Calamine

It didn’t work
That was a bitch
Things got so bad I didn’t think I’d stop the itch
To ease the pain
I tried again
With lanacaine

And I discovered
But the effect was only
Ver-y brief
So then I thought I’d
Try something new
Remove the toxin
With some TecNu

It really worked
No scratching fits
I cannot tell you how much rashes are the pits
I’m feeling strong
Let’s sing along
This ointment song


Now if I itch
I worry not
I go and grab the magic ointment that I’ve got
A big thank you
For magic goo
They call TecNu


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